Recovery of mind before body?

Hi all - seems like a lot of you are doing really great in the recovery progress so congrats! I have to say that I have been doing pretty well myself in the last 4-6 weeks (with some ups and downs of course) but I think this time its really it!

Anyway I have been thinking about my recovery recently and have actually discovered the amount of time I commit to thinking about food, worrying what I am eating, how many calories something is, is it my scheduled time to eat yet, should I be exercising etc... has massively diminished... It is probably also due to the fact I have been busy at work and socially on weekends i.e. having a normal social life again :)  but it seems that even when I consciously think about food or the need to exercise my anxiety is very minimal.

So just curious to see people's experiences with timing around recovery of the mind compared to recovery of the body??? Not to say I am fully recovered or anything (I still have 3kg to go to the goal i set with my dietician) but I am just feeling more comfortable in my skin I guess and want to hear others views??

for me it depends how and why I am making the physical changes.

when I gained in hospital my mind was WAY behind my body, because I was fighting it and only really complying under coercion. I made pretty limited progress mentally despite gaining a fair bit.

now I'm gaining on my own though I feel like my mind is way ahead of my body, it drives me nuts when people assume I'm not committed or am not very far along in recovery because of my weight, because I feel like my mindset is not one associated with being at a low weight at all. probably because I HAD to make that progress in order to gain anything at all I guess?

thanks for the reply. I guess one thing i do wonder is if my mind has actually progressed that much i.e. do I trust it is in a place that it is comfortable for me to keep gaining or does it feel happy where it is? (sorry sounds weird I know!)...

I am just cautious I guess...

One of the symptoms of being underweight is preoccupation with food, which is why EDs are self-perpetuating. It could be that as you're gaining that obsession is fading; excellent!

for me its all about the mind being ahead of the body too. at first none were going anywhere. they both lacked motivation to change. but recovering physically means you have to recover mentally more first.

because for a whole year i missed out on eating, when i first began eating again it was more over obsessing about the calories and fat i wanted to gain on, not about how i wanted to get healthy. now that i eat i just want the flavour and the calories to get the darn thing over with. as i said i missed out on food so now every meal is an obsession what am i going to eat, how am i going to eat it? it controls my mind so mch that im actually failing maths.....  well thats my excuse anyway....  not my fault id rather think about food than quadratic functions and linear graphs, (not really failing maths well i was but thats cause im horrible at it)

and feeling comfortable in the skin, its wondeful aint it? i dont care anymore, except for the bloated tummy and the bony body parts, hair loss on head, hairy arms, yellow fingers..... hmmm not exactly positve but people get what i mean i hope. i dont think eww i actually dont judge my body anymore.

im happy! singing, dancing, eating, having a life, being free.... once a person really is mentally on their way there body will soon catch up.

so liney you are actually finding that you are thinking more now about what you want to eat for each meal? in terms of flavours etc or fat/calories? sorry - just a little confused!

I am just taking the same attitude i think you are and just eating and enjoying food as I want it!

I know what you mean about the comfortable in skin thing... I like being nicer for people to cuddle (my mum's test of if i've put on weight!) and over time I know that my body will distribute itself as it needs to.

girlplurality - yeah I think you must be right... the mind is starting to mend which is also a good thing to keep motivating at getting the body to where it needs to be...

Ive found that since Ive put on weight my mood has become a lot better, Ive started to take an interest in things slightly more now and Im able to think a bit clearer.

Yes I do have the ED thoughts and struggles, they havent gone away but Im finding now I can cope with them slightly better. My mind definately has improved, I think this site helped me out a lot actually with that.  I do still stress over food alot though about planned what to eat and worrying if it has enough protein etc in it. I also still struggle trying to keep my activity levels down but Im hoping that all these things will continue to ease as I progress further.

I think the body has to come first. For many years I worked on the issues in therapy and every kind of treatment to remain unhealthy food and weight wise. The idea was if I found the reasons and coped then I would want to fuel and reach a healthy weight. This did not happen I think because my body was so starved that my mind was as well. Now that I have gained a lot and am at a healthier point every day is a mental battle but I am more rational about it and can push through. To me you can't have a healthy mind with an unhealthy body. That is why there has been research that people who have had anorexia who reach a normal bmi have less relapses.

Mens sana in corpore sano.... smart cookies those Romans

I agree with abbi333 on this one.  You can tinker under the mental bonnet all you like but if there's no fuel in the tank the engine is never going to fire up properly. 

Behaviour and cognitive function are linked to nutrition.  Give schoolchildren a poor diet and they are more likely to be disruptive or inattentive in class.  Give prisoners a poor diet and they are more likely to be aggressive and depressed.  Starve the brain and it can become delusiona & anxious.  How many people accidentally end up with disordered eating (mental) issues after a normal weight-loss diet goes a little too far?  Probably as many as start out being mentally disturbed and then use/misuse food as a result.

for me the higher my weight is the more interest i have in things , and the better im eating the more i can engage in other activities rather than the obsessing of food weight and exercise . i know if i start to slip back these desires gets stronger . i think the higher in weight and the better you are eating , hard though it may be the easyier it is to fight through the fear and rationalise things in your head . i find my preoccupation with food now is in a different way , its more planning whati eat and looking forward to it h x

I'm having a hard time. I think about food from about 12:30pm to 9pm constantly. The only reason I don't before 12:30pm is because I'm so busy from 5:30-12:30. Sometimes I even think about food in my sleep. I hate it. I want to escape it. My mind I think is worse than my body.

Bsh - don't lose hope, I'm exactly the same, though I do notice my mood is better when my weight is higher, though with hormones  coming back and whatnot I'm also much more emotional and sometimes tearful. My doctors have always said it takes six months after optimum weight restoration for the mind to 'catch up' with the body - so I'm holding out hope!

mashed_ - thank you. I appreciate your response there. I am hoping for you as well. It DOES take a while for the body to trust you again and to feel comfortable giving a period. When I was 11, I got my period when I was 5'4" and 117 pounds; I didn't get it again because I went through running and starving, etc., and it wasn't until I stopped activity and got above 130 for about 4 months that I got my second period - that was the following February or March.

I'm terrified that it will take forever for my period to come back, but I know it will come back. My body has YEARS of flux to accept and it has to trust me again. I think I'm finally letting go of the idea that I have to punish myself for eating by not eating as much the next day. But the obsession is still very much there, even though I feel I am consciously getting sick of some foods, I still crave them and think about them.

Original Post by bsh0611:

I'm having a hard time. I think about food from about 12:30pm to 9pm constantly. The only reason I don't before 12:30pm is because I'm so busy from 5:30-12:30. Sometimes I even think about food in my sleep. I hate it. I want to escape it. My mind I think is worse than my body.

 I am EXACTLY the same way! I'm constantly preoccupies with when I'm going to eat, what I will eat, how many calories are in it, etc. I even have nightmares that I'm overeating too, and dream about food if I'm hungry. So annoying! Imagine all we could be putting our mind's energy into if we didnt' have such a strong food obsession..

Really useful comments and insights thanks. I am in agreement that the body needs to recover fully to allow the mind to do the same and that is one of my motivating factors to reach my goal weight which i am slowly (but surely!) progressing towards.

I am just surprised at the rapidness of some of my mind set changes to be more relaxed about food and exercise. Having said that though I know that there is still work to do as I do have periods of hesitation/feelings that I want to restrict which tell me ED is still around... but I am glad to say that my progress so far is helping me answer the ED voices more rationally and logically and allowing me to take control of my actions with food and exercise rather than be driven by these illogical ideas.

Abbi & Gi Jand - definitely agree with the both of you and I have read studies on recovery of the mind vs body as well which say the same as you both do.

Mashed - I am definitely experiencing the 'emotions' side of things too and can get quit teary now and then which is not usually like me but i am enjoying being able to express myself emotionally again rather than being so 'monotone'.

okay im convinced, the body does need to be ahead of the mind at first but then they can pair up and move together, the more i learn about my body the more i learn and deal with miy mind.

eringo to answer your question yes i do think about what i want, it takes forever to decide. but its usually because i easily get bored with food and food ruts. and also because there is something in my head that wants me to eat other foods and doesn't want me to 'waste' my only chace of weight gain (how dumb) it is a shame that it preoccupies my mind but its also cause i want to make sure i get enough in the day and like others said it preoccupies my mind when im asleep. go to bed hungry and i end up dreaming about food!

i just want the thoughts to stop because well i doubt any of my friends spend the maths lesson thinking about food, the probably have their mind somewhere else. i tend to talk alot about it to, like want to tell everyone what im eating or going to eat. i guess i want to do this because i want to brag or prove that i do eat. i hate eating alone but i hate people watching me (not that they do anymore cause im a big girl now!)

*oh and big as in growing up not as in gaining weight.

Liney - if you are going to bed hungry and dreaming about food do you think it would help to have a snack before you go to bed? I find if I go to bed not full but not remotely hungry either that I sleep a lot better.

I think its a good attitude to be wanting to explore other food options and enjoy your recovery through variety and i am sure that in time the constant thoughts will subside as your body gets what it wants to eat. I am finding i spend less time thinking about food and planning meals and I think that is through just responding to both when I am hungry and responding with feeding myself the food I feel like at that point in time rather than waiting for a scheduled snack time and being prescriptive around what i should eat for that snack.

I am a bit the same around others - I do talk a lot about food still - almost like reporting to my boyfriend or family about what i am eating and always asking what they have eaten for lunch etc - weird behaviour i know!!!

Keep at it... it will all be worth it in the end! :)

Original Post by eringo2:

I am a bit the same around others - I do talk a lot about food still - almost like reporting to my boyfriend or family about what i am eating and always asking what they have eaten for lunch etc - weird behaviour i know!!!

Keep at it... it will all be worth it in the end! :)

 ME TOO.

'Hi Dad! How are you? How was work? Was [insert colleague name] being a **** again? What did they have in the canteen?'

'Zac! (brother) Hey! Did you get that mark back for English?'
'Yeah I got-'
'What was lunch?'
'Pardon?'
'You didn't eat lunch???'
(Looks accusingly at Mum in a 'HE DIDN'T EAT' sort of way.)
'Yeah I did, I had...'
(Satisified.)

Not as bad as that any more.. I at least manage to ask and receive an answer to the polite questions before I dive off on the 'what did you eat' thang. But I try not to be so boring around my friends who for some *bizarre* reason couldn't care less about whether grated carrot makes or breaks a hummus sandwich.

But give me someone who expresses a slight interest and I'm off on one again...

Baby steps. Sigh.

Original Post by cowcow44:

Original Post by bsh0611:

I'm having a hard time. I think about food from about 12:30pm to 9pm constantly. The only reason I don't before 12:30pm is because I'm so busy from 5:30-12:30. Sometimes I even think about food in my sleep. I hate it. I want to escape it. My mind I think is worse than my body.

 I am EXACTLY the same way! I'm constantly preoccupies with when I'm going to eat, what I will eat, how many calories are in it, etc. I even have nightmares that I'm overeating too, and dream about food if I'm hungry. So annoying! Imagine all we could be putting our mind's energy into if we didnt' have such a strong food obsession..

This SAME thing happens to me! Right down to the nightmares of overreating! I tried to convince myself to recognize when it is a dream, because then I can eat whatever I want! Oh, how I wish it would stop=[

I think your mind can become healthier in leaps and bounds before your body is fully recovered....

BUT for one thing, you do need to restore some weight and be eating enough before your mind is even capable of thinking straight, like gi-jane says.

And another BUT: I believe that recovery includes being able to accept your body and not restrict again once you reach a normal weight - therefore it is impossible to be truly recovered before you have weight restored. I think it is easy to feel recovered while you are gaining because you know you need to gain weight to be healthy. However once you have reached a normal weight it's easy to get irrational fears that you will keep on gaining weight, and begin your unhealthy relationship with food all over again.

I'm not trying to discourage anyone - having a great mindset during recovery is so important. I'm just saying that learning to live with being "normal" (and no longer having the ED telling you you're special for being underweight, or that you have to eat differently to anyone else) is a part and parcel of recovery.