A random stranger told me I was fat yesterday

So I live in Germany, and yesterday, I took my parents who are visiting to the English bookstore. As I was reaching up to put a book back on a shelf, an elderly man started speaking to me in Spanish. It took me a second to switch the Spanish part of my brain on, but what he said was "You're too fat, you shouldn't eat so much".....uhhh what the ****!?!?!?

I was in such shock, that I didn't say anything, and just stepped outside to wait with my dad for my mom. I told my dad what happened, and he got super p'oed, but I didn't let him go back and say anything. My mom ended up calling the man a string of bad words for insulting me.

Then, I had to walk to the center to meet some friends for dinner, and I called my boyfriend to tell him what happened and I just started bawling. I also ended up crying when I was going to sleep, it was just so hurtful. WHy would someone say something like that to me?

And the thing is, I'm a size 10! My clothes are a mix of 10s and 8s! WTF?? My waist is 32/31...yes I may not be skinny by any means but I'm not fat. So even though Ive gotten the whole "what a jerk, you are not fat" from my friends and my boyfriend, I'm still super bothered by the whole thing and part of me thinks "well they have to say those things". The night before, I went to a beer hall with my parents and wore my Bavarian dress and got a string of "you're so pretty, you're so cute, why can't my son met someone like you" blah blah from the people we sat with. And while those comments should stick it's the negative ones that we always focus on.

I just want to sit at home in a sweatshirt and sweatpants and eat absolutely nothing, then go to the gym tomorrow. I'm supposed to go to dinner tonight with my parents and my boyfriend's parents, but I don't want to go outside! Everyone i look at i think "i wonder if this person think's i'm fat as well".

 

Bad bad bad day. What a mean old man.

Original Post by oh_ho:

Original Post by pochahontas:

Original Post by misscherryjane:

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by misscherryjane:

...and non-english speaking people, do tend to be a lot less sensitive.

seriously?  seriously?

Er yep. Things translate differently into english and different cultures have different ideas about social faux pas.

Er, yep, if he was a Spanish man talking in English.Which he wasnt, at least not in my understanding.  But  it is true that what counts as funny in one language may sound offensive in another if translated word by word. I doubt that was the case here. Assuming that non-english speaking people- such as myself- tend to be less sensitive is a,well, very insensitive remark.

 

Just jumping in to say that I'm of Spanish descent and for some reason my Spanish relatives consider it acceptable to make comments about weight and assume the subject will take it lightly. 

Example: My aunt calls me "gorda linda." Gorda means fat. She may mean it as a term of endearment but I hate it when she calls me that. Or if someone tries on a shirt it's not considered uncommon for someone to say, "Oh and it doesn't even make you look that fat." They don't mean to offend, but what they consider socially acceptable is definitely different from what I consider socially acceptable, since I've been "Americanized," so to speak.

 This is funny because my friends and I have talked about this many times! For example: At 5'5" 125 lbs, a man of Asian descent whom I didn't know told me I should try yoga to lose weight. A friend's husband was told by an Asian woman at the gym "You too fat!" (LOL) And finally a hispanic lady who worked at the 7/11 I frequent made sure that I knew I had put on some weight since she last saw me! :) So, yes I think Americans are overly sensitive and we do "sugar coat" too much.

To make another point, fat is relative and in the eye of the beholder. What seems fat to one is beautiful and healthy to another. It's not about what others see or think, it's all about you. If you are truly happy with yourself, then what he says shouldn't bother you aside from his rudeness. If you are taking to heart his opinion then maybe you should evaluate how you feel about yourself?

I dont doubt americans are overly sensitive. They say that spanish woman are very confident. I wonder if this has to do with the fact that they dont censor their true feelings. But of course..theres no proof of that. I might just be listening to much to the "bad american" media. Where everyone is apparently better than us. :P But anyhow..regardless I know here comments like that are very destructive. My family is african and they dont censor at all. beauty is in the eye of the beholder. i wish i could have handled peoples words differently now that i know just how much they affected me..but oh well. im in the present. next time someone makes a comment about your weight..be as openly blunt. not even blunt..voice your opinion. ok..you think im fat? I dont think you aged well sir. everyone has flaws and insecurities. people think that thin and physical attractive people dont..but they do..just different ones. thats why i find comfort that im at least smart. everyone has things to be proud of . our self esteem is not limited to how thin or "beautiful" we are.( which entirely made up by society anyhow). i really believe everyone is beautiful.

I don't understand why a stranger would want to be so mean and hurtful. Maybe he was just having a bad day and felt like taking it out on someone.

One of the reasons I admire my BF is that he goes out of his way to complement strangers. He will see a girl who may be a bit overweight but is still very pretty, you can usually tell when a girl is self-concious of her body, and tell her how great she looks or complement her in some way.

I just love him. <3

that would have just torn me to pieces...  i'm like a size 8/10 also. i actually had a somewhat similar experience a couple weeks ago. i had just pulled into my driveway and a group of young kids (probably like 8 to 10 yo) were walking by, and at first they started cat calling me (but in the grossest, most degrading way possible) and basically trying to solicit me so i flipped them the bird and then i heard one of them yell out "fatass!"  after that, i got in my car and drove to my boyfriend's house and cried my eyes out.  he quickly made me realize that i shouldn't believe what a gang of disgusting 10 yr olds told me.  it still really hurt though.  that old man was a jerk... how do people not realize what they're saying may be hurtful. it really sucks.

Hi sweetiedarling, if it makes you feel any better, I am an aussie girl living in Thailand and my white friends and I get called fat on a daily basis. (I am a size 10 with boobs). Even the occaional "are you pregnant?" And they even ask my boyfriend! I tell you, its a hit in the gut everytime. But that is how they are. They always talk about physical things liket that to each other, but on the other side they never talk about personal or emotional problems. Its like the opposite of us! Sometimes it really gets me down, but what can you do? No matter how much I tell them its rude, it just doesn't sink in. There was even a young boy trying to ask a visitor from America how much she weighed (she would have been well over 100 kilo's!! I quickly stoppped that. But it is a good example. They talk about weight and money like we talk about friends and the weather! Least you turn to exercise! I turn to chocolate.... :)

Maybe it's just me but I return an insult if someone harrasses me.

Example:

He says:  You're fat & you shouldn't eat so much.

I'd say:  You're stupid & shouldn't talk so much.

I look the person right in the eye and that quite often silences them.  They don't expect you to speak back with confidence.  Often they aren't as tough as they act or they wouldn't feel the need to pick on a stranger.

I know its horrible, but one of my friends wants to learn the retaliation in their language of:

I'm fat, but i can get skinny - you'll always be ugly!

Its really just a joke, but sometimes you get so tempted...

Original Post by niki_star:

I don't understand why a stranger would want to be so mean and hurtful. Maybe he was just having a bad day and felt like taking it out on someone.

One of the reasons I admire my BF is that he goes out of his way to complement strangers. He will see a girl who may be a bit overweight but is still very pretty, you can usually tell when a girl is self-concious of her body, and tell her how great she looks or complement her in some way.

I just love him. <3

 Awww he sounds like my fiancee...the world needs more men like them!

To the OP, don't let others put their foolishness on you. Success is the best revenge so just keep up the good living!