My Rant on Tampering and Meddling

OK, so now  FINALLY after a decade of failure I've found something that works for me,  is healthy, I'm losing weight, and I feel great!

But it's like the people in my life just can't stand it!

They want to tamper and meddle and tweak my diet into something they're comfortable with.

I'm to the point where I dread being asked if I'm losing weight, because I don't want my mind poisoned with:  

• "You can't live like that"
• "I could never do that"
• "That never worked for me"
• "Oprah said" 
• "Dr. Oz said"

I have to grit my teeth, and take a deep breath to avoid snapping at them.

Just once I'd like to hear a sincere "I'm happy for you, good job"

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH THESE PEOPLE?

Maybe you'll feel better if you can come up with a good response to them.  If they're giving you advice, just ignore it - smile and say thank you.  If they're giving you advice, they probably mean well.  If they say "I could never do that."  Respond with a nice "Anybody can reach their goals in life if they put their mind to it!"  If they say "That never worked for me" try "I'm sorry to hear that.  Everybody's body is different, so what works for one person doesn't always work for someone else.  I wish you the best of luck in finding a healthy method that works for you."  If they say "You can't live like that" say "Yes I can - and I am!" -- but say everything with a sincere smile.  It'll disarm them.

It's easier to confront these things head-on with a positive attitude than just letting the resentment brew.

On the other hand, if a lot of people are expressing sincere concern for your health, then maybe you need to take a look at your diet and make sure it's balanced and healthy - change it if it's not and learn how to defend it if it is.  As a vegetarian, I get comments all the time (even after 7 years!) from concerned friends and family who want to make sure I'm getting enough protein.  I just respond with the facts - that I get more than enough protein from sources like beans and legumes - without the fat.

If you come up with responses like that, then people won't keep making comments and hopefully they'll leave you alone or start encouraging you.  I'm sorry you're having a tough time - weight loss should be encouraged and supported when done in a healthful manner.  Good luck, and I hope this helps!

I completely understand!  When I started calorie counting and keeping things like vegetables as snacks at my desk, people would walk by and say things like "what are you eating?!?"... or "are you on a diet?!?"... or "it's okay, you can cheat once in a while!!"

I found it extremely frustrating at first, and quite astonishing that the sight of healthy food stirred up such a commotion!  It shows the society we live in, and how uncommon good food choices are becoming.

Just stick to your guns!  You don't need to respond rudely or even allow it to get to you.  You're not likely to find the level of support that you hope a healthy lifestyle would inspire in others, but you'll feel better about yourself, and perhaps instigate a new trend in your associates :)

People have gotten used to my eating habits now.  When they wanted to congratulate me on getting married 4 months ago, instead of the customary cake - they bought me a decorative fruit bouquet :)

I'm happy for you....GOOD JOB!

Thanks soaraway for your reply.

I'm what I call "near vegetarian" because most (but not all) of my meals are vegan

and that's where most of the problem comes in, folks just can't stand the fact

that I eat very very little meat, and no beef or pork at all.

Also I've given up alcohol. Partly  because of the calories but also because I just

burned out. Drinking just isn't cutting it for me any more. I want something better

for my life.

What others do is none of my concern, and I never criticize them, I just wish my

buds and family would give me the same courtesy.

I'll have to take your advise about the snappy comebacks!

Thanks Samantha,

Fortunately the folks at work have been observing my often raw, mostly vegan eating habits for so long that all I get from them is compliments.

One guy the other day told me I was going to live for a long long time.

I responded by saying that I want to live to be 100 and get shot by a jealous husband! tee hee

It's the folks who "care" about me who are driving me nuts.

Thanks golfman,

I needed that.

I have celiac disease -- no gluten for me. I have the opposite problem to you -- my loved ones mostly get it because some of them are gluten-intolerant too of course.

But social situations are just painful. They all revolve around food and that means wheat -- it's in everything. And people assume gluten-intolerance is like lactose-intolerance: a) isn't there a pill? and b) surely a bit won't hurt.

If I am accidentally poisoned by the gluten in wheat that is hidden in some food I'm served (some ice creams for example), then I will be really ill for about 7 days afterwards. And each time that happens, I damage my gut and that leads to colon cancer later in life. It's not a you-can-cheat kinda thing.

So it's assumed I turn down the birthday cake because I'm on a diet and then I get the pressure thing which, of course, is really off topic for me. Then, if I go into all the gory details to explain, they are instantly apologetic and it's just plain awkward. I usually turn down eating out at lunch with colleagues because it just makes their lives miserable -- either we have to choose a restaurant where I can actually pick something or we don't and then when I order a coffee they feel badly for me.

I'm actually telling you all this not as a sob story, but to reinforce this point:

At the end of the day for both you and me -- we are healthy when we live by our dietary limitations right? People (loved ones or acquaintances) generally mean well but it's exhausting to deal with all that well-meaningness sometimes I know!

What they really want is reassurance. It frightens them -- whether it is your dietary choices or the ones that have been assigned to me. I'm not exactly sure what the fear is -- whether it is for themselves (it's catching?) or for us...don't know.

By calming their fears, you'll likely get more "I'm happy for you". So I am constantly reinforcing how much energy I have and the night and day changes from how I felt before. Then I start to hear agreement of "Yes, you look much better around the eyes I must say!"

Anyhow, maybe it'll work for you too. In the meantime -- congratulations and it's a real accomplishment to find what works for you. Stick to it and I'll see you on your 100th birthday hopefully before you're shot ;-)

Thanks Hedgren,

Wow, you scored a bull's-eye when you said

"it's exhausting to deal with all that well-meaningness"

That's it exactly !

It's tempting enough for me to cheat anyway, without all that

"aw come on, just a little bit won't hurt"

I think I'll have to start explaining that for me, that "little bit" is usually the first

domino that starts me down the wrong road for days or weeks or more.

(Like that first drink for an alcoholic)

Because then I keep on saying to mice-elf "just a little bit won't hurt" again and

again.

If there's one secret I'd like to share with the CC community it's that when I eat

right (no junk food) the cravings that made me fat in the first place, simply go away.

Thanks again Hedgren, you've de-fused what was making me angry.

And I appreciate it.

Good for you for going mostly vegan!! Although I'm vegetarian, I am of the opinion that a raw vegan diet is ultimately the healthiest - and I'm not the only one.  There is a LOT of literature out there on diet that will give you ammunition to defend your diet.  It'll give you the ability to say "Did you know...?"  I highly recommend reading Diet for a New America by John Robbins and maybe also subscribing to an informative podcast (I love the one from "Compassionate Cooks" - http://www.compassionatecooks.com/).  Good luck!  I'm sure you'll do fine :D

Hey kenkenken... when I first started, people actually told me I'd never make it... now that I've dropped 66 lbs and 5 dress sizes, they got even worse, snipey and jealous. Some of them even acused me of having an eating disorder or taking drugs or something... Now I just ignore it, because I know they're just really jealous cause I look great and very healthy--I haven't been sick in the last year.  Sometimes, just to piss people off, I wear really flattering and clingy clothes and lol strut around the office.  I do have a close group of friends and family who have been vital to my success, maybe you should surround yourself with those who are sincerely happy for you and looking out for you. And you know what, when you get to your goal, you'll feel so great that nothing and no one can put a damper on it. 

I'm happy for you. Good Job.

Hey firedoor78,

 66 lbs is great! Can't wait to get there mice-elf.

I haven't encountered people being jealous yet (but I look forward to it)

My critics have been people who care about me and think they're helping.

I think that since everyone has a body, many people think they're experts.

What worked for them should work for everybody.

But we're not talking physics here, where the laws of nature must always apply,

were talking about the physiology of individuals and the emotions that cause

us to cheat on ourselves.

Thanks for your reply, at least on CC people really understand the struggle.