Recently acquired a baby...(Rant)

(ahead of time, not sure if this should be here or in parenting...so, sorry)

And it's sucking the soul from my body like a cat sucks... well, the breath from a baby...

Ok, don't read on if you don't want TMI ranting. Story summed up: My neice had a baby about 4 months ago. She's too immature to have one. I'm stuck at home, using what I can of my pay check to buy things to take care of her baby, while she goes out to clubs, hangs out with friends late into the night, get's sloshed and wakes up everyone in the darn house when she plows through the house (Baby included).

my great nephew -or whatever he is- is cute, he's got that going for him, and yeah, he's a great guy, for, you know, a 4-month-old baby (Kind of hard to have political debates when your conversation partner is spitting up pureed peas and pooping himself, but who ISN'T this election year?)...

 but As I'm writing, I realise this. I'm 18 (almost 19)- *insert expletive of your choice here*-years old, my neice is 25-26. Why does SHE get to go out and have fun while I'm taking care of her kid? I'm spending money on buying him food, diapers, whatever, on what little money I make, giving up time for my hobbies and friends to watch HER kid, while she goes out, parties, and doesn't even show a hint of gratitude...

Maybe I'm being a bit too harsh, But I'm seriously thinking that if she doesn't get her stuff togethe,r I'm going to have to work full time and quit school to take care of a kid that's not mine. I'm not looking for pity, I'm pissed. I've told her how I felt, and she insists that she's taking good care of the baby, when the whole reason the thing isn't dead is because I'm it's new mom, for some reason.

I am the FIRST to admit I shouldn't have kids. For one, I'm 18 years old. Secondly, I know pretty much nothing about babies and there care. Thirdly, I'M too immature to have a kid. I want a social life, i want to keep going to school. I want to be able to go out and have fun with friends on fridays and saturdays instead of taking care of a baby. I feel horrible and selfish for saying that, but it's true.

I think I'm taking good care of him though, he hasn't gotten sick since I've been watching him (about a month now), and he's not emaciated or starving or anything, so I must be doing SOMETHING. Though, I doubt subjecting a baby to my kind of music is probably child abuse of some sort, but he seems to like metal and punk music enough when he's awake. I read him stories and play with him. But I feel horrible because sometimes I think I have post-partum depression and the baby isn't mine. I haven't gotten to see or have any time with friends since I've been watching the baby, and It's difficult trying to work through my own problems AND care for a baby as well.

Guh... sorry about all that, I just needed to get that off of my chest. Someone shoot me before I do it myself...

Tell her you aren't going to watch the kid anymore, and then don't watch the kid.  Go out.  Have fun.  You're 18 and you don't want a kid.  Stop taking care of it.  You didn't get knocked up.  The kid isn't your responsibility.

sounds to me like she is taking the piss! I agree with jewels, stop taking care of the kid and spending what little money you have on him!

I want to, but I'm scared that if I don't, something bad would happen to the baby. I know that if something DOES happen I technichally wouldn't be in trouble, but I don't want the kid to get hurt because his mom's, well, a dead beat. I'm going to try and give her the ultimatum tomorrrow to start caring for her kid or...I dunno. I just needed to rant, thanks guys :)

You have to stop and give her the chance to care for him herself, if something happens to the kid because of neglect then it'll be out of your hands anyway, and maybe that would be a good thing?!

You better cut this off and set some limits with your niece before this becomes a regular long-term thing. She has a baby. She needs to get it together and grow up. I totally understand your concern for the baby but unless you are prepared to parent him for the next 18 years, it would be better for everyone if you forced her to learn how to be a parent...because shes going to have to take over at some point. The sooner the better.

Try leaving the house before she wakes up so that she actually has to spend time with him. Dont let her think she can just leave at any time.

Dont feel horrible or selfish for wanting your life back, I think youre a saint for having put up with this for so long.

I hope you don't mind me asking, but - where are your parents? You're 18 and she's 25, so I'm guessing you still have contact with them. Have you told her parents how she's behaving? Or your parents? She might not be inclined to take you seriously because you're younger than her (aunt/niece titles aside), but a stiff word from her parents might set her straight. 

You do hint that the baby isn't entirely dependant on you, so see if you can refrain from babysitting it and see what happens.

You could seek help from family services in your community.  Maybe that would wake the mother up and make her realize that she could lose her baby if she doesn't take care of him.

I know this sounds harsh, and I know that children in foster care don't have a great life sometimes, but if the baby could be adopted at least he'd have a chance.

Not knowing your family situation, I might be giving bad advice.  Where are both sets of grandparents?  Shouldn't they be the ones who take over the care of their grandchild?  They are more closely related to him than you are.

first off, i have to commend you for being so great. i raised my own little brother from the time i was 11 until i was about 14. it's pretty hard work, especially when you're just a kid yourself.

it might sound mean, but you aren't the one who was irresponsible enough to have sex with no protection, resulting in a baby. it's her responsiblity to take care of her baby, not yours, and you gotta tell her or it's going to ruin your life. you are a kid and deserve to have fun like one, not raise someone else's child. bottom line, it's not fair to you.

....15 years from now...."kid" winds up dropping out of school, doing drugs, hanging out with thugs, stealling, smoking, just hanging out....why? why not? he had noone who really loved him growing up. sure he had a great ~what did you call yourself again? (insert here)~ help out but she didn't want to. did it out of "responsibility" he could feel the resentment and not the love. mother could care less just wanted to party.

kids can feel your vibes....someone needs to show this kid some love and FAST!!

 

good luck kid....your going to need it  *wipes tears*

kattttt

Even if you love the little bugger, this one isn't yours.  If you're going to be his mom, then you should be able to adopt him and make all the decisions in his life.  As the situation stands, you're a glorified free nanny.  Mom can take the kid out of your care at the drop of a hat or with a change in mascara brands.

This is a recipe for failure and it's not going to do the either the kid or you any favors.  You cannot make the mom do anything, but you can change what you decide to do.  Don't feel guilty, you do deserve a life and I'm alarmed that you might drop out of school to take care of this kid.  If it were your own then you would be in it together, but right now you have no ability to make decisions about the kid and enforce them.

Definitely call your local community services, the grandparents and let them know what's going on and ask what you can do.  If your neice is so immature that she cannot be a good mom, then the kid is better off going through foster care.  Foster care does not cut off contact with the family so far as I know, it does remove the kid from a potentially hazardous situation.

Am I the only one that wonders about how your niece is 7 years older than you?  It sounds like you have an interesting family to begin with....

 

Good luck with all of this, and really, talk to your parents. 

I understand your concern for your niece's child...However, it is not your job to watch her child for her especially since she is in her mid 20's. Yes, that is still young, but you are 18. If she was responsible enough to have sex then she is responsible to watch her own child. It is selfish what she is doing and it is time for her to grow up. As soon as she conceived it was her responsibility for this child. If she was simply not ready she should have given it up for adoption or to a more responsible (and old enough) family member to take care of it. You SHOULD be out with friends, going to school, etc. enjoying your life.  It is OK to baby sit now and then, but not as often as you are to the point it is interfering with your life. I know it is hard when you are worrying about this poor child since it is a family member, but you are just going to have to have a talk with your niece and explain to her that it is time for her to watch her own child and as hard as it may be you are just going to have to leave it in her own hands. What becomes of that child will be up to her in the end. If child services take it away perhaps it is for the best. It is not up to you to watch this child, it's mother should be taking full responsibility instead of partying every night. The child deserves better then that.

You need to set boundaries with your niece. At 18 you should be living YOUR life, not meeting the obligations of somebody else's.
It's common knowledge that if you choose to have a baby, your life changes. Sorry, you don't get to go out partying all night anymore, your priority is the infant. They need to suck it up, stay in at night and take care of their child, not expect everybody else to do it for them.
And if they still don't, maybe you should tell CPS on them.

Childhelp® is a national organization that provides crisis assistance and other counseling and referral services. The Childhelp® National Child Abuse Hotline is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with professional crisis counselors who have access to a database of 55,000 emergency, social service, and support resources. All calls are anonymous.

Contact them at 1.800.4.A.CHILD. (1.800.422.4453)

OPs parents had her when her sister (or brother) was old enough to pro-create. ie when 'niece' was 7.

OP: Go to the family on this one. It is not your job.

Thank you soo much for everyone's help!! I called my sister and she said that she had no idea this was happening, and was going to help with the baby and have a 'talk' with my neice. I'm still going to take care of the baby until my neice steps up to bat, but my sister is going to help me out so that I'm not chained in the house all day and I can get more hours for work, go to school and be able to hang out with friends again. She's also going to get things for the baby so that I'm not breaking bank about it.

My sister doesn't want to call child services yet, she wants to talk to her daughter first and give her the ultimatum there, Again, thanks for all the help and lifting my spirit.

Good for you!  Grandma needs to step up to the plate if her daughter isn't going to.  At this point in your life you need to live your life...at least I'll bet that you're going to be super careful about birth control should the situation arise.