not "real" friends

why is that whenever one decides to lose weight, or simple do something really good, theres usually someone-maybe even a "so called friend" who tries to make you fail???

I let my friends know I am trying to get healthy, lose weight ect....In other words, help me! motivate me! yet, I have a "friend" who is obese herself & she supposidly was gonna lose weight with me...yet, she does things, and says things that are def. not in my best interest. She brought over some of my fav. candies. I ate them. She "cleared" out all the junk in her home...and gave it to me. Thank God, I gave all those cookies, and cake to my neighbor...I let my "friend" know how guilty I felt about having eaten all those chocolates...and she made me feel like I was being silly. I just wanted to post this, release some anger...thing is, I will NOT let this ruin the positive changes I have made so far. I have already lost a few, just a few lbs. and def. don't wanna gain the weight back. I am gonna take my dog out for a walk, and will walk double what I was gonna walk!! And tomorrow...I will have a great day!!! Thank you all for ur support...

gee i am sorry to hear about your friendship with her.  doesn't sound like she is really trying to help you.  you know what?  I bet she is jealous and is trying to pull you down (with her).  remember the old saying, "misery loves company".  good luck with your weight loss, :)

{{{hugs}}}

Love the *determination* I hear in your voice!!!

i've found the best support around here ~ from people who are walking the walk.

as you get going, she may join you & that would be gr8... in the meantime, many people have little rituals and things they do to get started...  but fizzle out fast...

did you know?  did you know that most people abandon their *diet* withing 1 - 1 1/2 weeks?

The important thing is to start making little changes that are healthier (like walking the dog, dressing on the side of the salad @ the restaurant or warm fresh bread w/o the butter) ~ little changes and decisions, 1 at a time... that will work for you and that you will enjoy and keep doing the rest of your life...  so that you create and design a meal plan that is appropriate for you... based on your likes & dislikes...

and when it gets discouraging or tough, come here & chat!

Glad you founds us :)

that is not a true friend to me

i am lucky that all the girls i work with are trying to get me to do something

one of them is a qualified aromatherapist - i was used as a case study when she was learning.

she has promised me 3 free aromatherapy massages as long as i lose half a stone before she starts and a further half a stone between each one

its given me something to aim for - the massages were great!!!!

Jealousy, pure and simple. A friend of mine decided to quit smoking one time. I was still smoking at that point. She got this attitude about how evil, deadly, and disgusting cigarettes were -- announced this to me -- and then marched over and dumped her last few packs on me. I felt like she was essentially saying, "Here, you die." Sure cigs are expensive and who doesn't like a freebie ... but why did I want her deathwish? I said, "Thanks, but no thanks." You should have told your "friend" to keep her candy.

Some people just don't want for you to succeed, but that's because THEY are troubled. And I never understand that because one day they are going to accomplish something and will want people to be happy and supportive of them. If they try to sabotage everybody, there will be nobody left.

hmm i have had a situation much like yours... it's sad really.. my "friend" is obease and hates that i have lost alot of wight and am now smaller than her i was always the "fatter friend" so she tells me i work too hard, sit bak, and makes me feel guilty when i DONT eat sweets!! like i was at a friend house and we were all there together she brings out candy and they're both eating it her: want some?  me: no thanx her:rolls her eyes its ok if u have a LITTLE BIT me: no im not hungry, but thanx her: ugh u take dieting too seriously! u gotta have somthing sometime.. later on i get FORCED to eat candy.. not rlly fair.. thanx "friend" nice to no ur looking out 4 me...

I am 37 years old -- I NEVER even had any peer pressure until I hit my 30s. lol Well, I have a "friend" whose close in age and she's always trying to get me to drink or skip school or whatever (SOUNDS like high school, I know! haha). I just flat out tell her NOT to peer pressure me and that I respect HER when she makes choices -- she can respect me as well. I just tell her like it is, but in a friendly ... yet FIRM manner. She's still around ... but you know what? If she has a problem with it, she can take a hike. I don't really care cause I don't need it!

There comes a time when you just have to stand up for yourself. I go through this with my parents and I always have- my OBESE parents I should add, who raised me to eat enormous gobs of bad food and then blame it on my genetics.
I don't understand why people can't respect the decisions of others and be supportive. It's so bizarre.

I remember overhearing a male colleague laughing loudly about how he was planning on sabotaging the diet of someone in his department. He was going on about how he was planning on leaving a plate of cookies and fudge on the guy's desk. Apparently the guy had started a new diet and was trying to lose weight, and this saboteur thought it would be a great "joke" to tempt him with stuff he shouldn't eat.
Why do people do stuff like this? Don't they have any understanding how hard it is for some of us to lose weight? To eat normal amounts?

It makes me really angry when someone tries to sabotage my healthier eating plan and I just won't put up with it anymore. When people tell me to "stop being silly and have some of this cake" I feel resentful and this makes me less likely to give in. It's really empowering to resist. Don't ever give in or give up. People have NO RIGHT to try to keep you down.

I actually started being healthy about a year ago and a close freind of mine couldn't understand why b/c I looked fine blah blah blah. But I wanted to change my eating habits and exercise habits and did it with her nagging me the whole way. Why not have dessert, have another beer, you have weight to gain (which I don't, I'm at a perfectly healthy weight) etc, etc... Well, I think she realized that this is permanent for me and she has gained weight and started weight watchers recently :) I guess I kind of motivated her in a way but I'm sure she won't admit to that. But, now we can eat healthier together!

Here is something I don't understand though... She got Dr. Ian's book and he has a 6 day "fast", eating just about nothing but fruits, veggies and water and she is doing that but yesterday she said, do you want to get together and go out to dinner? (ps.. to a place that last time we went to ate so much we couldn't move... which I don't plan on doing again though...) Then she continued with, I can't go till after the 8th b/c that's when my fast ends... ??? Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of doing that?? Whatever... I think her fasting plan is a bad idea anyways, but it's her choice, she'll realize when her weight comes back. Why not just eat fruits and veggies and drink a lot of water... EVERY DAY???

Friends are weird sometimes and with weight loss it's hard to talk about with some people.

Just keep doin what your doin and hopefully she'll come around one day :) Keep up the great work!

Shelly - Perhaps you should sit your friend down with you infront of your computer and show her this site.  Maybe she just needs some positive motivation herself.  Personally, I would have told her to get that crap outta my house.  Let her know that if she can't be a positive support/motivation for you, that you just don't have time for her in your life right now.  If you've been friends for a while, I know it will be hard to say to her, but if she truely is a good friend she'll either understand and step aside, or she'll join you whole-heartedly.

Anyway - regardless of her, we're all here walking the walk with you and cudos to you for getting out and walking!!!

*HUGS*

thanks to all of u for sharing your experiences, and giving me such great advice! i feel so....much support from everyone! its just great!

i will tell "her" about the web site...maybe she can read all this! hehe, and maybe understand where im coming from and get motivated to lose weight her self. i did walk yesterday about 1.5 miles. and i felt great. next time i feel like im gonna give in to temptation...i will def. log on to CC!!

YOU ARE ALL MOTIVATION FOR ME!!! THANK U!!!

I so completely understand your situation.

I agree.. it's possible she's simply jealous of your success. No one wants to be overweight alone.. they want someone to be in the same boat with. But you're obviously making the healthy choice for yourself.. and that's wonderful.

I've had similar circumstances in my weightloss journey. While most of my friends have been above and beyond supportive... there's always that one or two who sabotage every once in a while. "You can have just one" or "could you cheat for a day so we can make pizzas?"

I wonder if she may not even be particularly aware that she's doing it? Perhaps if you brought it to her attention tactfully, she might be more conscious of it in the future and try to be more supportive.

Either way.. be strong, girl. You're doing great.

Shelly, I totally understand where you are coming from.  When I lost weight my sister and her husband told me how sick I looked and yaddy yaddy yaddy.  However, recently she started popping alot of these fat burners and running on her treadmill like mad until now there is nothing left of her.  So, my conclusion is she was jealous, just a mere HATER!!!!!!  I've gained back some or rather most of the weight I've lost but I won't give up.  I can tell ya one thing though, there's no way on earth I'm ever going to turn to those ephedra based products, NOOOO way!