I had a real turning point in my recovery and weight gain yesterday.

I work for a retail store that is in the process of opening a new location. The days have been long(10-11h) of all physical labor. I spent a good two hours yesterday moving 100 15-35 lb boxes of denim from one end of the huge store to the other! The thing is, there are lots of mirrors everywhere too. Whenever I would pass one I would keep hearing ED's voice, "all these girls are smaller than you; maybe you should skip lunch." or "do you even see how big you've gotten?!" Then it dawned on me: 20lbs ago, I would not be able to do this. I would have been passed out hours ago. I am strong, and my body is a tool enabling me to succeed and perform in the real world(in this case, keep my job). I need to treat it with love and respect, and for once I'm actually liking the way I look! I realized i looked like a normal, average sized girl. I feel like I'm finally getting a realistic view of my body, even a positive one!

im so pleased you were able to reason with those nasty thoughts . your exactly right you would of passed out. its realising that if you let go of this eating disorder there is so much you can do . im glad you are beginning to see the positives , you have worked so hard and im proud of you keep it going together we can beat this h x

Thanks Helen! I feel so great today; I actually feel like I'm beginning to be able to break so many ed thought patterns.

eeeeee yay! 

Acknowledging thoughts like thought and consciously kicking their butt is such a great step.  I'm so proud of you

Nice job I need an epiphany to occur in my life also . =]

Yay, that really is a turning point, well done!  A similar one for me was when I finally dared try on a dress in a shop changing room, and I could see that I was filling it out better than I would have done before - instead of panicking I realised I want to look like the 22-year-old woman that I am, with curves and boobs and actual healthy body fat - not a scrawny 11 year old!  Keep going hun! x

Thats really great to hear, Im so glad your making good progress :-)

Congratulations! This must be a really uplifting day for you.

Yay good job! Feeling healthy and strong is so important, just daily living will be so much better when you feel good and not like you're going to pass out from walking up a hill or something.

And also, why is it that our minds say "YOU MUST BE THE SMALLEST PERSON EVER OR YOU ARE AN UTTER FAILURE"? It's so bizarre, skinniness does not equal success and greatness. Its so much better to look like an actual girl, and not a scrawny little kid anyhow!

Great work ecwk6 :) You are LIVING - good on you girl. x

i am really happy to read this :) it's so hard accepting "healthy" and "normal" and it just makes me feel so warm and fuzzy that you are able to start to embrace it. i'm glad to know it maybe is possible.  good goin, girl <3  

oh that is so great :D
I'm so happy for you!

I think we all need an 'epiphany' moment like this to really let us know that being the thinnest girl in the room doesn't make us the greatest

Ahh thanks guys :) I guess it really is true that you need to physically recover and gain weight first in order for mental recovery to happen.

Cowcow- seriously! And it's funny too, because the girls ed kept pointing out as being so much skinnier than me were also probably 7-8 inches shorter than me!

Yea the mind is a weird thing! Good on getting past that so well :)

So happy for you! Having these realisations sure is a great feeling. I try and remind myself of things like this everyday:) My doc told me today that i can start doing light weight exercises to start building muscle (right now its literally non-existant lol) and i found myself actually being excited to build a toned healthy looking body, by giving myself the fuel and care it needs. how exciting:)

PS- another positive in gaining weight= getting your social life back! Im totally off now to drink wine with friends and go see an AWESOME dj (ShockOne...look up on myspace music lol) WOULD NEVER of bothered to do this a few months ago...heck, this girlie didnt even have her friends a few months ago! Stay positive my loves!

I went to a show last night, a musical, and the lead was a girl of about 19, and on one scene she was wearing a bellytop. She was very small, and skinny, but she had a small frame. I kind of know her. But TBH, I felt like a bit annoyed that she looked like that!. I tryed to rationalose it and say, im not huge!becuase I know Im not, but I also know that when i get to my gw, I will be bigger than her. And I find that hard. Its almost like she was stealing my limelight. My limelight of being the smallest in the room. I have said before that its not the physicality of being thin that ppeals to me, its the uniquness that comes with being different.

Sorry if this drags this thread down and well done eckw6!I just want to find the specialness in me that makes me different(cause were not all the same) without having to be thin.

xx