How do you get rid of a friend?

Have any of you ever had a friend where the only reason you spend time with them is out of guilt? I think it is harder for women than men to say "no" to people. This person is not someone I dislike, I just find her very pushy in her efforts to get me to spend time with her, it's just too aggressive. Also, I started spending time with her in hopes that she could grow on me, but the truth is, I don't really enjoy our time together. How do I approach this situation? Lots of people might say, 'Just don't call her back' and I am tempted to do that but I wish I had a stronger spine and could say 'no' to her.

All of us grow as people to the point where certain friends are no longer an asset to us, right?

I'm mean and taper off on calling, making other plans so I'm busy, and then once in a great while hang out with that person.  It makes them more tolerable.  And if I really don't want to hang out with, then I simply don't add on that last step.

Just start ignoring her calls. Or keep telling her you're busy. She'll get the hint.

Original Post by alibuch:

Just start ignoring her calls. Or keep telling her you're busy. She'll get the hint.

Clearly you haven't met the same people I've known. Over a year I didn't take the damn girl's calls. Didn't stop her calling once a week. My husband told her that I had left him and moved back home once while I was on holiday visiting my mother.

Her response? "She wouldn't do that without telling me!"

Still, she hasn't called since. :)

I just read your profile, soon you'll have a built in excuse why you won't have time to spend with her. Plus you can try to make yourself less appealing as a companion by talking about being pregnant. All the time. To the exclusion of everything else. Just the baby, your husband and nothing else. Do that and avoid her calls for a few months, and Bob's your uncle!

totally, p0nda.  pregnant, married people are sooo boring; new parents even moreso!!  yeah, don't worry, jazzygal.  she'll soon decide you're not so cool ;-)

Did I mention she is married and has kids? This is not someone who will get the hint we're talking about here. She's just a very persistant person. I can't just ignore her, that will probably make her persue me more. I feel bad but I have to find a way to say something in a mature, respectful yet FIRM way to let her know I am not interested in hanging out anymore. Any suggestions?

Whenever she calls answer in a funny accent and say, "There's nobody here by that name, please stop harassing me!"

Maybe she'll think you got a new number.

If you really want to be an adult about things, explain to her that you don't really find yourself compatible with her.  You're going to have enough stress in your life with your pregnancy and you're sorry, but she's only a stressor.  If she cries, she cries.  If she gets mad, she gets mad.  If she leaves carcasses on your lawn, call the police.  Otherwise, just let it be after that.

you can either be straight with her or make yourself unavailable.  either route is difficult in its own way.

for me, if i reach a point where there's nothing i can learn from someone or i'm doing all the work, it's not a relationship that's helpful (to either of us).  it sounds like you're in the first situation. 

rip off the bandaid, jazzy!  do it fast!

I made friends with a lady from work and that happened to me and my family worried she was stalking me.  I ignored her calls and once while off for vacation she showed up at my door in a blizzard, very late a night,to see why I hadn't called.  I started being very cool to her and she finally got the hint.  She'd be waiting outside of work with my fave Latte, to take me shopping or somewhere when all I wanted to do was go home.  I hated that.

I'm now facing the same thing with another 'friend' and am not returning emails and I put a special chime on my cell, so I'm sure not to answer it when she calls.

Why.........when you make friends and are nice.........do some girlfriends want to take over your life?

Since you are pregnant (congratulations) its important you dont' let yourself get upset and it sounds like your friend is irritating you so that isn't good for you and baby.  Good luck with ending this.

ps.........the older you get the easier it is to do things like this.

I vote for karate.

If you can't stand the person but can't stand to be rude, if the person asks you to go out shopping or something, say you already have plans with some friends (if you don't, MAKE them) and invite her along. That way, with a group, you won't have to spend the entire time with just her, and she won't be lonely.

Plus, maybe she'll find someone she has more in common with. Everybody's happy. :)

^ Except for the next person she clings on to.

Original Post by jazzygal:

Have any of you ever had a friend where the only reason you spend time with them is out of guilt? I think it is harder for women than men to say "no" to people.

not hard for me.

 

Except for the next person she clings on to.

Hey, some people work with clingy people. Either that or they tend to herd together - I'm not quite sure.

I think the bottom line is, you'd get the person out of your hair (and into someone else's) without coming off as a b*tch. You can't be blamed for anything, haa. :)

get a restraining order im sure that will work lol

A restraining order and learning karate do sound effective and respectful of her feelings...however I think I am going to opt for just telling her how I feel. I am doing it today in an email so I can rip off the band-aid and still be non-confrontational through email. She is not someone I can ignore...she'll simply never get the hint so I have to do this. Good suggestions cellulite d, I like the word "incompatible", it sounds mature.

I am late in responding to this post, but it looks to me like you picked the mature way to handle it!  Ignoring her is just immature and you should at least tell her you don't want to be friends with her.  You don't need to go into a lot of detail but at least tell her! 

I also have - or perhaps HAD - such a friend and in my case it's not responding or sounding very busy that did the trick. I know it may sound immature and that sincere conversation might have worked better, but... the problem is that this "friend" of mine has very low self-esteem, she is shy, introvert and sort of old-fashioned in her opinions and lifestyle and has always had extreme difficulties in "fitting in". Don't get me wrong, i don't think it's bad to be "old-fashioned" in certain ways, especially when it comes to the values by which you choose to live your life. It's just that for her it didn't work so well - you surely know such people, they're always the ones that just "beg" to be bullied or ridiculed, be it in kindergarten, school or work. Anyway, much as i liked her (or didn't mind her), i didn't feel like we were made for each other as friends... and unfortunately she did. It took me three years to discourage her from calling/mailing/visiting and endlessly asking why I didn't call or offer to meet her...

I'm actually glad to hear that i'm not the only one with this problem, because i was starting to think that there is something seriously wrong with ME...

If you meet someone and know you aren't going to get along with them, don't bother hanging out with them. You know what kind of person you get along with. 

I think you and I must have the same friend.  My best friend from high school found me at the high school reunion.  At first, it was cool, but after about 6 months, I remembered why I had stopped talking to her.  She got engaged and asked me to meet her for lunch.  That is where she told me that she expected me to quit my job to plan her wedding.  Even better, she made it clear that since I got the "privilege" of planning her wedding, I would not be a bride's maid. She wanted me to call her everyday by three and, if for some reason I couldn't call, I was to send her a text to let her know.  She also wanted me to sell my house and move closer.  (I swear I am not making this up.)  That is when I told her that I thought we had outgrown our friendship and that I thought we should part.  I never called her, but she didn't get the clue.  At first, I didn't return her calls, but then she started texting and emailing.  I had to file a report with the police, change my e-mail address and phone number.  FREAK!!!!

I usually just  kick them in the face....they normally don't want to be my friend after that.