Has Any Relationship Ever Made it Through A Big Weight Loss?

my relationship is fine, but the more weight i lose the more insecure my boyfriend gets. he notices guys checking me out (i almost never notice this); he asks every now and then if dudes are paying me more attention. it's not all the time, but it's often enough to get on my damn nerves. but he's super hot and a generally good egg, so he doesn't have anything to worry about.

most of his insecurity stems from his last relationship. that girlfriend was losing wieght during the relationship, too. after she'd lost about 50 pounds she cheated on him. from what he's told me i don't think the weight loss "went to her head;" i think she realized their relationship was broken and decided to fix things the only way she could think of.

anyway, have any of your intimate relationships NOT busted up after you lost all the weight? or do you know of any that have survived?

My relationship is just fine. My boyfriend supports me 100% in my weight loss journey and he knows that what I am doing is making me healthier..not giving me a reason to look better.  Maybe sit down with your boyfriend and explain WHY you want to lose weight.  That's what I did, and now I'm have his full support.

Mine lasted - if anything, it made us stronger (we workout together, and it's good bonding time).

I haven't had one that has (honestly, when I lost my weight I wasn't dating anybody) BUT I've seen several that have lasted through major changes like that.  I think a lot of it depends on how secure the other partner is in the relationship as well as whether the weight loss changes the way you act at all.

My one friend who lost about 60 lbs and ended up having her bf of 3 years dump her was a perfect example of this.  She gained a lot of confidence as she lost the weight and suddenly became outgoing, wanting to be around a lot of people, making jokes when we were out, etc.  This was a girl who had been almost painfully shy around people she didn't know before... it was like she wanted to blend in to the wallpaper.  Her bf couldn't deal because now she was getting attention.

I honestly think that a lot of the time if it doesn't last, it's how much the person changes, not just how they look.

Since late 2006, I've lost about 40 pounds, regained my college body (well, plus baby stretch marks) and my hubby thought, and still thinks, it's awesome.  Hubby takes it as a source of pride if he catches someone checking me out - he  thought it was remarkably cool when he saw another woman checking me out.

But we have been married 15 years, so we've built up a little bit more than most boyfriend-girlfriend relationships.  He jokes about me going out to pick up hotter guys, but he knows he doesn't need to worry. 

From your description, it does sound like he's insecure because of past  history.  Reassure him of your feelings while at the same time not dismissing his.

If anything my bf is just proud of me and glad that I dont get upset when he takes out a camera now. Our only real fight is when I was acting ridiculous after he took pictures and realized how large I had gotten. He is really into my new body, so I would say no. Weight and stuff like that isn't that important to him. He stays thin without caring much about food intake/exercise etc. He listens to me talk about it but is kinda like whatever on the subject. He has made a few jokes about more guys trying to steal me, but we are pretty solid.

Your bf needs to realize that he is not living in his past. I would keep reminding him that you are not his ex. (that is you aren't unless he keeps acting insecure. ) But good luck, I hope he realizes you  just want his support.

I've experienced both!   The first relationship broke up shortly after I'd slimmed right down... but given that the person I was dumped for was about a foot shorter than me and 50lbs heavier maybe my ex just preferred fat birds!  The second experience was truly hilarious.  The slimmer I got the bigger and more lavish the selection of sexy lingerie he gave me became.  LOL! 

It's good to keep your partner on their toes and not be taken for granted, I think.  It's when they think you've got no alternatives that they get lazy.  So stay slim.... keep 'em nicely nervous!

Original Post by gi-jane:

It's good to keep your partner on their toes and not be taken for granted, I think.  It's when they think you've got no alternatives that they get lazy.  So stay slim.... keep 'em nicely nervous!

 I agree...I agree

thanks guys! he does live in the past a lot, and not just with his prior relationships. i have had to tell him i am not his ex. the thing is, he doesn't say these things accusatorily but i know he's worried he's about to experience a part 2. i've also told him yes, i know i'm way hotter now () but you're still the guy i want. i do like the idea of reminding him that i'm with him b/c i want to be, not because no one else will have me.

he knows he has options--and i know it too--but i think subconsciouly he felt safer with me when he thought i didn't have any. although, truth be told, i went through 14 different guys last year before i decided to keep him. his assumptions will only hurt his feelings, not mine.

Original Post by dalmalama:

I do like the idea of reminding him that i'm with him b/c i want to be, not because no one else will have me.

 I really like this.  It is very key (for both your sanity and his) that he understands this :)

WoW. I just glanced through your gallery, and my what changes you have made! You were still a pretty lady when you were larger, but no wonder he is feeling like he needs to step it up .

He should be so proud, cause your transformation was a lot of work. Never apologize for that to anyone. I got to a wonderful weight b4 and listened to people too much, and lo and behold, I was in desperate need of CC

I lost over 100 pounds between June of 2007 and June of 2008. My relationship went down hill from there. I know this isn't exactly reassuring, but I was with him for almost eight years at that point and he had known me no other way than fat. I wasn't fat anymore and I started dressing for my new body type. I could wear skirts and smaller shirts and cuter shoes. He didn't approve and showed it, actually became entirely unsupportive and said he missed the "old" me. I was so completely offended that it just ate at the two of us. Eventually I left him. I'm happier now.

It really could have been that the relationship was broken long before my change, and is really likely. We started dating when we were 16 though, so I think it might have been a little harder to let go when you've been together through nearly everything. This was just the last straw.

For the most part, I don't think my relationship was the norm. I'd imagine that most strong relationships can get through something like this. Especially with communication. I have no real suggestions on how to get him to understand, but trying bringing it up every once in a while to reassure him that this is for you and not for anyone else.

OK, so here's a guys perspective.  My wife has been trying for years to shed the extra weight.  Big on weight watchers.  All the while, my weight just kept going up until it got out of control.  I latched onto CC and have lost 25lbs in the past two months.  She saw this going on and decided to give it a try.  She's now lost 17lbs doing basically the same things she was doing before.  More focus on what we eat.  More activity in and out of the BR.  Yippee, it's been great.  Will it last?  I hope so.  Although she thinks I'm obsessed, she is definitely benefiting from the whole thing.  By the way, she looks GREAT!!!

My relationship has been fine.  My husband thinks it is great that I get more attention because when I feel better, I'm happier and that makes him happy.  I would talk to him and ask him if I did something to make him not trust me - not because you have, but as a gentle reminder that you aren't his ex and that you are interested in him.

I've lost 33 pounds, and my relationship is better than ever!  We do more active things, we "enjoy" each other's company more  and i'm more confident, which he finds very sexy. 

I met my boyfriend when I was around 80 lbs heavier. No one has been as supportive as he is! He always made me feel beautiful and sexy, but now he confesses he was scared for my health and is SO glad I am committed to getting healthier...so we have a good long life together. He thinks my system of losing weight is brilliant, he tells me that he's incredibly impressed by my tenacity and finding what works for me...he gave me the confidence to try when I thought I was all tried out. But, he's a very supportive person in all areas, so this is just him.

Previous experiences could have made him very distrustful, but he works hard to get past his past. He knows how much I love him and that being more attractive to a wider range of men means nothing compared to his loving arms!

Great job! You look wonderful!  Coming from a guy that has had my fair share of, well, tough relationships; I would say that you should give him some space here and reassure him but don't let this become a major thing.  This is his insecurity and if life teaches us anything it's that you can change only yourself and your actions.  Ask god to grant him the same things you would want for yourself, like peace of mind and serenity.  He will eventually work it out.  Keep up the good work and always be faithful to yourself!