Rant at the naturally skinny, from the fatty perspective.

I'm not trying to mean. I know not every skinny person falls into this category. Not even most. But allow me, as a fat person, to vent my frustration at the inappropriate things slim people say. I'm a college student (for 35 more days!) so I talk to new people all the time (and I've been collecting these statements for a few years now), and I'm a little amazed at what's appropriate, or what I get singled out for over slimmer people at the same table. Here is my sarcasm-laden rant,:

Just because I am fat does not mean I want to have a conversation about how much you hate your sz 4 body. It does not mean I empathize with your intense emotional and mental struggle to take off the last 5 lbs to look good in your bikini. I can barely resist rolling my eyes when you tell me you 'understand' because you used to weigh 140, and (on your body) it made you look huge. I am so happy to hear that you were 'fat' when you weighed 100 lbs less than I do. I don't want to go with you to a great new store that doesn't carry my size. I do not automatically want to go out to get ice cream, cake, or candy, though I appreciate you thinking of me before the slimmer girls. I do not need your input or advice on what I'm eating for lunch. I do not want to hear about the crazy cabbage-soup-style diet your friend of a friend's mother in law lost 20 lbs on. I am completely uninterested in how horrible you think it would be to even be alive without eating sugar. I do not appreciate your gentle suggestion that maybe I should take up walking, because, honey, you couldn't keep up with my workout. Do not use the word willpower to me while you are eating chicken tenders and french fries. Being rude about my size is not justified by following it up with, 'I'm just concerned about your health.' I've got it, thanks. 'I'm sure it will fit, it's stretchy' is also not typically flattering to hear. I do not care in the slightest that you won't go to the gym with me because people might think you're fat. I am not impressed with your incredulous looks when I tell you I'm healthy. I do not want to talk about dieting. No nice statement ends with 'that bad' ('you don't look that bad'). I do not hate myself, my life, or my body, and the assumption that I should because I'm overweight just makes me fantasize about punching you in the face. I don't appreciate your disbelief at my 'eat healthy and exercise' plan. Vying for flattery from me by asking me if you look fat really just makes me wonder if you're trying to call me stupid. Mentioning my personality in a conversation about looks is not as artfully tactful as you seem to believe. My deepest, sincerest, apologies that it is so difficult for you to accept and believe that I am healthy and happy when I still have a good year before my body properly displays that. However, in the mean time, please shut up.

I officially think you are fantastic! Way to put into words what we are all thinking.  I've always received the "you have the most beautiful hair" comment.  Which seems to be laden with the undertone of "too bad it's attached to that body."  Support me in my quest to get healthier...just do it with your mouth shut.

One of my favorite quotes is this:

"Skinny people piss me off.  I love it when they say things like "sometimes I forget to eat."  Now I've forgotten my keys, my mother's maiden name and even my shoe size, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat."

I keep it pinned to my office corkboard and it always makes me giggle when I read it.

Well said! This made me laugh but it is very true. I used to have this problem in high school with my "fat" (BORDERLINE ANAREXIC) friends. They would complain about their looks and their weight as if everyone was so concerned that their Hollister pants weren't quite a size -1 and their MAC makeup just wasn't doing the trick for them, that their new louis vouitton bag was so expensive yet they wanted better. I believe that these girls had such a huge self-confidence problem that it had affected their perspective on things(or its also possible that all of that bleach simply went straight to their brain). With that said I was friends with them for about 2 months before I became fed up with it and dumped them as my friends. These girls had no idea what it would ever be like to be overweight as they all weighed about 105 pounds(I know this to be true because they talked about it quite a bit). Me being the average girl with a normal build and weighing at least 20 or 30 pounds more, I felt akward around them. Hanging out with them was always a downer.  My lesson learned...If your friends don't have anything nice to say, find new friends.

Love the quote larissa! I assumed it wasn't just me thinking that way.

I agree with you melissa, I really thought I had left all that behind in high school. Apparently, I just got better at picking friends. I'm in a body shaping class, and I'm the largest person in it. I love it, I can lift more than half the girls, and go longer cardio than many of them just because I take it seriously. However, instead of 'oh cool, you can leg press 160 lbs' I'm the go-to girl for all the self-loathing, 'I'm too fat' crap.

The other side of the coin: I am well into the high end of the BMI healthy range. As a matter of fact, a BMI calculator is useless because it is based on generalization and not very specific. It is like going to wal mart or other dept store that all the clothes are fit generalized.  The bmi calculators dont take into acct body fat percentages and muscle weight.

Anyways,  how come I always hear comments like, " YOU are way too skinny" , " You need to eat more", " I know how to fatten you up", blah blah blah....but yet these comments always come from persons whom appear to be grossly overweight!

In this society, the usa, we have obesity all around us and more so than any other country in the world and it has been a proven fact. So, it appears that it has become socially acceptable when one is too big but on the same note every reality show, every exercise show on tv, even oprah show, are all geared towards "How to lose weight" so much these days that people cannot escape the fact of obesity.

Now people are going to make comments simply because every where you look on tv and the internet is focusing on obesity. And the bottom line is, that it is all about making americans become more healthier and less of a risk to heart failure, etc.

When you hear people making these comments to you, do they just come up to you out of the blue and blurt things out? What prompts them to make comments? Do u tell people you are trying to lose? For everything you say, there will come feedback. And if you are too sensitive to listen to it, then perhaps in the meantime you should keep your mouth shut up.

Do see any tv shows , reality shows, etc, geared toward the opposite predicament? Any shows focusing on persons whom are way too skinny and therefore just as much risk as someone way too overweight? Did you know someone too skinny takes longer to heal from surgery or that maybe that person gets  comments that hurt their feelings or disturb them as deeply as it does when you get comments about your weight?

As long as you know what your situation is, " Yeh, so, I am overweight, but I am doing what I need to do to change it and I am working on it", then believe in yourself and laugh at the comments. Take those cooments people make and channel them into determination, " hahaha, I hear ya, but you will be singing a different tune later."

You come across in this particular post like a little child, " pooh hoo! Woe is me! He and she is calling me names" .

As far as feeling like punching someone in the face goes, " How dare you try to help me by suggesting diets. How dare you call me fatty. How dare you even exist because you are skinny. I'll show you how a fat person can punch you in the face!"

You say you yourself are comfortable with who you are and what you eat and what you claim to be in the healthy range. But anyone whom reads this particular post will see behind your words and see that if you really were comfortable with everything, then you wouldnt be feeling like punching anyone in the face and certainly would have a better control on the obvious resentments against your own self.

I know nothing about you. But I do know I have personally helped many others in your predicaments and have seen them get results. Nevertheless, with this attitude I wouldnt want to help ya. If I took the time to try to help ya, u will probably want to punch me in the face....

I see both sides to this. I'm the "thin" girl who is struggling to lose my last 10 pounds, and YES I really DO think that means I know what you are going through. I'm not trying to be patronizing when I say it. Losing 10 pounds at 240lbs is no harder (possibly easier) than losing 10 lbs at 110 lbs.

If I tried to relate to you by saying I know what it's like to struggle over weight loss, and you just snorted and told me I was some skinny snob who couldn't comprehend your struggles, I would be really hurt. :(

However, many of the comments you discussed ARE innapropriate and bitchy (whether they come from a "skinny" girl or not).

Making it "skinny vs. fat" is only exascerbating the problem and dividing people based on their physical appearance. You have every right to be annoyed by these ignorant people, but to insult them based on their life choices (which you know nothing about), is no better than when they do it to you.

I like your self-confidence, and your conviction. I agree with your premise. I just wanted to add my two cents about making assumptions regarding people's lifestyles based on their weight (whether high or low).

yummy kitty, I agree with you. And yeah, its honestly a lot easier for me to take off 10 lbs than for you. And no fear, I don't actually scoff at anyone when they say that to me : ) Sometimes it is sincere, sometimes it is not. When stated sincerely, it doesn't bother me. When it comes to motivation, someone who has lost and kept weight off is great to see. The post isn't in reference to skinny people being bitchy, per se, its more a response to the fact that people seem to feel these comments are appropriate to say to someone overweight. Its socially acceptable to critisize weight or assume I eat junk food for every meal because I'm fat. And it's not because they're mean, or bad, but the comments do usually come from people that honestly don't know that its inappropriate because they've never been 'the fat kid' in a group of people.

Again, I didn't mean to offend. I love the forums here and honestly, it is insanely frustrating some days. If you read above, I'm currently in a fitness class where I get these sorts of things everyday. It's frustrating, I vent, this seems like a good place to do it.

Blue eyes dragon:

I'm amused that you're accusing me of being mean :)
Again, these are public forums, believe it or not, i am not the only person that feels this way and having a place to talk about it is important to my sanity and my ability to defy them and continue to be healthy. But let's go step by step.

You seem bothered by being told you're too skinny, it seems inappropriate that it comes from obese people. Seems like you would understand my frustration from being in the opposite situation. And it's not socially acceptable to be obese. I'm not sure any morbidely obese person would believe that. It's tolerated, yes. But its also drastically looked down upon as a sign of horrible health, self-loathing, and lack of willpower. Not the most flattering picture.
And no, most of these comments don't seem to be made out of any honest concern for my health. Btw, I have a fabulous waist to hip ratio, I eat well, I exercise, my blood sugar, blood pressure, cholesterol, etc are all great. My health is not the question.

If you read above, you'll notice, again, that I mention that I'm in a class. I'm the largest person in it. I very seldom start these conversations. Though I do have a weird magnetism in that strangers do tell me a lot of their life problems without even introducing themselves. Apparently I look friendly. idk. I don't tell people I'm trying to lose, I'm not. I am losing weight, but as a side effect from my desire to be healthier. I'm not on a 'diet,' so no, I never start a conversation about them. It seems as though when someone in the class wants to bitch about their bodies, they direct it at me.

Yes, I know people underweight, I know their health risks, I know people struggling desperately to gain weight. The fact that people are rude to them about that and rude to me about being overweight doesn't actually invalidate my frustration.

I come across as a child? You've never been frustrated? never vented about people misperceiving you? Don't care at all when people are naively a bit rude? If this is the definition of child-like, then everyone I know acts like a child. Just because my self-esteem isn't in the toilet, just because I feel good and healthy, doesn't mean it never bothers me that other people don't see me that way, and I think it's horribly unrealistic to draw any conclusions about my mental state based on that.

And really? you're offended that I used the phrase 'makes me want to punch you in the face' Get over it. While obviously not universally humorous, this is an extremely common phrase in my region and among those I know. ('I swear if my day gets any worse, I'm just going to punch myself in the face') Its not violence, it's slang.

You can see behind my words? Into the resentment at myself? Oh god! I've seen the error of my ways! How dare I not enjoy people's inappropriate comments! it must be because I hate myself!

As for the last paragraph. You are right.

I just love it when the skinny people tell me that I'm not fat and I don't need to diet.

ya susiq: I agree..or if I tell them I need to lose 100 pound and they are like where will it come from, I find that really funny and I just look at them like their stupid...

or if I tell them I need to lose weight and they tell me I'm just a big boned person, that one kills me

I used to be that skinny person with my foot in my mouth.  I am sure I said offensive things all the time and never realized how judgemental I sounded. I forgive myself because I was young and really, really stupid. 

Then I got fat.  My whole perception of people - not fat people, not skinny people, but all people changed.  Suddenly finding yourself on the other side of something you knew nothing about previously was very eye opening to me.

I say rant away.  Maybe there is a skinny gal out there who will read the your comments and see herself in them.  You might spare her years of foot in mouth disease.

Punch 'em in the face!! lol.

I agree with you. And with MadamQ. Before I got married I never had problems with weight, but I would still talk to overweight friends about wanting to lose weight. Now that I'm on the other side of that I totally realize what a jerk I must have seemed like. Every time one of my super-skinny friends whines to me about how they're "so fat", I just want to say, "Wow, you must find me really disgusting." Because I only way about 80 pounds more than a lot of them. Believe me Minda, a lot of us get it. (Maybe blue-eyes is one of these foot-in-mouth people and would rather not just admit the error of her ways.)

I can understand where you're coming from with most of it, but the first few lines just make you sound bitter.

I have no problems with dissenting opinions. Yummy kitty made a valid point and I respect that. However,  did you read the post? And my replies. Quite simply stated, the whole problem, the whole annoyance, is that unless you're in the situation it's difficult to understand whats appropriate and not. No, its not a sugary sweet nice acknowledgment and request. I'm VENTING. It's allowed.

Now I'm bitter too? I could add that to the rant : ) "Thinking I'm bitter because I'm not always happy about naive things people say may be a sign this rant isn't for you"

minda, I must say I love your attitude, and I agree, I think only "certain" people can understand it. Thanks for doing this post

Original Post by minda_spk:

 I'm VENTING. It's allowed.

 ...and I'm posting a comment saying that the first few lines of your post make you sound bitter...
It's allowed.

allowed yes, but how is it helpful? My ranting allows those not in my position to see how careless words might be taken (whether you think its right or not) and gives others in my position a voice to know they are not alone feeling the same way. You stating I sound bitter is just negative energy. I am not bitter. I'm frustrated with being the fattest person in a fitness class and being treated differently even when my workout surpasses the class average. I posted this in 'Motivation' for a reason. If you read the comments from other people who are actually overweight, it seems to be helping, or at least appreciated.

How is saying I sound bitter in any way motivational?

Booster: Thanks! And about the 'where will it come from' I get a similar incredulous response just telling people how much I weigh 'you weigh that much!'

Madamq: I once overheard a girl state that 'only fat people have personalities.' She was just being rude, but it got me thinking, there is some difference, some personal growth, I think, when you're the underdog. While I wouldn't wish extra weight on anyone, I do think the change in your perception may be a 'silver lining' of sorts. Appreciate your comment!

Susiq75: I know! if I would have thought of it, it would be in the rant too : )

This will be my last post in this thread, I don't want to derail it...or demotivate anyone by any means.

You seem to be disregarding the fact that I had also said I see where you're coming from for the most part. I do understand the bulk of your post, and anyone saying/doing the majority of those things would be rude....regardless of their weight.

The first few lines rubbed me the wrong way because of how generalized the statements were. I understand you're "venting", but that doesn't mean I can't put my 2 cents in. I still think the first few lines of your post make you sound bitter. That doesn't mean you are bitter, but it's how it came across to me.

I'm a little wary of generalizations. This fat vs. skinny thing doesn't sit well with me because I personally don't think it matters one way or another which end of the spectrum you fall under. If you're at either end of the extreme, or close to it, I don't have any doubt in my mind that you're well aware that what you're doing is unhealthy and that you need to make some changes to move towards a happier middle.

But I do, however, notice certain trends that derive from each group, and while quite frankly it's probably an insignificant, teeny percentage of the folks that do it, the ones that do tend to stand out more than most.

The fact is, sometimes I get the nagging suspicion that people who are in a slightly underweight category bemoan their troubles in a manner that makes them appear secretly thrilled by their minimalist eating habits.  Let's face it, we live in a society that worships at the altar of Super Model. The closer one is to that Supermodel ideal, those 'I-can't-gain-weight-no-matter-what-I-do' issues can become just as much as a blessing as they are a curse. And somehow, by bemoaning these issues among a group of people who fall even further from the socially accepted aesthetic ideal, there's comes a gratifying element to to advertising those 'skinny issues' in such company, whether it is conscious or not. In other words, even a unhealthy and underweight girl might consider herself better off than a mildly overweight girl, and she'll sometimes inadvertantly flaunt it by disguising it as a 'deeply troubling problem.'

After all, the flipside of the whole 'Super Model' ideal is the socially muddled taboo/glamorization of anorexia or other eating disorders. Anorexia and eating disorder behaviors are frowned upon, but it is still much better than than 'fat'. Again, whatever is closer to the Supermodel ideal.

Mind you, I stress again that this is not a universal thing, but its not so rare that you can't recognize that certain 'vibe' when you come across it.  Like it just sounds as if the person is describing their story for their own benefit, as if they're lying to themselves that they believe this to be an 'issue' and that they need help, but the logic and the tone just don't add up. I can't exactly describe it, but I think there are a few people who know what I mean and can probably elaborate on it a bit more eloquently.

The flip side of the coin is those few from overweight camp who sometimes operate on a defensive, deeply suspicious and cynical attitude towards those on the other end of the spectrum. On one hand, the frustration is easy to understand. No matter how confident, how happy or on-paper healthy they truly are, there's still the magazines, advertisements, and all the perfect people on TV reminding you that this is what a 'beautiful, sexy, socially applauded' body is supposed to look like. Its a subconscious nagging that can suddenly find purchase in an innocent comment, or in an undercurrent of envy. It's easier to explain that you were provoked than to admit that there's secret shame or jealousy that is rearing its ugly head.

I think the key is being honest with yourselves, and trying not to let personal hang ups cloud the way you conduct yourself and how you perceive and treat others.

Eitherway, I understand minda's need to vent. Mostly because I do think it is entirely plausible that most of these comments described in the original prose were made in an underhanded manner, and that rant is strictly referring to those smug and skinny girls cruising for an ego boost while masquarading as poor, unfortunate souls.  Or worse, as concerned friends. There are people like that out there. It may not be you or me or anyone you or I know, but they do exist. And they can and do go out of their way make you feel like crap.

In minda's case, as her post outlines, this was from her perspective. And she did explicitly acknowledge that not every person falls into this category. But the ones that do, and I do believe she was strictly referring to those who do it consciously and vindictively...the implication is that no one has any business trying to make themselves feel better by putting other people down. Fat or skinny.

Period.

Okay, you're venting.  Fair enough.  What do you want?  My question for you is:  "What would you like them to say?"  Would you honestly be happy with anything, any kind of comment or feedback?  You seem pretty defensive.

Fact of the matter is, weight is a very awkward topic that comes up a lot, especially with women.  Most people are probably not trying to offend you, they are just trying their best to relate or find something to say in reply.  I don't bring it up.  Often times the subject just comes up randomly in conversation.  Tell me you weigh 200 pounds?  How am I supposed to respond to that?  How am I supposed to know what random overweight people want as a response from me?  I am no mindreader, and neither is anyone else.