The rudest compliments...

i was trying on clothes yesterday and the shop assistant said the dress looked great on me as i was 'curvy and had big hips' yes im pear shaped and have 24" waist byt 39" hips but why does everyone comment on it, like its a good thing. Funny thing is every shop assistant says the excate same thing, trouble is they are all super skinny without a single curve and i know theyd hate to have my fingure.

Anyway just a rant, and i find it funny that people make comments that are meant as a compliment but due to our own issues we take as an insult or jibe at our big hips.

So what compliment has someone said to you to be nice?

I hate the..."you have such a pretty face"...

another one I get often is ..."you're eyes are really pretty".....

I mean, I do think I have a fairly pretty face, and my eyes are nice, but is the rest of me such a wreck?!?

...I am lucky to have an amazing Fiance who compliments me on just about all of my "assets", the above usually come from well-meaning relatives and friends....

I just had a situation where the shop assistant really offended me.  The first thing she asked me was what size I was looking for and she shoo's me over to the larger dress racks which were full of tent-like creations and tank dresses.  I really like strappy sun dresses or something with a crossover front or at least a Vneck so I stopped at the Size Large rack and I thought she was going to have a cow.  She appeared very distressed that I was perusing this rack and felt the need to make sure I knew that was Size Large.  I said I knew and continued looking.  She then goes on to tell me that these dresses probably were not going to fit me.

WOW!  How does she know I'm not shopping for a "goal dress" or for a gift for someone!!  I'm consider

Another time I meandered into the petite's section and the sales clerk says "You realize you're in the petite section, right?" 

And one last one -- Whenever I go into stores that clearly don't have things above a size large - absolutley nothing in Size Abundant Goddess...(I like to look at things I might fit into one day...or check out what the waifs are wearing...)  Why do the sales clerks always have to make some comment about how their clothing line "runs small".

I just find all this ridiculously offensive and IM NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!

 

I used to get this all the time when I was in high school.  "You could be so pretty..."

This is my favorite story.  I needed a bathing suit.  I am over 200 pounds and 5 feet tall.  I was in some department store trying on a one piece bathing suit.  The sales associate told my that the bathing suit I was wearing was "very slimming".  I sarcastically agreed and told her that I looked just like Cindy Crawford in it.  Who did she think she was kidding.  Nothing is "slimming" on a 200+ pound 5 foot woman, especially not a bathing suit.

Chesleagirl - you're comments hit home because I get the opposite of you all the time. I am small and pretty skinny with No real hips to speak of, and not waist either, pretty much straight down. However, I have large boobs. I think that I would love to have hips like you are built (although who knows, we are never happy with what we are, right? Ha ha). I constantly get the oh you are so skinny, you are so lucky you don't have hips. I wish I had big boobs like you. Well, here's something, I have SO much trouble finding clothes that fit a size four body with Size D breasts. I pretty much fall out of all dresses, or make them look obscene (although this can lead to some pretty funny dressing room occasions!). I can also never by anything that is a top and bottoms set because I am so top heavy.

Also, why do people frequently have to comment on my size anyway. I am at a healthy weight (22.5 BMI) but am constantly told, oh you're too small, you must be a size 0, etc. etc. First of all, I am just normal, second of all, what does it matter what size I wear?

Thanks for the oppurtunity to vent.

Original Post by chelseagirl:

i was trying on clothes yesterday and the shop assistant said the dress looked great on me as i was 'curvy and had big hips' yes im pear shaped and have 24" waist byt 39" hips but why does everyone comment on it, like its a good thing. Funny thing is every shop assistant says the excate same thing, trouble is they are all super skinny without a single curve and i know theyd hate to have my fingure.

Anyway just a rant, and i find it funny that people make comments that are meant as a compliment but due to our own issues we take as an insult or jibe at our big hips.

So what compliment has someone said to you to be nice?

 Chelsea, you'd be surprised how many skinny girls like that wish they had hips and a butt. I bet they want to be skinny but with curves.

I know that I for example would like a better waist to hip ratio. My mass accumulates all in my mid section. It looks like I need to be a tiny little freak for my hips and butt to actually stick out and give me a nice figure. Otherwise, at a normal weight, I look like I barely have curves. 

Unless you're comparing yourself to one of those tiny girls, weight carries better and looks better in pear shaped women, and it's also healthier. For example, my sis in law is such a pear shape (from the measurements you said, she's more than you) and while I am probably in better shape than she is, her tiny waist and sexy curves make her look way more appealing and slimmer than me. Oh well...

Besides... people always want what they don't have. =P Pears may want to not have such accentuated curves, and apples want a curve other than circular.

I've never had issues with strangers, even as a chubby kid. I don't think I ever cared what strangers thought. Instead, I focus more on what family and friends say. A compliment that bothers me is when I go back home and people comment on how much better I look. I can't stop myself from automatically thinking "how bad did I look before, then?" Also... now some friends feel compelled to mention my potential. In other words, they will say how I look good and say how I can improve myself.

Original Post by energygirl:

Chesleagirl - you're comments hit home because I get the opposite of you all the time. I am small and pretty skinny with No real hips to speak of, and not waist either, pretty much straight down. However, I have large boobs. I think that I would love to have hips like you are built (although who knows, we are never happy with what we are, right? Ha ha). I constantly get the oh you are so skinny, you are so lucky you don't have hips. I wish I had big boobs like you. Well, here's something, I have SO much trouble finding clothes that fit a size four body with Size D breasts. I pretty much fall out of all dresses, or make them look obscene (although this can lead to some pretty funny dressing room occasions!). I can also never by anything that is a top and bottoms set because I am so top heavy.

Also, why do people frequently have to comment on my size anyway. I am at a healthy weight (22.5 BMI) but am constantly told, oh you're too small, you must be a size 0, etc. etc. First of all, I am just normal, second of all, what does it matter what size I wear?

Thanks for the oppurtunity to vent.

 I just read your comment after I posted mine. That is so true... I also have small hips but have big breasts. It is so hard to find things that fit right. For it to fit my boobs it is usually big everywhere else. I can get things to fit my waist but then my boobs look like they need to come out for air.

Also... you said something that hit home with me. I became a DD almost overnight when I was 12, and ever since I have never been able to wear tank tops and other shirts like that (like any other kid) without looking flirtatious or even obscene like you said. It's like anything we wear (besides sweaters and tshirts) gives us a cleavage, which is seen as flirty or obscene like you said. I remember as a kid hating my boobs because I could not wear certain tops (especially in the warm summers) and still look as innocent as my friends. If I want to wear certain tops (even now), I still get attention that I am not looking for.

Thank you energygirl, for letting me vent. =P and sorry chelsea for two long posts. 

Luna and energy, got to agree with you on the big boob equals obscence thing. Whe i was 18 my boobs where a D now they are a small C. Its amazing the difference a size can make. If i wore a low cut top it looked sexy, even if it was just a tank top for the beach, sometimes it doesnt feel approriate. Now they are the right size that i can choose to push them up or make the smaller depending on the bra, its great, and i very rarely look indecent. I intended to write to agree with you sorry it turned into a brag.

Anyway back to unwanted compliments...

"You're one of those pretty-faced girls."

Thank you, Alex.  He really does go for the chubby girls, and I did have a pretty face in my pictures when he first saw them, and in person as well (we met online), but I never showed my body until he walked through the front door.

He didn't run away screaming, he didn't comment on my thunder thighs, but he did say, "You're really one of those pretty-faced girls!" when he first saw me.  Which is fair, 'cause all I was thinking was, "Whoa, eyebrows."

energygirl, my really good friend is the exact same size/measurements as you! a size 4 with a set of natural D's. she has an awful time finding clothes, and get's so annoyed when people compliment her boobs!

the rudest "compliment" i ever got was from a guy i was dating. he always talked about how he ususually dated younger girls. he's 27 and his usual girl would be 19 or 20. so one time we were talking about body types etc, and he was like "well, you should see some of the girls i used to date" and i said "well, i'm never going to be a rail" and he said "yeah, but they didn't have your personality"

EXCUSE ME?! i laughed right in his face and asked if he realized what he just said. it's a good thing i'm confident because a few years ago, that would have been such a blow to me. wasn't long before i dumped his a$$ :)  but seriously, what a JERK!

At the risk of offending everyone I do have to offer a bit of perspective from the sales clerk's side. I worked at a clothing store for a while and I noticed that some women would grab, for example, a 'medium' blouse. If the medium was too tight, they'd get frustrated and not buy it for the simple fact that they refuse to buy a large even though that's what they needed because the medium was too tight. I would always walk on eggshells as to what size to offer.

Whenever the subject of weight comes up (at no matter what weight I have been, at my heaviest and my thinnest) I am such and such.......the reaction is, What? really? You don't look it! 

grrrrrrrrr, first of all I am tall and the weight I stated is healthy for my height (ok so at one point I was overweight) and I guess people think they are giving me a compliment, but I work hard at eating right and working out.

Another comment is, "oh well, she carries her weight nicely", or the best is, "oh she is naturally lean."  I smile as I think in my head, hey shut your pie trap, I work hard for this.

Thanks for the post chelsea :+)

muictchr - ha ha, you are so right on about the working hard thing. People always tell me "oh you are so lucky that you are naturally small, etc. etc." While I have always been on the smaller size, when I went a couple of years without working out I went up 20-25 pounds, which did not work well on my frame. So, yeah, I work hard to keep myself like this, and yeah maybe I drink or eat more than others, but then I go to the gym and work it off, it's not like I go home and sleep to get thin!

Original Post by energygirl:

muictchr - ha ha, you are so right on about the working hard thing. People always tell me "oh you are so lucky that you are naturally small, etc. etc." While I have always been on the smaller size, when I went a couple of years without working out I went up 20-25 pounds, which did not work well on my frame. So, yeah, I work hard to keep myself like this, and yeah maybe I drink or eat more than others, but then I go to the gym and work it off, it's not like I go home and sleep to get thin!

energygirl,

your response, cheered me up.

I wanted to share one more comment that actually one of my close friends (who is overweight) had said to me, that I will never forget.

Years ago, we were on vacation together, and went to a morning buffet (her choice not mine).  I ate alot (yogurt,fruit, oatmeal, veggies, egg whites all healthy)  She had less amount to eat but ate unhealthy.  Sausage, 4 whole eggs, bread, lots of butter, pancakes(no veggies, or fruit)

Oh yeah and the night before I went swimming, as she sat her butt in the hot tub.  Then went back to the room to watch tv.

So as I continue to eat my healthy meal, as my muscles needed to be fed from my intense workout the night before.  She says to me "wowe you can reallly put it away!!!"  My head wanted to BURST, when I heard that I had nothing to say except "yup".  Later that day as she watched a movie, I went for a run to sweat off the damn comment she made.

I especially love your comment, "it's not like I go home and sleep to get thin!"

That is great!  Thanks again.

Take care!!! 

 

My BF is the king of poorly worded compliments. I had gained a bit of weight and he said to me, thoughtfully "I like your big butt." I think he realized immediately that he should have left out the word "big" because I turned around and stared at him in disbelief. Then he turned red and we both laughed.

As far as salesgirls go, I think my most embarrassing encounter was when I went to the expensive jeans department. I'd had a nice pair of jeans a few years back, and when the salesgirl asked me what size I wear, I told her what size they had been. She looked at me in disbelief and said "I don't think so, that's the size I wear," clearly implying that I was horribly mistaken if I thought I was as small as she was. She was right, but it was so embarrassing.  

I hate when people tell me "you carry your weight so well".  Well, yeah, I have to, cuz if I don't I won't be going anywhere.  Duh.  I am kind of tall and have an "athletic" build below all of my chub, but still, do people think that makes you feel better about being heavy?

 

 

This is such a great thread, I had to post again. I was at the gym a few months ago and talking with a family friend who works behind the front desk there. She said to me "I'm surprised you still come here, since you don't need to because you have already lost all your weight." I mean, come on, seriously, does she think that I will stay thin if I stopped going? Although, sadly, I do think that a lot of Americans think that way. Re-reading this, I realize it wasn't an insult, but I thought y'all would appreciate it anyways as it's another one of those kind of remarks.

HOW ABOUT THIS - I HAVE A FEW - SADLY - but ill share this

 18th birthday (250 atleast at time) was going to the mall with my mom - and my aunt had just been at the mall and left her cell in amercrombie and fitch asked me to grab it she called ahead to say some1 would pick it up - i had to go in there anyway to grab a birthday gift for my uncle - i walk in and the clerk says oh wow you must be here for the cell phone cause we dont make clothes your size - HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUH? NO -

 i had gastric bypass when i was 20 @ 487 lbs im 230 now and 5*11 - im almost where i dream to be - ill get there

being obese gives you an insight on how some ppl really are - cause they treat you as if you are lower then dirt - at least most i seemed to come in contact with - lucky me -

 

i could go on and on...........

Original Post by tygrkat:

I hate the..."you have such a pretty face"...

 I don't know why, but I hate that to. They put emphasis on face like they mean that's the only good part on my body. Oh well, though. I'm sure they only mean good things by it.

No offense, but I think some people might be reading too much into the "you have such a pretty face" compliments (unless they are followed by the dreaded "if only you lost weight").  Even stick thin people sometimes only get compliments on their eyes, smile, face etc.  I'd think it was really, really rude to come up to a girl and try to comment on her body.  I mean, if I was out and somebody came up to me and said "Wow, you have such nice thighs and abs" I'd be pretty uncomfortable.

The focus on the face is probably less a comment on the rest of the body than you think it is...

lilsammi23, I've actually had people say that and follow it by, "Now just lose 100 pounds and you'll be datable."