Relationship Advice

I know this has been a common theme on here lately, so I thought I would join in.
Last December I got out of an unhappy 8 year relationship. I started dating him when I was 16 and obviously still in high school. I had no other relationships before him. As I've never "dated" before (you know how high school relationships go), I don't really know what to expect right now. Yes, I know that every relationship is different and there is no standard to go by.

I've been seeing this guy for about 6 weeks now. We hang out a few times a week, I've met his friends, he's met mine. We have a good time together, similar interests, etc etc.
We haven't talked about making anything "official", which is fine because it hasn't been that long, so here's the actual question:
I'm not looking to get married any time soon but I don't want to be wasting my time either. I'd like to have a conversation with him about whether he thinks this has potential to go anywhere. As much as I completely understand short term relationships, I've never been the type. I don't want to be in one because I don't want to get hurt by putting myself out there.
Really, I just don't want to be wasting my time. Should I have a conversation with him, or am I better off just enjoying what I've got for now? Too soon to have that conversation?

imo - 6 weeks = too soon.

Maybe around 3 months or so.

Have you talked about "exclusive" yet?

I usually give it a few months before I even say exclusive (I guess that kind of implies "going somewhere")

No, we haven't talked exclusive yet. The closest we came to that was a quick conversation, "I'm not going to sleep with you if you're sleeping with other people". It's a safety and respect thing for me.

Well, he may be thinking/feeling the same way.  Find out.

Good luck.

6 weeks isn't too soon, IMO, to talk about exclusivity - and there's nothing wrong with being the kind of person disinterested in casual dating. If you feel like you need to say it, go ahead.

It'll hurt a lot worse to find out in 6 months that it was only a casual thing. But then, I'm probably a bit old fashioned. :)

Original Post by kathygator:

It'll hurt a lot worse to find out in 6 months that it was only a casual thing. But then, I'm probably a bit old fashioned. :)

 I'm not sure that would really qualify you as old fashioned, because that's about the same page that I'm on right now. I would hate to wait that long in this and find out it was something comepletely different than I thought it was.

Differing expectations is the single biggest cause of problems in relationships, IMO. Nothing wrong with honesty. :)

If he's scared off by an exclusivity conversation, then perhaps he's not looking for the same thing in a relationship that you are, right?  So I see nothing wrong with broaching the subject in a relatively circumspect manner.

(Do I get points for using the word "circumspect" in a sentence?)  :)

Original Post by purespark:

If he's scared off by an exclusivity conversation, then perhaps he's not looking for the same thing in a relationship that you are, right?  So I see nothing wrong with broaching the subject in a relatively circumspect manner.

Good. That's what I was thinking.

Original Post by purespark:

(Do I get points for using the word "circumspect" in a sentence?)  :)

At least 10. ;)

My boyfriend asked me out about a week and a half after we had met. Then, I bluntly asked him, "What kind of relationship are you looking for?" and he replied with, "Long term." I agreed, and the convo was over.

I think you should ask now, rather than waste time. It's not like you are asking him to marry you, but you are letting him know that you are looking for a long term, more serious relationship. If he's scared by that, he is not mature enough.

Don't waste your time. Make sure you're on the same page now. It can be a rather simple conversation. My boyfriend (now husband) mentioned very early that he always considers whether he would marry the person he's dating. If not, no more dates. However, we were engaged in 6 months, so a pretty quick relationship overall.

The most important point I think though is--do you feel comfortable asking him this question? If you are not even comfortable having the conversation with him, is he really worth your time?

Phhft. It isn't too soon unless you're uncomfortable with the conversation. I wouldn't waste my time with someone too immature to talk to me.

There is no reason you shouldn't have the conversation now. It's a general conversation when you first begin dating,imho. It's important to know if you're looking/planning for potentially the same things in life.

Ask: " Are you planning on getting married some day? Really... Do you want children at some point?How many? When do you think you'll be ready for those things in life?"

It's just general conversation to see if you suit each other. It doesn't have to be about planning/picking your future childrens names together. Or: Mushy compromises at this point either.  It doesn't even have to be made in reference to your relationship. My husband and I had that conversation right off the bat.

Exchanging your general preference on important key things is normal. Be honest. You may have different stances on important issues. . . Either way: It could just serve as a conversation to get to know each other at this point. :)

 Seriously. Consider dating as the perfect time in assessing each others suitability. :) You shouldn't become exclusive before you've had a general talk about your preferences,imho.Dating may or may not equal sex by your preference. Unless you've had 'the talk' about being exclusive you're just dating,imo.This is the perfect time to discuss each others preferences...Good/or Bad.Either way: That way you know whether or not you're still interested in each other,Lol.

 You may be interested in something more serious with him or someone else.

6 weeks after I met my boyfriend I went overseas for 5 months on a trip I had already planned before I met him. One week into that trip, he told me he'd be there waiting when I got back. I replied, good! A couple of years later and we are still together - but we wouldn't be if we hadn't been honest with each other about what we wanted, and clear that we were on the same page.