Rant about my life

sick and tired of getting daily abuse from my own mother. Yes, she is thinner than me. But every time i pull out a snack which isn't a celery stick of a leaf of lettuce she frowns and starts reminding me how fat i am. It seems as if they only way she'll be happy and proud of me is if i don't eat -- at all. Because no matter how many top grades i get at school, how well behaved i am generally and how many pounds i lose, she just shrugs these things off as if they were nothing. And when we get into an argument about my weight and i point out that she was once overweight and decided to have liposuction instead of losing the extra weight by eating healthily and exercising, she dismisses my valid point, saying that it doesn't count because the liposuction didn't cost that much anyway.

Honestly, she sometimes makes me consider becoming anorexic just to get my own back at her. Its practically the only way i can humiliate her and keep her quiet without hitting her. But then i rationalize and to be honest, i don't want my periods to stop or to have bad breath, so i'm not going to go down that route..

However horrible that may sound, trust me, my mum is worse. When we are at family reunions or when friends come around, sooner or later she will introduce my weight issue and terrible skin as a topic of conversation between her and friends. She is always like, "I try to take care of her but she always binges on cakes sooner or later..." Wouldn't you, if your mum wanted you to go from being overweight to whippet thin in the space of 24 hours? She pressurizes me so much to be stick thing that, eventually i see that its not going to come as soon as she wants it, i binge and give up.

So what me click? Well this morning she sneered at me, "You're quite mischevious aren't you? You tell me that you're eating sushi when in fact you're buying two giant muffins and eating them all."

So i told her the truth, "Actually, i bought one big muffin for my sister and 1 italian biscotti biscuit for myself."

You know how tiny biscottis are...

And then she said, laughing, "Oh please! I know you're lying! i know what you are like! i know that you bought and ate two giant cakes!"

So i said to her, "Oh really? Then why don't you go ahead and ask my sister, oh and how about i show you the receipt and the bottom of the container to prove it to you?"

Then she laughed in my face and walked away.

So i went after her, and i said what had been building up inside of me for ages, "Bitch."

its bad... but it felt so good at the same time...

This is good because it really has motivated me to get back on track with my diet and exercise. Once i get thin... argh just you wait! I'm fantasizing about the day i do and then publicly humiliating her.

As a parent, I can't imagine saying to my kids the things your mother says to you, or talking openly to others about their skin or weight problems.  I hope you come to know that she is taking out her own inner misery on you and that you have done nothing to deserve this destructive treatment. Even though she's the one who needs intensive therapy, it seems unlikely that she is going to reach out for it, so I hope that you get it if it's available to you -- you need all the support you can get. You sounds like a strong, caring, feeling human being deserving of unconditional love. Good luck!

Honestly I don't blame you for calling her a bitch. That's exactly what she's being... a bitter, vindictive, bitch. I sounds like she DOESN'T want you to loose weight. It sounds like she feels like she's in competition with you, like if you loose weight this way instead of having lipo she's somehow a looser who gave up on her own battle with weightloss. She probably is really self concious about that. Still, what kind of mother would embarass her daughter publicly, demean any results she's getting, and outright call her a liar? Her job is to encourage you, not tear you down.

I would probably just keep my distance from her as much as possible, and talk to her as little as possible, because you don't need all that negativity in your life. When she starts in on you just walk away and ignore her. When you get thin (and I know you will) you won't have to publicly humiliate her. Just loosing the weight when all she would tell everyone else was that you couldn't will be humiliation enough for her.

In the mean time, find someone else you can talk to like a grandparent or just some friends who will keep you motivated and praise your efforts. Feel free to add me as a buddy and message me.

Keep up the good work and keep going. Her low sense of self-worth doesn't have to be your problem. You will do this. I know you can.

your mom sounds really rude, immature, and unsupportive (no offence). as much as i disagree with how she's treating you, i don't think you should be losing weight and getting healthier JUST to spite her.

you should be losing weight and getting a healthier lifestyle for you, not someone else, especially someone like that.

good luck with everything, and i think it'd be best if you just totally ignored your mom's comments. they're irrational, and there's no point in arguing with, or getting upset over irrationality.

Original Post by giaaa:

So i went after her, and i said what had been building up inside of me for ages, "Bitch."

...Just that?? O_o You're nice, I would've said a lot more things.

I can't imagine how a mother can be like that. She must be really unhappy with herself.

I am not a violent person by nature, but I would have beat her face in and then slammed her against a wall, and THEN called her a bitch. I just can't imagine a mother being like that. My mom never raises her voice or says anything remotely mean. What the hell is up with mean moms on here? So many people say their mom/friends are not supportive and say cruel things regarding weight loss. How is that EVER going to help?

You are beautiful. I'm sorry about your mom.

ACKK!!! MY PARENTS ARE A LOT LIKE THAT! just not as extreme...

same thing happens to me. after a big crew workout i'll have a small dinner and end up being hungry and have a midnight snack. i'm into my 2nd or 3rd mini-pretzel and my moms asking me if i wanna stop eating soon.

its rediculous.

and i did lose weight once, to the point that they were proud of me, yet they were still weight obsessed and told people how chubby i once was, and i've also gained it back to the point that they're obsessing about weight, and what i eat AGAIN.

another thing; they're constantly commenting about stranger's weight problems.

it's pretty difficult. i'll admit i liked my body more when i was skinnier, but i'm learning to deal with the weight i'm at and trying to lose weight slowly but surely.

and, becoming skinnier wont help the problem, although it'll be a great accomplishment, and i whole heartedly encourage you with that,

you need to learn to deal with her weight obsession at the same time.

i hope you learn how to cope with her... unlike walking away from her, which i know for me would be practically impossible, and unhealthy.

I'm  sorry Giaaa, that all sounds awful.  I'm glad you decided to share this with people and hopefully you can get some relief from just letting it all out.  I have 2 pieces of advise to you: 1. Do not  to take any of it personally, she is the one with the issues; 2. try to be as healthy as you can, as successful as you can (in your studies, work, other relationships), get out from your mother's wing as soon as you have the chance and enjoy yourself on your own terms. 

Good luck and hang in there.

You're mom has serious issues. I know this may be difficult to swallow, but can you maybe broach the subject of her getting help? Surprisingly, mental disorders small and big are very common.

I don't mean any disrespect or anything like that. I have a wonderful relationship with my mom and I just hate to see how so many people are the exact opposite (I'm the only one out of all of my friends who doesn't have a mom like yours.) Well, anyway, if that's not the issue, I would just try to distance myself from her as much as I could. That kind of verbal abuse can take its toll.

Take care!

Don't get healthy for your mother. Get healthy for yourself. If you start doing it for HER, you've lost.

I looked at your profile pic. You're beautiful. Don't let your mom get to you.

i am sorry for the turmoil that your mother is giving you. 

may i suggest that you find someone that you really like and admire and ask them to be a mentor to you (church, school, work).  what you need in your life is someone that will be willing to give you the positive comments and feedback that you need.

good luck.

If you've already told your mom that you find her comments hurtful and she's continued to make them, to you and to others, there's not much else you can do but try your best to ignore them.  What other people say and do is outside of our control.  Don't let her mean words and bad attitude shape who you are or your perception of yourself.  Like helionix said, you're a beautiful girl!  You don't need validation from outside - the real good feelings come from YOU being happy with yourself.

Good luck!

Gosh, thank you guys!

For the support and all, i was scared that people would start calling me immature or that i was acting like a bratty teenager. I'm so glad that you guys understand.

I'm very sorry for the late reply, i've been busy, but from now on i will definately be more active on this site.

I will take into account all your advice, thank you guys so much. You've definately made me feel a lot better and less guilty.

Hey, no one's calling you immature, i'm sure all of us can totally imagine how you feel. Not only is the rest of the world constantly judging you, but your mother is also putting pressure on when she should be one of the most reliable people you can always turn to!

My best suggestion is find a friend. sure. thats not easy either. but i figure it'll help you.  and i also would have said a whole lot more than "bitch" to my mother!

I've got quite the opposite problem. My mother is classified as "obese" and she constantly tells me that i'm skinny enough. It's always "Eat something more than lettuce you stupid self obsessed girl" or "Your lying, i know you didn't stop at Mc Donald's on the way home" or "Don't try and fool me, your eating this piece of cake because we don't want you to relapse"

I supose there's just really no way to win is there?

I just wanted to tell you how i totally empathize with your situation. I never had a good relationship with my mother either. She wasn't very good to me when I was younger (dealing with her own issues, I suppose - there's nothing terrible I could have really done at age 3, right?). She'd critisize me when I was very thin, then when I was bigger. Just before my ED, she would daily rant at me about how my @ss is growing daily. Then I lost 25+ lbs and now I'm struggling to gain.

I know you probably didn't mean it, but it really worried me when you wrote "she sometimes makes me consider becoming anorexic just to get back at her". Please don't go down this path. You may realize that, like my mother, she'll only become creuler and more critical. You're a strong girl for putting up with her as long as you have.

Keep you goals in line and you'll be more satisfied when you get healthy the right way and she won't be able to say a word to you. :)

Take care xxxxxx

I sooo understand and my heart goes out for you! My mom also talks about my weight and eyes every single bite i put in my mouth. Its sooo frustrating. I've lost 15 pounds in 2 months and its like she doesnt even notice...i don't know what her problem is. Anyhow...good luck and keep us updated =)