recovery stories?

sorry for the double post, but i'm really anxious lately--in a bad way--ever since i decided i wanted to get out of my ED i've been way paranoid because of all these articles i've looked up, reading about people who, in recovery, started eating healthy but gained weight to where they were OVERweight.. which really, really scares me.

i know that in recovery water retention is normal and i can accept that weight gain--because it's not real and it will go away. but, i'm at a healthy weight right now, and i really don't want to gain if i don't need to. i just want to eat a solid 2000 or so (give or take a couple hundred) calories per day and maintain and MAYBE in the future, if i have a better mindset, lose about 5 pounds. but right now i just want to maintain.

but, i'm in starvation mode, eating 1200 calories or less a day. but i'm not at a low weight. i'm afraid that if i up my calories to 2000, my body will freak out and start storing pounds and pounds of REAL FAT before my metabolism is fixed. has this happened to anyone? has this NOT happened to anyone? how long did everything take to level out? i'm just looking for stories really.. because i need a lot of motivation, so...

i understand your fear, i've been there.

what you said basically happened to me. i started to recover after bulimia + anorexia, very underweight. and i made the terrible mistake of doing so while still eating less than i should have (800-1200). this resulted in rapid weight gain, as my body clang to every single calorie i gave it. now i have to "suffer" the consequences - still not being able to eat like an average person my age, while having a normal body with a bmi of around 23 (maybe more, i don't weigh myself anymore), and lots of body fat. i very much regret what i did, an i'm now trying to fix it. and it's hard.

so my advice here is so increase your calorie intake right now to 2000. eat that constantly. and don't weigh yourself. try to trust your body. and a scale will only interfere with this and make it harder for you. good luck, and congratulations on your recovery.

oh, i don't weigh myself anymore primarly for that reason (last time was at the doctor's). i know i'll gain a LOT of water weight and frankly i'm too scared to weigh myself. i can accept that water weight, but like i said i'm really scared about REAL weight gain.. do you think my body will still try to put on weight even though i'm not underweight? urghhdkjdajash

lol i'm so torn right now. thanks so much for the reply though, i need all of the motivation i can get.

hun, you NEED to store REAL fat to gain weight, currently you don't have enough, you will gain muscle too, and rebuild your organs and bones which are being depleted.

I recovered fine, BMI of 21, maintaining happily, good self esteem, going great at school, it;s not impossible.

I was affraid of being overweight, but you only become overweight if you continue to eat heaps after recovery. expect to see some days in recovery where you feel like you could eat everything in the house, everyone has them, just stop before you get sick, in reality the calories don't matter.

A calorie is a calorie from a vegetable or butter and either way, if your body needs calories, no matter what food they are from they will go towards your fat stores, your body wants to cling onto every calorie it can because it's deprived.

You are in starvation mode and are lacking nutrients, so your body is feeling deprived and uses every calorie it can.

You have slowed down your metabolism by being underweight, and it is likely that you will have to eat less than someone else maintaining the same weight (not true for me though, i eat very well in comparison to my friends), the longer you stay in starvation mode the more damage done to your metabolism.

Do a litte excercise to increase metabolism and up your food intake, kick start your metabolism.

I am/was in a similar position to you, eating very little but maintaining a healthy weight, and to be honest i wasn't feeling that alive or alert, wasn't particularly hungry either. But i upped my intake and I'm feeling so much better. I gained maybe a pound but that doesn't bother me. I found it helped by eating more during the day while I'm out and about, not so much at night (but i do have a good dinner!) When i was in recovery i also found that if i ate alot at night it would really support weight gain, thats why at maintainance i eat heaps during the day, especially breakfast - it needs to be 1/3 of your daily intake - i shove in calories there too. Calorie dense foods like nuts, avacado etc. (there is a list somewhere on the weight gain forums) will help you reach a caloire goal and not feel full and maybe help avoid water retention, it works for me :)

If this is a real concern of yours you need to speak to a doctor, i can't stress ths enough, you don't want to go sending yourself down the wrong path. You may even end up needing to see a psychologist of some kind to help you straighten things out.

You know whats good for you. Good luck!

i think you misunderstand, i'm not underweight, i'm 120 lbs and 5'2". i have enough real fat, the thing is does my body need even more..?

at this point i'm binging and purging every day, sometimes multiple times a day--i just need out but i'm so petrified that i've screwed myself up so much that even at this healthy weight, my body will continue to store lots of fat. i don't care if i gain a pound or five of water weight.

as for exercise i exercise daily, but i've been doing the same things for almost a year so.. i guess i need to mix it up but i'm having trouble figuring a routine out as well lol.

it gives me confidence to hear that you've recovered well though, hopefully i can do the same soon as soon as i'm done with this stupid battling myself deciding whether or not to do this. it's like, i WANT to get better, but at the same time i'm petrified of the fact that i don't know exactly what will happen.

my story..currently in recovery..i've increased to a MINIMUM OF 2000 calories and i'm gaining slowly, not rapidly at all. i thought i would balloon up and be screwed but i'm not. you might gain upwards of 5-7 pounds if you increase to 2500 but it's worth it in the end. You might end up at 125 but you will be able to eat so much more and you'll be so much happier. once your metabolism is restored, going down to a maintenance level of 1800 or so will likely result in a loss of all that you gained. it's important to just do it and don't look back. maintaing your weight on such little calories is likely to end badly and its better to reduce the risk of permanent damage by eating more sooner rather than later. :)

No story here.  I just wanted to wish you luck.

The hardest thing in recovery is accepting that you do NEED to gain weight. There is a difference between understanding, and accepting it! You are probably going to feel "fat" or "overweight" or "too big" at any weight.

It's really amazing how your headspace changes though. When I was 60lbs, I thought I was HUGE! I weighed myself recently, because I thought I was looking a little bit thin, and I am at a healthy 116.5 (granted it was after breakfast and lots of fluids), but I actually felt good about myself!

I'm in a similar boat to you at the moment..I've been in recovery from my eating disorder since December, and since then unfortunately I've had a few slip-ups. And whenever I'd come out of these slip-ups, I'd panic about the weight gain that would come with eating normally again and so I'd eat less than someone recovering from an ED needs to eat in order to replenish their body properly and to rev their metabolism up. Yet I still gained weight. Which clearly meant my body was STILL stuck in starvation mode. So a little over a week ago I decided what the hell, why gain on something that people eat to LOSE, when I can gain on 2500 and eventually be able to maintain on a lot more, AND prevent another relapse? At the moment, judging by the way I look, I'm fairly sure I've gained back the weight I lost from my recent relapse..but I'm still eating the 2500. I get weighed on the 21st so until then, I'm gonna keep eating the 2500 (and up, since I exercise basically daily).

I think although you're not underweight, Chrissy is right - increasing to say 2000 if this will cause you less anxiety, and then going up to 2500 not long after is something you need to do. Just bite the bullet. This can be an ultimate challenge for you in your eating disorder recovery - it'll help you accept your body whatever weight it gets to, and once you've been eating this much for a consistent amount of time, you can drop back and maybe drop a slight amount of pounds if you aren't totally happy with the weight. I'll be straight up with you, this does cause a fair amount of anxiety, but I know you can do it. Hell, I'm doing it right now and I've managed to last the entire week and then some, and I intend to last as long as I need to. If you have any more questions or just generally need some support, I'm just a message away. =)

sorry, you really weren't that clear...in that case I'm clueless, I'd say the binging - especially the purging is doing alot of damage and causing many symptoms

SEE A DOCTOR!

i can't diagnose you, especially from all the way across the world in Australia!