Rant #1

Ok, so this is officially I think like my second topic of the day but I felt like ranting right now. Sorry you all have to be the one's who read it.

Ok, here's the situation:

Last year I went through a really bad breakup in June of last year. I was with an alcoholic for approximately 6 years and just generally was depressed and stuck in a rut for a lot of years. Luckily, out of all that time, I did manage to get a degree in Electrical Engineeering so I can support myself at this point.  I did, however, manage to put on about 68 lbs in the process....which totally kicked the living "caca" outta my self esteem.

Well, anyhow, I am 30 years old and this is the first time I have ever had to be independent and live on my own...take care of my own bills, etc, etc.  I moved into the particular apartment complex due to the large size of the 1 bedroom apartment, security and how cool the Apartment Manager "seemed" to be....

So, for the first 6 months of living in this wonderful 1 bedroom apartment a formed a pretty close bond with Ms. Apartment Manager. She's only a year younger than me and struggles with her weight just as I do. Difference is, that she doesn't do anything about it. She doesn't even make an attempt to go for a walk or cut down on her portions. Yet she complains about her weight and how she looks pregnant all the time.

So, anyhow, I explained my struggle with weightloss in another post, but so far I've been working out and changing my eating habits since September and have lost about 36 lbs. I am 5'3 and I went from 198 lbs to 162 lbs as I type. I have gone from about a size 14 or a 16 to a size 10/12 depending on the brand of clothes.

Anyhow, I obviously have great fashion sense. *giggle* So, I didn't want to just give my old beautiful clothes away to the Salvation Army. I wanted to give them to someone who really needed them. Well, Ms. Apartment Manager was just such a person. I could swear I have given this girl the equivalent of about 500 dollars worth of very nice clothes that do not fit me anymore. Maybe more. I don't really know. I didn't think twice about it. You know, some of that stuff I probably could have had taken in and I could still wear it. But I just thought since she doesn't make a lot of money, I'd help her out since she has made me feel not so lonely....(I didn't have many friends to hang out with. I basically cut off my friend-base when I was with my boyfriend of 6 years...)

So, I just want to make one thing clear. This is not about friendship in exchange for monetary value kind of thing. This is the way I see it...when you are friends with someone you give them your heart. Plain and simple. I gave her my heart and would have done anything for her. Well, unfortunately, it got all screwed up....basically the gist of the end of our "true friendship" about 4 months ago was that her boyfriend made up some crap that the neighbors were complaining that I was getting preferential treatment and she might get fired from her job. *cough* BS!  I think he just hated the fact that I provided better for her than he ever could. He looks at me with disgust like I am some slimely pukey disgusting piece of demon feces. I just want to punch him in the gut. :( 

So, she basically dumped me on my rear and told me she could no longer be my friend. I am overly sensitive and I cried so hard that I made myself nauseous. I felt used and thrown away, basically.

Well, so many details...sorry...but we have renewed our friendship somewhat of late and she has to hide our friendship from her boyfriend. It's ridiculous.

Anyhow, I've noticed she's been making snide little comments about my weight. She always accuses me of cheating and not taking my diet plan seriously. I just want to scream at her: "Listen here, you ****ing Hippo! You are the ***** that won't leave your abusive and controlling boyfriend and you are criticizing me!!!?" But of course, I am simple and shy and sweet and I would never say anything like that. But, by golly! It sure is what I'm thinking....

Plus the fact she is really sticking her nose into a new relationship I have with the neighborboy. Yes, the neighborboy. teehee.....

Anyhow, I am just really livid about the whole situation and I really need to continue to be civil to her as an apartment manager because she could probably make my life a living hell if she wanted to....and I am not in a hurry to move. I like my little apartment. It's special! and unique and it's my first one. Bleh!!

Ok...done ranting...:D I hope you don't think I'm a terrible person. :D

she does sound a bit weird in my opinion. a true relationship should be honest and equal, and she owes it to him to tell him she wants to be your friend. he also owes her the right to make her own friends. unfortunately, theres nothing you can do about her relationships, because as you pointed out, you dont want her messing about in yours, so you therefore cant do the reverse!

stay living there, be civil and polite, and continue with your weight loss. she's only being mean because you're doing much better on your diet than she is and GOOD FOR YOU!!! jealousy makes for hurtful comments. Why not take your new fella out, and meet some new ppl :) you deserve it!

Yes I'm going to continue to be civil like you said. It is just that some of her comments upset me so much and I feel like I cannot be truthful about how much she pisses me off or she will lash out somehow.  I don't see why she just can't be happy for my progress. Really now! :(

Thanks for reading my rants, btw...;-)

If you widen your circle of friends, maybe through work, the gym, the neighborboy (;-)), then what this woman has to say or not say about you will seem much less important. You don't have to have a million friends, just a couple of people that you can lunch or shop with. Right now, this woman is your primary girlfriend, in other words: your best friend. And she's falling short of holding up her end. With more girlfriends to choose from, you might find a person who better fills the bill of a best friend. But be as nice to her as you can possibly be. If she has to hide her friendships from some jerk of a guy, then you have it SO much better than her. You're on your own, you're your own boss, you answer to no one. Relish that!

Yah, funny thing is that in those 4 months we had NOT being friends, I widened my group of friends via the gym. I met a really nice girl at the gym and found out her man was in a local band here in Los Angeles. So, I started going out with him quite often.......Then I met a longtime online frined of mine and started hanging out a lot with him...and it goes on and on. I even started hanging out with some old college buddies. Pretty cool!  I am all popular and stuff now!

hehehehe....

I just am really angry because I think I've done a lot for this girl emotionally and she takes advantage of me a lot I think. I don't think I deserve the way she treats me.

I really, to be honest, need to grow some balls and need to learn how to deal with confrontation and conflict. Another thing I need to work on is my ability to deal with politics...but that's another story.

Anyways! Down 1 lb this morning! Maybe it was just poo! hahahaha

Hmmm, I may be reading more into this than there is but.... I just had a 3 month fight with my best friend. I was very upset with her. We basically had a difference of opinion on something. So we did not speak for 3 months. I felt very angry, just like you have explained above. The entire time we were fighting I would think about all of the things that drove me crazy about her. I'd complain to my husband about her and all of her wierd quirks. We are different on a lot of issues, like how we raise our kids, our fincances, weight loss etc. but you know I really missed her. I was really complaining about her and trying to convince myself she was evil and I really didn't like her. Well you said you gave your heart to her. I agree there 100 percent. You do give your heart to your friend especially your best. Are you maybe hurt a little that you have lost her? I'm not trying to put words in your mouth, but why are you so upset about her actions. I've found that if I really don't care about the friendship the person doesn't bother me all that much. Its when I feel a tremendous loss that I get emotional. This boyfreind may not be around always, just as yours of six years is not, Are you really ready to lose her as a freind or is there something there to build on? I suggest a heart to heart with her. You may need to cut ties, but do you really want to. I don't just mean for the apartment sake either. Apartments will come and go, friends you care deeply about don't.