Rant at the naturally skinny, from the fatty perspective.

I'm not trying to mean. I know not every skinny person falls into this category. Not even most. But allow me, as a fat person, to vent my frustration at the inappropriate things slim people say. I'm a college student (for 35 more days!) so I talk to new people all the time (and I've been collecting these statements for a few years now), and I'm a little amazed at what's appropriate, or what I get singled out for over slimmer people at the same table. Here is my sarcasm-laden rant,:

Just because I am fat does not mean I want to have a conversation about how much you hate your sz 4 body. It does not mean I empathize with your intense emotional and mental struggle to take off the last 5 lbs to look good in your bikini. I can barely resist rolling my eyes when you tell me you 'understand' because you used to weigh 140, and (on your body) it made you look huge. I am so happy to hear that you were 'fat' when you weighed 100 lbs less than I do. I don't want to go with you to a great new store that doesn't carry my size. I do not automatically want to go out to get ice cream, cake, or candy, though I appreciate you thinking of me before the slimmer girls. I do not need your input or advice on what I'm eating for lunch. I do not want to hear about the crazy cabbage-soup-style diet your friend of a friend's mother in law lost 20 lbs on. I am completely uninterested in how horrible you think it would be to even be alive without eating sugar. I do not appreciate your gentle suggestion that maybe I should take up walking, because, honey, you couldn't keep up with my workout. Do not use the word willpower to me while you are eating chicken tenders and french fries. Being rude about my size is not justified by following it up with, 'I'm just concerned about your health.' I've got it, thanks. 'I'm sure it will fit, it's stretchy' is also not typically flattering to hear. I do not care in the slightest that you won't go to the gym with me because people might think you're fat. I am not impressed with your incredulous looks when I tell you I'm healthy. I do not want to talk about dieting. No nice statement ends with 'that bad' ('you don't look that bad'). I do not hate myself, my life, or my body, and the assumption that I should because I'm overweight just makes me fantasize about punching you in the face. I don't appreciate your disbelief at my 'eat healthy and exercise' plan. Vying for flattery from me by asking me if you look fat really just makes me wonder if you're trying to call me stupid. Mentioning my personality in a conversation about looks is not as artfully tactful as you seem to believe. My deepest, sincerest, apologies that it is so difficult for you to accept and believe that I am healthy and happy when I still have a good year before my body properly displays that. However, in the mean time, please shut up.

clinically obese.  how's that?

i'm not interested in measuring or classifying people.  i'm just saying that obesity is not a natural state for any animal, human or otherwise.  it's a state that leads to disease and death.  and ranting about people who are "naturally skinny" as if that's some form of social retardation is pretty backwards.

oh lord.  i dont even want to get into an argument with you because i know how useless it is.  however,  nobody is bashing skinny people.   all anyone here is talking about is how when fat people and skinny people talk about weight issues with eachother, there is a lot of miscommunication because we dont understand eachother's perspectives.   

 And there are many naturally skinny people and naturally bigger people.  My other sister founds some weight loss books I had bought one time and started laughing at me for struggling so much with my weight and then told me "Its so easy to lose weight."   We grew up in the same household with the same parents and food.   She has been thin her entire life and I have pictures of myself already being chubby at 4 years old.   I can agree that obesity is not a natural, healthy way to be, but there are many be who have to work 10 times as hard to keep from becoming unnatural and obese.  

Most importantly, nobody is bashing skinny people.  But in my opinion its kind of like comparing a poor kid to a richer kid.   Both worry about money, both want more than they currently have, both will always feel like they've struggled, but the rich kids tend to complain about the things that the poor kids would kill to have.   Its two completely different persectives, that can be very frustrating to deal with when they collide.

Original Post by pgeorgian:

clinically obese.  how's that?

i'm not interested in measuring or classifying people.  i'm just saying that obesity is not a natural state for any animal, human or otherwise.  it's a state that leads to disease and death.  and ranting about people who are "naturally skinny" as if that's some form of social retardation is pretty backwards.

I think what pegorgian is trying to say is that when we are born, we are born with the capabilities to be completely healthy and nourished human beings. It's only the life that we live, the choices we make, the choices our parents make for us, that pave the trail to obesity.

I can agree with that. I don't see how anyone can argue it. And the whole 'obesity gene' makes me laugh. Anyways.

I can't say that at this state in my life that I am a naturally "skinny" person. I have lost 175 pounds and have managed to maintain it, but with our environment it is NOT easy to keep it off. Those that we view as "naturally skinny" also spend time trying to stay away from cakes and donuts. The cake you see your co-worker eat might be the only thing she eats all day. What if she has a disorder? What if it's the only cake she eats for a month. It's all in the eyes of the outside viewer that makes us see people in different lights.

Alright so I've been 175 pounds overweight. I was almost 300 pounds at 5'5. I've heard the comments. I've heard the 'your face looks pretty' or 'you have a nice rack' comments before. I've also been invited out to dinner in both situations. Never ONCE has anyone changed their food location because of my size. Never once has anyone opted for a place that serves salads because they thought that's all I ate. Heck they wanted cheese burgers and ice cream. Same as when I was big. And you really gotta love the "oh you're skinny you can handle it. I bet you could eat a whole pizza and not gain weight" comments. So I don't really understand that because you have such low self esteem about your size that you take offense to someone asking you to have ice cream with them (???), or dinner with them at an unhealthy restaurant. Nobody is trying to offend you. You're just constantly on the defense due to your own insecurities. Just face it.

Original Post by jessicasbc:

oh lord.  i dont even want to get into an argument with you because i know how useless it is.  however,  nobody is bashing skinny people.   all anyone here is talking about is how when fat people and skinny people talk about weight issues with eachother, there is a lot of miscommunication because we dont understand eachother's perspectives.   

 And there are many naturally skinny people and naturally bigger people.  My other sister founds some weight loss books I had bought one time and started laughing at me for struggling so much with my weight and then told me "Its so easy to lose weight."   We grew up in the same household with the same parents and food.   She has been thin her entire life and I have pictures of myself already being chubby at 4 years old.   I can agree that obesity is not a natural, healthy way to be, but there are many be who have to work 10 times as hard to keep from becoming unnatural and obese.  

Most importantly, nobody is bashing skinny people.  But in my opinion its kind of like comparing a poor kid to a richer kid.   Both worry about money, both want more than they currently have, both will always feel like they've struggled, but the rich kids tend to complain about the things that the poor kids would kill to have.   Its two completely different persectives, that can be very frustrating to deal with when they collide.

 What she said ^ ^

My best friend is very thin - 5'2" 100 lbs thin.  I've always been fat and she's always been thin so over the course of our friendship, I've learned that she is often just as unhappy with her appearance as I am with mine.  She complains about her "muffin-top" and calls herself flabby all the time.  You know what?  She is flabby - she has a fairly healthy diet but she's so out of shape.  We went on a bike ride a few weeks ago and I rode circles around her.  Sure, she can be effortlessly skinny but is she really healthy?  I don't know. 

I can understand that people are rude and say things without thinking (or maybe they ARE thinking) but I just haven't had that experience.

This is totally unrelated but I have a rant about my big sisters.  When my teeny tiny best friend walks into the chubby girl store with me, don't give her the stink eye.  She's there because we like shopping together and I value her opinion.  Just a warning -  I"ll tell you to stop staring at her and whispering.

Original Post by jessicasbc:

oh lord.  i dont even want to get into an argument with you because i know how useless it is.  however,  nobody is bashing skinny people.   all anyone here is talking about is how when fat people and skinny people talk about weight issues with eachother, there is a lot of miscommunication because we dont understand eachother's perspectives.   

 And there are many naturally skinny people and naturally bigger people.  My other sister founds some weight loss books I had bought one time and started laughing at me for struggling so much with my weight and then told me "Its so easy to lose weight."   We grew up in the same household with the same parents and food.   She has been thin her entire life and I have pictures of myself already being chubby at 4 years old.   I can agree that obesity is not a natural, healthy way to be, but there are many be who have to work 10 times as hard to keep from becoming unnatural and obese.  

Most importantly, nobody is bashing skinny people.  But in my opinion its kind of like comparing a poor kid to a richer kid.   Both worry about money, both want more than they currently have, both will always feel like they've struggled, but the rich kids tend to complain about the things that the poor kids would kill to have.   Its two completely different persectives, that can be very frustrating to deal with when they collide.

gah.

of course there are "naturally bigger people."  that's why i specifically used the word "obese" (and even more specifically, "clinically obese") rather than "bigger" or "chunky" or "thick" or some other vague description.

of course not everyone here is bashing skinny people.  but the fact is, it's pretty common (on this site and elsewhere) for that phrase "naturally skinny" to be thrown around like an accusation.

healthy weight is natural (and most of the people who are described as "naturally skinny" are at perfectly healthy weights).  extremes in weight--in either direction--requires behaviour that is beyond what is natural.

look, if the thread were a "rant at the rude and obnoxious" - no problem.  but it's not.

edited to add: x17star17x, i'll bet all kinds of people who don't know you make the same assumption, hey?  that you're "naturally skinny," eat whatever you want, are ignorant when it comes to weight problems....

Original Post by x17star17x:
I think what pegorgian is trying to say is that when we are born, we are born with the capabilities to be completely healthy and nourished human beings. It's only the life that we live, the choices we make, the choices our parents make for us, that pave the trail to obesity.

I can agree with that. I don't see how anyone can argue it. And the whole 'obesity gene' makes me laugh. Anyways.

We have genetic predisposition for hypertension, diabetes, manic depression, multiple sclerosis, cancer, and many other diseases - why not obesity?

And considering how people are born with serious illnesses and "malformations", I don't agree that all people are born with the same capability to be completely healthy and nourished human beings. The random outcome of the genetic lottery is neither the choice of the parents nor of the child.

Original Post by pgeorgian:

gah.

of course there are "naturally bigger people."  that's why i specifically used the word "obese" (and even more specifically, "clinically obese") rather than "bigger" or "chunky" or "thick" or some other vague description.

of course not everyone here is bashing skinny people.  but the fact is, it's pretty common (on this site and elsewhere) for that phrase "naturally skinny" to be thrown around like an accusation.

healthy weight is natural (and most of the people who are described as "naturally skinny" are at perfectly healthy weights).  extremes in weight--in either direction--requires behaviour that is beyond what is natural.

look, if the thread were a "rant at the rude and obnoxious" - no problem.  but it's not.

Agreed.

Original Post by luxdancer:

We have genetic predisposition for hypertension, diabetes, manic depression, multiple sclerosis, cancer, and many other diseases - why not obesity?

a predisposition is just that: it's a condition or set of conditions that allow for the greater possibility--not inevitability--of developing disease.  without the environmental conditions that support that disease, it won't occur.

and obesity in and of itself is not a disease.  it is a contributing factor for many diseases, but on its own, it's just a physical state.

I have to agree with pgeorgian on this one....

Some (not all) of the "venting" the OP did in her rant was a little weird:

"I don't want to go with you to a great new store that doesn't carry my size. I do not automatically want to go out to get ice cream, cake, or candy, though I appreciate you thinking of me before the slimmer girls."

....I mean, reallyyyy? I think x17star17x was right with saying that the OP is always on the defense because of her insecurities.

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by luxdancer:

We have genetic predisposition for hypertension, diabetes, manic depression, multiple sclerosis, cancer, and many other diseases - why not obesity?

a predisposition is just that: it's a condition or set of conditions that allow for the greater possibility--not inevitability--of developing disease.  without the environmental conditions that support that disease, it won't occur.

and obesity in and of itself is not a disease.  it is a contributing factor for many diseases, but on its own, it's just a physical state.

Ya know... I can argue this point for hours. I'd love to 'blame my obesity' on genes. But I think pgeorgian said it best.

100% true.

"without the environmental conditions that support that disease, it won't occur."

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by luxdancer:

We have genetic predisposition for hypertension, diabetes, manic depression, multiple sclerosis, cancer, and many other diseases - why not obesity?

a predisposition is just that: it's a condition or set of conditions that allow for the greater possibility--not inevitability--of developing disease.  without the environmental conditions that support that disease, it won't occur.

and obesity in and of itself is not a disease.  it is a contributing factor for many diseases, but on its own, it's just a physical state.

It was more that I interpreted her statement as saying the idea that there was a genetic predisposition to obesity AT ALL was laughable - not that it wasn't preventable.

As for the disease part, I misspoke. Whenever I think of genetic predisposition to anything, my mind tends to turn towards the more unpleasant things we can predisposed to. I might be a bit too morbid.

yeah.  my best friend is really scrawny - always has been.  like, 5'8" and 120.  when she gets to 125, she feels fat, and she complains about feeling fat, and she talks about it, and she moderates her eating.  when i was almost 50 pounds heavier than her (same height), or even 10 pounds heavier, it bothered me a little.

but you know what?  she's my best friend, and i love her, and i don't know what it's like to be in her body.  so at some point--many years ago--i decided it just didn't matter.  it couldn't matter.

i think i'm in bizarro world: me, x17star17x, and jblargh all in agreement :)

Original Post by x17star17x:

Ya know... I can argue this point for hours. I'd love to 'blame my obesity' on genes. But I think pegorian said it best.

100% true.

"without the environmental conditions that support that disease, it won't occur."

Well, there's a difference between recognizing that you will have an uphill battle and using it as an excuse not to even try - like not having natural turn-out just means you'll have to push yourself a bit more at the barre, it doesn't mean you'll never be a ballerina.

I also think that no matter what size you are that you can be obese. I know this is a bit off topic, but coming from someone that has lost a fair amount of weight here. Your brain never stops once you hit a certain size. If you are an over eater, you have to control your portions and be less than satisfied with those portions no matter your weight. Yo-yo dieter come to mind? You think if I eat a 1x1 inch brownie that I'll be satisfied? Pshhh! In my dreams. I want the whole dang thing! With ice cream and chocolate fudge on top. Indulgences.

Obesity is a state of mind. It just affects the body as you give in. But for me its so embeded into my brain it just won't quit.

So I'm 5'5, 120 pounds, and you can consider me OBESE. Eff the BMI charts.

Yes, this is definitely a rare occurrence.

Original Post by luxdancer:

Original Post by x17star17x:

Ya know... I can argue this point for hours. I'd love to 'blame my obesity' on genes. But I think pegorian said it best.

100% true.

"without the environmental conditions that support that disease, it won't occur."

Well, there's a difference between recognizing that you will have an uphill battle and using it as an excuse not to even try - like not having natural turn-out just means you'll have to push yourself a bit more at the barre, it doesn't mean you'll never be a ballerina.

It's a constant push hun. Always truckin along. Let me tell you.

Original Post by x17star17x:

I also think that no matter what size you are that you can be obese. I know this is a bit off topic, but coming from someone that has lost a fair amount of weight here. Your brain never stops once you hit a certain size. If you are an over eater, you have to control your portions and be less than satisfied with those portions no matter your weight. Yo-yo dieter come to mind? You think if I eat a 1x1 inch brownie that I'll be satisfied? Pshhh! In my dreams. I want the whole dang thing! With ice cream and chocolate fudge on top. Indulgences.

Obesity is a state of mind. It just affects the body as you give in. But for me its so embeded into my brain it just won't quit.

So I'm 5'5, 120 pounds, and you can consider me OBESE. Eff the BMI charts.

Man, I'm totally the opposite way. I have to force myself to eat a proper portion or I won't eat anything at all. I'm at a healthy weight right now, but I'll probably always be mentally eating disordered.

Original Post by jblarghp:

Yes, this is definitely a rare occurrence.

???