recovering from anorexia

Hi,

My name's Emma, I'm 19 years old and I'm recovering from anorexia. I've had it for about 2 and a half years and at the moment I need to gain about 10lbs before I'm at my lowest healthy weight. I sort of know how many calories I should be consuming a day but it feels like too much and I worry that my body will just hold onto everything and I'll pile the weight on. But I know I need to do it to be healthy again, (I haven't had a period in 2 years and I'm scared of doing long-term damage to my body), and I hate that I look awful in my clothes whereas all my friends can wear nice things. I'm setting myself a target to gain 10lbs by December 1st, so I really hope I can manage it, as I'm bridesmaid at my cousin's wedding next year and thats one of my main motivations.

Thanks for reading, Emma xxx

Wow..I'm sure that you can gain the 10 lb...don't be scared about packing in the pounds..just try to eat healthy, and not binge. You can do it, just believe in yourself.

We'll trade that 10lbs, na?  I'm bulimic, and I've binged so much I weigh...well, it'd scare you, luv.  It scares -me-.  I don't have any practical advice, since I'm coming down from the opposite end of the spectrum.  But you are in my prayers, luv.  Stay strong.  <3

 ~Kate

Dont pack on the lbs by eating junk food, eat more fruits to start with! You can eat alot of them. Plus it will feel bad ! Good luck.

How many calories did they tell you to have ?

I will pray for you.  :)

how many calories were you having a day and how long were you anorexic for?

I was restricting for about a year, but at first I lost lots of weight even though I was still eating about 1600cals because I must have had a fast metabolism. I was restricting heavily from september 05 to february 06 which was when I was diagnosed. I only started taking recovery seriously in may 06 and it took me a year to get anywhere near my target weight, the weight gain was very slow and I started gaining on about 1400cals which was increased to about 2000 calories the more weight I gained. However in May this year I relapsed but managed to stop it going further. So I'm 97lbs right now which is nowhere near my lowest but still underweight.

My dietitian won't tell me how many calories to eat, but gives me meal plans, as she says counting calories will hinder my recovery as I'll see food as just numbers and not something to be enjoyed (which I understand). However another dietitian I saw said I should try and get up to about 1700/1800 calories, which feels quite scary right now, as I'm eating 1400/1500 everyday.

Emma xxx

Hi Emma,

I am in the same boat as you, I even have 10 pounds to gain before I am at my lowest healthy weight as well. I have been struggling for 7 years with anorexia and bulimia and I have not had my period for over 4 years. I recently relapsed and am trying to get back on track, but I'm always in that frame of mind where I feel I have to lose weight, I have to lose weight, I have to lose weight, etc. and it's so easy for me to just not eat and overwork myself at the gym. I still have really bad habits that I am trying to break, but it's not easy.

Anyway, if you need a buddy, feel free to message me. I know how tough this is and how scary it is to try to get there without any support.

Good luck to you!!

Hi,

I know what you mean. If something goes wrong during the day, I'm like, 'Got to lose weight.' Whenever I'm upset or something all the old thoughts come back and its hard to fight them off. I'm really determined to do it this time though. I can't spend this next year like I did last year, constantly going to see doctors and therapists, while all my friends have the time of their lives at university, and I can't go because I'm 'ill'. I'm hoping to go next year, but if I'm still struggling I'll have to put it off again.

Can anyone tell me if the calorie allowances on this website are accurate? I mean do they make you gain weight too fast, because for me to get to 107lbs by December 1st I'd have to eat 1800 cals a day, but it seems like too much. Would that be right or should I build up slowly to that amount?

First off, congradulations for wanting to recover. I can't gather the courage to change my ways, so I really admire you for taking the first step.

But in my opinion, I think you should slowly increase your calories/portions. I think the shove-your-face-with-peanut butter approach makes people gain too quickly, and just causes relapse. Or, it leads to binge eating, which can make people go from one extreme to another.

Make small changes. Like, for the first week, add a snack or 100 calories every 2-3 days. This way you can adjust to each step without feeling like you're going from eating nothing to stuffing your face. Then, if you get to the point where you have three meals a day with snacks but you are still under your calorie limit, try eating more calorie-dense things, like oatmeal for breakfast, pasta for dinner, etc.

I really hope you find a strategy that works for you. Please post your progress, as I'd like to know how things go for you. We're all rooting for you, so don't give up! Good luck. :)

Speaking from experience (just got out of the day hospital ED program, LAST WEEK, and am at 90%ish of my goal weight- 115 pds. at 5"3 1/2- 16 yr. old female), I know how nerve racking consuming "so much" is. It feels kind of like: "so I wasn't eating this much BEFORE, what the hell? Why do I have to take it NOW?"

I'm pushing about 3000 cals a day, and gaining about 1-2 pds. a WEEK so that may help you to compare a bit :P

When beginning to getting used to taking in more, I find meal replacements help- this way it doesn't LOOK like as much, and you can chug it down before your ED starts whispering bad things in your ear and you overthink (which is where the trouble always begins). I'd recommend Ensure (my favourtie brand by far- saved my life), but Boost resource nd Life Brand are out there too. Just look in your local pharmacy.

You can take it in food instead, but in my personal opinion, "feeling full" wise and mentally, it's easier with a liquid supplement- at least for the FIRST little while.

Hope I could help...

And GOOD FOR YOU on recovery!!!!!! You're ALMOST THERE!!!!!!!! (Think how LITTLE you've got to go until you can FORGET about the whole bloody thing!)

Thanks so much for your advice. I think increasing slowly is a good idea because if I just ate loads and loads and gained weight really fast it would just make me panic.

At the moment I eat about 1400/1500 calories, which should be maintaining my weight, I'll find out for definite on Monday when I go to see my dietitian, argh! Going there makes me so anxious!

Thanks for all your support! xxx

I just got back from the dietitian's and I've lost almost three pounds, which is not good. On the bright side, I won't feel so guilty about eating more now, whereas if I'd gained I would have felt really bad about increasing. But I'm very motivated to get well now.

Hope you're all OK xxxx

Going to college for journalism was always my dream and this eating disorder has me back from that, as well. It's really put a hold on my future, so I totally know what you mean about everyone you know living their lives at universities and stuff, I've dreamed of being there since I was in elementary school.

Hang in there, you'll get there. And so will I. Just keep fighting the fight.

1800 calories does seem like a lot, but I think it's reasonable and I don't think the weight gain would be that rapid. And if you find that it is, you can always slow yourself down and do as you said, build yourself up to it gradually, in order to gain it at a pace that you are comfortable with.

You LOST? I know the story- towards the end of my pre-hospitalization, I WAS getting better, eating more- normal meals even but STILL LOST!!! Your body won't gain while it still NEEDS, CRAVES the nutrients that it's been deprived of. Like a SPONGE.

It's all VERY gradual. There's NO FOOD they can pump you full of to make you magically gain everyrthing overnight.

Otherwise, the hospital might use it :P Or Third World Countries.

It's like your body does whatever you DON'T want it to do :P Some people can't LOSe the weight, some can't GAIN it.

Let's just not hae to worry about it, EVER AGAIN.

:P

Hey Emma! We are alot alike. I am 19 also and have been struggling with an Eating Disorder for about 2 going on 3 years now. I am so impressed with your motivation to get well. Keep it up! Seriously because to tell you the truth recovering is NOT easy at all. So good for you!

Eating more is really scary. When my nutritionist first gave me my meal plan to gain weight I WOULD NOT do it. Eating all of those new foods was too overwhelming. So instead, I decided to add more servings to the food I was already eating. For example, I would normally have a 1/2 turkey sandwich at lunch, so I started to eat a whole turkey sandwich. I felt okay doing that. Eventually the more I added, the less scary it became. Thus, led me to be more open to a variety of foods. It's the little steps that count! Keep seeing your nutritionist weekly! You need them!

As far as the weight gain goes...don't weigh yourself. I know it's hard not knowing but the scale only hinders recovery. My nutritionist did blind weigh-ins so only she kept track of the numbers. The most important thing is to trust your body. Your body is sophisticated and complex. Weight usually distributes slowly and gracefully and it DOES level off.

Keep on going down the recovery road! :)

 no numbers helped. I mean, there IS such a thing as too much information- think about it. doesn't it helping thinking of food as
a serving of fruit" instead of 121 calories and 0.4g of fat?