Romance, love and longing

This is not a personal question - but an academic one.  Why do humans seem to need romantic love?

Look around the net and just about anywhere else and there is a huge body of romantic fiction, books on how to find your soul mate and, of course, dating sites.

Sure there are the biological and practical reasons for "love" but we dont actually need love for babies and life planning.  So why are humans so geared to finding love? Why do humans look for "the one"?  That one everlasting companion?

Because Romance is Pleasurable. Because there is no feeling quite like finding a person you can stay on the phone til 3 AM with or who sends you so sky high that you swear you can feel the clouds under your feet.

Romantic love is needed because it is beneficial to our survival. If we find a mate who remainsromantically interested in us they will share their resources, and pooling resources in general is good for both parties involved. When it comes to babies the general consensus is that we have these feelings to make sure we spend time caring for our offspring, once again enhancing their likelihood of survival.

Many scientists think that romance is something that our species have evolved. At the end of the day it aids the survival of our species: Not very romantic when you think about it but still pretty essential :)

Original Post by la_discotheque:

Romantic love is needed because it is beneficial to our survival. If we find a mate who remainsromantically interested in us they will share their resources, and pooling resources in general is good for both parties involved. When it comes to babies the general consensus is that we have these feelings to make sure we spend time caring for our offspring, once again enhancing their likelihood of survival.

 

Many scientists think that romance is something that our species have evolved. At the end of the day it aids the survival of our species: Not very romantic when you think about it but still pretty essential :)

Yeah and if you look most species that do not find 'the one' they normally can have more than one baby at a time. I'm generalizing here though, I'm sure you can find some species that this does not apply. 

And I really hate that term 'the one' even though I'm happily married. It just sounds so possesive.

I also hate the term "the one", because it implies that if you lose that person, for one reason or another, you can never find happiness again.  I beleive there are many people that you can be compatible with, not just ONE.

I think there is something to be said of attraction to a mate that increases the likelihood of survival of the offspring - women have fat stores to help them through thin times (in all the right places), men are virile enough to impregnate and protect the offspring.

Romantic love is a pretty recent idea, and although I have found what you could term a "soul mate", I still do not think it is essential to a successful marriage.  Definitely a plus, but romantic love can easily fade and disappear if it is not fed and taken care of.  What makes marriage successful is a dedication to the relationship, which can take place with or without romantic love.

Original Post by hkellick:

Because Romance is Pleasurable. Because there is no feeling quite like finding a person you can stay on the phone til 3 AM with or who sends you so sky high that you swear you can feel the clouds under your feet.

... and I was just thinking this weekend, that men have lost the ability to be poets.

Good job, Hk. :)

Original Post by puh8suwrux:

I also hate the term "the one", because it implies that if you lose that person, for one reason or another, you can never find happiness again.  I beleive there are many people that you can be compatible with, not just ONE.

I think there is something to be said of attraction to a mate that increases the likelihood of survival of the offspring - women have fat stores to help them through thin times (in all the right places), men are virile enough to impregnate and protect the offspring.

Romantic love is a pretty recent idea, and although I have found what you could term a "soul mate", I still do not think it is essential to a successful marriage.  Definitely a plus, but romantic love can easily fade and disappear if it is not fed and taken care of.  What makes marriage successful is a dedication to the relationship, which can take place with or without romantic love.

 And I also can't stand when people say, 'from the moment i saw her' blah blah. What can you tell from the first moment you see anyone, ok maybe she had nice big high ta-ta's but please! Its like the first moment I saw that couch I knew I wanted it in my living room.

Romantic love is a neccessary component to the human condition. It feeds the soul and fulfills destinies. And it's been around since there were humans walking upright and aware of themselves. Or at least since we have had the ability to tell tales. :)

Romantic love is indeed unnecessary.  We should find the part of our genetic code that causes us to pursue such irrationality and jettison it.

...

That would reduce us to what I consider the true essence of relationships:  Raw and primal desire.

*smacks Doc upside the head*

Not that there's anything wrong with raw and primal desire, mind you, but coupled with that tenderest of emotions, romantic love, the result is as close as we hope to get to heaven on earth.

*raspberries*

Original Post by dnrothx:

That would reduce us to what I consider the true essence of relationships:  Raw and primal desire.

I wish I could quit you!

^5 HK  HA!

Original Post by hkellick:

Original Post by dnrothx:

That would reduce us to what I consider the true essence of relationships:  Raw and primal desire.

I wish I could quit you!

 bwaaahaaahaaaa!!!!!

I don't-- and have to be honest, do not really understand it. Yes, I love my children--that is a very profound sort of love. I had a husband I loved very much. But the romantic/sexual side of it is not something I need or pine over not having.

Maybe not everyone does need it.

I understand enjoying it when it happens. But I do not understand looking for it, or not feeling whole without it. I've always thought maybe something is wrong with me.....But if you're happy, then isn't that the main thing.

Lost in fog and love and faithless fear, I've had kisses that make Judas seem sincere...

When you want a woman, you just take the woman.

We've come for yer daughter, Chuck.

Woman!  Woman!  Woman!  Woman! (looks at audience)  Woman! -- Animal

How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? Albert Einstein

We were created as relational beings.  In my mind the question becomes: if somebody's life has an adequate number of good, healthy friendships - do they need a romantic connection?  I don't think so.  But we do need healthy relationships.

my bf is such a romantic. i am sooooo not. it is a perfect balance though. he writes me poetry :) wasnt looking for that but it is a great bonus. truth is i wasnt even looking.