right now I really hate myself

every single month. on the 15th. They have a cake and ice cream party at work. every single month on the 15th I tell myself "today is the day that I won't eat cake and ice cream." I do whatever I can to avoid this situation, I bring my own snacks, drink tons of water, hang out outside the breakroom, but something always comes up and I cave. And I don't just cave, I cave. Like a crapload of cake and ice cream. Then for about 2 hours I feel like a goddess of energy and am so happy and bubbly, then I realize how many calories I just had and start to feel like hell. And it's especially bad because it's my t.o.m. and I'm really sunburned (reads: swollen in very unflattering places and dehydrated no matter how much I drink) and my stomach looks HUGE. I feel completely disgusted and disappointed in myself. On top of that, I haven't exercised in 2 days since my sunburn was so bad and hadn't been making good decisions because I was in so much pain and I feel like it's going to take atleast 2 weeks before my weight could stabilize again and I'm just soooo utterly disheartened about the whole thing and I just want to be little again.

What can I do? I feel like I'm stuck in some vicious cycle where I'll be eating really well and my only snacks are fruit w/ yogurt, veggies, and luna bars and then all of a sudden I'll eat junk food and it turns into a massive binge and I think to myself "well maybe I just should add a little junk food to my diet so I don't binge like this later on" and then instead I feel guilty like mad and then feel fat and go back to my clean, healthy diet. It feels like the whole "lifestyle change" thing isn't really sticking 100%. I feel so lost and flabby.

Well, at least it is only once a month that your work has a cake and ice cream party. And I definitely think that a little junk food in ones diet is good because it will make their body feel like they aren't depriving it. I love dark chocolate, so I always have some dark chocolate during the day. And there's people who lose weight by eating a bunch of "unhealthy" stuff. Do you not treat yourself often enough? Oh, and I'm sorry about the sunburn. My dad had skin cancer, so try and put sunblock on next time okay? Ha, not like it does much good now. Oh, and once your sunburn goes away, you can go right back to the gym. It will be okay. Tomorrow's a new day!

You have your answer right in your post.  Allow yourself the cake and ice cream once a month.  It's not hurting your diet, it's not going to kill you, and you love it!  We have to allow ourselves the foods we love, or else what's the point of all this?  If these eating behaviors aren't something we can maintain our entire lives then why are we doing them? 

Let yourself eat cake!  You might even find that once you allow yourself to eat it, you won't find yourself binging on it as much because now it's not a forbidden food that you'll never have again.  You know you can have it, and you know you will have it again, so you won't feel like this time will be the last time you get to have it, which is what leads to binge behavior.

Maybe you should make the 15th your "sick day" =)

... Or just do what shandykat said

The trouble is, even if it were my cheat day for the month or whatever, by the end of the day, I feel like absolute crap, Like completely miserable I wanna cry and it's horrible. Then I feel it takes maybe a week or two to recover (there's usually some bloating and short term weight gain involved) and then I start to feel good about myself again for a week or two and then the next thing you know it's the 15th all over again. And it never seems to fall on a day off. I seriously contemplated taking the day off because I dread it so much. And even worse, if given the chance to eat something else that deliciously good, I wouldn't even have cake, I'd have like chocolate chip cookies or a malt or a slice of pizza because all of those things are waaay tastier. And this is the part where somebody says "well why don't you eat those things instead and then you won't eat the cake?" except I probably will eat the cake too and then that's even more calories and I don't even usually like eating junk food in the first place because I feel so much better about myself when I'm eating right and I'm just so frustrated because I've been trying to lose this weight forever and it didn't even take that long to put it on because I was at a really nice weight for most of my life.

Sweety, it's one day a month! That's only 12 cake-and-icecream-fests in a year. It is NOT going to destroy your diet and it is absolutely nothing to feel bad about! There is no point whatsoever beating yourself up just because you're human and can't resist the temptation of free sugar. Half the reason you feel so bad afterwards is because you're punishing yourself for being 'weak', when it's perfectly normal. Next time tell yourself that yes, you are allowed to have a SMALL piece of cake and ONE scoop of icecream, and then savour it. The odds are that once you give yourself permission and tell yourself that it's NOT a 'bad thing' you're doing, you'll feel much better about it.

You seem like you want us to convince you that it's wrong and that you should skip work.  Because of this I'm led to believe that it does make you feel that awful and that you really hate it.  Here is what I would recommend.  First off, what time of the day is it at?  If it's around lunchtime, go out for lunch.  If it's there the whole day then think about how gross it is getting sitting out there with so many people picking at the frosting.  Choose one.  Either ice cream OR cake and allow yourself to eat it; this way the rest of the day you won't just be thinking about it all the time.  If you really feel like you can't control yourself.  Schedule a doctor's appointment or tell your boss you have a doctor's appointment and go out and take a walk.  This way you won't be around it.

Don't hate yourself.

Why don't you make it a part of your menu for the 15th. Adjust your eating so that you can allow yourself to eat ice cream and/or cake on that day.

Let's say you usually eat healthy food of  1500 cals/day. On the 15th, eat 1200 cals of healthy food then add 300 cals of cake/ice cream. You can even have additional 200 cals of cake and ice cream. That would make 1700 cals for that day, which is only 200 cals over your limit, which is absolutely unimportant since you're doing it only for one day. And you're having 500 cals of cake/ice cream too :)

note: you may or may not weigh a little more the day after, if you do that's ok because when you start eating healthy on the 16th, the extra weight will go away.

 

I used to do this too. The power of guilt is pretty rough on a person. I am a chocolate addict. Tried and true. and it was really affecting me. It MOSTLY affected me when I was really really really adamant about avoiding all chocolate and sweets. You know, when you say - today is the day that I'm changing things. It starts now, I can't have any sweets, bad food, etc. Those were ALWAYS the times that I would subsequently cave in hardcore not soon after. and  I would cave in, just like you said. Not just allowing one little piece but a whole box of cookies and then some.

It's only the times that I don't think about and beat myself, that I go weeks and realize, holy crap, I haven't had anything bad! and it's only the times when I don't feel guilty about one small piece of chocolate that I can live through the day. If I just HAVE to have that other piece of chocolate, I eat it. and I tell myself, now you know you didn't need that but you're going to workout now so it's ok but be careful next time.

As far as the 15ths go, it's back in the break room all day. I get 2 15 minute breaks and 1 45 minute break. It takes atleast 15 minutes to get to my car from work so I can't really go anywhere else. I try to keep myself away from it, I really do, but I end up talking to my coworkers on my breaks and then they're sitting there, enjoying their savory cake and ice cream and it smells so good I just can't resist.

I keep thinking to myself I really just need to integrate more little junk food snacks into my weekly diet (like a small cookie here and there and maybe some skinny cow ice cream, etc..) but every time I go to the grocery store I get scared and refuse to buy it. I'm only now coming to terms with the fact that low fat cheese isn't gonna hurt (my usual diet consists of kashi cereals, fruits, veggies, the occasional lean meats, yogurt, muesli, egg beaters, and luna bars more or less).

You're thinking way too much.. you just have a bad habit,
break it .

I AM THE POSTER CHILD FOR OCCASIONAL CRAPPY EATING, AND STILL LOSE WEIGHT!!

If you deprive yourself of the things you love, you will fail on your diet. A diet should not be comprised ONLY of healthy food choices, but I allow myself small indulgences EVERY DAY! The biggest thing I keep in mind is... choose wisely enough to fulfill your craving, and do not over-indulge!

Here are the things I do to make the most of my cravings...

1. Chew each bite SLOWLY! 20-30 seconds.

2. Do not eat while watching TV! It distracts you, and before you know it, your snack is gone, but your craving isn't!

3. Only eat as much as you have to in order to satisfy your craving! This one is hard, but it works! Love chocolate bars? Let each bite melt slowly in your mouth to get the most flavor with the least swallowing!

4. Take a large drink of water before each bite! It helps you feel full quicker.

5. Do NOT eat snacks as if they were a meal! Recognize when your craving is gone. The food may NOT be finished, but your need for it has. Save the rest for another day!

6. Keep small amounts of the foods you crave on hand. This allows you access, but not the ability to binge. And keep them somewhere out of sight and out of reach. This gives you a few more minutes to decide if it's worth the effort!

7. If you have a HUGE craving, where you know you may over-indulge... Do some kind of exercise before you give in to your craving. Take a walk, use the treadmill, even something as trivial as doing some laundry will get your blood moving a bit. Sometimes this fights my cravings completely, but mostly, it takes the edge off so I can enjoy a small amount of the food I love!

I hope some of this has helped! I have lost 17 lbs in 8 weeks, and I feel great! And I am not on the perfect diet, but it works for me!

We all slip, it's natural - remind yourself that one month a day will not ultimately affect your goal....not to mention you need to treat yourself once in a while.

If you're worried about the diet:

on the 16th and 17th, try to cut down on your normal caloric intake....

And schedule an extra hour of exercise on the 15th or that week....

As for the guilt factor:

Take a piece of cake and ice cream, but remember portion control.... remember how you feel each month when you're taking the slice!

Or be extra good from the 1st to the 14th, and tell yourself the 15th is your treat day and you've earned the ice cream and cake. just be sure not to eat till your sick! keep away from wherever they are serving it too....

good luck & cheer up!

 

 

 

Aw, hun.  I feel ya. 

Don't hate yourself, hate the cake and everything it does to you.  Hate the power it has over you.  Hate the way it tastes.  Hate the way the icing is always a bit too sweet, and it always seems a little greasy.  Like you can tell that it really is just sugar and butter creamed together.  Hate the texture of the icing, and hate the way colored icing stains your lips and makes you look silly.  Hate that the cake is so sweet you have to wash it down with coffee, just to cut through the sugary taste.  Hate the way it makes a mess when it crumbles on the plate, and drops in your lap or down your shirt.  Hate that one small piece of cake takes up a third of your calorie allowance for the day, and that it deprives you of a whole meal's worth of enjoyment. 

Hate the cake.  Love yourself.

oh I do hate the cakie. strangely enough, my weight has remained exactly the same despite this massive binge of cake and ice cream. I'm feeling a bit better about it now. Anyway, I really am going to work at not eating healthy 100% of the time (my treat today is chocolate milk!!)..