A random stranger told me I was fat yesterday

So I live in Germany, and yesterday, I took my parents who are visiting to the English bookstore. As I was reaching up to put a book back on a shelf, an elderly man started speaking to me in Spanish. It took me a second to switch the Spanish part of my brain on, but what he said was "You're too fat, you shouldn't eat so much".....uhhh what the ****!?!?!?

I was in such shock, that I didn't say anything, and just stepped outside to wait with my dad for my mom. I told my dad what happened, and he got super p'oed, but I didn't let him go back and say anything. My mom ended up calling the man a string of bad words for insulting me.

Then, I had to walk to the center to meet some friends for dinner, and I called my boyfriend to tell him what happened and I just started bawling. I also ended up crying when I was going to sleep, it was just so hurtful. WHy would someone say something like that to me?

And the thing is, I'm a size 10! My clothes are a mix of 10s and 8s! WTF?? My waist is 32/31...yes I may not be skinny by any means but I'm not fat. So even though Ive gotten the whole "what a jerk, you are not fat" from my friends and my boyfriend, I'm still super bothered by the whole thing and part of me thinks "well they have to say those things". The night before, I went to a beer hall with my parents and wore my Bavarian dress and got a string of "you're so pretty, you're so cute, why can't my son met someone like you" blah blah from the people we sat with. And while those comments should stick it's the negative ones that we always focus on.

I just want to sit at home in a sweatshirt and sweatpants and eat absolutely nothing, then go to the gym tomorrow. I'm supposed to go to dinner tonight with my parents and my boyfriend's parents, but I don't want to go outside! Everyone i look at i think "i wonder if this person think's i'm fat as well".

Bad bad bad day. What a mean old man.

Aqua, your post made me smile :-)

I think the point is that no matter what you look like, no matter how you act or what you do, there is always going to be someone telling you that whatever it is is wrong.  Maybe it's a good opportunity to examine ourselves and reevaluate (like with the professor pointing out your passive sentences), or maybe it's a good opportunity to realize that it doesn't always matter what other people think because sometimes YOU'RE right and THEY'RE wrong.

I actually had a coworker stop me the other day because I was whistling and he apparently didn't think females should whistle.  He actually said "Woah, a girl?  Whistling?" I asked him if he thought there was something wrong with that and he pinched up his face and said "Well it IS a little ODD isn't it?" (though he said it as a statement more than a question).

But you can rest assured that I will continue to whistle and apparently drive old men batty.

Oh my god, how awful. I'm so sorry. I know it's hard to not take these things personally, and I would have been a total wreck too.

Look on the bright side: In a few months/years you'll be thin(ner). Where will HE be then? Dead and rotting underground somewhere.

You win!!!!!!

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by misscherryjane:

...and non-english speaking people, do tend to be a lot less sensitive.

seriously?  seriously?

Er yep. Things translate differently into english and different cultures have different ideas about social faux pas.

omg this is SUCH A GREAT THREAD! i recently realized a couple weeks ago that most of my low self esteem when it came to my weight came from peoples commments. especially my own family. Even when I was at a healthy weight I would have relatives tell me I was fat..blah blah blah. I should have told them right there and then to keep quiet..or in someway stand up for myself. But i usually left or ran away in tears. Now I would love to be the weight I used to be. Sometimes I wonder If ill ever be seen as thin enough! for example i want to be 140..because I love my hour glass body. I love my ample breast and bottom haha. But sometimes i do fall into the trap that skinner is better..even though i know i dont think having no boobs and no butt is sexy at all! Ive had such a problem with not trying to please everyone. even though i know logically i cant. its hard not to want to try sometimes. but maybe i do that cuz its harder to try to just be okay with the way i am. im not going to be a size 0 model. sometimes i think men love that. but i think men just love a super confident woman. i just really need to work on that. lets all say no to trying to please everyone!!

And im sooo sorry that man said that to you. those things sting. i know. i really do hope you dont internalize it. YOU ARE NOT FAT! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. If you believe it. everyone will think so. Just look at celebrities..even some models. some i really dont think of as attractive. but because some person said they were..they are.? beauty doesnt make sense.. its not simple. theres no defintion. so lets stop thinking that what someone else says is right. believe what you feel in your heart. and if u think ur fine..then you are. humans are flawed..just remember that dear :)

Original Post by misscherryjane:

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by misscherryjane:

...and non-english speaking people, do tend to be a lot less sensitive.

seriously?  seriously?

Er yep. Things translate differently into english and different cultures have different ideas about social faux pas.

he was speaking spanish.  granted, maybe spanish wasn't his first language, but pretending that it's a translation problem doesn't fly (unless, of course, the sweetiedarling's spanish sucks and he wasn't talking about her weight at all).

and, yes, different cultures have different social norms, but that doesn't make people from those cultures "less sensitive."  less PC, maybe, but virtually every culture is less PC than the US.

Original Post by misscherryjane:

I don't know why he said it but old people, and non-english speaking people, do tend to be a lot less sensitive.

Just try to focus on your lovely friend's comments :)

This is phrased poorly but does have some merit.  It's not that non-english speakers are less sensitive but different cultures have different ideas about what is socially acceptable to say and what isn't.  I've noticed this especially with Asians but I'm sure it's true for other cultures as well.  For example, the nail salon where I go regularly is run by Asian women.  Those women never hesitate to point out that I'm "hairy" and "need a wax" for my lip and eyebrows.  They don't politely dance around it, they just come out and say that I've got a moustache.  I also had a little Asian boy in my kindergarten class two years ago.  He would sometimes look at other students' work and say that it was "ugly" and "no good".  He also liked to point out that our school nurse was "fat".  He was being truthful in a way but didn't sugar coat it the way we are taught to in Western culture.  The comments aren't meant to me malicious but the culture clash makes them come off that way.

The man shouldn't have said anything about your weight, but don't let it get to you.  He was just one random guy.  You are obviously not fat and it does you no good to let one impolite comment drag you down.  Forgive and forget!

Original Post by misscherryjane:

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by misscherryjane:

...and non-english speaking people, do tend to be a lot less sensitive.

seriously?  seriously?

Er yep. Things translate differently into english and different cultures have different ideas about social faux pas.

I know I'm jumping in late on this, but it might be worth contemplating the magnitude of the generalization being made here.  "non-english speaking people" are a pretty heterogeneous bunch, don't you think?

Original Post by coreyander:

Original Post by misscherryjane:

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by misscherryjane:

...and non-english speaking people, do tend to be a lot less sensitive.

seriously?  seriously?

Er yep. Things translate differently into english and different cultures have different ideas about social faux pas.

I know I'm jumping in late on this, but it might be worth contemplating the magnitude of the generalization being made here.  "non-english speaking people" are a pretty heterogeneous bunch, don't you think?

Oh my goodness! No, funnily enough, I did not meant that EVERYone who doesn't speak english is exactly the same and they're all really rude and horrible.

I also didn't mean that the OP had translated his words incorrectly. I just meant that, like sarcasm, somethings get lost in translation. So, something could have been said in a more sensitive way but once translated it sounds a lot harsher.

Thanks, Amykins1283, that is what I meant. We sugar coat things a lot more! Yes, it was phrased badly. No, I'm not a xenophobe

Don't let a fool get you down girl.  I would have told him, "yeh, but you're ugly and I can lose weight as&h*#$%!" 

People say mean things all the time no matter if the are Englishspeaking people or not. The important thing is to take things from who they come from. A would never take to heart a comment from a stranger. In my case, the comments come from my family.

I have the opposite situation, my family thinks that I am fat and the keep making remarks. I was a size 4 and now I wear 8-10. I understand that they are concerned but it really hurts. I have to admit that they have been my motivation for starting to loose some weight and tone up, but it still makes me mad.

I am about 111 - 115 lbs at about 5 ‘ 6 (about 167 cm) with BMI 19 and there are people in the world who would consider me fat.

I am fat compared to a model. But that does not make me fat.

You cannot please every one, so pleasing yourself and those who you actually care about is all that counts!

dont you hate that?? when your own family calls you fat? so bs!!! how horrible. i understand because my parents did the same thing.  i was at a great weight. i vow never ever to say that my kids. they say that because they just dont know the facts. my parents are from africa. and the average women is 125. and no...they are from nigeria. in a well developed area. they arent starving or anything. i just have to learn that i cant fit everyones ideals. i just have to be healthy for myself...haha not even my parents

Original Post by misscherryjane:

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by misscherryjane:

...and non-english speaking people, do tend to be a lot less sensitive.

seriously?  seriously?

Er yep. Things translate differently into english and different cultures have different ideas about social faux pas.

Er, yep, if he was a Spanish man talking in English.Which he wasnt, at least not in my understanding.  But  it is true that what counts as funny in one language may sound offensive in another if translated word by word. I doubt that was the case here. Assuming that non-english speaking people- such as myself- tend to be less sensitive is a,well, very insensitive remark.

Original Post by pochahontas:

Original Post by misscherryjane:

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by misscherryjane:

...and non-english speaking people, do tend to be a lot less sensitive.

seriously?  seriously?

Er yep. Things translate differently into english and different cultures have different ideas about social faux pas.

Er, yep, if he was a Spanish man talking in English.Which he wasnt, at least not in my understanding.  But  it is true that what counts as funny in one language may sound offensive in another if translated word by word. I doubt that was the case here. Assuming that non-english speaking people- such as myself- tend to be less sensitive is a,well, very insensitive remark.

Just jumping in to say that I'm of Spanish descent and for some reason my Spanish relatives consider it acceptable to make comments about weight and assume the subject will take it lightly. 

Example: My aunt calls me "gorda linda." Gorda means fat. She may mean it as a term of endearment but I hate it when she calls me that. Or if someone tries on a shirt it's not considered uncommon for someone to say, "Oh and it doesn't even make you look that fat." They don't mean to offend, but what they consider socially acceptable is definitely different from what I consider socially acceptable, since I've been "Americanized," so to speak.

Just a couple of weeks ago I had the same thing - the cashier at WalMart asked me when I was due - I am not pregnant - how rude!!!!

Don't listen to him!  At first I was really hurt and then I just got angry, people can be so rude!

lol

Perhaps he truly didn't understand what he was saying?  If that language wasn't his primary or if your translation was faulty it could really have come out wrong!

I frequently get the back handed compliments...a close friend of mine tells me that I'm unapologetically curvy.    Of course, she's tiny.

An acquaintance (older man I've seen at dance events) recently sat down next to me at an event and completely out of the blue told me that I was sexy unlike those girls who look like models  then he went on to tell me that some men appreciate women who have a real figure (no I don't think that he was trying to pick me up, he just must have run into someone who was upset about not being tiny recently).  English is definitely not his first language or he's the master of a backhanded compliment!

wow this post just took off!

1. My spanish is near perfect, and he was a Spainaird, so there was no translation mix up.

2. I came home for 6 months and yes, I gained about 10lbs, and have 6 to lose til I get to where I was when I left, but i don't need someone to tell me!

3. I agree that Americans sugar coat things a lot more than over here. They're super upfront in Europe.

Don't let him ruin yourself worth... you are better than that... we are all better than that!

Hugs! and remember you are not FAT and you are beautiful!

Jaylene

10 lbs is nothing, even when I'm in shape I'm still carrying around an extra 20 lbs.  It's all in the perspective, everyone has a different ideal.  I'm sorry that some ass made such an ass of himself to you, but it's not you, it definitely is him.

Original Post by oh_ho:

 

Just jumping in to say that I'm of Spanish descent and for some reason my Spanish relatives consider it acceptable to make comments about weight and assume the subject will take it lightly. 

Example: My aunt calls me "gorda linda." Gorda means fat. She may mean it as a term of endearment but I hate it when she calls me that. Or if someone tries on a shirt it's not considered uncommon for someone to say, "Oh and it doesn't even make you look that fat." They don't mean to offend, but what they consider socially acceptable is definitely different from what I consider socially acceptable, since I've been "Americanized," so to speak.

Im sorry to hear about what happened. But dont over consider it. As Oh-no mentioned... spanish people are really upfront when it comes to speaking to people and giving out names. I find them to be the least politically correct out of all. It is very usual when walking down the street and wanting to call someones attention, people grasp at anything even this doesnt apply to them. Names such as, flaco (thin guy), gordo/guaton/gordito (fat guy), negro (I know this would sound horrible in the US for example, but its used commonly here to relate to anyone with darker skin complexion), pelado (anyone bald or with the tendancy to be bald at some point), and here in Chile particularely the most common out of all is "weon" which basicaly means idiot.

There are nouns given to everyone even if they do not fit into the catagory just for the sake of being "less formal" and more relaxed. Even my father calls me "weon" and in between all of our friends have one of the above names or others to which we even normally present them to other by as well. Many of which would seem far more offensive than those described yet to us they are the run of the mill words of endearment...

still. im sorry you had to go through the predicament of listening to some idiotic spaniard. Myself being partly Basque have little tolerance towards the abnoxious ones.