A rant all my own

A long time ago I accepted the fact that I was the "fat" girl out of all of my friends.  I didn't have a thyroid problem or anything else, I had a self-control problem - I like food.  A few months ago, I decided that this was no longer acceptable.  Down 40 lbs and halfway to my ultimate goal, I worked really hard to get where I am.  I have had some amazing support from some amazing people that I know really care, but the fact that I have nasty comments being thrown my way by others is really starting to get to me. 

I'm attending a wedding in the Cayman Islands next week.  I bought a dress that I would not normally wear because of my previous size and if I can get away with saying it, I look pretty good in it.  However, while showing a friend this dress she actually had the nerve to say that I might want to buy a body shaper to control my hips, thighs and butt in the dress.  WHAT???  I understand those areas of my body aren't great, but did she really have to say that? 

I've been buying new clothes lately and actually had a friend tell me that even she would wear some of the clothes that I've bought.  So, not only are my hips, thighs and butt still too big, but apparently there was something wrong with my wardobe as well?

I was told that since I'm not losing weight evenly through my body, I'm starting to look deformed.  Does anyone lose weight uniformly?  I'm going to end up with an almost perfect hourglass shape if I keep losing the way I have been - since when is that deformed?

I've been told that it's not that hard to lose weight so maybe I should relax my diet and have fun.  And that most likely some of the people I consider friends could lose the weight just as fast if they stopped drinking.  Um, that's great.  Losing weight have never been easy for me, and I never really did drink.

I've also been told that since I'm losing weight somewhat quickly, I'll probably gain it all back and then some.  Yes, I am losing more than 2 lbs a week (closer to4-5 actually).  I'm also meeting with a dietician and nutritionist 3 times a week that are monitoring my progress so that I know I'm doing this the right way for once.

I don't expect everyone to be supportive, I don't expect everyone to understand, care or whatever.   I expect people to have the common decency to not not say anything if they can't be nice.  but in the instances they can not behave themselves, what do others say when confronted with these types of things?

Sorry this is so long, I just needed to get a few things out to people that might understand.

It is total JEALOUSY!!!! Just smile and say "ya think?" and go on - they are just jealous - it is so hard to lose weight  - forget about them!

Who are these people??????? You gotta wonder!.  Congratulation on you success.  WEight loss is not easy and you should feel proud of yourself.  Female friends especially can be catty and hurtful.   The best revenge is to keep doing what you are doing. 

Are you sure these people are really "friends"?  You've accomplished a lot and you're using the right tools to do so.  Who are they to judge your body?

 

Just keep working on it, honey. Remember, maintenance will be very important when you get to goal.

No more negative thoughts about what people say to you...embrace who you are and who you are trying to become. The real friends will show themselves...the others are worth neither your time, or your energy.

Good luck with your journey and your continued success.

It is  always surprising how many people open their mouths before they engage their brain.  Just like on Simpsons when Homer says " did I say that out loud ?". 

lots of times when you call them on it, they don't even realize they said something hurtful or offensive.  take support where you can get it and disregard the rest as noise.

People often mean well when they make their assinine comments.

For years I've had this little old lady (somewhat crazy and senile) making comments about my weight and how I shoudl try this diet and that diet (I was only 30 lbs overweight).  Now that I've lost almost 30 lbs, she will not stop bringing up the topic.  She doesn't mean to be obnoxious and mean, she just is.  Also, she brings it up as if she had some contribution to it...WTF, I'm the one watching and tracking my calories and exercise.

Oh, and I too get the you're looking great, over and over again comments.  Part of it is that I've been buying clothes that look better on me, but again, WTF did I look like such a slob before?

Keep up the good work and just let the idiots make fools of themselves even though they don't know they're doing it.

I would've threatened to sit on her.  Seriously.

"Oh, and I too get the you're looking great, over and over again comments.  Part of it is that I've been buying clothes that look better on me, but again, WTF did I look like such a slob before?"

This comment made me wonder; how many people are offended by the comment that they are looking great?

I assumed when someone loses weight, that they would want  people to notice and comment. I hate to think I'm insulting someone when I remark how great they look... I know several people that have lost large amounts of weight. Am I being rude?

 I completely agree with caribnsol's response :)

There are some people who have no tact, no manners, no class, no sense of good judgement and lack the ability to think before they speak. Those people you're dealing with are a perfect example. 

thank you Corraled4ever.....

as far as the looking great, I think once is ok, it is just the over and over (like they are amazed it is possible) that gets annoying.....

Everyone - thank you so much.  You all really did make me feel better.  =)

On a side note - I love being told that I look great.  When my +1 says it and wrps his arms around me nothing feels better.  It's all in the delivery. The shock that I could actually look good is a little disconcerting.

Original Post by corralled4ever:

"Oh, and I too get the you're looking great, over and over again comments.  Part of it is that I've been buying clothes that look better on me, but again, WTF did I look like such a slob before?"

This comment made me wonder; how many people are offended by the comment that they are looking great?

I assumed when someone loses weight, that they would want  people to notice and comment. I hate to think I'm insulting someone when I remark how great they look... I know several people that have lost large amounts of weight. Am I being rude?

 I completely agree with caribnsol's response :)

It's the same people commenting over and over again until I want to scream...once, twice, three times is all very nice, but they will not let it go.   It's been going on for 2 months now.  And the manner that they compliment is almost backhanded.

Whatever happened to simple comments like you look good?  Why do they have to specifically restate that I've lost so much weight?  It's really not that much either.  In 6 months I've lost almost 30 lbs.  I went from a 12/14 size down to a 6/8.  It does not equate to 1/2 the size, really.

hey there!

 Seriously don't let it worry you, if you are happy with what you are doing, who cares.

I must say though I would not be complaining about a friend who told me if she didnt think something looked good, too many people wouldn't tell you and would just smile and nod when you asked if you look good, it may not feel nice to hear but sometimes the truth sucks hey. I myself would appreciate being told but hey everyone to their own.!!

 

Yeah, I had a friend who a lot of us had not seen in a while. I saw her at a party thrown by a friend in our social circle. She had broken up with her boyfriend, and lost a lot of weight.

I told her she looked good but felt really bad for her when I saw people who had the "almost aghast" look on their face, followed by a *gasp* followed by gushing of, "Oh my god! You lost SO MUCH weight! You look SO GREAT!!" She responded with a tight lipped smile and, "thanks". She looked more embarrassed than happy about it.

Some people even told her she looked like she had dropped a whole 'nother person.

Eventually, I HAD to just get that "geez, get off of it" look on my face and ask a few ranters, "really! Did she look that BAD before?!" She gave me one of those, "Y'know! Geez - THANK YOU" looks.

It made a few people eat their words, but the damage had already been done. I'm just glad she didn't bring a date or new boyfriend because that would have just been even more embarrassing...

I would be a little more forgiving towards the friend who recommended the body shaper. I wasn't there so I can't say how she said it, I just know I could see myself saying the same thing, and not meaning it in a bad way.

Cuz it's pretty standard advice to wear a body shaper under a formal gown. It really is not meant to be a commentary on your figure and any flaws you may have - it's simply about starting with the right foundation for a seamless, smooth look! Even women who are size 0's could stand to wear one under a dress. Standard underwear creates bulges and panty lines and such under dresses.

I also want to add that I think sometimes people gain weight because they'd like to disappear into the background and not be noticed. Losing weight can be intimidating because you do stop being invisible, know what I mean? So maybe all these people making compliments are more well-intentioned than you realize, it's just that YOU are feeling awkward adjusting to being not so invisible. Does that make sense?

I don't think I complained about the compliments, and if I did, I didn't mean to.  It's more the back-handed compliments that hurt once in awhile.

As for the body shaper - she didn't actually see the dress on me, it was on a hanger when she saw it.  If she had said the dress didn't look good on me that would be one thing, but to suggest that when it was on the hanger was a little unneccessary.  And you are probaby right about the body shaper - formal dress thing, but this isn't a formal tight dress.  The wedding is on the beach and the dress is pretty flowing.

Thanks for everyone's support, I think I just needed to be able to get some of that out =)

If the dress was on a hanger, then I'm quite confident she meant no insult.

Is she married? I ask because when you go to try on bridal gowns, the sales people at the store make a huge pitch to sell you "foundation garments" !!! I remember that they had me try on my dress with and without... to make their point. The girdle-thingie they sold me cost a whopping $150... maybe I was naive, I bought it.

And I've been a bridesmaid in soooo many weddings... and each and every time, I get the same old pitch again. Didn't matter if I had 18% body fat and had been weight lifting, or not. Luckily, I held on to that $150 girdle. :-)

Also a lot of fashion magazines play up the importance of body shapers too. And even Oprah is in on the whole thing! She's had several shows about this topic.

P.s. I actually HATE wearing most body shapers. It's true, they make the dress look more seamless and smooth, but I find that they are so friggin' uncomfortable, it wrecks my sense of confidence. Not worth it.

Wow, after reading some of these posts, I feel REALLY bad.  I recently saw one of my cousins at a gathering and couldn't get over how great she looked after losing about 30 lbs.  Her face looked nicer, along with her body; she actually looked like a different person.  I complimented her several times throughout the evening because I couldn't get over how awesome losing 30 lbs made her look.  Gosh, I feel so bad after reading one of the above comments that said something like "jeez, did she look that bad before?"  Well, before she lost the weight I didn't think she looked bad because I was used to seeing her, and she's always been one to dress well, put her makeup on nicely, do her hair, etc.  But I must admit, losing 30 lbs DID make her look better than before.  After all, isn't that why we are all trying to lose weight, to look BETTER and feel better than we do now, and to be healthy?  I remember when I lost about 20 lbs several years ago my sister-in-law made comments to me over and over throughout the evening at a barbecue.  Each time she said something it made me feel better and better, it let me know that all of my hard work was noticable to others and paying off.  Even to this day, remembering what an impression I made on her is motivating me to reach my goal.

Sorry so long....just feeling guilty and confused at the same time......

i didnt read anyone elses responses, but i too used to be the fat girl among my friends. im no longer friends with any of them, which is very very sad to me, because the reason we are no longer friends is that as i lost weight, they got meaner and more critical of me. everything i said and did was wrong.

they are pathetic and so are the people doing this to you. they are jealous that you have so much motivation, willpower, and passion. don't let them get to your newfound confidence because it is intimidating them and they dont like it.