This Is What "Recovery" Means

I have been in recovery from emotional overeating since December 15th, 2008. I've lost around 95 lbs or so, but this week-end served as a reminder of how close I am to falling off the wagon.

I posted this as a journal entry, but I thought I was post it here too:

Four days "off" calorie counting was, to say the least, interesting. I went a little crazy -- as in totally I reverted to binge eating crazy. I guess I need the discipline of counting to make life work.

I had many of the same feelings and "magical thoughts" that used to plague my daily existence. I made deals with myself that allowed me to have whatever I wanted in the moment. I would say "alright...you can have this now if you don't have this later", but, just like before, I would just make the same deal with myself whenever "later" came around. I ate too much. I feel a little sick about it.

I know I didn't gain that much weight...but I think it's no stretch to say that I ate around 7000 calories over my maintenance amount. I hopped on the scale today and it was pretty evident that I was at least "carrying" around more weight than usual.

So, it's back to counting. I thought I was going to feel free and less encumbered by taking a couple of weeks "off" while I moved houses and got settled in. The fact is, the opposite was true. I simply felt trapped in my "old life" and ate and ate and ate and ate. It feels more true today than ever...I am not cured of my compulsive overeating...I am simply in recovery, and I need to beware of relapse, because it's lurking around every corner.

Your absolutely right a relapse is always lurking around every corner. We have to beware but also be gentle on ourselves when we mess up to help us get back on track easier. Firm but gentle. We are human and prone to mistakes not perfection. So back on track is the best we can do and learn from our mistakes. I have been struggling more than succeeding as of late, going back and forth on my weight, so I know about binging. Right now I am on track but cautious of what lurks around that corner. Good luck to you and God bless.

Hey Guys! I'm a huge binge eater and have since gone into that horrible place again when I moved out to NYC after graduation by myself and without a set job. Now that my life is a little more on track it's been a little easier for me to control my binges. I lost about 20-25 pounds without trying or really concentrating last year because my life was so busy and stressful I forgot about food for the moment (very unusual for me). I thought I had finally cured my eating when this other type of stress and lots of free time created the biggest relapse and series of binge eating episodes.

I completely understand where you guys are coming from. I've just had to completely cancel out what I like to binge on, even though things such as peanut butter, are actually okay and sometimes recommended on low calorie diets. Unfortunately I just can't be trusted with them.

I think I'm with you, freakybunny, and am still in recovery even though I controlled everything a couple months ago. Now that I gained 20+ pounds in 2 1/2 months I know that it's never going to be completely cured of my problem. I've always said "I eat my emotions" as a joke but honestly it's so true that it's become an addiction and eating disorder. I'm keeping a good outlook on it though. If I can count what I can have, I think that will help. Structure seems to help me, unlike things such as Atkins where you can binge on certain foods because they are 0 carbs.

If it helps you guys, if I really really want to eat something, ice cream, peanut butter, cookies, I tell myself I can have x amount but I have to wait for x days. My mind settles down because I  know I can have it eventually (though it never really stops thinking about it) and I can move past my fixation. It's just a struggle that when I actually get to that day that I always need to make sure I don't binge completely. Though usually by then I don't necessarily want it as bad as before.

I don't know if my little rant helped either of you but I wish you all the luck with this! I completely understand your pain and have been toying with the idea of getting a nutritionist or even a food psychologist. If I can't control this myself I may have to buckle down and ask for help, which at this point sounds like the best option.

K