i realized im breaking down.. physically and emotionally

hi guys, its about ten thirty and ive been sobbing for about ten minutes now. is it just me, or is dieting and food taking over anyone else's life?  my soccer skills are lacking cas i dont have enough energy to play, my family is attacking me for being too skinny, and when i finally eat (today about 2500cals) i cry and cry and hate myself. i dont know what to do and it seems like these binges are becoming more and more frequent. please someone help. i never used to be like this, im out of control and passed depressed

awww sweetie I'm sorry:( I don't know how much help I can be but if you ever want to talk I'll be more than happy to give you support. If it's really as bad as you say, maybe you should talk to your doctor.....

(((HUGS))) I hope better times are on their way:)

Boy am I familiar with the E-D monster....

For me, it came because I was enculterated to place my entire value on my looks, my sex appeal and my body. I think this happens to a lot of women. We get an overwhelming amount of messages that as long as we aren't fat, we're okay. Fat becomes the enemy. Food becomes the enemy. We like to feel as if we don't need it. Food is for those with weak will; we're 'above' that. And when we aren't binging, we are in control and loving it! We have nerves of steel! But, inevitabley, our bodies rebel and binge to get the nutrition they need, and we end up hating ourselves for needing regular human requirements met.

When I was in the Eating Disorder Hospital, we had to 'process' all of our meals. This means that for 45 minutes after we ate, we would sit around in a group and talk about how the meal went. Part of the reason they did this was so the bulimics wouldn't have a chance to throw up the food, and the other reason is so we would understand exactly what it is about eating and body image that bother us. I remember one conversation between the therapist and a girl in our group:

Therapist: "So how did it go today? What was the hardest thing about today's lunch?"

Girl: "The pizza."

Therapist: "Well, what exactly bothered you about the pizza?"

Girl:"All the fat on it, and we weren't even allowed to blot off the oil on top. It was disgusting."

Therapist:"What disgusts you about fat, exactly? Why don't you want to eat it?"

Girl: "Because then I'll get fat."

Therapist:"And so what if you get fat? What bothers you about that?"

Girl: "People will think I'm disgusting, and they'll always have ammunition against me. They could call me fat and they'd be right. I guess I'm afraid people wouldn't love me if I was fat."

So here we went from pizza to general feelings of inadequacey. Honestly, hun, food issues are NEVER about the food. They may start out about the food on the surface, but there are all kinds of reasons why we do what we do, we just have to pay attention.

How about this? Try eating your reccomended amount of calories per day for maintnance, in a SANE manner, meaning NOT by binging.  6 small meals. Planned.

Use this period of time (you'll probly want to tear your hair out during this period if you're anything like me) to let the emotions you are using undereating to numb come up. It would be best if you had a liscenced professional there to help you, but if money's tight or something, your mom or a trusted friend could be more helpful than you imagine. Confront your issue.

If you don't do this now, or if you feel you can't, it means you're not ready yet. You're not sick of yourself enough yet. But you'll get there. It's a long and tiring process.

I hope all goes well with you. Feel free to email me anytime.

Shaktidance8@yahoo.com

megz, I'm sorry you're hurting. I think you should call your doctor. You may be on the verge, or already in the grip of, an eating disorder. If you don't have enough energy to play soccer and your family is concerned about how thin you are, it sounds to me like you may not be eating enough daily.

You need help. Let your mom know, or your best friend, your best friend's mom, a school counselor or nurse, someone, please. You don't have to go through this by yourself, and some help from a doctor or nutritionist can help you adjust your relationship with food.

You know people here will support you!

By the way, megz....something to think about:

Where would your attention go if you weren't always thinking about calories and dieting and weight loss and food?

What is it you'd be facing?

Despair? Inadequacey? Depression? Anger? How about plain old boredome? What the hell would we do with ourselves? We'd have to *gasp* develop ourselves as human beings!

Well, growth is painful. And you're at a tumultuous time in your life. You're an adolescent/young adult, on the cusp of your life. There's a lot of pressure right now! You have college, your future, relationships...Food is friendly, and calories are the means through which we can categorize and count out our days. It's a way to self-check and see that we're still okay. "800 calories so far today...I have 400 left. We're doing good. Everything's good." A tragedy happens in your life and you lose your appetite, and you think to yourself, "atleast I'm losing weight." Through thick and thin, there's atleast that. It's a nice distracting, methematical thing to put your attention on, and it's real good at hiding all the issues that come with life.

As I get older, I find my eating weirdness is settling down. Life gets a perspective, and you start to see the importance (and lack thereof) in things. I think eating issues were my way of coping with the general discomfort of adolescence. And I think as life settles down, so do I.

I can only hope things go well for you. I've been through all kinds of programs, from Food Addicts Anonymous to personal training to yoga to Anorexia Nervosa and Other Disorders support groups. I hope you find your way and if you need help, as I said before, feel free to contact me.

Hi megz, first of all, thanks for sharing. Please know that we all care for you!!! I am 53 yrs old. I suffered from depression from about the 7th grade up until about 5 yrs ago. Growing up, nobody knew, family used to comment how I "sleep a lot". That was how I dealt with it. Looking back, I should have gotten help. Later, I became a work-aholic. The thing about working hard, is it's considered a virtue. I wonder how many years I wasted covering up my depression.

Fortunately, for me, at my age, I guess my hormones changed, because I seem to be depression free for these last few years. You have so much to gain by seeking help!!! Please keep us informed. Again, thanks for sharing, my heart goes out to you.

thank u all very much, im doin a little better today. havent eaten too much, but i guess im alright

Take it from a guy, You don't need to diet.  I hope you aren't obsessed with this. Anyone who puts what is on the outside above what is on the inside is shallow. You are a beautiful young lady with your wholelife ahaed of you. Don't let this stuff wreck you. Be strong, seek Jesus  and you will be fine.

you are most certainly on the verge of developing an ED. please, don't just ignore these comments. don't think you're "doing fine."

your body is telling you something. you've been having binges lately? bad ones? trust me, that's your body's way of trying to get your attention. your body's crying out for help, why are you ignoring it?!?

Are you joking dodgeman? o.O ..... heh, ill assume you are ...

Anyway, take a step back and look at your goals megz. Losing weight and reaching fitness ideals arent something that can be "ruined" or stopped by eating a bunch now and then.

Its a long road ...as long as you eat right and exercise, you will continue to get better (even if you slip now and then). You have many many years, there is no rush to get anywhere right away.

Dont worry about what your family says, as long as you are eating the right things and enough... you should know you are fine. Getting in shape is for the person doing it...not for anyone else.