I really hate it when I try to talk about my diet in seriousness with some of my thinner (and in some cases, very thin) friends, and all they can talk about is how they need to lose weight. 1. I was trying to have a conversation about myself and what I'm doing for my health. I was looking for some support, a reassuring pat on the back, and you completely ignored what I said and turned it around onto yourself, and 2. I don't like hearing you bitch about how you need to lose 5 pounds. Or whatever. Just do it then. I'm doing it. For Christ's sake. Not only does it make you seem like a crybaby, it also makes me feel terrible about myself because you're 5+ pounds below my GOAL weight (which I'm 89 pounds away from, btdubs) and you're depressing the **** out of me. I will support you if you want to lose weight. If you feel like you could stand to lose 5 pounds, then go for it honey. But don't talk about how disgustingly obese you are, because clearly you are not. I have one friend in particular who is TERRIBLE about this. Drives me completely and totally nuts.
End rant.
OMG- My SIL is the exact same!! She weighs about 112lbs and is forever going on de-tox diets and trying to lose her 'muffin-top' (which is non-existent!) while I sit there sipping my 6th glass of water that day and 63lbs heavier than her! Arghhh....!! I've given up talking about losing weight to my 'real' friends and family and leave the support to my 'online' pals instead- they're MUCH more sympathetic & helpful! LOL!
PMSL!!! That is so true...unfortunately this same girl has two kids under 4!! That REALLY does my head in! BUT she's totally flatchested and I have baby bosoms!
...How can I blame my weight on my beautiful girls when she swans around in her skinny jeans! LOL!
It's a bit like when you're as skint as a man that's just been mugged and someone who you know is rolling in cash tries to 'feel your pain' with a crass comment like .... 'I understand you completely. We could only afford two holidays this year instead of three!'.
This thread has cheered me up! We all have our own insecurities really don't we? Unfortunately my two kids have left me with a double choc chip extra large muffin top and boobs like tennis balls in socks..and as for the stretchmarks- don't even go there!! Ah well...
Original Post by gi-jane:
Speaking as someone with a few years under their belt (I'm in my early forties), I find the phenomena of the slim, beautiful girl moaning about their 'big bottom', 'wrinkles' or 'tree trunk thighs' just hilarious. I say... let the poor, self-centred creatures enjoy whining about their imaginary imperfections while they're young. Ten years down the track, after they've pushed out a kid or two, they'll be staring at their saggy tits, stretched bellies and dimpled bottoms wishing fervently they looked they way they do now.....
LOL! Well, I'm 35, never had kids, and have lifted weights and done cardio for nearly 20 years so I still look like I did when I was younger. That being said, though, I feel very different about myself now. I love myself now. I didn't, then, even though now I can look back and see I was pretty then, too. And since that time, I have gone through some things that have left me with rather impressive scars here and there and some far more serious imperfections, too. But I've accepted those much more easily because that's what happens as you age and get comfortable with your body. I don't think I could name a handful of young girls who have real confidence in their appearance. That is part of being young and susceptible to the media and peer pressure and just your own, natural insecurities as you seek your place in the world.
Do we still suffer from insecurities as we age? Absolutely. But I find those insecurities have shifted a lot for me. I still can get self-conscious about my appearance from time to time, but by and large I accept myself as a 35-year-old woman who is a survivor and whose survival shows on her body. I have hard-earned scars, and in an odd way I love them. I'm not 5' 10" and a runway model, but that's just fine: I'm 5' 3 1/2" and as fit and firm as I have ever been in my entire life. In fact, I am probably the lightest I have been in 17 or so years.
Instead, it is the bigger aspects of life that I find myself a little obsessed with as I age. The same is true with my friends. It is less about losing one's hair, gaining a spare tire, and watching your breasts fall, and more about worrying if your life derailed somewhere in the last decade—because we all feel like in pursuing certain things, we leave other dreams behind—and trying to figure out how to have it all and get the very most out of the time you have.
So it really doesn't get to me when I see drop-dead gorgeous young girls worrying about five extra pounds. I just remember what it was like to be at that point in my life, and thank whatever powers that be that today my obsessions are more about getting the most out of life and less about making sure I have the perfect body-fat percentage.
Agree thoroughly that as life moves on, perspectives change. We fret less about appearance and more about life-expectancy. Ah, the innocence of youth.
When I wail about how fat I look in a dress, no one ever says "no you don't" because I do! It's no exaggeration. But you're right about my skinny friend. She is looking for reassurance. Even more than that, I'm relatively certain the girl has some deeper issues anyway. It's gotten to the point that I can't talk to her at ALL when something is bothering me, no matter how important it is. My grandmother has been sick recently and I was having a weak moment. When I tried to talk to said friend about it, she tried to turn it into a pissing contest - whose life was worse at the moment. I am a good friend. I have no problem listening to her when she's down. Without throwing my own stuff in there. But with this girl...I don't know if she's self-centered or just oblivious. But it is impossible to have a serious conversation with her, without her trying to shift the focus to how miserable she is. On the one hand, it makes me furious. On the other hand, I feel bad for her, because if she really is that miserable in her own skin, she has a long road ahead of her.
I will say, I am infinitely more confident in myself AND my body now than I used to be. And I'm still young - only 21!! My body looks significantly worse now than it did when I was in my early teens (seeing as I've gained loads of weight) but it's my body and I love it. I'm not quite to the point that I'm comfortable walking around naked with all the lights on when my significant other is in the room, but I'm getting there.
irishmum - the funny thing about bodies is that I don't have two kids. I don't have any kids! And my boobs most DEFINITELY look like tennis balls in socks. They always have, even when I was 16. It's not very attractive, but I've gotten used to it. It's just one of those things that goes along with being - shall we say, well endowed? I'm right there with you on the stretch marks and the muffin top!! Oh well, like I said, it's the only body I've got, I may as well take care of it and love it in spite of the things I can not fix!!
Yeah, i totally know what you mean. I have these inlaws (who luckily live across the country from us) and even though I dont talk to them about MY weight problems, its obvious ive put on some weight in the last 4 years (2 kids in 2 years plus birth control issues). Well, my MIL is a size 1..my SIL is a size 2 and when we go visit, all i hear from them is how they need to be exercising..or how they eat. Personally, i dont think i would enjoy life too much if all i ate was things like a cardboard box type of food. They make sure and let me know that they dont eat sweets, they only use 2 packets of splenda in their coffee, they dont put butter, sour cream, or salt on their baked potatos, they dont eat beef--only turkey...and i always wonder WHY they feel the need to share this with me when I didnt ask. I get really tired of hearing about it when they are obviously tooth picks. I CANT WAIT UNITL MY SIL HAS A BABY!!!! isnt that mean of me? hahaha
Original Post by yourfavoriteblonde:
When I wail about how fat I look in a dress, no one ever says "no you don't" because I do! It's no exaggeration. But you're right about my skinny friend. She is looking for reassurance. Even more than that, I'm relatively certain the girl has some deeper issues anyway. It's gotten to the point that I can't talk to her at ALL when something is bothering me, no matter how important it is. My grandmother has been sick recently and I was having a weak moment. When I tried to talk to said friend about it, she tried to turn it into a pissing contest - whose life was worse at the moment. I am a good friend. I have no problem listening to her when she's down. Without throwing my own stuff in there. But with this girl...I don't know if she's self-centered or just oblivious. But it is impossible to have a serious conversation with her, without her trying to shift the focus to how miserable she is. On the one hand, it makes me furious. On the other hand, I feel bad for her, because if she really is that miserable in her own skin, she has a long road ahead of her.
I will say, I am infinitely more confident in myself AND my body now than I used to be. And I'm still young - only 21!! My body looks significantly worse now than it did when I was in my early teens (seeing as I've gained loads of weight) but it's my body and I love it. I'm not quite to the point that I'm comfortable walking around naked with all the lights on when my significant other is in the room, but I'm getting there.
irishmum - the funny thing about bodies is that I don't have two kids. I don't have any kids! And my boobs most DEFINITELY look like tennis balls in socks. They always have, even when I was 16. It's not very attractive, but I've gotten used to it. It's just one of those things that goes along with being - shall we say, well endowed? I'm right there with you on the stretch marks and the muffin top!! Oh well, like I said, it's the only body I've got, I may as well take care of it and love it in spite of the things I can not fix!!
well, i think the best thing for you would be to not talk to her about important things in your life. if you have other friends or family that are better listeners, instead of competitors, i'd rely on them to be my support system, if i was you. i remember a girl i used to be friends with who was exactly like that, no matter what, her situation was always worse. I distanced myself from her and stopped talking about important things with her and when she'd try and complain to me, i'd just be like 'hmm..' 'mmhmm' 'thats too bad' and not really give much of myself to try and make her feel better because i knew next time i talked to her, it would be the same thing...eventually we stopped being friends and honestly, i dont care! Good luck to you on this, its sometimes hard to deal with!
Skinny bitches are stupid, sympathize them.. they're the ones who need it .
Ok, I'm pretty young, at a decent weight, but just looking to lose another 10. I have a friend who has a pretty horrendous combo: a hidden ED and one of the most judgmental, complaining personalities on the face of the planet. Nonstop weight commentary! One day she was complaining about her nonexistant thighs, and I made some self-depreciating comment about being overweight myself as an attempt to "commisserate" - her response? "Yeaaaah...." No, "Omg you totally look great!" or "Hey let's have a gym date!" just... "Yeaaaah..." as if to say "YOU TOTALLY ARE FAT" after that long pause. It was probably one of the most insulting moments I've ever experienced . After that point, I was like, I am never giving a damn about another issue or complaint this girl serves up for the rest of time. And you know what? Life is absolutely fabulous not caring about her!!! She's the one who's miserable, not me!
"Oh well, like I said, it's the only body I've got, I may as well take care of it and love it in spite of the things I can not fix!!"-yourfavouriteblonde
Alleluia!!
A little off topic but I have a male friend who is as thin as a rail and eats fatty, high calorie food all day at work. The best part is he thinks anyone who is not as thin as him must be eating 5 times as much as him, and does nothing all day. The other week I looked at him and said, "Yes, we fatties lay in bed, eat bags of chips, 3 extra large pizzas and pints of ben and jerrys all day."
He said, "I didn't mean you!"
I said, "So who did you mean? Because I'm not thin like you and you eat more crap then anyone I know."
I haven't heard a peep out of him this week (THANK GOODNESS). I hope he still works for the company in 10 years so I can see his buddha belly!
Original Post by gi-jane:
A lot of it is just fishing for compliments, of course. "Oh.... I look so fat in this dress" they wail, hopefully. Angling for the response... "But you don't, you're so gorgeous". Bubble is easily pricked with something like... "Now you come to point it out... yes you do!" But we'd never say that, would we girls?
hahaha. i think i might
gawd, i admit to saying "no, you're just NOT that hot" recently to a girl in the women's room at a club -- oy-- i admit, a couple or few drinks in me to finally get it out of me...
i walked in to see two 20-something skinnies bitching about being fat & this, that, whatever about some dud- and I hear the one moan- "i mean what is it? i'm not that fat, that ugly, that old (referring to me with eye roll/glance). Am i just not hot or what?" i just went into the stall & answered from the stall, "you're definitely not as hot as you think you are, especially with that attitude"...
it was real quiet then in the bathroom!
Oh my I know exactly what you mean about THOSE type of people!!!! The online support here is sooooo much easier to deal with.
iamme...
I have done the SAME thing. I too have walked into a ladies room just to hear some girl ranting about the same stuff. However she was upset because the guy she danced with and went home with last week was now dancing with a 'chubby' girl...
I too went in the stall and said out loud, "Well I wouldn't want to dance with a girl who put out on the first night, and had that sort of attitude either."
All went silent and then I heard a loud, "UGH."
Then the pitter patter of 5 inch drunk heels leaving the bathroom, the door slammed.
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