refeeding -- for the second time.

another twenty-something year old girl recovering from anorexia & catching herself before she falls completely into a relapse here..

so here's my situation:

i went into IP last february at 58 lbs. (im 5'4) & was discharged at 90 lbs. (!! i looked amazing! but i still had quite a bit to gain--and i was doing well on my own for a while, too!) three months later because the ignorance of insurance companies disgusts me & my caseworker felt as though i was 100% better..

well, september is here & a lot has happened that has caused me to retreat back to my ed (my mother passed away in july, i moved faaaar away from my apartment to my boyfriends parents' house) i've been taking in XXX calories a day & have dropped back down to 70 lbs. ugh. i'm kicking myself in the ass tonight & have some support groups to check out tomorrow..and have an amazing support "team" here at home.  i know what i need to do but i still have a question..

-should i be worried about refeeding? what would you guys recommend as a starting point for my intake tomorrow? unfortunately, i can't see a doctor/nutritionist/psychiatrist until january due to my bastard insurance..so i'm doing this on my own.

i really can't put into words the shame i feel for losing the weight that i did & also for losing the time that has so quickly passed me by while i hid behind my ed & focused only on restricting myself from the food my body is screaming for..so really, any advice would be incredible..

well without us knowing how much you're currently eating it's difficult to say what you should begin eating tomorrow. you are very very very thin, and ill so it's quite dangerous for us to give you any advice at all. i would recommend you seeing a doctor ASAP. 

in the meantime maybe increase your calories by 500 every 2 days until you've reached a minimum of 2500 and keep it there at least until you see a doctor.

i'm really sorry for your loss and if you need support please do message me!! 

I would have to agree with chrissy you are a low weight and if you up your intake to soon you may be in danger of getting refeeding symdrome . thats doesent mean to say you dont need more but your body needs to adjust . what you are eating now you should up by 500 every couple of days till you reach 2500. dont feel bad lol this isnt helpful, you can get it all back, relapse happens hopefully this time you will learn by your mistakes and be able to find different coping mechanisms other than starving yourself. everybody here is right behind you h xx

I am sorry for your struggles and the loss.You are in my thoughts and I wish I had words to make everything ok. I have had many relapses. Now finally in recovery and I hope it will stick so I can recover. Anyhow I encourage you to not beat yourself up about the past. It is done and now you must learn and move forward. You have the tools from the ip that you learned and now it is time to use them. Do you have old food plans you were on that you can get back on? Is there a way you can ask someone in your family a little funding so you can go to a gp for a physical? I think support groups are a great idea. Many major hospitals in the area you live offer them. If you have residential ed places near you often they do as well for op people or can direct you. I am here if you want an email buddy too. I agree you need to start increasing today. Can you make some goals?

no, these responses are extremely helpful -- because im in the very beginning of the gaining process AN's voice is louder than ever -- so any comments or posts from others are helping to keep me motivated! 

enter : perfectionism and the black & white thinking that creeps up on me while i'm at my best .ugh -- both explain why i criticize myself for falling like this -- but i've been thinking a lot about how THIS time around i'm AWARE of it, i know that i don't look okay & i know that AN's voice is not MINE. 

i still have old food plans & activities that i did while in IP -- but the plans i have are from two weeks after i had been in (the clinic i went to meal planned for us the first two weeks so i'm not sure how many calories they immediately put me on & the intervals by which they increased me by) so i'm set once i hit 2500 but i was a little stuck on what to do for these first weeks --  and hesitation and uncertainty could lead to problems..but with my motivation i'm sure i wouldn't use AN symptoms in such situations, but id like to have more of a concrete plan!

oh & yeah -- i'm pretty excited/nervous about going to the support group tonight at 6:30! ive always had positive experiences in groups, but each has always been far different from the last -- so i'll see!

and also, i would love to talk with you -- being at my boyfriend's has left me without my IP team/friends & because im so underweight i try not to/umm, really just don't have the energy to "go out" so thanks!

i know that i can do this on my own, i learned a great deal in IP & outside with others who are going through this as well -- & aside from using CC i'll hopefully be able to afford an occasional doctor's/nutritionist appointment! 

The others have given some great advice, start boosting your calories up and keep increasing them consistently. I hope the support group goes well for you, it would be very helpful to have some real life support from others who can understand.

Use all your knowledge from your previous IP stays and there is lots of helpful info on this site and people willing to help you to. If you ever want someone to chat to feel free to message me

All the best :-)