What REALLY Got Me Here - What are your reasons???

Of course, scientifically speaking, what got me here was consuming more calories than I burned.  Duh.  But what REALLY got me here?  What are the emotional factors that contributed to my gaining weight?  Obviously, on some level it was working for me because I managed to be heavy for 20 years.  I think it's important that we acknowledge the real reasons we got and stayed fat so that we can face them head on and blast them!  What were your reasons?  Here are mine:

I looked older - I had my son when I was 15 so having some extra weight (about 25 lbs at the time) made me look a little older and I didn't get as many "looks"

It made me stay home - Again, because of having my baby so young, being heavier made me feel like I didn't fit in with my friends and I wasn't at all interested in going out with them.  I stayed home and was a good mommy :)

It made me not stray in my marriage - This is a biggie and hard to admit.  I married the father of my son once we had both turned 18.  He was my first everything.  He is a great guy, I'm just not sure that we should be married (we are currently seperated).  Our marriage hasn't always been great and for a long time I knew that I was afraid of losing weight because I was afraid of what I would do if I started getting attention from men.

It knocked me out - I used food as a sleeping pill.  I would eat until I was lethargic and I would just go to sleep to avoid my life.

It made me not feel good - I used to use this one a lot.  I would eat until my stomach was upset and I truly didn't feel good so when my husband and kids got home I would tell them that I really wasn't feeling well and they would kind of just leave me alone and even take care of me a little bit.  Gosh, that one is a toughie, too.

It made me likable - I feel like I have been given a lot of gifts in my life.  I am creative, artistic, I can sing, I'm funny, and even though clearly I had issues in my family life, nobody knew about them (not even me at the time) and we appeared to "have it all".  Being heavy was my way of avoiding being the girl you hate because she has everything.  No matter how much my life seemed perfect, I was fat and you were prettier than me.  It made me "real".

The Fat, Funny Sidekick was my role - You know in sitcoms how there is always the girl that is beautiful with quirky, funny best friend?  I'm the best friend.  I have never known how to own beauty or sensuality.  It was so much easier for me to use humor.

It made me appear confident - This one is strange.  I have never acted like a fat person.  I make a conscious effort to not move like I am heavy when I get in and out of cars, or when I walk, or whatever, I never comment on my weight or make jokes about it, I wear great clothes, I do my hair, I always "look cute".  I manage to come off like I am really confident.  I carry myself as though I'm a size 8 and so in some strange way, people are actually more impressed with my confidence because despite being heavy, I can work it.  It's all a damn facade, but on some level it stroked my ego and made me feel good about myself.

It distracted me - This is probably the biggest one and probably the one most of us will have in common.  As long as I was heavy, I could focus on that instead of my life.  Instead of why my marriage wasn't working, why I didn't have a great career, why I wasn't where I wanted to be in life.  I have spent hours and hours and years and years thinking about my weight and how I was going to lose it or why I couldn't lose it.  Just thinking!  So if the weight was my problem, it got to be my only problem.  Anything else in my life could be blamed on it.  So wrong!

Thank God I have learned so many lessons.  At this point I truly believe that my weight worked for me and in the end will make me a better person because I have had to admit and face lies that tell myself and really deal with them.  It has made me a more authentic person. 

Wow, Becky.....thank you for sharing that.

Sharing that was a help to me and I"m sure it will be for others reading it.  Just being able to identify these things is half the battle.

I'm going to get back to this when I can identify my real reasons that got me here.  They're beginning to come clearer and clearer as I go through this journey.

I wish you the absolute best.

:D:D:D

Wow, if I were half as insightful as you are, I wouldn't need a therapist!

I think many of these things are true for many of us.  Until we understand the emotional factors behind why we eat, it will probably be difficult to lose weight permanently. 

That is amazing - to be able to get to a point in your life where you're thinking SO clearly about your thought patterns you're able to describe them like that.  I think many of these reasons apply to many, many people.

I am just going to give you a hug ((((((becky)))))) wow, thank you so much for putting up the courage to write this down, that was a big thing I bet, to see these things black on white, it really makes me think now why I am big, thank you so much for sharing this !

All I can say is WOW.  I will have to revisit this  one as well.  I'm positive there's greater, underlying issues below the surface for me.  Some I am aware of, other's I may be kidding myself.  Some, I'm not ready to talk about.  I cover up pretty good with humor and bravado.  I totally connected with the "It made me appear confident" one, lol.  I am all over how I get in and out of a car and my cadence/gait when I am walking down the street.

I've also tagged this thread, because there is a lot of wisdom in these insights, thank you for this.  The one I had never thought about was the "made me likable" one, I really want to think about that one some more.

Thanks for the encouragement!  I have had A LOT of time to think about this and I'm sure these are only a few of the reasons.  I'm still learning about myself, my issues.  I'm really glad to have a support network like you all that understand what I'm going through!

I hate to be repetitive with another "wow", but that's all I can say.  Thank you.  I, too, will have to think about that. 

I let myself get 80 pounds overweight, and during the time I was gaining I only made one serious weight loss effort, but it was an unhealthy "fad" one that lasted two months, and was, of course, unsustainable and I regained what I lost plus 10.  But I've never thought about WHY I let it get there, beyond the surface of "I LOVE chocolate, and ice cream, and sweets". 

I finally realized that my weight was dangerously sabotaging my health and future, and would ruin my life, so I made 180 turnaround and have lost 43 pounds, slowly, over 19 months.  But what about it "worked" for me?  If I don't figure that out, I suspect those reasons could cause future issues--if not in regaining weight, then more likely, manifesting in a different way.

Again, thank you. 

 

wow. i havent seen anything this interesting for ages. thank you very much!

Wonderful! You are amazing.

Just an aside. Lots of food can make you sleepy-- but- if there are any auto immune disorders in your family, you should talk to your doc about things like Celiac and Hypothyroidism. Depression can be a sympton of both (not that you sound depressed- just fabulously in charge of your life)

Best of luck on your continued journey.

Wow...kudo's to you for recognizing these things and writing them down. I have recemtly been thinking if my reasons too and I can relate to alot of what you said about people's impressions of you. I like being the girl no one worries about competeing with....you can trust your husband with me...and my husbabd can know that as I am out and about, guys aren't trying to talk to me. I was thin ONCE in my adult life and it was after a divorce and I was in a real low place. I didn't like the person I was at that time and I think I relate being skinny to being like I was. It is important to confront those issues, and I wish you all the best!!