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Uh am I confused or did you just say he thought you were ugly in highschool and was embarrassed to tell people you were his girlfriend?  Sounds like a jerk right off the bat. Though hey, maybe he's changed. Let him move to Arizona... but don't let him live with you. He needs to make the move on his own.

We all do stupid things when we're young that may hurt people.  That I can see time and maturity curing. 

The problem I have is what kind of man leaves his children if the mother of those children doesn't mind if they move with him?  At the very least I would expect that he/you would arrange for monthly visitation in either direction.

If they have a split custody arrangement then flying out once a month to visit the kids would make sense or having them fly to visit him or some kind of trade off, but if they currently live with him full time then I would view his leaving them as abandonment.  I'm sure that their grandma loves them dearly, but she is not their parent and she can come visit them or they can go visit her.

i wouldn't be cool with someone abandoning their kids and moving in with me.  i agree with smwhipple on that one. 

to me, it almost sounds like he may be saying that he doesn't want to take them away from his family, when he actually just would rather move to AZ solo. 

i agree with hayley...if he moves there, he should move into his own place.  with his own kids. 

ps - i don't mean this in a snarky way, but next time, maybe insert some paragraphs, that was really painful to read.

I'm a little shocked that he wants to leave his kids at all... I don't know too many dads who'd even consider doing that. If they're with the mom full time maybe he could work out a monthly visit or something, but if they live with him full time he needs to be an adult and think about his kids first. He should do what will be best for them, not what will make it easiest for him to do what he wants to do.

The not wanting you to have to take care of them if something happened to him thing shouldn't be an issue... If something happened to him, the kids don't go to the girlfriend, they go to the nearest family member or whoever he specifies in his will. Sounds like they'd go back to his family in this situation...

I also agree with hayleymajayley, I'd have him make the move on his own, not into your house. You've only reconnected with him recently after a pretty long time apart, you need to make sure that you're still compatible and that it's actually got a possibility to work before moving in together.

Original Post by gigglez8o1:

He’s an amazing father he does everything for his kids make sure they have everything they need and he's always been there for them.

Choosing a girlfriend over your children is not 'doing everything to make sure they have everything they need'.

Original Post by floggingsully:

Original Post by gigglez8o1:

He’s an amazing father he does everything for his kids make sure they have everything they need and he's always been there for them.

Choosing a girlfriend over your children is not 'doing everything to make sure they have everything they need'.

 

 especially when the girlfriend is wanting the kids to come...

Wow. After reading all that, just wow. Seems like a shaky realtionship from the beginning. And you're both so young! Are you sure that either of your should be making this big of a decision? With both of you already having kids at a young age, I think you both need to work on your relationship skills and understanding.

I think you both should just focus on your kids right now.

I'll keep it simple - proceed with caution. How long have you been together now?

I also agree with the poster who suggested he move into his own apartment, not into your HOME, which you share with your family. It is NOT a good move to have him move into your home right off the bat...

ETA: I just went to your profile and saw your post about a guy you were talking to.. this was back in March and it is not the same guy as this one... so this answers my question about how long you've been 'together'.

I know all about being in love but you have to face it, it is very clearly WAY too soon! There's a lot going on - him moving in, bringing his kids to AZ, and marriage... and it is all happening just too quickly. Take is sloooow.

Original Post by starlitocean:

ps - i don't mean this in a snarky way, but next time, maybe insert some paragraphs, that was really painful to read.

 I agree... that WAS kind of a pain in the ass to read.

anyway

where is their biological mother in all this?  If it is possible for him to take the kids with him to AZ, then I don't see what his problem is.  Who does that?  Its not often that a man gets to HAVE his kids w/o problems from the mother. 

If he can just up and leave/abandon his OWN kids... do you really think you'll be able to count on him to stick around for you and YOUR kid(s) in the long run?

I like what others have said about him getting his OWN place. 

Like v_avila said in post#8, proceed with caution!!  take things SLOOOOOW for now.  get to REknow him before you make any rash decisions that will affect both yours AND his kids forever

It sounds to me, too, like he doesn't want the responsibility of raising his kids and this is a convenient excuse to leave them behind (if something happened to him, I'm sure his mother would have no problem taking back his kids and making sure you wouldn't be "stuck" with them).  If he wants to move to Arizona, it should be with his kids.

Where is their mom in all this?

Firstly, you wouldn't be stuck with the kids in the incredibly unlikely event "something were to happen to him." He has family, the kids still have mothers - that's really a non-issue. I think he just wants to avoid having the responsibility of three kids.

Secondly... woah! WAY too soon to talk about marriage. Having a great boyfriend who gives you butterflies is one thing. But give it time to get over that honeymoon period. I've been with my boyfriend 2.5 years and while I'm pretty sure we'll get married one day, I'm in no particular rush for that to happen. After all, I want to be certain it's going to last forever.

You've already had a kid once with a guy that didn't work out. Don't be in such a rush to get into another serious relationship. From your post, it doesn't sound like you've been with this guy very long at all. If he wanted to move to your town, I'd make him move in to his own place first so that you both have freedom to change your mind.

If there is children involved, yours, or his, put them first and forget the selfishness of "having a boyfriend" to meet "mommy's" needs.  When the kids are out on their own, maybe you can pursue a guy.  Kids first now.  Mom's emotions need to be put off, maybe for years.  It's always a wrong choice to add more competition to the needs of the kids by remarrying.  The kids need no additional competition for mom's attention.  My parents divorced about 40 years ago, so I know the kid's perspective.  Outside of selfishness, I have no idea why a divorced man or woman, with kids would want to add another spouse or friend to make worse the problems created by the first couple failing the marriage.

Yeah, i agree with the other posters here. It kind of sounds like he wants to just run out on his responsibilities as a father. And given how he's treated you in the past, plus how easily he seems to be able to do this to his own flesh and blood, I can't envision him being the go-to guy for a secure relationship.

Sounds to me like he wants to hitch his wagon to the gravy train.

Original Post by trustwomen:

It sounds to me, too, like he doesn't want the responsibility of raising his kids and this is a convenient excuse to leave them behind

 100% agree.

Original Post by wifi92:

If there is children involved, yours, or his, put them first and forget the selfishness of "having a boyfriend" to meet "mommy's" needs. When the kids are out on their own, maybe you can pursue a guy. Kids first now. Mom's emotions need to be put off, maybe for years. It's always a wrong choice to add more competition to the needs of the kids by remarrying. The kids need no additional competition for mom's attention. My parents divorced about 40 years ago, so I know the kid's perspective. Outside of selfishness, I have no idea why a divorced man or woman, with kids would want to add another spouse or friend to make worse the problems created by the first couple failing the marriage.

Um, I know lots of people who have step-parents that they absolutely adore...  It is NOT always a wrong choice to remarry... sorry, I just think you're waaaaaay off base here.  It's not a good idea to keep bringing new people into their lives constantly, but it's sometimes a really good idea to have your kids exposed to GOOD long-term relationships so they can see how they work...

???

Any father who thinks about leaving his kids in someone else’s hands to move in with a girlfriend in a different state has moral and ethical issues.  Watch out. 

And, why are you even asking this question?  If he is a strong presence in the lives of his children, then leaving them would destroy them.  They would see it as abandonment.  Period.  Would you want that for his children?   

Where is the mother in all of this?? 

This is messed up girl. 

I couldn't read much of your post because it was just a wall of text and run on sentences. I get the gist of your problem from the other posters.

HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS IDIOT! Yes, I meant to yell. You have 2 children that did not ask to be brought into this world. They are your first priority. Do not bring a man into their lives that will leave when he finds something better.

Look he insulted you in high school. He didn't want to be your boyfriend. Now he wants to leave HIS children. What kind of father material is that? Why would you want your children exposed to that kind of man?

Original Post by wifi92:

 It's always a wrong choice to add more competition to the needs of the kids by remarrying.  The kids need no additional competition for mom's attention. 

Not ALWAYS. My stepfather did a wonderful job of helping to raise us and participating with the full family.

Original Post by trhawley:

Sounds to me like he wants to hitch his wagon to the gravy train.

^ I agree. 

There were just too many red flags when reading your post,imho.

btw: I wouldn't allow a man I barely know to bathe my daughter. I think you should seriously have a tad more caution with strangers. Be careful who you allow access to your child and in your home.

I would stop acting as if you're going to arrange everything for him. A grown man should be able to make his own arrangements for housing/his children.  It's called responsiblity.

If: He actually wants to be near you he'll make it happen.