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Rebuilding My Metabolism


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All right...after weeks and weeks and weeks of attempting to read up on the evils of starvation mode and getting your body back to normal, I've decided to post an official thread which will describe my battle to get my body back to normal after dealing with overexercising, starvation mode, and living on only 1200 calories a day. 

I've been getting so frustrated lately...since about 4 weeks ago, I've really been trying to commit myself to eating normally again, attempting to get in about 1800-2000 calories a day.  You see, I've been dieting for about 4 years now.  I began this journey when I weighed 145 lbs at a height of 5' 5".  I started to actively choose healthier foods and incorporated exercise into my life.  By the end of my first year, I was down to 128...but I truly wasn't eating in the right way.  Some days I'd eat fruit only for all of my meals, and the other days, I'd try to eat salads...on top of exercising (tae bo, running, elliptical, etc).  I'd let myself eat whatever on weekends, often going overboard because I felt like I wouldn't be able to eat wonderful foods like pizza and brownies during the week.

When I returned to school in the fall, I knew I had to eat throughout the day to keep myself healthy.  So, I began eating cereal in the morning, fruits during the day for snacks, healthy wraps, and high caloried salads with salami, ham, cheese, chick peas and full-caloried dressings.  I would run, 3 days a week, for 6 miles at a time, but instead of full out running, I would run for about a mile and power walk the rest.  I also kept up my tae bo, and slowly began to add in yoga.  Again, on the weekends, I would let myself have "fun," but I wouldn't go overboard.  I basically just tried to cut out my sweets and junk food during the week.  By the time November rolled around, I was at my ideal goal weight of 120.

However, that's when it all changed.  I went through an extremely tough breakup, and it really hit me hard.  I thought I wasn't good enough, so I tried to up my workout and up my diet...meaning I severely limited myself to only eating those high-caloried salads I talked about for dinner.  Sometimes I'd eat carrots in the morning.  Sometimes I'd drink tea or pop to keep me satiated.  But I always was true to eating dinner.  However, paired with exercise (now cardio AND yoga every day), I dropped to my lowest of 110.  I also was mildy bulemic, which didn't help matters.

As I approached my 21st birthday, I knew I couldn't live like this any longer, so I began to add foods back in.  However, at this point, I also started counting calories, which I had never done before.  For about a year, I kept my weight around 115, and then finally up to 120, which is a weight I loved being at. 

I even finally decided that with as hard as I was working out, I was going to let myself eat what I wanted to when I was hungry.  However, every time I tried this, I always felt so bloated and usually reverted to trying to eat as little as I could calorically, so I could save up for when I wanted a cheat meal or snack.  Finally, by this summer, I truly decided that I no longer wanted to diet.  I wanted to be normal!  I'd watch my mom eat whatever she liked, whenever she liked, and as much as she liked.  And yet, she remained thin.  Granted, she usually had small portions.  But still...I had grown tired of watching friends eat and enjoy life...I wanted to be like them, too!

I was still willing, though, to keep up my workout routine, in order to eat whatever I'd like.  Now, when I say "whatever" I'd like, I mean that in moderation.  I'm a typically healthy person anyways, so it's not like I went crazy and began eating solely junk food and sweets.  But basically, I allowed myself things I hadn't eaten in a long time...bagels...full caloried dressings...desserts...things with an unknown calorie value, etc. 

So, this summer began my battle with getting out of starvation mode.  For two years prior, I guessed I was only getting about 1000-1200 calories per day, with exercise, so I definitely wasn't getting enough (stopping my period was enough to tell me something was wrong).  I started off great, adding calories back in, but I soon hit a road block:  my stomach wasn't adjusting to the new levels of food I was giving it.  I experienced extreme bloating, not to mention constipation (I used to take fiber pills, but really tried to get away from those to regulate my system correctly).  I also found it hard to actually add in calories, because I wasn't hungry after a big lunch.

So...the fact that my jeans were tighter made my desire to workout go way down.  I tried different things, like power walking, incorporating weights, cuttain back on cardio intensity, etc, but nothing worked.  I just kept gaining weight.

However, I certainly was less worred about "planning" for a meal, and finally could go out with my friends and have a few drinks.  I still felt guilty, though, but that's just the committee in your head telling you you stink ;) 

So, before I left for school in the fall, I was hovering around 130, give or take a few pounds.  I had read up on getting out of starvation mode, and realized that my weight gain may be in part to water retention and the fact that your body is rebuilding itself after all those years of such a low-calorie diet.  I noticed that my weight came back on only in my midsection, meaning my stomach, abdomen, hips and thighs.  My upper body and lower legs stayed pretty much the same.

Since being here at school (in a very large city, so I walk more now), I've been actively trying to eat about 1800-2200 calories a day.  I know I need to get my metabolism back into shape, so I am very committed to eating more.  The mere fact that I can now eat 3 larger meals a day is great...before, my stomach was just too small. 

In my experience thus far, I've been going back and forth between 132 and 127.  On days when the scale says 127, I feel elated...maybe my metabolism is finally working again!  But then, on the days when it reads 132, I feel like maybe I'm approaching this the wrong way.  So, today I made a decision.

I'm really going to try to stick to this and post my experiences on here.  I know there are a lot of people out there going through this exact same thing (getting your body back on track after an ED), so I hope my struggle through this time can help others or give a different insight.

My latest frustration lately has been that even though I'm exercising, it doesn't feel like it's doing anything.  In fact, I really feel sometimes like my exercise only encourages bulk in my thighs.  This past Monday, I was down to 127, and felt great...I only did yoga in the morning, and about midday, I really didn't even feel compelled to go to the gym.  But I did, and the rest of the week saw the scale go up to 132.  So, I'm wondering:  if I do solely yoga for a week, while still eating more normally, what will it do to the scale?

I had a doughnut this morning.  I love doughnuts.  I can't deny that.  I've missed doughnuts.  But now that I'm going to try not going to the gym or doing tae bo for a week, do I cut back on calories, or continue to actively try to get in more? 

My goal?  I want to be able to enjoy life again.  More importantly, I want to be with family on holidays and eat foods without feeling like my stomach is going to explode.  I'm willing to stick to a committed workout regime, but not if it's not going to do any good.

I sometimes get upset, and think that maybe I should go back to how I used to eat...cereal for breakfast and lunch, low caloried snacks, and no sweets or junk food.  But I've found, I really enjoy food.  I do.  And I hate the obsession with calories or if I've been "good" or "bad" for a day.

I know that getting out of starvation mode does take time, and you will see an initial weight gain, so if that's what it takes to get my body back on track, I'm willing and ready to do that.  This thread is about not feeling bad for yourself and just logging my experiences.  I hope through this, I can find some insight for myself and give others hope to get their bodies back on track!  More to come later!

P.S.  So, for one week, I'm solely doing yoga.  Everyday.  But NO gym or tae bo.  Let's see what happens!
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All righty!  FINALLY...some sort of difference.  Yesterday morning, I weighed in around 135 (this is according to a scale I've been using since I embarked on this journey one month ago...even though it might slightly off, it's my reference point for what my body is doing).  Today, however, I was back down to 132-133.  And this was even after downing a full 16 oz glass of water, a bowl of cereal and a cup of tea!  Sure, it just might be a weight fluctuation, but I'll take it (watch...tomorrow I'll be 137 or something...)  But the crazy part is:  last night, before bed, I had pizza, wine, chocolate...and even an Alka Selzter before bed...so I really felt overly full...but perhaps something is finally clicking inside of me.  More details later!

There is some information about metabolic syndrome on www.americanheart.org.  It's generally connected to being overweight but is a function of insulin resistance which can be triggered by several factors, including nutrition (diet).

Well, speaking of diet...I'm changing mine today!  It's very exciting.  My mom sent me an article on metabolism and inflammatory foods...really, it was quite insightful.  Basically, it says that your metabolism can't function at its optimal level unless you're giving it all of the right things (is a "duh" even necessary here?).  There are such foods that are inflammatory foods which will keep your system in a state of shock, and you need to fill it with anti-inflammatory foods to keep it running.  Also..I'm been consciously looking for foods with a higher fiber content lately, so I went on a supermarket binge today and bought a ton of healthy things.  Uber-excited right now.  Here are some of the things I bought:

  • green beans and peas, both low in sodium (which is known to cause bloating)
  • lima beans
  • chick peas
  • brown rice
  • broccoli (high in fiber)
  • cottage cheese and Activia yogurt, both chock full of fiber and probiotics (helps to regulate your system)
  • soymilk (I love skim milk, but I went through a kick in college where I drank nothing but soy milk...I'm going to try it again because I've heard good things about soy)
  • prune juice (apparently, system regulation can be attained by drinking a warm glass of this stuff at night...I'm leary of the taste, though)
  • bananas, apples, strawberries and dried apricots (do I even need to say how important fruit is?)
  • baby carrots
  • hummus
  • Fiber-One, a cereal that has 57% of our daily value of fiber...in just half a cup
  • Processed Bran, because just 1/3 cup is 35 calories and 8g of fiber!
  • I bought the above to put in my oatmeal, because I figured it would mix in well
  • Tuna fish and chicken, cause I needed to get my protein in there somewhere!
Now, there are a few items I'm not willing to part with...mostly condiments and extras, like cheese and dressing.  I used to be a Nazi about fat-free this and low-calorie that, but after having full-bodied dressings and cheeses this summer, I must admit that it's hard to go back to diet land in that aspect.  I've been drinking diet soda for years now, and I've never wanted to go back to drinking regular, so I'd say that's a big achievement, when you consider how most restaurants have free refills on pop.  I also am a big ice cream fan, but I'm usually pretty good with getting fat-free, no sugar or light ice creams to stock in my fridge (I'd never trust myself otherwise).

I am, though, excited to try this new attempt into making my food choices better.  I've been so used to looking at calorie contents on the boxes, so having to look at fiber and the whole grain content was something very refreshing.  I don't even think I looked at calories once!

New discovery:  I also tried a Power Bar today, packed full of fiber and whole grains.  It was actually really good...like eating a Peanut Butter and Chocolate Rice Krispie treat.  I'm going to have to stock up on those!

katopong... Awesome!  That was also part of the information I was reading about inflamatory foods, the benefit of fiber to the metabolism and glucose/insilin levels.  I am always looking for additional sources of info.  If you find some stuff that you think was helpful... Please pass it along.

Soda is tough to remove from the diet!  If you can though, you may want to consider removing the diet soda also.  It has other stuff in it that isn't necessarily good for you either.

 Although I have a regular soda occasionally, I would say that my normal intake is now maybe once a week.  I used to drink them daily.  I find that as I cut it out slowly... I didn't crave it anymore.  I drink a lot of water or homemade tea with honey or very little sugar. 

You might want to try oil and vinegar for a salad dressing.  There are healthy oils like olive, and safflower that are light but combined with a nice balsamic vinegar and a little garlic... yummy!  I have also used apple cider vinegar with a splash of Worcestershire to add a little kick.  It has a little bit of sodium in it but I don't put additional salt on after.

 

I must ashamedly admit...yet proudly proclaim...that if extra honey mustard dressing and extra cheese on my pizza keep me from ever being a size 0, I'll die happy :)

Actually, lately I have been waning away from diet soda.  I'm trying not to buy any more can packs, so if I drink it, I have to buy it out of a vending machine at school.  I have been drinking a TON of water lately, and my old standby is Crystal Lite or Wyler's fruit drinks...5 calories per serving, and no carbonation.

Getting enough fluid was probably why my digestive system is slow now...whenever I use to "save up" my calories for a meal, I would typically never drink anything with the meal, because I missed food so much.  But, there I was, eating meals with no fluid to move it through.

I'm also trying to wane myself off of Sweet-N-Low...it's hard, because that was one thing I clung to when I initally tried to lose weight.  But I've been hearing more and more evidence about how bad it is for you...I usually keep a jug of Crystal Lite in my fridge, and I put about 3 tsps of Sweet-N-Low into that to bring out the flavor, but I'm thinking about cutting it out all together.

Does anyone know where you can buy Power Bar packs?  Not just the individual bars, but actual packs?
Hi Katopong, Sounds like you had fun grocery shopping! I know I did when I set out on my first real "healthy" shopping excursion. It feels satisfying knowing you have a basket of things that are actually GOOD for you.

I really need to make myself eat more fruit. I've learned to eat more veggies, but still working on fruit. Unfortuantely growing up, my mom never made me eat either. :-(  I need to buy a variety I guess and give them all another try as I'm not crazy about much of it.

You plan on eating the processed bran with oatmeal or the fiber one? What do you plan on doing with both of those? I've been wanting to try Fiber One but scared I won't like it and have wasted my money..lol. Also, what do you plan on doing with all those yummy veggies?

I looked up the Powerbars on amazon.com and you can buy them by the 12 pack. I don't know what stores carry them. I've never eaten any type of energy bar. I always cringed at the amount of calories in them! Here is the linky http://www.amazon.com/Power-Bar-Powerbar-12-P ack/dp/B000300D1I

I quit drinking so much diet coke too. I drink mostly flavored water now and just an occasional diet coke. Only problem is it makes me pee all the time!!

Congrats on the scale going down. I knew it would. ;-)
Well, we're still hovering in the 132-133 range.  But I'd say my diet's been completely different over the past few days.  I'm actually eating oatmeal with unprocessed bran right now...something I'd never thought I'd do, but I'm reallly trying to get more fiber into my diet, and this bran has about 8 g of fiber per serving.  Yesterday I ate it with Fiber-One cereal, so in just one meal, I got about 22 g of fiber!

I'm starting to miss the gym a little.  It's funny...I find myself "checking" everyday to see if there's a body part that looks out of shape.  I do know that once my system gets back to normal, I definitely want to start a new exercise program, which is mixed with cardio AND weight training. Before I just lifted the dumbells, but I would like to do more, because I heard it will help you lose and maintain weight in the long run.

I have been less bloated lately, and I'm not sure if it's due to the prune juice.  I drank some one night after dinner, and by the end of the night, my stomach had considerably gone down.  I also think I might have had the symptoms of PMS this week, without actually having PMS...has this happened to anyone else?  Experienced the symptoms but didn't actually have a period?

Well, I'd say that's all to report now.  I think I've been getting 2000 + calories for a few days now...does anyone think I should aim for more?  Just to get my body working correctly?
Well I seem to be in the same boat as you, in fact I am on this website because I was trying to find 1500 calorie a day sample diets.  For 2 1/2 years I have been doing 2 hours of cardio 7 days a week (on my cheat days on the weekend I would do 3 hours of cardio) and weight traing 7 days a week.  To top that off I was only consuming roughly 700 calories a day during the week and bingeing on the weekends.  Right now Im at a point where I stopped weight training because I felt it was making me too bulky and I am just doing 2 hours to 2 1/2 hours of cardio daily.  When I am reading this as I am posting this is absolutely ridiculous!  I realize I have a problem with dieting and food and I want to stop lately I haven't been able to sleep and I have been very dizzy with reoccuring anxiety attacks.  I can't quite decide if I actually enjoy exercising or am just doing it so I can eat cheesesteaks and donuts on the weekend.  I want so bad to be like normal people and just eat what I am hungry for and not give it a second thought.  I am going to try this week to scale back my cardio to an hour a day and reintroduce weight traing 3 days a week, I am going to up my calorie intake to about 1500 cals daily. Thank you so much for your post on here katopong it makes me feel better to know other ppl are experiencing this too.

Hey Katapong! I think you might remember me from the ED Club place right?

Its awesome that you're chosing for this healthy dieting but be careful with how many fiber you consume. Please make sure you're not consuming more than 42 grams of fiber...everything in excess is bad for you...specialy fiber, its gonna make you get bloated (has happend to me before becuase I went crazy with fiber products and my belly got excessively bloated because of it...consumed over the amount recommended and it wasnt very pretty :S)

If you are looking to increase your metabolic rate, Ive become an expert on that and I can give you some friendly tips to do so :)

Try eating more proteins less carbs...dont eliminate carbs just dont over eat on em. no refined cabrs either (White bread, white rice...etc) stick to whole grain which is what you're doing and thats wonderful! example for a lunch plate...if you do eat brown rice dont over do it...1 serving of brown rice is more than enough not to mention rice inflates in your stomach, just like bread making you feel full really fast. eat brown rice with meat and a nice salad or veggies. but if you eat rice dont go and eat bread afterwards...do this and you'll be speeding up your metabolism in no time...same thing with breakfast! soy milk is a great choice girl! Im doing the same thing...just as long as you dont eat too much soy though...it can actually make your metabolism slow down a bit.

I have so many inside info on speeding up metabolism! lol Im anxious to share this with anyone who may be interested, so if you'd like to know more let me know!

(got this info from a professional just in case, im not making this up, i wouldnt be as dumb as to advice you guys on speeding metabolism tricks when its not even sure...)

happy dieting!

katopong* hehe sorry for the typo :P

btw Ive also been having activia from danone yogurt! it really works!! the whole 14 days of having it and regulating your intestinal track...Im already on day 15 and its been going great :)

so keep it up ;) you'll see the results in 14 days

I already am seeing the results!  (What an awkward topic, right?)  I've also found some cottage cheese from Breakstone's that has the same type of cultures found in yogurt.  It also claims to be able to regulate your digestive system.

And here's the weird thing:  because I've been having success with this new high fiber-high grain-fresh veggies and fruits diet, I really want to stick to it.  It feels SO good to not feel so sluggish and backed up because my digestive system is so used to getting 1200 calories.  I remember going on vacations a few years ago, and having a difficult time coping with the amount of food I was eating.  Don't get me wrong...I loved eating it...but my stomach would severely bloat, and I wouldn't be able to go to the bathroom until after the vacation when I would take a laxative.  I never had laxative abuse, but for a while, I would take them every Wednesday (during my most extreme time with my ED).  I'd also take one the day after a major holiday break, just to clean myself out so I could start being "good" again.  I can't tell you how excited I am to finally go home and be able to eat normally WITHOUT feeling like I'm going to explode.

I'm still doing yoga every day, although I am considering adding in Pilates, just for some variety.  I didn't feel like doing yoga on Friday, but I did walk a lot, so I at least got in some form of exercise.

I guess the big question in my mind is can you get down to your ideal weight without obsessing about cardio?  I used to do cardio 6 days a week, and pretty intensely (elliptical for 50 minutes, tae bo).  However, if you begin to do more strength training and lighter cardio (maybe 30 minutes instead of 50), can you get down to that ideal weight?  Or is cardio the key?
Well, all...a little update.  I began yesterday trying to just eat intuitively...I didn't purposely try to get in 2000 calories...I made sure I had at least 1000 before going into dinner, but after that, I let my stomach do the decision making.  When I woke up this morning, I was somewhere around 131....so that's even a bit down from where I was 2 weeks ago, while still working out a lot.  I've been eating more, but also a lot healthier, too...I've been really trying to incorporate yogurt, cottage cheese, fruits, and protein bars into my diet, as well as a ton of water.  However, I haven't been a perfect angel ;)  You can throw in pizza, ice cream, and cookies to that mix, too...but the important thing is that I try to be healthy most of the time, and because I let myself have daily indulgences, I'm pretty all right with eating healthfully the other part of the time.  I don't feel deprived, and for the first time since moving to the city, I feel like weight is NOT the first thing on my mind.  During my walk home today, I actually really just paid attention to the window displays, and stopped fretting about how much I weighed today and if my pants felt looser.  I felt good today, despite what I weighed.  That's all that matters, really.

I'm expecting a guest this coming weekend (from Thursday until Tuesday), so it will be interesting to see how my weight fluctuates with no yoga and a lot of freedom on what I can eat (basically, I'll eat whatever I want to, but only until the point of fullness).  I've never been able to do that on vacation before, pretty much because it's been a "vacation," which means you can eat as much as you can get...right?!?  Wrong.  This time will be decidedly different...with the emphasis on enjoying the time off and NOT on what foods I can eat again.

I'm also able to stop eating when I am truly full...or when I'm just not hungry.  Last night, I wasn't immensely hungry for dinner, but starting eating a slice of pizza anyways.  I was able to put away a 1/3 of it, because at one point, eating wasn't even fun...I was only eating because I thought that's what you should do at dinner time.  Granted, you have to keep your metabolism going, so that's why an hour later I had a small light ice cream cone ;)

So, everything's going well...my goal of fitting into my old pair of jeans still isn't accomplished, but I feel good where I am right now.  That's the most important part.
Well, all, it's been a good two weeks since I last purposefully exercised.  I've been eating more...more foods, more fiber, more fruits and veggies, and more "forbidden" foods.  I've been also faithfully doing yoga, as I've said, and walking around the city during my daily routines.  But, I feel the time has come for me to return to exercise.

I'm currently on a 5 day vacation from school.  I've been eating anything and everything that seems appetizing, without yoga and without care.  I haven't weighed myself in a few days, and I'm anxious to see what the scale says on Tuesday, but that's almost besides the point:  I am now at the point where I actually want to return to exercise to get my body back to where it was a few years ago.

Now, don't get me wrong...I'm not saying that I want to start restricting again, sticking to a diet of salads and just fruit.  THAT leads to deprivation and frustration.  But I do miss feeling...light...which doesn't mean 110 pounds light...but I just feel bogged down and bloated.

For those of you who have been following my posts, you know that I've been struggling with adding regular foods back into my diet.  I've come across weight gain, bloating, fatigue, moodiness....the whole-kit-n-kaboodle.  This morning, I decided to purchase a detox cleanse kit...one from Whole Foods Shop, so it's a natural way to clean out your system from the toxins that plug it up.  I feel like this might help me feel more inclined to go to the gym a few times a week if I don't feel so lethargic.  It also might help with some "spring cleaning" on my system and help it get back to normal.

I'm also going to make a return to the gym...but not on the same schedule I was used to.  I somehow had the drive for about 3 years to do yoga, everyday, coupled with either going to the gym for an hour and a half, OR doing tae bo for an hour...a total of 2-2 1/2 hours of exercise...PER DAY.  That's kind of insane, especially since for a long time, I was only eating low-calorie foods...1000-1300 per day, maybe.  So, this time, I'm going back to the gym...but in a smart way.  Only three days a week to begin with...and yoga on my off days...but NOT together again.  And I'm also adding in strength training.  I've noticed that my weight I've gained over the summer has gone right to my thighs, hips and abdomen, so I'm hopefully going to find some strength training exercises that will make my muscles leaner and not bulkier.

I guess my real struggle will be with a diet.  Do I try to stick to low-calorie foods?  I feel like that will only lead me back to a restricting diet.  But how do you actively try to lose weight?  You cut back your calories and fat.  But this time, I want to make a lifestyle plan that will last...not something that will lead to me worrying about what I can and cannot eat.  Does anyone have any advice?
Day One:  Back at the Gym

I began exercising again today, after a 2 1/2 week hiatus.  I don't even need to mention how out of it I am, but I'm going about this in a new way.  I added in strength training today, along with some moderate cardio and a bit of stretching at the end.  I did the weights first, which in hindsight was probably not such a great idea.  Next time, I'll be sure to do the cardio first, because I felt a bit sluggish as I climbed on the elliptical.  And by sluggish, I mean, I was only on it 7:30 minutes before I felt nauseous! (And granted, I probably shouldn't have had dinner one hour before!) 

Still, though, it felt good to be back there, knowing that I would be sculpting my body the correct way now.  I am actually looking for some great exercises to try for my thighs and butt.  I want to slim them back down to where they were before my summer weight gain, and I've been told squats and lunges are great for this.  Any other suggestions?

I chalked today up as a day to learn where every machine is and what they all do.  SOOOO many arm machines, but so few leg ones!  I did find a terrific one that works your glutes, as well as the adductor/abductor.

So...my question is...with weight training, how much cardio should I do now?  Aside from the gym, I try to walk to class/from class as often as I can, which is about an easy 30 minute walk to my apartment (but only probably 1.2 miles).  Still, it's not like I'm an inactive slug.  I'm off to class every day at 9, and home after 6.  So, I don't want to overdo my cardio, weight training, and yoga that I do at home.  I do, however, wish to drop about 10 pounds before Thanksgiving. 

I'm also throwing around a few ideas with my diet.  I'm willing to cut out uneccesary junk food and sweets, but I'm kind of against the idea of being on a very "strict" diet, meaning I'm not willing to stick to just salads and veggies all day, every day.  I'm tired of counting calories, but I would be willing to just try eating healthier.  I don't have a huge appetite to begin with, so it's not like I've been overeating to gain all this weight...I really think it's just been due to the fact that my body has been readjusting and realizing "Hey!  I'm not in starvation mode any more! WEIGHT GAIN EXTREME!" 

It's frustrating because I try to rationalize with my mom about this...she says maybe I need to cut out my junk foods for a while, but I try to tell her how healthfully I do eat the majority of the time, and that I was exercising like a fiend AND working a tough waitressing job all summer, yet I still managed to outgrow most of my jeans and steer away from my goal weight of 120.  So, tons of exercise worked for me during my first years of losing weight, but apparently it did not this summer.

Scientifically, I should not have gained all this weight...yet I did...so now I have to try to figure out a way to deal with it....yet at the same time, I need to remember that I need to get my body back on track so it's functioning normally again.  I'm tired of being so overly full on just one sandwich for the entire day.  I want to EAT, darn it!

So...any comments?  Tips?  Helpful hints?
katopong- I am currently in the same position as you. I am trying to recovery from restrictive eating and focus on being healthy. I am battling with the idea of gaining and the fear of it all. I too know that I need to gain to live!

I have been eating more foods too like more carbs and good fats like nuts and protein bars. I still havent really given in to the forbidden foods yet like pizza or fries, but I think that will come in time. It sounds like you are on your way to a healthy recovery because I have been following your posts, but I would suggest that you dont focus on the scale or calories. I know that it is hard, but let your body tell yourself what it wants. I mean that is what I have been advised to do, because counting is just going to cause a relapse.

I too also experience the bloatyy feeling that you have mentioned. I am so used to not eating a whole sandwich that in order to try to get it down, I get stomach pains. My nutritionist suggested that I just eat like every hour but small portions. So if you cant eat the entire thing then save it for like an hour later and then an hour after that eat chips or guac...she said avocados are great. Another thing that I would try to add to your diet is little things like cheese or nuts, add nuts to fruit with yogurt and it is fantastic!

Anyway, I hope this helps you! Im not much of an advice giver...ha
I think I have a bit of good news...you know how when you restrict your calories severely, over-exercise and try to cut out your fats leads to women losing their periods?  Which means their hormones are out of whack?  Well, I have a bit of news...my face has been breaking out slightly with acne, which usually means that my period is going to begin again.  And don't hormones control acne and breakouts?  So, if my hormones are firing up again, maybe this finally means that my body is ready to get itself back to normal?

On the flip side, I had a rather frustrating day today.  I decided, over the weekend, that I would really be good for a while, only eating healthy foods and trying to cut out sweets and unnecessary junk foods.  My pants have been feeling a bit too tight, so I nearly went into restriction mode again.  It's so tempting to just try to eat as little as possible, seeing as how it worked before.  And I HATE the idea of not being able to eat something if I crave it.  But, at this point, I really just want to learn how to eat normally again.  I don't want to have to force myself to eat more calories, especially when I have gotten so good at listening to my stomach and only eating until I'm full.  So, from now on?  Intuitive eating!  And you right, positivelinny, I shouldn't focus on calories or the scale.  Still, I would love one day to just see that scale get back down...then I'd really be motivated.

I also mentioned that I started a cleanse.  Day 2 is almost overwith, and I really haven't seen a change of anything.  I finally (um, how to put this) used the lavatory tonight, but I don't feel like I'm on a cleanse.  Let's see how day 3 goes...third time's a charm!
Well, the third time was indeed a charm!  I do believe the cleanse has been working today.  Now, the real test is if it continues to work like it did today for the final 4 days of it.
#38  
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katopong
so i haven tbeen to the gym in about a month and i havent gained weight but i havent lost. i eat about 1700-2000 a day and im waitressing now for 20 hours a week which i know you know is a bit strenuous. i get so fed up though with not losing. i am willing to do anything, if only i knew what it was. even eating 1500 and going to the gym 5 days a week..i'd love to do taht if i'd know that it would work. but ive done it before, and it hasnt. every day is a battle between trying to be normal or going back to the old ways starving..
#39  
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katopong---

i went through almost the same thing, except i didn't do much exercise like you.

my first year of college was wonderful, focused on my studying, happy with how i looked, until i met my boyfriend. Although i shouldn't put blame on others for what was essentially my fault, i cannnot help but think that my bf had a significant role in my downfall. He was someone who was very focused on physical appearance, commented on how good/bad others looked, and even said once that "you would look better if you lost weight." True, i gained weight after dating him, but who doesn't when entering an relationship? And why was this even important? I went though severe binging, restricting cycles, and subsequently went from 110 to 130 lbs (5'4", not overweight but i have an extremely small frame, so i did look rather chubby). I ended up confessing about my eating disorder to him, but he turned a blind eye. He eventually broke up for me and soon thereafter went for his best friend's ex-gf... who had lost a remarkable amount of weight and was gorgeous.

Fortunately, through good friends, family, and God, I recovered and slowly lost weight healthily by regularly exercising and eating 3 healthy meals a day and went down to 117 lbs. However, seeing the lbs shedding off and knowing that I would see him again at graduation, I wanted to lose even more weight so that he could see me and my drastic change and regret his decision. Of course this was stupid of me. If anything, I should change for myself and not for anyone else. but i was going through a really hard breakup. He was my first.

Through starvation, calorie-counting, and barely exercising, but feeling faint and dizzy all throughout the day (+ massive headaches), I went down to 104. The lowest ever in my adult life. I could see my collar bones + 2 other bones below my collar bones (don't know what they're called), sort of see my rib bones, but still had a slight belly because i wasn't exercising. I developed body dysmorphic disorder.

but i just had an epiphany today. TODAY. I am no longer going to live like this. i had two binges in a row.. yesterday night and this morning, but i still decided to have a healthy dinner. Starting today, I decided to become a new me, and it has been so liberating. i am finally free. i am finally going to live. And if someone doesn't like me for who i am, how i look, or by how much i weigh, then they aren't worth a nanosecond of my time.
Good for you, hummus86! (which is actually one of my favorite foods!)  To be honest, I ended up losing a lot of weight in the first place because of a horrible break up (have you ever been dumped on Christmas Day?).  Losing weight for guys is the dumbest thing you can do, so kudos to you for figuring that out.

Kida...I know what you mean.  For two weeks my weight hovered as I didn't go to the gym, going up then coming back down...but never going lower.  I've been adding back in some gym time, with a bit more cardio, but I'm doing it the right way this time...3 days at the gym (cardio and weight training) and 3 days with just yoga...that's it.  And I'm mixing everthing up, too...today I rollerbladed, and Saturday morning I might do tae bo again.  But I don't know what to do about a diet.  I'm to the point now where I hate making myself take in 2000+ calories a day...I would much rather eat what I'd like to when I'm hungry, and to the point of satiety.  I'm trying to add in more fiber and protein, because I've been told eating protein can promote weight loss and eventually maintenance.  Does anyone know a good list of foods high in protein?

I also don't really know what to eat for weight loss.  I believe my metabolism is so screwed up now that I wouldn't be able to rely on any BMR calculators online.  If those always held true, then there should have been no reason why I went from 120 to 135...I was constantly exercising, but eating small amounts of calories.  So, sometimes science and calculators don't work.

This is going to be a process of trial and error.  When I was first losing weight, I was eating salads full of salami, ham, mozzarella cheese cubes, chick peas and full-caloried dressing, so I'm wondering if my protein intake was high back then.  Thoughts?
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