Relapsing

Taking the step to recover from an eating disorder is a very big step, obviously.

But what does it mean when any one little thing can act as a major trigger?

You know; seeing cellulite in a double-mirrored dressing room with harsh lights...feeling as though you ate too unhealthily, feeling as though you're not "sick" enough to deserve to get better, if that makes sense. =| It's a stupidly distorted way of thinking.

But does the constant relapse mean there's no hope? And what does the fact that one can actually snap out of the ED state of mind and TRY to get better mean?

Ugh, sorry for this depressing post. Just in need of some serious reassurance.

i hang out with mostly guys, they all say they'd rather a chick with curves and more to hold on to (lol).

ive recovered, i love my life! its possible

feeling sexy helps, as does not comparing yourself to others, the media or society's expectations

i understand the 'not sick enough to get better' that was the reason i continued, but even if you sit your whole life at the lower end of healthy you will die younger. and if you know enough to say you have an ED (eating disorder) then you know there is something there that needs fixing!

triggers should be ignored, the positives of recover need to be able to overpower doubts. mental strength, or the help of anti-depressants helps avoiding thoughts and relapse.

cellulite is a good thing, it means you body is working well enough again to be able to function the small important things that keep you going!

anything noticed in recovery should be taken with open arms, anything new like fat, you not seeing your bones, cellulite etc. all means yeah, your leaving your ED behind but thats a good thing. You body is being normal and healthy

"It is common for pubescent females to display some degree of cellulite. There appears to be a hormonal component to its presentation" "Cellulite is not related to being overweight; average and underweight people also get cellulite.[1] However, diet factors may be involved" "Very simply, a woman's connective tissue is very inflexible, so as females gain weight their fat cells expand, and tend to bulge upwards towards the surface of the skin, giving the classic orange-peel appearance of cellulite."

>>> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cellulite

note: hormones are healthy! and means your body is functioning healthily!

To hear you've recovered is great holbee, congratulations. =)

I think I need to work on gaining more mental strength in order to prevent myself giving into the triggers.

That webpage WAS reassuring and it's encouraging me to view the appearance of cellulite as a POSTIVE thing as opposed to a negative, as it means I am in fact on the way to achieving a healthy body. Which is part of the reason I wanted to recover in the first place. *puts two and two together, sees logic finally*

Thank you so much for helping my anxiety decrease!

omg! im glad to hear that, thank you :)

check out some of my posts or my journal >> http://caloriecount.about.com/users/holbee/22 5658.html

if you want help with anything please dont hesitate to ask

relapse usually is when your forced to gain weight before your happy with yourself and comfortable

any progress in recovery is positive, showing improvement in the body, not negative like the distorted ED voice believes.

:) keep up the up the great progress

First of all, dressing room lighting is very harsh. It makes use of a key light and little else, meaning ANYONE will look unflattering in it. ANYONE. You could stick someone as vivaciously brilliant and smooth skinned as, example, Dita Von Teese under a hard light and someone could point out flaws.

As for things like bones and thinking yourself not "sick" enough, it is indeed just a stupidly disorted thought process. Not calling YOU stupid, but just the train of thought. Anyone even remotely sick with any illness of any kind is as much deserving of help as any other, for one.

Holbee has covered so much so brilliantly, though. :] Particularly in the fact you even admit an eating disorder being there says "there is a problem and this needs and deserves help". Triggers will be triggers; the strength comes in ignoring them. Personally, I am triggered every day by so many things in the forums, but I push through it because there are also people here who deserve help and advice, or need pointing in the right and healthy direction.

And I fully agree with feeling sexy! I finally got myself to dress up a bit with some new sales purchases instead of hiding in drab clothes and I felt so good for it! Even just little touches - fancy shoes, some badges and pins or a flower in your hair - spruce yourself up a little when you feel down on your appearance. Or treat yourself to a hair cut, hair dye, mani or pedicure, or a long, hot bath. Yours is the only body you've got, so love it, and treat it well.

There are healthy ways to stay thin.  you will get there, please just give yourself some time to heal mentally and change the way you think, little by little.  Good luck and keep up the good work! 

Holbee; I've read your journal and it's again inspired me to keep going. Thank you so so much and I will take you up on the offer if I need advice again if you don't mind. =) There have already been a few positive changes in my mind set that I've noticed and they help me to keep going on this path. Thank youuu!

Lala; I am indeed trying to and looking forward to feeling attractive as my body recovers and as I reach my goal weight. It's weird because throughout the past few years, when I'd actually gain the weight I needed I found myself unnattractive, yet this time around I am aiming to embrace the figure I'll have.

And it's good to hear you've started to dress up and enjoy feeling sexy, and I will definitely take your advice about looking to other ways to look good rather than my weight, like by doing my hair or investing in some nice accessories. =)

The triggers are difficult and I credit you in pushing past them so well, that is reassuring for me to hear. Thank you for your help, really. Not just in this post but since I took the step of aiming to gain weight.

Snoopini; it's great to hear you've managed to recover. I know baby steps are the way to tackle this, sometimes I just wish it could be easy to speed up the recovery process, though I know that is impossible.

And what you said about it being hard to give up the ED is spot on..I have found it hard to let go of it; it's my comfort zone and it has been my way of achieving relief and satisfaction since I was 14. But we can achieve those things in so so many other ways! =) Thanks for your words of encouragement.