recovered from ED and ready for maintenance--after pics...goal weight achieved

So, I bought a swimsuit from victorias secret and it actually fit, first sign that i have achieve my goal weight. i can fit into regular pants now, second sign. i eat over 2000 calories and i am gaining very slowly, third [semi] sign, fourth, i am happy and healthy and finally comfortable with my body [well kinda] but all in all i'm ready to maintain and i think i've come such a long way, i've gained over 15 pounds and did it all alone. ive had virtually no support from friends or family and no one to keep me on track when everyone around me was trying to lose weight. i feel very proud of how far i have come and i know that many people will criticize me and say i should gain more, but this is my body and i have to live with it, not them. i am not going to gain weight for others, just like poeple who are on diets shouldn't lose weight for others. i finally like my body enough to wear a swimsuit and that's more than i've been able to do for around 3 years now and on top of that, mentally i am so much happier and in tune with my own desires, passions, and interests. i lost that when ED was at its prime and i'm happy to say that i am recovering in that aspect of my life as well. if you'd like to see my progress there are some swimsuit pics, and a pic in jeans and a bra, and me fully clothed. sorry if they are too exposed. i'd love to hear what you think, honest opinions are welcomed even if it may not be what i want to hear, but please don't be condescending or mean just because you're bored or don't agree with my position. thanks a ton!!

Great job Chrissy! You should be very proud of yourself.  It's great to hear that you are happy with your body.

I've read alot of your posts - you're always so helpful and kind.  You've been through alot and worked hard to get to where you are.  It's wonderful that you use your experience to help others.  Keep it up - I'm sure you have followers on this site.

My honest opinion about your pics - you look nice - cute swimsuit! You would still look nice if you put on a few pounds more so don't be too hung up on staying at your "number", just stay healthy.

 Im so glad to hear you are happy with your body and shape now. What you have done is amazing and you should be really proud of how far you have come especially since you did it yourself, that takes a lot of courage and willpower.

Recovering for yourself and not anyone else is one of the most important parts of recovery I think.

I had a peek at your pics and you look gorgeous! You could put on more weight and it definately wouldnt be noticed but if for now your happy with yourself and your healthy then just keep with what feels best for you. You look lovely any how. I agree also with the post above, you have given some wonderful advice and friendship to people here, you deserve to be happy

thanks a ton! i am thinking that i will naturally put on a few pounds in an attempt to find my maintenance calorie range which is why i figure i can switch to maintenance now adn eventually ill like my body even more, a few pounds definitely isn't shunned and i'm not worried about that. i just feel so great to finally be semi-normal...at least in terms of buying clothes, wearing clothes, and not feeling so exposed and watched because i look so thin!! thanks for your support..it really brightened my day :)

good for you, you look good.
stay healthy!  =)

If you don't want people to set you straight then you should not be publically posting that you're trying to maintain an underweight goal. You know better.

I can tell from those pictures, your weight is not healthy. And it's hard to say it but you are hypocritical if you're going to go about posting advice to others but not following it through yourself. Your weight is unhealthy if it is underweight and as such, you will end up causing yourself grief if you remain where you are. It's great your mindset is changing but hovering at too low a weight is going to hurt you.

Calorie Count's mission is to promote healthy and sustainable weight management. Managing an underweight weight is not this. Again, you know better.

Posting Guidelines

Calorie Count's mission is to promote healthy and sustainable weight management. Please help our moderators follow this vision and respect the following guidelines.

• Your post is subject to modification or deletion by our moderators. Repetitive, off-topic, disruptive, and frivolous posts will be removed. We will take down any posts that violate either the letter or the spirit of any of these rules.
• Promotion of starvation diets or habits that exhibit signs of an eating disorder ("pro-ana", "pro-mia", etc.) is prohibited.

Ellie
Calorie Count Volunteer Moderator

Original Post by lalabanana:

If you don't want people to set you straight then you should not be publically posting that you're trying to maintain an underweight goal. You know better.

I can tell from those pictures, your weight is not healthy. And it's hard to say it but you are hypocritical if you're going to go about posting advice to others but not following it through yourself. Your weight is unhealthy if it is underweight and as such, you will end up causing yourself grief if you remain where you are. It's great your mindset is changing but hovering at too low a weight is going to hurt you.

Calorie Count's mission is to promote healthy and sustainable weight management. Managing an underweight weight is not this. Again, you know better.

Posting Guidelines

Calorie Count's mission is to promote healthy and sustainable weight management. Please help our moderators follow this vision and respect the following guidelines.

• Your post is subject to modification or deletion by our moderators. Repetitive, off-topic, disruptive, and frivolous posts will be removed. We will take down any posts that violate either the letter or the spirit of any of these rules.
• Promotion of starvation diets or habits that exhibit signs of an eating disorder ("pro-ana", "pro-mia", etc.) is prohibited.

Ellie
Calorie Count Volunteer Moderator

wow LALA...pretty harsh. exactly what i didn't want. if you want to express concern, then do that, if you aren't concerned then don't spend your time being mean either. i am at my goal weight, as set when i first went in for treatment. granted i am no longer doing the outpatient thing, but goal weights aren't made with the intention of someone meeting them and still being unhealthy. i am "healthy" but not at a bmi of 20, which is honestly unlikely anyway being that my own mother who eats garbage all day and sleeps when she's not eating, is only 110 and 5'2. so, please don't preach to me about being a hypocrite because i'm not. i'm also not opposed to gaining which i also stated. so, i am not PRO-ANA and i feel extremely offended that you would make such accusations being that i have done this without the support that you and most other ED recoverers have the benefit of. so, instead of being so condescending maybe approach the situation with a positive outlook. i have gained over 15 pounds, by myself and for myself. no one cared if i died from an ED or not, so i didn't have that extra push so i will pat myself on the back, if that makes me a hypocrite then i guess i am. but being healthy and getting my life back has always and will always be my goal, if that means that i have to reach a BMI of 20 because that's what other people's normal is...then that's absurd. if i do reach a BMI of 20 that's fine too but unlikely, i am going to continue consuming a minimum 2000 with 2100 in between and if i gain then i gain. i am going to stop gaining when my weight stabilizes while eating this amount. that is by no means trying to force myself to maintain an unhealthy weight is it? nope! i respect you and hope that you can do the same for those of us who may be doing things a bit different from you but if i were concerned about my health at this weight then i'd gain. it's not about image or the number on the scale per se, it's just a byproduct of me getting to my healthy weight. :) sorry if i angered you or if it seemed that i was promoting something that i'm not because it wasn't my intent.

Wow, you look absolutely fantastic! Seriously! I think you deserve to feel proud of your achievements, recovering and gaining 15 pounds completely without support must have been insanely difficult, and I really think you are inspiring for that. I don't agree with lala that you look underweight, I think that even though you are considered still slightly underweight it doesn't necessarily mean you're unhealthy, some people are naturally built smaller. Not that you'd be overweight if you did have a bmi of 20, but its just not necessary to be healthy perhaps. I always naturally weighed around 96-97, which is like bmi 19, and i definitely wasn't dieting back then! I think that as long as you're eating sufficient calories, your body will naturally maintain itself.

:)

Original Post by cowcow44:

Wow, you look absolutely fantastic! Seriously! I think you deserve to feel proud of your achievements, recovering and gaining 15 pounds completely without support must have been insanely difficult, and I really think you are inspiring for that. I don't agree with lala that you look underweight, I think that even though you are considered still slightly underweight it doesn't necessarily mean you're unhealthy, some people are naturally built smaller. Not that you'd be overweight if you did have a bmi of 20, but its just not necessary to be healthy perhaps. I always naturally weighed around 96-97, which is like bmi 19, and i definitely wasn't dieting back then! I think that as long as you're eating sufficient calories, your body will naturally maintain itself.

:)

thank you so so much!! that is so reassuring because i was kinda bent out of shape about LALAs comment. everyone has told me i look so healthy and happy and that's been nice so to hear such a negative comment when i've come so far was kind of defeating. i am going to continue eating 2000 calories until i stop gaining or reach a weight that i think is my upper limit then decrease. but i won't decrease from 2000 until i gain another 3-5 pounds. so if that never happens then it never happens, but if it does then that's fine too!!

hile i think its a good idea to continue w 2000 cals-depending on excercise, the fact that uve gained 15lbs doesnt say anything unless it also means ur at a healthy weight.  dont let how u think u feel overpower ur goal of true health.  eds are mental diseases, go by ur weight, what a doctor says, how u feel may not necessaraly be a good indicator.  ur also older that whenever u weighed a certain weight, ppl grow and develop.  gl

Hey Chrissy, 

You do look great!! and I'm not an expert at all in eating disorders, but from my limited knowledge you seem to have a healthy mindset. You seem fine with possibly gaining a few pounds, and you seem truly happy at your current weight. I'm glad for you that you have reached your goal weight. I do think, though, that it might be worth it (and smart) for you to check in with a nutritionist just to make sure you're on track. 

But to stick up for lala, I know she puts up with a lot of people on this website who are very sick and unhealthy. It's her job as a moderator to be concerned. She's just trying to speak her honest opinion. 

Hope I didn't offend either of you!

nope, no offense taken. i can understand why LALA said what she did, but i'm not one of those people who are trying to maintain an unhealthy mindset or body. i am going by the way i feel coupled with the weight that was prescribed to me at the onset, so i am trying to be very objective because i know that the ED mind can be very overpowering. so i understand what all of you are saying. i'm not opposed to gaining more, but it's just not my mission anymore basically. so if i gain then my body is still not where it needs to be, if i stay the same then that's wonderful too! :) 

Chrissy,  I've read your latest journal entry and I'm curious...you said in your #8 post that you were going to continue to eat 2000 calories until you stopped gaining.  But your journal says that if you gained the last 2 pounds that put you at your goal weight, you were going to move down to your maintenance calories.  I find this a bit contradictory.  I'm sorry if some peoples statements have you bent out of shape, but Lala (as well as alot of us) have seen many, many people who claim to be "recovered" when in all actuality, they have merely raised their "goal" a little bit and refuse to accept reaching anything higher than that.

I wonder if you really know what the true steps to recovery entail.  When is the last time you have spoken with a professional?  You said you used to be in outpatient.  How long ago was that?  Also, true recovery means getting yourself to a healthy BMI.  Have you hit that yet?  For a recovering anorexic, this means getting to around a 20 BMI and I don't think you are at that, are you?

on edit:  I've read some of your other posts and you say that you will never hit a BMI of 20 because your mother hasn't.  I'd just like to say that nobody should ever compare themselves to their mother.  I don't care if she eats all day long and sits on the couch watching Oprah and eating bon-bons.  You need to focus on you and not what your mother does.  This includes weight. 

Original Post by peaches0405:

Chrissy,  I've read your latest journal entry and I'm curious...you said in your #8 post that you were going to continue to eat 2000 calories until you stopped gaining.  But your journal says that if you gained the last 2 pounds that put you at your goal weight, you were going to move down to your maintenance calories.  I find this a bit contradictory.  I'm sorry if some peoples statements have you bent out of shape, but Lala (as well as alot of us) have seen many, many people who claim to be "recovered" when in all actuality, they have merely raised their "goal" a little bit and refuse to accept reaching anything higher than that.

I wonder if you really know what the true steps to recovery entail.  When is the last time you have spoken with a professional?  You said you used to be in outpatient.  How long ago was that?  Also, true recovery means getting yourself to a healthy BMI.  Have you hit that yet?  For a recovering anorexic, this means getting to around a 20 BMI and I don't think you are at that, are you?

on edit:  I've read some of your other posts and you say that you will never hit a BMI of 20 because your mother hasn't.  I'd just like to say that nobody should ever compare themselves to their mother.  I don't care if she eats all day long and sits on the couch watching Oprah and eating bon-bons.  You need to focus on you and not what your mother does.  This includes weight. 

no, i don't see it as contradictory at all, it's not absurd to think that 2000 calories will be my maintenance level. i hope that it is actually. please don't search my journals looking for contradictions because regardless of whether or not this was contradictory...often times we change our goals and our minds depending on when we're asked or when we type the message, it's a feeling in the moment and there are fluctuations which we all have. i am not saying that i'm not going to get to a bmi of 20 BECAUSE my mom never did, but i'm saying that genetically speaking, my frame just doesn't hold that much weight without extreme effort, i'd probably have to count calories my entire life to maintain that high of a weight. i'm not forcing anything...why does everyone want to argue when it comes to recovery? i admit, i should see a doctor and i want to because it's been a while...unfortunately, like i said earlier, i'm going it alone which means doctor bills are my own responsibility, paying for school, my aparment, food, life, all my own responsibility. it's not that easy either. i work, go to school full time, and do this ED recovery thing...not the most glamorous life in the world. is it wrong for me to be happy and to switch focus? it's not like i'm trying to force myself to stay here, i'm just NOT TRYING to gain anymore. i'm going to eat 2000 calories and see what happens. i want to get to the point where i don't have to count at all, that's my goal. i want a completely normal relationship with food which will never happen completely, but at least to stop being so obsessed with eating enough or eating too much. it's all overwhelming and takes the joy out of life. 

I never said it was absurd to think that 2000 calories could be your maintenance level.  Actually, for your age, I think that would be about right.  I simply meant that after reading your journal, I didn't think that you thought 2000 was your maintenance.  You made it sound like you were going to decrease your intake.  I really do hope that you continue to intake 2000.

Just so you know, your journals are public unless you set them to private.  Therefore, anyone can read them.  If you want a journal entry to be private, you can certainly do that.  However, as a moderator, of course I'm going to try to read some of your previous entries so that I can best help you.  Moderators are here to help people.  We are going to give people information straight up, even if it's not what they want to hear.  You have to understand that if you choose to post in these forums, you are opening yourself up to all kinds of advice from all sorts of people.  That's just the way it is.

And I'm not saying that you should count your calories for the rest of your life or over-eat to get to a BMI of 20.  But I am saying that you should not decrease your calorie intake just because you have hit a certain goal weight.  This is not how recovery is done.  If you would like some articles on recovery, we would be more than willing to provide them to you.  I do realize that not everyone can afford to visit a doctor or a specialist as much as they would like to.

Sincerely,

Michelle ~ Volunteer Moderator

i would actually LOVE any information that you can provide, i am always eager to become more informed. i don't mind people offering advice it's just when it's presented in a harsh and biting manner that i get a little offended. i want the honest truth and i welcome it but i also want compassion and understanding when the advice it is presented. otherwise it feels like the advice is coming from a bad place and i just don't like it. i apologize though if it seems like i'm resisting because i'm not. although i don't understand what you mean when you say i shouldn't decrease my intake just because i've hit a certain weight, well when do i decrease and how do i know? thanks a ton!

I know you might think that we can be harsh sometimes.  But Lala has a wealth of information at hand.  She's been through what you have and she's come out the other side even stronger.  It's just that we deal with alot of people with ED's and sometimes it can be frustrating dealing with people who are not willing to listen to us.  You gotta give us a break sometimes.  Ultimately, we are just here to help.  Here's some info that I posted recently in another thread.  I hope it helps in regards to an anorexic's recovery intake.  A recovering anorexic needs totally different calorie needs than the average person.  Look at my #2 and hopefully it will shed some light on the subject.

 http://caloriecount.about.com/im-confused-wei ght-gain-ft137010#7

Good for you for gaining.

I haven't looked at your pictures, nor read your journal.  Nor am I trying to be rude. 

However it does sound like you are a very active lady, and trying very hard to get healthy.  So congrates.

I would also say, keep gaining.  You've done well, and your at a point where you don't have to force feed yourself to do it.  So why stop below a healthy weight?  You have little to fear from it obviously.  If it's true that your just one of those lucky few that is naturally slender like your mother... then once you hit a healthy weight and switch to maitaince your body is likely to slowly drift into it's ((possibly lower)) set weight any way.

So why the big todo? 

To answer your question "How do you know when to decreas?"  When you hit a BMI of 20.  

I don't know your height or weight, but your sound pretty active... for most people 2000 calories is probably lower then maintaince with that level of actibity.  It's lower then mine and I'm not all that active.   So... it's entirely possible you haven't given your metabolism a full chance to recover.

You have done amazingly well and you should be patting yourself on the back, but you've gone 5 yards... why not go the whole 9?

Original Post by lunaripyros:

Good for you for gaining.

I haven't looked at your pictures, nor read your journal.  Nor am I trying to be rude. 

However it does sound like you are a very active lady, and trying very hard to get healthy.  So congrates.

I would also say, keep gaining.  You've done well, and your at a point where you don't have to force feed yourself to do it.  So why stop below a healthy weight?  You have little to fear from it obviously.  If it's true that your just one of those lucky few that is naturally slender like your mother... then once you hit a healthy weight and switch to maitaince your body is likely to slowly drift into it's ((possibly lower)) set weight any way.

So why the big todo? 

To answer your question "How do you know when to decreas?"  When you hit a BMI of 20.  

I don't know your height or weight, but your sound pretty active... for most people 2000 calories is probably lower then maintaince with that level of actibity.  It's lower then mine and I'm not all that active.   So... it's entirely possible you haven't given your metabolism a full chance to recover.

You have done amazingly well and you should be patting yourself on the back, but you've gone 5 yards... why not go the whole 9?

i don't think you really have all the information, i am not really very active at all so i don't know where youre getting that idea, i've been mostly sedentary other than the occasional workout which is not regular at all, and walking around campus. i am 4'11 so 2000 calories definitely is not low for my stats. i have gone more than 5 yards, and that's kind of insulting to say. i haven't made a big to do about anything. i am doing quite the opposite actually. and stopping the gaining goal at a bmi of 20 is precisely stopping at a certain weight, which is what peaches said not to do, which is why i was confused. 

i completely understand PEACHES the whole thing is that i am not trying to force anything which is what i'm stressing. i just want to be done with ALL OF THIS. the gaining, the losing, the counting. it's just overwhelming and it consumes too much of my life when i have to think about everything i'm eating, and i'm finally content and i want to be done. that's all, it has less to do with weight than the mental toll it's taking to have to count and obsess all the time. i'm getting better and i feel like it's counter productive to continue this way.

CHRISSY - you look FANTASTIC! Your are slim, but none of your bones are remotely showing. As you have said, you are not averse to gaining a little more if that is where your body naturally maintains itself!

You give great advice Ellie, but YOUR OPINION about Chrissy’s weight is just that; AN OPINION.

You obviously prefer girls/women who are not that thin. That is what YOU prefer.

Chrissy does not look ill, she is slim but there are no boned poking out or any signs she is too underweight for her body type.

CHRISSY - the trouble with being slim is that you cannot afford to LOSE any more weight; now, Ellie and others seam to feel that every one should gain a little extra as a precaution against falling ill or unintentionally losing weight.

Personally, I do not think that a girl who is perfectly healthy with a BMI 18.5 - 19.99 needs to gain weight PURELY to have the extra weight in case you lose weight….

The only thing I would mention, is that if you don’t have your period back yet then you may need a little extra weight for your body to have enough reassurance that you are healthy enough - but aside from the initial over compensation , the extra weight needed to really convince your body it can have a period, if you eat normally for your age height and activity level and naturally fall just below a BMI of 20, then it is fine if you do not need to restrict to do so.

Like I said though, any extra weight may be needed purely because the body takes ages to trust you again! It does not mean you have a naturally higher BMI, the body just needs a little extra to get a period back some times.

Fortunately, you sound like you would accept a higher BMI any way, so if you do need to gain extra weight to get a period, and you naturally STAY that weight then you sound like you are fine with that idea!