Rant at the naturally skinny, from the fatty perspective.

I'm not trying to mean. I know not every skinny person falls into this category. Not even most. But allow me, as a fat person, to vent my frustration at the inappropriate things slim people say. I'm a college student (for 35 more days!) so I talk to new people all the time (and I've been collecting these statements for a few years now), and I'm a little amazed at what's appropriate, or what I get singled out for over slimmer people at the same table. Here is my sarcasm-laden rant,:

Just because I am fat does not mean I want to have a conversation about how much you hate your sz 4 body. It does not mean I empathize with your intense emotional and mental struggle to take off the last 5 lbs to look good in your bikini. I can barely resist rolling my eyes when you tell me you 'understand' because you used to weigh 140, and (on your body) it made you look huge. I am so happy to hear that you were 'fat' when you weighed 100 lbs less than I do. I don't want to go with you to a great new store that doesn't carry my size. I do not automatically want to go out to get ice cream, cake, or candy, though I appreciate you thinking of me before the slimmer girls. I do not need your input or advice on what I'm eating for lunch. I do not want to hear about the crazy cabbage-soup-style diet your friend of a friend's mother in law lost 20 lbs on. I am completely uninterested in how horrible you think it would be to even be alive without eating sugar. I do not appreciate your gentle suggestion that maybe I should take up walking, because, honey, you couldn't keep up with my workout. Do not use the word willpower to me while you are eating chicken tenders and french fries. Being rude about my size is not justified by following it up with, 'I'm just concerned about your health.' I've got it, thanks. 'I'm sure it will fit, it's stretchy' is also not typically flattering to hear. I do not care in the slightest that you won't go to the gym with me because people might think you're fat. I am not impressed with your incredulous looks when I tell you I'm healthy. I do not want to talk about dieting. No nice statement ends with 'that bad' ('you don't look that bad'). I do not hate myself, my life, or my body, and the assumption that I should because I'm overweight just makes me fantasize about punching you in the face. I don't appreciate your disbelief at my 'eat healthy and exercise' plan. Vying for flattery from me by asking me if you look fat really just makes me wonder if you're trying to call me stupid. Mentioning my personality in a conversation about looks is not as artfully tactful as you seem to believe. My deepest, sincerest, apologies that it is so difficult for you to accept and believe that I am healthy and happy when I still have a good year before my body properly displays that. However, in the mean time, please shut up.

Original Post by jessicasbc:

if people are running stops signs that doesnt have anything to do with your thoughts beforehand.  i do get what your saying, that we have a choice in how we perceive things, but other people also have a choice over their actions too. 

the point is, we don't have a choice in other people's actions.  but we do have a choice in the type and amount of energy we dedicate to them.  for example, we can choose to not let them affect us, or we can choose to be amused by them.

yeah, i'm kind-of amused by the people who almost run me over because they perceive themselves to be so important--or because they're such lousy drivers--that they can't stop on a hill.  i was also kind-of amused by the cyclist who cursed at me and another dog-owner today, because he was going mach 3 on the crowded seawall and had to swerve around the other guy's dog.  obnoxious people make themselves so miserable!  but they're not going to do the same to me.

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by jessicasbc:

if people are running stops signs that doesnt have anything to do with your thoughts beforehand.  i do get what your saying, that we have a choice in how we perceive things, but other people also have a choice over their actions too. 

the point is, we don't have a choice in other people's actions.  but we do have a choice in the type and amount of energy we dedicate to them.  for example, we can choose to not let them affect us, or we can choose to be amused by them.

yeah, i'm kind-of amused by the people who almost run me over because they perceive themselves to be so important--or because they're such lousy drivers--that they can't stop on a hill.  i was also kind-of amused by the cyclist who cursed at me and another dog-owner today, because he was going mach 3 on the crowded seawall and had to swerve around the other guy's dog.  obnoxious people make themselves so miserable!  but they're not going to do the same to me.

 see, i think the op was being a lot more lighthearted that some people think.  On a regular basis I dont think the OP stops and gets pissed off at skinny people.  On a weight loss site though, its comforting for people to write/read a thread like this to know that your not the only ones that have these moments sometimes.   This site is kind of a safe place to vent about weight related stuff, especially when you are young and big.  Since the majority of youngin's arent anywhere near as big as I am, I know its nice to be able to come to this site and find a million people experiencing the same things as me.  I also know that the OP is somewhere aroung my age, in college too, and almost the same size as me.   Maybe she feels the same way.

Thanks Jessica. And I'm quite happy with the support I have recieved about it : )

Started a new post about causes of obesity, since it didn't seem relevant to debate here. http://caloriecount.about.com/causes-obesity- genetics-metabolism-ft142040

Dear OP,

I just realized this after complaining to my husband about feeling fat when I am not fat at all. 

I have weighed 185 pounds and not felt fat at all, and I have weighed 140 pounds and felt hugely fat.  If I weigh 140 and feel fat, that doesn't mean that I think I am fat.  If I complain "Oh, I feel so fat," it is because of that feeling--that bloated, distended feeling--not the state of my body fat.  Maybe some of these people are complaining about THAT, because that is a horrible feeling that anyone can have.  It's so easy to forget yourself and complain about something without thinking.

I really hope that might make you feel a little bit better if people make insensitive comments to you.

I wonder what would happen if I started a thread:

"Rant at the fat, from the naturally skinny perspective"

I have a feeling it wouldn't go over too well, definitely a lot worse than this thread!

this thread just shows gross generalisation, or jealousy. im not sure which.

Original Post by jblarghp:

I wonder what would happen if I started a thread:

"Rant at the fat, from the naturally skinny perspective"

I have a feeling it wouldn't go over too well, definitely a lot worse than this thread!

 Many of the posts on this site are rants about being fat, feeling fat, how gaining weight has ruined someone's life, etc..  If I had a nickel for every post I read that included someone being depressed because they've weighed 120 lbs their whole lives and now weigh 140, I'd be rich.  There are plenty of offensive posts about fatness, and most of the time those arent fat bashing posts either.   Its just the (usually lifelong) skinny person's perspective, that I personally think is really whacked.

Also, this is primarily a weight loss site.  Perhaps its not entirely catered to thin people.   But try turning off your computer and stepping outside into the world, is your skinniness really that big of a problem anywhere else? 

Had I been skinny my whole life I'd probably think just like you and had you been 100lbs overweight in elementary school you'd understand this thread.

I agree. It's all perspective.
For some people being 10 pounds overweight is a big deal. I'm at a healthy weight, but I wouldn't hate losing a few pounds and shaping up for beach weather. Just because my BMI is in the healthy range doesn't mean I don't want to improve. Most people are on here for weight loss, but not everyone is trying to lose 30+ pounds.

I was just saying that if this thread had been worded the opposite way around, there would be a hell of a lot more backlash.

EXCUSE me. i was an OBESE , not overweight, child from the ages of 4 to 15. I am now a BMI of 19.5.

not once in my life  have i bitched and whined about Skinny people not understanding my plight. its not your plight its a situation (unless you have hypothyroidism, cushings, pcos) that you got Yourself into. Stop classing people who are of a lower weight than you as rude. or presume they have no idea what you are going through; You Dont Know that.

This is a thread for bitter presumptous people who are as ignorant as those they are accusing.

so lets leave them to it.

Original Post by jblarghp:

I agree. It's all perspective.
For some people being 10 pounds overweight is a big deal. I'm at a healthy weight, but I wouldn't hate losing a few pounds and shaping up for beach weather. Just because my BMI is in the healthy range doesn't mean I don't want to improve. Most people are on here for weight loss, but not everyone is trying to lose 30+ pounds.

I was just saying that if this thread had been worded the opposite way around, there would be a hell of a lot more backlash.

 But there is plenty of backlash already from this thread.  So should we all stop saying our opinions?   I like you jblarg, and i agree that everyone has the same goal of improving themselves.  But I dont find threads like this offensive because I guess its more relevant to my life.

Also, ktjo, I was hypothyroid as a teen and I have PCOS and insulin resistance.   I was 200 lbs at 10 years old. Would you ever look at a 10 year old girl and think "Man she really let herself go."  I had a BMI of 43 at 16 years old.   I was far gone before I even knew what the word obesity meant.   Plus, nobody is bashing thin people.  Nobody cares if a person is skinny or not.  There are a million thin, wonderful, sweet people.   Its not a matter of all of us having weight issues, its a matter of different experiences and perspectives.  Being 10 lbs overweight IS different from being 100 lbs overweight.   No one can deny that.   If the air conditioner in your car is broken, is that the same as if your engine died?   Both are car problems, but of much different magnitudes.   I like this thread and not because I think skinny people are rude.  I just relate to the OP's experiences. 

i am IR and have pcos also....thats why i had to lose in the first place.

this post is NEGATIVE thats why i dont like it. i dont like 'group' people bashing. she cudve written about one specific skinny girl being rude and everyone would have got where shes coming from. i for one wudve said 'ignore her she just doesnt understand it''..... it should have just said rude people, not skinny and i hate that word anyway.

this all just feeds resentment toward and highlights differences In TERMS OF SIZE and nothing else. it should be only a question of character, nothing else.

Have you read all 112 replies?  It has been clarified over and over again that the orginal post was misleading because it wasnt actually meant to bash skinny people.   And clearly, the OP has had these experiences with more than one person.  Should she make a separate thread about each of them?  I dont think the OP intended to question anyone's character.  She intended to highlight the difference in perspective and how its affects sensitivity to certain comments.    Thats what I got out of this thread, at least.

Honestly, it doesnt matter anymore though, because this thread is kind of dead.  Both the clarifications and the backlash are just repetitive now. 

agreed, agreed, agreed.

Jessica, honestly, if you'd like you can just take over my forum posts : ) You always seem to know how to explain what I'm saying in a nicer more sensible way.

Original Post by minda_spk:

agreed, agreed, agreed.

Jessica, honestly, if you'd like you can just take over my forum posts : ) You always seem to know how to explain what I'm saying in a nicer more sensible way.

 i dont know about that, ive gotten my share of backlash too...  :)