Reassurance needed!

So I'm about to start recovery again....and yet: I work 6 hours a day waitressing, and I do circuit training once a day for 45 minutes (I Know, I Know), and for the past few weeks I've been eating roughly 2000 calories a day.  Yet in two weeks I've gained like three quarters of a kilo!  WHAT?  And of course this is now just feding into my doubt and my crazy-brain which says I don't need that many calories a day....How has this happened?  It can't be water retention, I'm not as underweight as I was when I first started recovery...

I DON'T UNDERSTAND

and for something I got into because it gave me control, this is pretty **** out of control.

Any help please?  Or just reassurance that my body is adjusting!  I guess I just need to know that I'm not going to keep on gaining weight forever...

man I hate it that we can't sodding well swear on these forums...

ta

I think I'm confused. You gained less than 1 pound a week, you're exercising like crazy and only eating 2000 calorie and TRYING to recover? That's not much of an effort. 2 pounds is a reasonable weight gain per week and ÿoure not even doing half that so your gain is nominal. Most is probably water retention anýhow so if you want to gain eat at least 2500 without exercising and If you intend to continue with the exercise ýou need more like 3000 minimum but exercise is not advisable during recovery. Go for a short walk daily, eat more, and stay off the scales. Its difficult to adjust and fully commit but that's the only way to truly recover.

It can still be water retention, and even if not, the weight of the food you are eating has an effect if you've literally just increased your diet. Although you aren't as underweight as before if you've been slipping down in weight and restricting there's still always going to be a jump at first. believe me, it's happened to me on much much fewer calories than 2000 in the beginning of refeeding! but your body will adjust. maybe try remembering how you got through this period before and how that benefitted you in the long term. good luck x

No matter what you were body weight before does not take away that you are in an unhealthy place now. As a former waitress I know how many miles a day one does doing this job. So adding exercise on top of that is just too much even waitressing I think is not the nest idea when underweight. I am not saying you are not trying but in recovery you can just try you must do. The body fluctuates and 1 pound is not a gain it could be fluctuation. Regardless when you increase even small amounts when your body is in a malnurished state you may gain water. You won't gain for ever and need to try to stay in the day. I know these fears but you must push past. You also need to make more changes to be in recovery. So that means no exercise and eating 2500 plus with your waitressing I would think 3000.

part of recovery is about gaining , what you have gained is nothing. you are in starvation mode as you are undereating and overexercising , the only way to change this is to start eating 2500 consistantly. give it time your metabolism will speed up and your body will start to function properly and you wont retain fluid orr as much. I know its hard but if you are serious about recovery its what you need to do . i definitely think you should cut the circuit training this is feeding your ed , you already are so active in your job. exercise when such low weight is ineffective it just burns your body into the ground and makes the risk of developing osteophrosis even higher, something i have from spending years running around . its almost like we convince ourselfs as long as we are eating more than we were its ok to carrying on exercising, and it isnt, ive learnt the hard way i couldnt workout now even if i wanted to as my body is screwed dont let this happen to you , the years will go believe you me. sorry to be a bit harsh i guess i can see you in myself and i know the outcome its scary

Hi guys,

Thanks for your responses, don't worry about being harsh, sometimes one needs a good kick up the arse.  I know the exercise is feeding my ED, but partly the problem is just I have nothing else to do: I'm waiting for my course to start in four weeks, so I'm living in London with practically no friends, and the ones I do have work in the day, and I work in the evening, so I never see anyone.  I suppose I'm just miserable at the moment, and this is the way I express it.  I have to admit, I'm at a loss, and I'm afraid.  When I recovered before I was doing really well, because food had become fun, and now eating at odd hours it becomes more of a chore.  I'm stuck: I get up, I go to the gym, I come home I go to work.  I see my life stretching out in front of me and sometimes I just think, **** me, what's the **** point?  And this happens to be the way I express it, and its not as if anyone actually cares.  Sometimes I just wish there was someone I could tell how unhappy I was.  And I know that when my course starts I'll be doing something, meeting more people, but it just seems a long way away.

Have you ever had that relationship with exercise, where you think that you can't eat unless you've done exercise?  I sometimes I don't feel like waitressing counts because my heart beat never pumps like it does at circuit training.

I'm stuck.

I want to get better, I want to be normal, but if I eat, how else will I express how I feel?

(I'm also afraid no one will like me - how pathetic is that? I'm 23, I have a degree and a specialist qualification in medieval Italian, I've lived abroad, I'm a trained counsellor, and yet at the root of things I'm just afraid no one will like me.)

This sucks.  Officially.

we all care honey. I know exactly how you feel and it feels so hard graft , but you must battle on the only way you can build your life up is to get physically and mentally better first. im pretty much in the same situation as you but i dont work and i dont go to college and i havnt any friends either theyve all moved away gone to uni got married etc, but im still here fighting this determined things are going to be different . have you thought about setting yourself little goals each week things to aim for i think you will feel so much happier if you actively feel you are changing things however hard it may be . what would you like to do? just little things each day that make you happy . but not what the ed tells you to do which is my next point. ive had and still have the unhealthy relationship with exercise the only way to do this is to challenge those beliefs just cut back a bit each day , you need to see that it wont make you fat. you need food to breathe sleep to lift up your arm and say i did this ! for me !it no wonder you are feeling so low and like well whats the point you must be shattered ! sit down read a book , soak in a bubble bath anything write a journal it will help anything that can distract you from the fears of food and exercise. the only way you ll get things back is to step out of your ed bubble no one is exspecting you to do it all at once just a little bit each day . It hard but you can do it we are all behind you im your friend :)do you live alone ?how old are you ?  are you seeing a theapist ? i certainly think you need to be seeing someone have you thought about medication? prozac is good . sorry to ramble on i can just see you now and that was me a few years bk and i took the wrong path and i dont want you to do the same h x

i brought a book off amazon called hooked on exercise by rebecca prussin

I was trying to gain weight my whole life (Of course now I've got the opposite problem). I didn't really like eating too much, it seemed tedious. My family were meat and potato people and I wanted my veggies. When I got old enough to take care of myself(about 17) I decided that I would eat only what I wanted. That got to be expensive because what I wanted was Sushi, Perfectly prepared Steaks, and other exotic dishes. So I couldn't really afford to eat. I won't work in restaurants because it causes me to get bored with eating.

Basically what I'm saying is that my relationship with food has not always been so great. Though, I didn't relate eating to exercise. I didn't start gaining weight until late 20s and now in my 30s I am trying to lose, tighten , and tone.

The issues I'm seeing in your comments seem to have more to do with your emotional health rather than your physical health.(no, I'm not saying your a loon)

 I think exercise is healthy and as long as you don't over exert yourself, keep it up. Think about just eating healthy and if you feel like you have to make yourself eat, then go for something healthy that you really like.

Here are a couple of the quotes that I have hanging on my wall at work in front of my desk.

"Do not be afraid of growing slowly, be only afraid of standing still"

"Introspect, be patient and carry on."

"Have confidence in your abilities, your VIEW of the obstacle determines how much impact it has on your life."