Realistic Body Image - I am not conforming to society's standards

Sadly there are very few images of black beauty in the media. When you see ethnic beauty it is usually Latina or Asian. Yes we have Gabrielle Union, Sanaa Lathan, and Taraji Henson but they are "slender". On the "plus" side we have Jennifer Hudson and Monique. There aren't many images that spotlight the category in between "slender" and "plus size".

Personally I think Halle Berry, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Beckinsale, Charlize Theron, and many others are beautiful. However, they are all that you see. I cannot aspire to be a slender/skinny woman. It is not gonna happen. Even if I could, I don't want to look like that. 

I posted new pics on my profile of ladies with bodies that I admire. While searching for pics, I saw some posts online regarding Serena Williams in a bikini that made me want to vomit. People calling her a tranny, a monkey, etc. I think her body is fierce and the fact that she still has boobs and a butt is amazing considering how athletic she is. I have seen the same things written about First Lady Michelle Obama. Because she has hips and a butt, many feel that she's fat. Both of these woman workout on a regular basis. I don't believe they could do anything else to have better physiques other than have plastic surgery.

I love Angela Bassett's body. That woman is 50 years old and looks better than most 20 somethings.

All I know is that when I told my fiancee that I wanted to lose some weight the first thing he said was "I don't want a skinny woman so don't overdo it". I am working to be the best "healthy" me that I can be. I am 5' 1" but have never been "petite". I have always had hips and a butt. I am a size 14 now at 184 lbs. At my goal weight of 144 lbs. I am a perfect size 10. I am muscular and curvy. At my best I would look more like Serena Williams or Ki Toy Johnson in a bikini...and I am more than happy to aspire to that.

Healthy? Hardly....

I know people in that condition and they can barely do simple things without becoming tired. Standing for longer periods of time, climbing stairs.... even just lifting groceries.

My objection about their weight is their allowing one culture or another to dictate how they should look. IF they feel that weight is how they want to look because thats what THEY want and find attractive...than fine, they should go for it and live in a condition they like.

BUT, if they are living that way because they dont understand they can be in any condition they want with very minor changes to their life...well...thats a problem (and a shame). And, if they are using excuses to allow themselves to live in that undesired state...its an even greater shame (and simply is them hurting themselves).

Its annoying when people use all kinds of excuses to live in conditions they arent happy with...its so pathetic (this isnt towards the OP, more about people i know). Such as people in the office saying they just "dont have time to eat right" ...or "they have learnt to love themselves so dont need to lose weight anymore".....o.O

Original Post by loriklorik:

Healthy? Hardly....

I know people in that condition and they can barely do simple things without becoming tired. Standing for longer periods of time, climbing stairs.... even just lifting groceries.

My objection about their weight is their allowing one culture or another to dictate how they should look. IF they feel that weight is how they want to look because thats what THEY want and find attractive...than fine, they should go for it and live in a condition they like.

BUT, if they are living that way because they dont understand they can be in any condition they want with very minor changes to their life...well...thats a problem (and a shame). And, if they are using excuses to allow themselves to live in that undesired state...its an even greater shame (and simply is them hurting themselves).

Its annoying when people use all kinds of excuses to live in conditions they arent happy with...its so pathetic (this isnt towards the OP, more about people i know). Such as people in the office saying they just "dont have time to eat right" ...or "they have learnt to love themselves so dont need to lose weight anymore".....o.O

I was not talking about Big Black Women or Big Women period. However, I will add that my mom has always been "big" (size 20) yet she does not have health issues related to her weight. She eats healthy and works out. Last year her doctor told her that she will never be small but that she is healthier than a lot of people.

Thin does not equal healthy. I know plenty of thin people that have many health problems. And Yes Doctors/Trainers have said tha t the BMI does not take into account lean muscle mass versus fat. I am muscular so my BMI numbers will probably always be high (they were high when I was at my goal weight). When I went for my annual physical/blood work this year all of my numbers for Blood Pressure, Cholesterol, etc. were "great" to quote my Nurse Practioner. I actually have never had "bad" stats regarding my health.

I was not trying to promote being unhealthy or fat. I would not be on CC if I was not making healthy changes to my lifestyle. Although I was raised to not believe that skinny is better, my parents lived a healthy lifestyle and taught my siblings and I to do the same. I am saying that I know I will never be skinny no matter how well I eat or how much I work out.  I am perfectly fine with that whether I see images of women that look more like me or not. It would be nice if more focus was placed on health instead of what some people find pleasing to the eye. Personally I think a woman should not look like a teenage boy but that is just my opinion.

From what I have heard it is excess belly fat that causes health problems. So wouldn't that mean that a large woman that has a completely flat stomach would be fine health wise? Is a thin person that has a "belly" considered fat? 

Original Post by change_in_sc:

Original Post by loriklorik:BUT, if they are living that way because they dont understand they can be in any condition they want with very minor changes to their life...well...thats a problem (and a shame). And, if they are using excuses to allow themselves to live in that undesired state...its an even greater shame (and simply is them hurting themselves)  or "they have learnt to love themselves so dont need to lose weight anymore".....o.O

I am saying that I know I will never be skinny no matter how well I eat or how much I work out.  I am perfectly fine with that whether I see images of women that look more like me or not. It would be nice if more focus was placed on health instead of what some people find pleasing to the eye. Personally I think a woman should not look like a teenage boy but that is just my opinion.

Some people have accepted their body for it's true limitations. It's impossible for some women to ever obtain a size 0. It's impossible for some women to ever obtain the bra size the long for without implants. :) That's life. It's not a matter of unhealthy living and/ or a lack of effort. Healthy bmi=Yay The truth is that people take it far beyond that to something ridiculous. That's how most ED's are formed due to a faulty self image,imo. People can't see their own limitations/frame size/etc. They only see some distorted image in magazine and/ or on a runway. They insert their faces on other people's body. Bodies they could never possibly obtain even with maximum effort/trainers. That's what the OP was talking about in reference to in this thread, imho.

 I've accepted the fact I will never have a booty like the girls in the Op's gallery. :) I'm okay with that!!!

Personally: I think it's quite attractive. I also think that tall/slender people are quite attractive. That doesn't mean that I will ever be tall and/ or have a booty. Period. Realistic goals are so important, imho.

Otherwise: Some people will never love the body that they're stick in for the rest of their life.That's a shame!

Thanks enchantingimage,

Just because I accept my body type and don't use the conventional standard of beauty as a model does not mean I am not going to live a healthy lifestyle. I wish more people would get to that point.

Oh and your baby is adorable

The women in your gallery are no where near fat. A few may be "chunky". But the rest look like they're at a perfectly healthy weight. They just have extremely awesome curves. I'd be the happiest girl in the world if I end up looking half as nice as they do, assuming I don't lose all of my ass/breasts with weight loss lol.

You're more than welcome.

Me too. I understand completely where you're coming from on this one. :)

Thank you! She's perfect,imo. I refuse to believe that my daughter is anything less than perfect. ... =-P People may think that I'm setting myself up for disappointment, but I'm smitten by her. (Plus: I'm stubborn. Hahaa ) I believe our daughter, Adrianna, is exactly the way God intended her to be, and everything God creates is perfect, or at least it starts out that way. I'm aware that everyone has faults. :) However: Even her faults are perfection in my eyes. I accept my daughter... Just like she is so ... It's doubtful she could ever disappoint me. This unconditional love stuff that I feel for her is so profound. :)

Edit: Btw,Sorry! I'm a proud mommy. I could go on and on about my baby girl. She's three years old.

Original Post by cptbunny:

The women in your gallery are no where near fat. A few may be "chunky". But the rest look like they're at a perfectly healthy weight. They just have extremely awesome curves. I'd be the happiest girl in the world if I end up looking half as nice as they do, assuming I don't lose all of my ass/breasts with weight loss lol.

I agree.  They're beautiful women with awesome curves in my opinion too.

I would LOVE to look like Serena. Give me hard abs and a big ole booty over slim everything anyday.I Love having hips. They make me feel sexy when I am in a tight dress. there are so many girls I know that love thin legs, but I love having strong calves that look good in heels. Skinny legs were never ideal in my mind. I just want them to be smooth, lump free and curvy. I was a size 2 at one point, mostly cause of my waist measurement (it was a little tight on my legs), but my thighs still had shape. So I can get small, but keeping my curves is important to me. I hate to drop below a C cup. I think I would like to be a size 4, since I am about 5'5'', a 0 to me means I lose all of the things that make me sexy. And I aim for a BMI around 23-24.That was about 5 lbs over what CC gave me (135). Based on my wrists measurement which showed a borderline large build. I am fine with that. Becuase my waist slims out fast and more weight is down low, people think I am 15 pounds lighter when at my ideal weight. My bf is slim. He does not want to look at a replica of himself.

But to each her own.

michelle obama and angela bassett are two women with the most bangin' bodies.  i can only hope to have bodies like their's when i'm their age.

Original Post by musicalfishmich:

michelle obama and angela bassett are two women with the most bangin' bodies.  i can only hope to have bodies like their's when i'm their age.

 So do I! You are on the right track. Running in 5k marathons is no joke girl! I wish I lived healthier when I was in my 20s but it's never too late to get it right/get it tight LOL My 20 year high school reunion is next year and I plan to make some jaws drop

 I know society shoves models and stick figures down our throats and says "healthy people look like this." However, I hope we can all agree on that healthy people do range in body types, proportions, and weight. I think all those women are beautiful and as long as they are healthy in their diet and in their weight range/body size then it's okay (I am sure they have personal physicians and dietitians). It's also just fine if someone wants to emulate their body as long as they are also healthy! I think if change_in_sc is striving to be a healthy weight and look like anyone one of those pictures she's justified. I am glad you aren't going to conform (just as long as you are healthy it doesn't really matter).

@loriklorik: Who says that a culture is dictating how these woman should look? You infer that a culture (I am purposely overlooking the subtleties in that comment and just use your generalization!) dictates of obesity. Please tell me where you obtained such a profound cultural knowledge? No culture promotes obesity. A woman can have healthy weight and still have curves( for that matter, her curves can be fat, it will probably be the only fat she has on her body but it still there!). Please keep your ignorance to a minimum or better yet I think you still have some weight to lose it just may not be in your body.....

Solar....

Original Post by musicalfishmich:

michelle obama and angela bassett are two women with the most bangin' bodies.  i can only hope to have bodies like their's when i'm their age.

I know, right. :)

Though don't worry lorik, it turns out that african american women are beginning to change and value thinness. As such, the number of EDs in black women has gone from practicaly nil, and is now skyrocketing. I'm so glad us white people were around to teach them about 'health' with our thin obsessed 'culture'

This is the saddest god-damned thing.

I love everything about the OP - pictures, confidence, everything! 

I wish I had someone like that to aspire to - unfortunately, all the white chicks celebrities look awful. (OK - maybe not Zooey Deschanel, but only because she looks like I could have some coffee with her and she doesn't have HORRID SUNKEN-IN COLLAR BONES.) 

It's cool that you were able to find pictures of women you could use as your "muses". My BFF and I were talking recently about what we'll look like at our goal weights - we're both currently overweight, and we both have insanely different shapes. Anyway, we were trying to come up with females that we could see ourselves having similar shapes to, and I couldn't come up with anyone. I don't want to and probably could never be anything like any white female celebrity I could think of. I want to be strong and athletic. Not a fragile waif who looks drug-addicted. I'm gonna go googlin' now to see if I can find my muse =)

Original Post by solareclps:

 No culture promotes obesity.

 Just a random snippet of a source other than me

Hmm, african culture.... comes from africa...where they value "plump" women as part of their culture... you really think none of that has carried through to our parts of the world within those subcultures?

Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying people need to be model thin or can't have fat on them (even a little overweight isnt going to hurt you). But there is a very fine line....

You see, people are naturally lazy. While a culture may not specifically support obesity, they can create a more accepting atmosphere for that condition (so, while they wouldnt support it, its not really that big of a deal).

Now, normally this would be fine too. It's not really a big problem if a few people go towards the larger range...people come in all sizes. The problem is that in modern day america (and a lot of other areas of modern society where food is cheap and plentiful) there are too many people going towards the large range. Thats when these accepting cultures become a problem...because it enables people to further ignore a growing problem (its a lot easier to accept if everyone else is doing it).

The people listed in her pictures arent that bad. A few are a bit on the heavy side and could stand to track their calories a bit to trim off some pounds (it should just be a normal thing...like brushing your teeth or taking a shower. Upkeep of the body is important). But, when they use their accepting culture as an excuse to ignore a literally growing problem around their belly, well, thats not very good (and their culture is damaging them).

AND, its even worse when they blame it on their race! saying "oh, black people are just fat"....thats racist towards themselves and limiting themselves by the color of their skin. Its like saying asian people are just thin (when its not really because they are asian...its simply their culture and relationship with food...there are many fat asians who find out their racial protection doesnt quite work as well as they were told).

Basically, people shouldnt limit themselves based on race... and shouldnt use culture as a crutch to support damaging trends....

Original Post by loriklorik:

Original Post by solareclps:

 No culture promotes obesity.

AND, its even worse when they blame it on their race! saying "oh, black people are just fat"....thats racist towards themselves and limiting themselves by the color of their skin. Its like saying asian people are just thin (when its not really because they are asian...its simply their culture and relationship with food...there are many fat asians who find out their racial protection doesnt quite work as well as they were told).

Basically, people shouldnt limit themselves based on race... and shouldnt use culture as a crutch to support damaging trends....

 FYI - I have never heard a black person say "oh black people are just fat". I have heard other races say that without taking into body shapes/types into consideration. It may not be the norm but there are men in every race that prefer large women period. As I said before, it seems a flat stomach is the definition of thin/healthy. However, I have seen "skinny" women with large stomachs and women like those on my profile that are "large" with flat stomachs. So who is healthier?

Other than Queen Latifa and Jennifer Hudson, which ones in her gallery are overweight? I even think Jennifer Hudson looks damn hot in that pic actually. She doesn't even have a belly, just really uber curves.

Original Post by loriklorik:

Original Post by solareclps:

 No culture promotes obesity.

 Just a random snippet of a source other than me

Hmm, african culture.... comes from africa...where they value "plump" women as part of their culture... you really think none of that has carried through to our parts of the world within those subcultures?

Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying people need to be model thin or can't have fat on them (even a little overweight isnt going to hurt you). But there is a very fine line....

You see, people are naturally lazy. While a culture may not specifically support obesity, they can create a more accepting atmosphere for that condition (so, while they wouldnt support it, its not really that big of a deal).

Now, normally this would be fine too. It's not really a big problem if a few people go towards the larger range...people come in all sizes. The problem is that in modern day america (and a lot of other areas of modern society where food is cheap and plentiful) there are too many people going towards the large range. Thats when these accepting cultures become a problem...because it enables people to further ignore a growing problem (its a lot easier to accept if everyone else is doing it).

The people listed in her pictures arent that bad. A few are a bit on the heavy side and could stand to track their calories a bit to trim off some pounds (it should just be a normal thing...like brushing your teeth or taking a shower. Upkeep of the body is important). But, when they use their accepting culture as an excuse to ignore a literally growing problem around their belly, well, thats not very good (and their culture is damaging them).

AND, its even worse when they blame it on their race! saying "oh, black people are just fat"....thats racist towards themselves and limiting themselves by the color of their skin. Its like saying asian people are just thin (when its not really because they areaAsian...its simply their culture and relationship with food...there are many fat asians who find out their racial protection doesnt quite work as well as they were told).

Basically, people shouldnt limit themselves based on race... and shouldnt use culture as a crutch to support damaging trends....

Okay, I have to resort to calling you an idiot. Your sheer ignorance is just astounding. First, you use a book that is a cultural reference for BODY ADORNMENT. Nothing to do with weight. It gives an extremely short CULTURAL CONTEXT for obesity acceptance IN NIGERIA, AFRICA. Do I have to point out to you how far a stretch is needed to make your comparison connect even relatively to the topic at hand?! Oh by the way they "fatten" their young women up as a marriage custom. (not sure if you actually read that).

No you aren't saying people need to be model thin, but you are saying that all black women should strive to make their bodies look like white women. (Based on YOUR *Racist* ideal of what a women should look like)

No culture supports obesity, you have not brought any solid proof of the otherwise and no, black people are not complacent about obesity anymore than white people. Overweight black girls get taunted, shunned, and disrespected just as much as overweight white girls (I've seen this all throughout my middle/high school years). Your lazy comment only further highlights your ignorance.

More of your lack of knowledge (stupidity, ignorance, pick a synonym)....The problem in modern American is not cultures accepting obesity, it's people (of all races I might add) not knowing how to eat right. The first thing everyone learns about weight-loss is CHECK YOUR DIET!!! No one says check your culture or I've gained 30 pounds in six months let me change my culture. Furthermore as I was growing up I doubt my diet was any different from any other American kid. Pizza, french fries, burgers, etc...This is what almost every kid ate growing up. After practice everyone is going to the pizza store on the way home. That is common within every sub-sect of American teens( with the exception of those who have specific reasons to disengage). Who has ever blamed being overweight on their race (other than an opposing race)? Personally I think you do not like African-American culture (do you know what that is by the way? Hope you aren't going to say rap music lol).  I think you do not like African-Americans at all, basically I am calling you a racist based on your logic.  Your argument that says culture is the reason why black women (people) are overweight is in itself racist. It clearly shows you are ignorant and, I reiterate, I believe you are racist (but you just think you aren't, probably because all that stuff about black people is "true").

I am an African-American male. I have lived in predominately minority neighborhoods and culturally mixed neighborhoods. I know from experience that everything you have stated is purely based on stereotypes, generalization, (and in your particular case sheer ignorance.) The last black girl I dated was model thin! She is by no means an anomaly. The last white girl I dated was curvy, which by the way is more to my personal liking, she too is no anomaly. I asked you keep your ignorance down to a minimum and you make comments that are even more ignorant. I am assuming you have a brain dude, use it! I will not stoop to your level by "playing the race card". I will not make a case for my argument by denigrating or demeaning any race.

My argument stands on merit and I do not need a race or stereotype to support it. I ask you can you do the same?

Solar Eclispe....

lol ok, I'm going to have to split this up and respond to each part...because you kind of went all over the place.

It gives an extremely short CULTURAL CONTEXT for obesity acceptance IN NIGERIA, AFRICA. Do I have to point out to you how far a stretch is needed to make your comparison connect even relatively to the topic at hand?!

Where did black people come from? *thinks* hummm, the moon? No no, thats not right. Hmmm, germany? Nope nope, still not quite there. Oh! Oh! Is it africa? Hurrayyyy we have a cultural basis in the relative recent history! *high fives*

You see, the world we live in now didnt just suddenly appear. All the different cultures and sub-cultures are evolutions of past cultures and people! For example, americans have a strong grounding in religion! Hence the reason we are so religious in our society / thinking / laws.

The more accepting nature for overweight black people is from that leftover culture (and the evolutions of that culture during their stays in different parts of the world). Even white people were largely accepting of overweight until recently (it is pretty much universally a good quality for developing societies...). The black childen you see being picked on at school because of their weight? Well, thats because they arent just in one culture! Its more like different forces at play on how most people think or behave (some minor some more apparent)

but you are saying that all black women should strive to make their bodies look like white women.

Nope, I'm not. If we are talking "shoulds", both should strive towards similar things (not the extremes of one or another...just like any human, i dont really see how skin color dictacts how fat or thin you should be?). Hmm...are you sure you arent racist? :)

No culture supports obesity

Uhhhhhh....what? Obesity and fat were seen as signs of success and wealth and power for a LONG time in history in MANY cultures.... again, the culture we live in now didnt just suddenly appear...it evolved from those cultures ...

The problem in modern American is not cultures accepting obesity, it's people (of all races I might add) not knowing how to eat right.

Not knowing how to eat right is partially a problem. Its also decreasing demands on physical labor and general shifting to more sedentary lifestyles (along with the easier access to cheap caloric dense food). Then there is the CULTURE in america that supports weightgain. Diets are a taboo subject still, people lose weight in secret and are seen as outcasts in groups if they start being overly "careful" with calories. Our culture is VERY VERY much affecting the weightgain problem...how we view food and its place in life. Combined in the leftover cultural effects from the last thousands of years which saw weight as a positive feature....its kind of a complicated issue...but those are a few of the big factors.

Personally I think you do not like African-American culture

Actually, I'm not a fan of most cultures... i think they are limiting (kind of like religion). There are some good things in there, but then there are a LOT of bad that are continued simply because of tradition and not wanting to lose ones "history". ((And yes, i realize that my own thinking on the subject isnt unique and there are probably others who could be seen the same way...meaning its a sub-culture in itself....thats why i said 'most' :)

I think you do not like African-Americans at all, basically I am calling you a racist based on your logic.

Hmmm, actually my first boyfriend was an african american...i like them a lot :D I'm not really into the entire "judge people by their skin color"....in terms of weightloss or lifestyle or anything else.

I will not stoop to your level ...Okay, I have to resort to calling you an idiot.

Lol, its nice you didnt have to stoop. Oh well, I guess I have that effect on people. This subject is kind of complicated and has a lot more going on than just a few simple factors ....so.... *insert all kinds of condescending things here*