Recovery Realistic..?

I know we're supposed to stay positive and motivating on this site. But I've come to the point where I don't even believe that I can ever recover from ED's. And the stupid thing is I eat more now and binge like I NEVER used to now that I've lost the weigh I wanted to... 2years ago I weighed 20pounds more then I do now, and I only wanted to lose ten but have lost between 18-20... And I should be thrilled, but lately I've been binging on about 4000-7000 kcals everyday, to the point of pain in my stomach so bad that I can hardly stand, and of course that brings with it a purge. and that happens 1-3 or 4 times in a day.

I don't understand, I'm studying what I love, I live with the most wonderful guy who I've wanted to be with for over a year... Isn't an ED supposed to be a sign of something being wrong..? everything seems to be so right, except this ED.

And I want to find a therapist or something, but it's not like they're advertized everywhere, I don't have a GP, since I recently moved here. How has anyone else found someone to help them..?? I need someone to talk to/help me.

And I've decided that it's no longer my bf's problem, he's more lost then I am about this whole thing. So I don't wanna have to tell him anything about it ever again... And I'm starting to find it so embarressing.

If you recently moved, ask your next-door neighbour who their GP is and make an appointment to see them straight away.  There's no 'of course' about purging as a response.   Purging is an incredibly dangerous activity and the next occurrence can kill you... *pop*.   So don't make 'we just moved' an excuse to do nothing.

If you're still 62kgs and 175cm then you're probably too low a weight and I wonder if you were too restrictive in your diet regime in order to get there.... That can trigger the kind of binge behaviour you describe quite easily.

You can turn it around yourself, of course.  You could decide, right now, that you're not going to binge any more.  You could make it easier to keep to that decision by turfing out whatever it is you've been eating to get 7000 cals a day and replacing it with foods that are tough to go overboard eating.... vegetables for example. Find other things to do with your time that prevent you from eating....  That would be a good start. 

Don't calorie-count after you've done that because I think knowing the numbers is making the situation worse than it is..  Simply get three good-size, balanced main meals a day and a few snacks in between to fill the gaps.  A healthy 20 year-old woman who is reasonably active needs plenty of nourishment.  Probably a lot more than you think

 But do find and see the doctor straight away....

Tx gi-jane... I do have vegetables at home, I get a real bargain of a box of fruit and veggies every week from my bf's job.  and I tell myself I'll eat them, but then I end up going and buying sugary cereals, or some bread of some sort, or somethign sweet, which makes me feel sickish, but then I ate more or make custard or cream to make myself feel sick enough to purge it cause I don't want it in my body. I will go find a GP tomorrow on my way home from school. And as stupid as it sounds, hearing this from someone else kinda helps.. So tx...

Original Post by freakyblonde88:

I end up going and buying sugary cereals, or some bread of some sort, or somethign sweet,

Then don't have money around... Give your boyfriend your credit cards to look after and keep the bare minimum of cash with you - not enough to buy bread and cereals etc.

Really... if you want to break this habit (and that sounds a lot like what it is) then make it as difficult for yourself as possible to indulge.  You probably only need a short break from the behaviour to get things together.

As to why you do it... It sounds like you need cheering up even if you do have a dream job and boyfriend to match. 

Gi jane gives some great advice. Give yourself a good recovery environment - let someone else look after your money, don't buy binge foods and don't buy things like fashion magazines or go to websites that trigger you.

Make yourself a maintenance (not diet!) meal plan with 3 meals and 2-3 snacks every day. Stick with your meal plan even if you binge/purge - carry on with your next meal. Include enough protein, fats and carbohydrates that your body will not be physically craving any one thing.

Don't compensate after a binge. Try not to purge, and don't restrict or over exercise afterwards. Breaking the b/p cycle is a lot easier done by stopping purging first, than by not binging. Stopping bulimia is not about willpower, it's about relearning eating habits, hunger and fullness signals and finding some new coping methods.

Search for therapists and doctors online or in your phone directory - both are usually pretty good resources. Another fantastic resource with lots of information on recovery is http://www.bulimiahelp.org/. I'd also highly recommend the book Intuitive Eating.

Remember, like I said, recovery is not about willpower. You won't be able to just stop ingrained behaviours overnight. This is partly because eating disorders are ways to cope with life and emotions, and you can't take away one coping mechanism until you have found another one. It is partly because bulimic habits are difficult to break. And a lot of it is because it takes time to 'reset' your body to natural eating conditions.

During b/p cycles your body is perceiving a famine situation (often due to restriction that began before the b/p). Your body will slow production of satiety hormones (including leptin) and increase the production of hunger-inducing hormones (including grehlin). Your fullness signals will also be reduced so that you are able to consume binge amounts of food before feeling full. These are all great survival mechanisms for our bodies but make it very difficult to physically overcome urges to binge and purge.

All this does NOT mean you cannot recover. You can! All I am saying is, don't beat yourself up for relapses. They will happen. Learn from them - think about what triggered you - and move on. Stick with your structured eating pattern and within a couple of months you will be able to reset your body physically to adapt to normal eating.

When you are temped to binge, go through the H.A.L.T process first.

Are you...

Hungry (if not, what else might be causing you to want to eat)

Anxious (practice relaxation and deep breathing exercises)

Lonely (talk to someone, journal, write a letter, visit family etc)

Tired (relax or get some sleep instead)

Hope this helps :)

Use the advice Merylwhite1 gave you above! I wish that I had had this kind of information and help a few months ago!! It would have made this journey much easier for me. I found that telling my boyfriend, the only person I could truly trust with this info, about my obsessive thoughts and behavors made it all easier. Seriously! Just being able to let all that secretive stuff out, made it so much better. And that is when I truly started recovering. I still obsess every once in a while but not nearly as much.

I was terrified to eat a normal diet because I had already gained 35lbs from binging. But after telling my boyfriend and having his support and the support of everyone on calorie count, I started eating 1300-1500 calories a day (breakfast is a MUST) to get my metabolism back up to speed. I can honestly say that was the hardest thing ever. I was so scared that I would just gain and gain. But I really only gained 5lbs and now I think I have finally restored my metabolism!! It has taken me 3 long months!! But I made it, and I am so happy. You can make it too!!! I promise you, you can. Its not easy but with the tools above and your boyfriends support and the support of a doctor, you can definitely get past this.

Feel free to email me if you need to talk more about this :)

-Heather