Recovering anorexic - support and advice please!

hey all

i've recently been diagnosed with anorexia a few weeks ago and i am very keen to recover and get back to a normal weight, but i just have so many worries, questions and concerns that are delaying my recovery! i really just want to be reassured so that i can have an easier recovery, for i know that this isn't an easy process. thanks so much to all the advice given!

 I'm 15, 5'2" and now at 35kg (77lb) and i'm not allowed to do any exercise so please don't remind me about exercise because thats one of the factors thats dragging me down everyday =( i love sports and physical activity but my psychiatrist and dietician told my parents to make sure that i'm not doing any.  

I really really want to recover from the anorexia but it is soo hard to cope with the diet plan that the dietician has given to me, because I'm just so afraid of gaining body fat! I don't mind the weight gain bit because I never cared about my weight, just my body image. I've always wanted a flat stomach, I have one now and I just can't bear the thought of losing it! Please, I really need some advice on how to cope with this and make myself eat more to recover. Everytime i eat food, i always think about how its going to my stomach and 'unflatten' it (sounds silly i know =/) but its so hard to convince to eat. i do 75 crunches in the morning before breakfast in my room, 50 in the afternoon and another 75 in the evening before bed because im so paranoid about my stomach. i also make myself fidget a lot like shaking/swinging my legs or rapidly drumming my fingers. i know i shouldnt be doing these things but how can i make myself stop? i'm just so scared of getting a flabby body because if i dont do these things i'd just be eating without any exercise!

i'll post the diet plan that i have to follow (my parents watch my every move) if anyone requests. but i just really want to know if i would get an 'ugly' body shape if i just eat without doing any exercise. sorry about my really lengthy post, but thanks so much for any advice/support. 

Hey, 

Not exercising stinks. It was my major complaint when I was restricted from it during the early stages of recovery. Also, don't worry about getting an "ugly" body type. The fact is that you will gain weight in your stomach first and at times it will pooch out, etc but there is really nothing you can do about it. Besides, it will go down!! This is just an inescapable portion of recovery so the best thing to do is keep a good sense of humor and tell yourself that the weight will redistribute- thats what I am doing now. 

Best of luck and please continue recovering. I promise you, the short term stomach pooch is so worth it.

oh wow! i had to reply to you because you are me one year ago :) i was diagnosed 3rd sept. last year at 5ft3 and 36kg! i was in exactly the same boat as you!

i know its sooo hard to deal with starting to gain but you know you've got to do it! i found having goals was really important, for example me and my dad agreed a weight at which i could go to the gym again :) if you did that, you would be motivated to gain a soon as possible

as for getting flabby...its a completely irrational fear, but i do relate to you. i can honestl say that i gained a good 5kg and didnt notice a difference :O my little theory is that so much damage has been done to our insides, thats more important and therefore the first thing to be repaired, so we dont notice the gain :)

how old are you out of interest?? and, for your plan, is the amount of food being increased immediately, or a bit each week?

im 17 now, and ive gained 10kg :D i still fit into to clothes i wore a year ago and i think i look a damn sight better :) believe me the more you gain, the more confident you feel and the less the ana thoughts will be in your mind

i hope this was helpful xxxxxxx

wow charlie thats almost exactly the same as me, because my parents had both agreed that i can only start sports again when i reach an agreeable weight (which at the moment is around 38-40kg).

i guess it is an irrational fear, but i'm not sure if its me or the ana inside me that wants to keep the stomach so bad =/ i know i shouldnt be thinking this way but i just don't want to look in the mirror with excess fat hanging off because of eating with exercise... but i try not to look in the mirror now or look down at my stomach because it just restarts all my fears again =)

i'm 15 now. and i'm quite upset with my diet plan because i wanted to gain weight back with healthy foods, but my dietician seemed to have given me something quite different. i'll post it here (and im not allowed any low-fat/fat-free products which makes it even worse) :

Breakfast - 1 cup cereal with at least 3/4 cup full-fat milk and a banana/fruit juice

Morning tea - fruit with a substantial snack e.g bakery item or cheddar cheese and crackers or 50g muesli/nut bar (but i can't seem to make myself eat those things so im sticking with 40g nut bars atm)

Lunch - 2 large slices of bread with margarine (i absolutely hate margarine), 3 slices of meat, 1 slice full-fat cheddar cheese, lettuce and a juice (but i usually skip the juice)

Afternoon tea - one of the substantial snacks again (e.g nutella/pb toast or a chocolate bar) with full-fat 200g yoghurt

Dinner - whatever my parents have as long as its a normal serving and i have more meat and carbs than veggie. (because we're asian its normally white rice with something stir fried)

Dessert - fruit with 2 scoops of full-fat ice cream and chocolate

Thats my horrible diet plan which im absolutely despising every bit of. I don't get why a dietician can be recommending junk food like the chocolate or full fat ice cream? shouldn't she be asking me to eat something healthier like nuts or foods that don't go to the waist? i'm so confused at the moment. i know i should follow it but sometimes i skip out on the 'substantial snacks' and ice cream because im just so scared of those types of foods.

any suggestions? =/

yea sounds like my meal plan sorta too but i dont do so many carbs i do more fats and protein... my biggest fear is carbs so i try my best to steer clear of them...

about gaining... if you stick to like 30% at least cals coming from fat your stomach wont pooch like it will with carbs because carbs hold a lot more water tho not even real weight) and youll still be gaining weight but it is more like "real " weight i guess... at least this is what ive noticed...

also keeping fiber not TOO high will cause less gas and bloating.. im goin thru the stay away from the mirror and looking down phase now... it sucks but seriously as dumb/riidiculous as you feel, go talk to someone as soon as you feel bad... your parents sound like amazing supporters and you will understand once your weight is stabilized that they truely fear for your health at themoment and will go to the ends of the world to make you happy again... just talk to them and try your best not to stick your nose up at what they serve you. they love you, you're their baby girl and they want you see you do the most and be the best person in the world you can possibly be.

wow ahha i almost made myself tear rethinking a time when i smartmouthed a meal lol

hmm... anything else ive learned so far(btw i still have like 20 lbs to gain im 5'7.5 and like 103-104lbs at the moment).. DO NOT LISTEN TO ED THOUGHTS IN YOUR HEAD... when you get them, take a pillow to your face, SCREAM, and yell SHUT THE FUCCC*#&^$*Q@$%Q@ UP, then deny whatever your head is telling you... it does get easier but gaining weight is what will make you think rationally again and logically have a somewhat normal relationship with food (hehe some weight gain goes into helping your brain)

at such a young age, as im 22 now,  i cant ASSURE YOU YOU SURE AS HELL DO NOOOTT want to be where i am at this age. i hope by the time your 22 youll be married and reproducing! haha. also think of everything you have ahead of you in life you need to be healthy for... graduation, gaining weight to play sports, PROM NIGHT!, college applications, summer trips with friends... BBQ's... YOUR FIRST BEER haha... anyways ive said enough just write back if you have questions about anything! im no expert but im pushing thru everyday

just want you to know that ur not alone in gaining wt ..... im 5'3 and 33kg:(

im on bed rest always ...... yer i just get it i have been sick 10 yrs..... dont let it take ur life girly u r better than that...... keep fighting!

Thanks so much everyone for your support =)

malibu - yeah, i used to be so afraid of carbs too but thats one of the earlier 'scary' foods that i've gladly overcome ^^ i used to hate carbs as well but i then realised that i dont really have a choice because coming from an asian background, carbs is practically what we live off haha.

and thanks, that shut the *(&$#@ up thing was a really good strategy! i just came back from a huge dinner outing with family friends, there were 12 people there and i guess that was kinda good because i didn't sit next to mum and i didn't have to feel like i was under the microscope (which is a really nice break) and we were at a chinese restaurant. so i ate a bowl of rice and stuck to the steamed chicken and stirfried veggies because the other foods looked too 'dangerous'. but i managed to convince myself to eat a small serving of vanilla ice cream for dessert and during that whole time i could feel my ED screaming at the back of my head but i just told it to SHUT THE $&#*( UP!

but i still have a few questions... Do you think my diet plan is healthy? i'm just so afraid of all the full-fat stuff and  where the fat is going to go to =/

Thanks so much to everyone again

haha girl i can ASSURE YOU as much as typing can do that fats DO NOTTTTT DOOO NOOOTTTT DOO NOOOT make people fat I PROMISE YOU!!

transfats found in a lot of packaged food is not good for you... but fats from cheese, butter, nuts, meat..... it ALLL GOOD it is REAL FOOD... promise you using the stuff will not hurt you in the least!

do a goole search if you want proof and type in fats do not make you fat youll get a bunch of results... its proven its good for the body!

heres some reassurance...

Fat does Not Make You Fat. One of the other huge myths is that fat makes you fat. It doesn’t. When you eat fat, your body has to break it down into its little building blocks and then absorb the pieces. The fat you have in your body is not the same as the fat you eat. In fact, the fat naturally found in whole foods is fat you actually need for your body to function properly.

Essential Fatty Acids are the name given to the types of fat that you need to eat. This is why they are called essential. Your body cannot make them, you must eat them. And these essential fatty acids are only found with fat that naturally occurs in whole food. What are these essential fatty acids used for in your body? Well, literally everything. Every cell in your body is partly made up of these essential fatty acids. To breathe, to have your heart beat, to run, walk, think, to make hormones, to remember anything, you need essential fatty acids for all of these and basically, to live. And if you don’t eat them in the food you eat, your body will not function properly. And the only place you can find essential fatty acids is in food that has naturally occurring fat in them. So if you try and cut fat out of your body, you will actually be causing harm and not really be doing anything to get rid of the fat already in your body.

So what is one of the main causes of being fat. Sugar and refined carbohydrates. NO, not again with the sugar, you might be saying. Yes, Sugar and refined carbohydrates are really one of the main causes in many problems we as humans face today. You can pretend it is not true, you can believe it is not true, but no matter how you try and avoid it, sugar and refined carbohydrates will still negatively impact you whether you want them to or not. And whether or not you believe they will or not.

How does sugar and refined carbohydrates make you fat? It is really simple. You have a relatively set amount of fat cells in your body. It is just a matter of how big your fat cells are. So what affects the size of your fat cells? Sugar. Because glucose is what is stored in your fat cells. And there is a little “gate” that controls the movement of sugar in and out of your fat cells. And the key to this little gate is insulin. Insulin is the key that opens the gates to the fat cells and allows excess glucose in the blood to go into the fat cells. So if you never eat anything that raises your blood sugar levels beyond normal, your body will not release insulin, and you will not get bigger fat cells.

The body releases insulin to lower blood sugar levels that are too high. So Sugar and refined carbohydrates are actually what is one of the biggest contributing factors to why people are overweight.

 Fat does not make you fat. In fact, you need the essential fatty acids found in fat to live.

oh wow Malibu that really really did help. i hope i don't shock you but I LOVE YOU!

Thanks so much, that definitely cleared up all the thoughts in my head about getting flab and stuff. I guess the only way i can get a flabby stomach is if i eat and over-excessive amount of junk food right? i guess those 2 small squares of chocolate a day wouldn't make me have a pooch xD

but now that just made me more aware of carbs lol. refined carbs, that is, because coming from an asian background we have steamed white rice with practically everything! but i've learnt that i have to accept that because i can't always be asking my parents to cook something different to our traditional culture. at least i have wholegrain cereals and wholemeal bread, because my mum loves white bread but theres no way im eating white bread for lunch everyday!

I feel like i'm getting better everyday, and recently i've been taking this digestive bitters medicine 15 mins before dinner to help me have more of an appetite. i'm not too sure if its working but i definitely dont feel as digusting after dinner. So once again, thank you SO much for all your help and support.

i'm going off to a father's day session now at my church where theres going to be finger foods and morning tea. and i'm going to be strong about it!

your meal plan is ideal. there is nothing wrong with it. if you persist in trying to eat low fat and no fat foods, you are giving a voice to the disorder. if you are trying to gain weight then you do not need to eat lo and no fat foods. it makes no sense. i did the same but lukn bak at it now.... it makes no sense.

you're being given great advice and you are lucky to have a nutritionist and psychiatrist. why dont you try following what they are suggesting. no one is out to make you fat or unhealthy, and clearly the mess we all find ourselves in is relinquishing control. but clearly taking control is what got many of us into this mess so take it from someone who did it the wrong way : dont dilly dally with the meal plan, don be deceiptful or dishonest, give it 100% effort and it WILL pay off. but dont give a voice to the disorder

Original Post by malibu2008:

 

How does sugar and refined carbohydrates make you fat? It is really simple. You have a relatively set amount of fat cells in your body. It is just a matter of how big your fat cells are. So what affects the size of your fat cells? Sugar. Because glucose is what is stored in your fat cells. And there is a little “gate” that controls the movement of sugar in and out of your fat cells. And the key to this little gate is insulin. Insulin is the key that opens the gates to the fat cells and allows excess glucose in the blood to go into the fat cells. So if you never eat anything that raises your blood sugar levels beyond normal, your body will not release insulin, and you will not get bigger fat cells.

The body releases insulin to lower blood sugar levels that are too high. So Sugar and refined carbohydrates are actually what is one of the biggest contributing factors to why people are overweight.

 Fat does not make you fat. In fact, you need the essential fatty acids found in fat to live.

Agree with the fat part, but you are very oversimplifying the role of insulin.  The most important hormone in terms of fat gain is not insulin, but acylation stimulation protein (ASP) which is activated by the presence of chylomicrons (basically packaged triglycerides that are found in the bloodstream after the meal). ASP increases glucose uptake into the fat cell, increases insulin release from the pancreas and has been described as 'the most potent stimulator of triglyceride storage' in the fat cells.

Also, fat can store itself without the need of insulin.  Fat is preferentially stored over carbohydrates, actually.

In addition, very little insulin is needed to upregulate glucose transporters in fat cells.  Which is why when you look at the research literature, GI and insulin is actually not as strong a factor in weight gain as you would believe reading the popular literature.  What it CAN do is in SOME people increase hunger which increases food intake = weight gain.  It isn't INSULIN that does so, but rather increases in hunger.

But you are correct with the essential fatty acid comments.

i didnt type that i got it offline i was just cuttin and pasting but its what i believe and no way think fat makes people fat.. honey your meal plan is really ideal and healthy... and go for ur chocolate everyday... i have a big ol ice cream cone EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.... full fat vanilla with rainbow sprinkle(almost health food i swear its got milk right?? haha)... anyways point being i wasnt trying to turn one fear into another thats not helping you do need a source of carbs for your body to function as well ur cereal and breads sound great

 

ps- i hope your tea with your dad went well let us know! haha bring a pillow to scream in if ya need it!

heh, the tea went really well as everyone brought at least one dish. my mum and i made brownies and other people brought healthier options such as sliced fruit and veggie sticks with dips. I didn't really take note of what i ate but i just remember eating lots and lots of fruit and veggies, plus one or two cookies and little tid bits of finger food.

and whats even better, i didn't even think about the calories in any of those foods! I'm so happy. I just took what was there, went away to socialise, and didn't think about what i was eating at all =)

The only bad thing is that i couldn't stop fidgeting after that, and i keep feeling the need to do crunches and exercise... thats one of the obstacles that i have to overcome now.

I guess now im pretty comfortable with my diet plan, thanks to everyone here. but sometimes dinner is still a struggle because mum dishes out the rice and i always feel like shes giving me double the portion of a normal serving! i dont know if its the ED twisting my image of a normal portion, or if mums actually loading it on. But i'd so much rather eat more of the meat and veg instead of the rice, but mum thinks thats the ED trying to negotiate =/ is it?

i kno what you mean about the wanting to exercise, and fidget... i use to be able to walk after lunch everyday for an hour till it was decided i cant do ANYTHIHNG until i get to a healthy BMI... so im right there with you and i have a sedentary desk job for 9 hrs a day... talk about stillness it drives me nutty lol..... but the way i tryyy to look at it is exercise and weights will be there for me in the future,,,, it is a goal to reach for to be healthy enough just TO DO that again is a goal for me

 

VERYYY happy to hear you had fun! congrats!

heyy im pretty much in the exact same position you aree so its good to know that other people can relate to what were going through.  i have a meal plan to follow too from my nutritionist and am not very happy about the things i have to eat. it isnt easy to feel out of control with wat you have to eat especially after being so restrictive for so long. i cant exercise either and feel like im trapped with nothing to do but i try to convince myself that ill be able to excersise when i gain the weight which helps a crapload. also, fats are essential for healthy hair, skin, nails, bodily functions, etc. so don't fret too much. i no thats easier said than done because i worry about it all the time. anyways i wish you the best of luck for the future and hopefully we can both make it through this! :)

ooh malibu i guess thats a good way of looking at it. I should just remind myself that exercise will be an option in the future and i'll definitely be looking forward to that ;) and sorry to hear about the 9 hour desk job =( i'd go crazy if i were you! but its good to hear that you have the strength and willpower to endure through it! i have about 5 hours at the desk i guess, because of school and stuff. my friends get really annoyed at how i can't sit still but i think its become a habit that i fidget so much in class now ;-; i really have to try to stop it.

and alexa, i'm so glad to find a person whos in the same situation as i am =) its nice to find someone that i can relate to and discuss my feelings with. you're totally right about feeling out of control after restricting certain foods for so long, but i realise that im gradually accepting some of the 'scary' foods that i use to cut out. i'm pretty happy with myself that i ate a whole banana with my breakfast cereal this morning xD bananas were my biggest fear fruit haha. and now dessert isn't too bad because im having those split ice cream on sticks (the ones where its frozen fruit juice on the outside and vanilla ice cream inside). i can probably eat that without freaking out but i still probably can't handle two scoops of full fat ice cream =(

thanks again to all the support and advice out there. i'm so glad i found this website, its really made a difference to helping me through my recovery process. best of luck to you too alexa, i'm sure we'll get through this! xx

 

 

you have a long road in front of you hunny. the not excersising thing sucks but what i did and what helped me is everytime i wanted to excersise or purge, i slept. take your mind off food. EVERYTHING is better without that damn ana voice in your head.