Running/Self-esteem Woes - need a bit of support =(

Usually I don't complain about this stuff, I keep it to myself and stew over it. But I figured maybe you guys could understand and give me a bit of support.

Today I went jogging for the very first time. I was super-psyched, prepared with my mp3 player, running shoes, the whole bit. I took my dog, and when I stepped out of the house I felt really motivated, big smile on my face, yes-I'm-going-to-get-fit attitude!

It started out great. It was a fantastic temperature outside, although a little damp. I went during the middle of the day to avoid running into too many people, but I passed a few people anyway. And every time I did, EVERY TIME, the person would look at me and sort-of smile to themselves. A few of them turned their heads to watch me as I went past them.

It was that look...because I'm fat, and I'm trying to go running. ("Pft, what is she doing, no-one needs to see that.") And you could tell that's what I was doing even when I was walking between jogging, because of my shorts and running shoes. I felt so embarassed by them staring and laughing at me, that I finished really early and ran all the way home.

I've lost all my motivation to run. I don't want to go out and run where people can see me doing it, because it wasn't just one person, it was everyone, and it was so shameful. I feel like maybe I should just watch my calories and go for walks in my street clothes, so I don't feel like a huge blob trying to push myself down a path in my silly shorts. I mean, that'll still work, but my self esteem took a serious hit today, guys. I'm not THAT big, but I have 40lbs to lose, so I'm not exactly small. I'm big enough for people to look at me and think "she's fat".

I used to not care, but the looks they were giving me, they hurt.

I still want to lose weight and be healthy, I just don't know if I can go outside running again.

Anyone ever feel the same way?

I feel the same way. Not for the same reasons but because of pure judgement anyway. I think the best way to ignore it is to keep that positive attitude that you started with. Besides you are better off than them, they aren't even exercising! Just keep up that attitude and you will succeed!

p.s I always run with my pup too. They have such a great time!

I doubt they were really thinking what you thought they were. I'd be willing to bet that they were thinking "good for her" or "gosh, I should be doing that too", if they were thinking anything about you at all. I'm 5'4" and 195 lbs and started jogging a few months ago. I was self conscious at first, but then realized that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You might try running on a treadmill too. For some reason, I always feel more comfortable in the gym than out in the open world. Good luck to you!

When I run, I wear bike shorts so that my legs don't jiggle and I still feel so self-conscious when I run in front of them. So I know how it feels like everyone is judging you when you run. But at the same time, you're jogging and they're not and once you get into the heat of exercise and feel really good and endorphins begin to be released, it's worth it. You'll never see those people again anyway and if you do, you'll be thinner and healthier! Most people just feel good for you and if they see you making a change in your life, maybe they'll be encouraged to make a change too. Losing weight and being healthy is about you, not them or their judgment. I sweat a lot when I run and it's not the most attractive thing, but it shows that I'm really trying.

Good luck!

If you still want to run outside in public (even a gym is quite public) why not try a different work out outfit? I'd NEVER wear shorts. I'm just say in the ideal weight BMI category / borderline overweight but I carry my fat round the hips and bum. So there's no way in hell you'd catch me in shorts even though I'm a size 12 (UK) and I know people of bigger clothes sizes wear shorts, hotpants, miniskirts etc.

I prefer yoga pants. Sort of tracksuit bottoms made from stretchy cotton in a wide leg style. They skim the hips and if you get a light weight material they still keep you cool. Not as cool as shorts though. Why not try cropped tracksuit bottoms?

Wear what makes you feel comfy. People at my gym wear teeny tiny tops and skin tight pants and let everything hang out. I guess they're comfortable with their bods on show like that. Everyone's different.

I don't go swimming much because I've not been able to find a swim suit I feel ok in. That's a shame isn't it. I will though when I find one!

Find some comfy clothes and enjoy your runs! I bet the dog misses them

Best of luck.

I have the same problem, i live in a city right next to two really big roads so i cant bear the thought of jogging past so many people. Ive had derogetory comments from men before just walking down the street so i really dont wanna have that when im jogging.

Ive settled for buying a trampoline jogger and getting a bit fitter before i jog outside, its really low impact on the feet and ankles so i find it pretty good :)

I am an extremely self consious gym goer, I have been known to leave early, or not even go in if it doesn't "feel" right.  I also am a terrible runner, something about it makes my balance all wonky, so I sort of understand where you're coming from.

Try converting those looks into inspiration so that when the day comes that you've reached your weight and fitness goals those same people can look at you and be impressed.

avaint,  

Those people are probably not thinking all those nasty things.  It's more likely they admire you for "getting out there".  Isn't that what you think when you see people out running? I do.  It's the same when I see people really "working it" in the gym and they're sweaty and looking strong - to me that's awesome and admirable - I want to be that person.

Also...you can't control what other people do or say - you can only control your reaction to them. When you're out running, you are not there for them, you are there for YOU. Whatever they think - good or bad - doesn't matter. You can't let that stop you from reaching your goals - stay focused on that and nothing else will matter.

Keep it up and keep smiling .

you may be projecting your fears onto them. There's no way to know what they were thinking. Your assumptions are more representative of your psyche than what objectively happened.

I'm not saying this so say "you're wrong," but you may be. They very well could have been thinking "good for her," "cute dog," "cute girl," etc. You said they half-smiled, rather than had a look of shock and horror.

People independently participating in parallel activities tend to feel positively toward each other, like a feeling of kinship. I am willing to bet their evaluations of you are not nearly as negative as you're presuming they are.

Keep at it, remember how good it made you feel. And, if you knew they were turning to look at you; you must have turned to look at them too. You weren't thinking mean things. So, just try to do it for you and realize that your thoughts are a product of your mind. Kick some ass.

This is all in your head.  Keep your chin up and do what you to to do.

Girl, listen!  I am a big girl 5'8" 210 lbs...I have 60 pounds to lose and I run.  Even at only 20 pounds under what I am now, I ran a half marathon.  At first I felt like people had the same reaction to me that you thought you were getting.  What you are doing for yourself is not about them...it's about YOU.  It's about what you feel comfortable wearing as a runner...you ARE a runner.  There ARE some real d-bags out there, but if anyone tries to discount what you are doing for yourself, belittle it, or make you feel bad, then they have a much larger problem to deal with than weight.  Runners come in all shapes and sizes, from gazelles to clydesdales to peguins.  As far as what you wear...you need to wear what you are comfortable running, whatever wicks away the moisture, keeps you cool, prevents chafing, and blisters.  I myself wear 2 sports bras, tights, and a shirt that FITS.  Yes I was self conscious about a shirt not covering my butt, then I realized that I could focus on the task at hand when the clothes fit and I was not worried about pushing sleeves up, pulling my shorts up, getting to hot, chaffing etc. Also, running even in the beginning is tough and takes a lot of focus, so when you are paying attention to others you are cheating yourself out of progress.  Use their looks and stares to motivate yourself.  Imagine how they will look at you in 6 weeks or 6 months when you are still at it walking less and running more.    Be proud of yourself and keep at it...I guarantee you will start getting more encouragement from those people you think now are being judgemental.  Get the best of them...don't let them get the best of you!  You are so much better than that. 

I started running at 197 pounds, meaning I had about 40-50 pounds to lose and I also get/got smiles from the people I pass when I run.

I have always told myself that they're smiling because I'm doing something. Which is more laudable in your mind, the well-padded girl who's out there working on herself or the well-padded girl who's spending her time telling herself stories to keep herself down?

I know which I have more respect for, so I work to be someone I can respect. Do yourself a favor and respect your efforts and your will.

hi im 5ft 2 and weigh 180 pounds,i  run 5k at least 3 times a week ,

oh yes some people find it funny to see a fat person run,but i just think to myself id like to see them do it,on the other hand ive also had people beep and give me the thumbs up which makes me feel wonderful,

dont let them the small minority put you off if anything make yourself more determined to get out there and do it good luck x

Whenever I see sombody run, I tend to look and smile. It's mainly because I'm proud when I see a larger person trying to lose weight - or perhaps it your dog. I mean, my parents would slow the car down to look at a cute dog!

My advice is to carry on. If you can't do that, try running really early [7ish] or late [if you live in a safe area!].

One day, you'll look back and think you were just being silly!

I agree with greeneyedbellydancer, I think you are projecting your fears onto them. When I go out jogging, I give everybody a half-smile in that "being polite, we are all in this stupid jogging thing together trying to be healthy" sort of way. I don't judge the other person, why would I? Heck, they are getting out there and doing something good for themselves! That alone is cause for me to want to give them the thumbs up.

So really, just get out there again. Take the dog, the music, and go run. If you can't look at people, don't. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks anyway, you'll survive and you will go out and do it the next day and the next day after that.

Part of me says – you have no idea what they are thinking.  Some of them are thinking “good for her!”  Or even “look at her go!”  I can’t tell you how many people have called me inspiring over the last 8 weeks since I’ve taken up running and lost some pounds.

Another part of me says - I know exactly how you feel.  I can see the looks I get when I go running and not all of them are supportive and kind.  I am by far the slowest and fattest jogger on my lake.  And I’ve got MORE than 40 pounds to lose - my first goal is another 56 pounds away and depending on how I feel when I get there, I may work on an additional 15 or so after that.  I hate what I see reflected in the store windows when I get back near my apartment. 

But I run anyway.

Screw them.

Seriously.

Feeling good after a run and seeing the pounds drop off on the scale every week is way, way more important to me than what some jerk I don’t even know thinks about me.  I am running for me.  It has nothing to do with anyone else.

You know what?  I bet that's not what's in their heads at all.  I bet they're smiling because your pup is cute, or because that's just what you do when you meet someone's eye.  I get "those looks" all the time when I'm out running.  Maybe it's because my thighs are jiggling, or because my shorts are riding up a little.  Who knows?  I always assume it's because my pooch is so darn cute (I'm used to her making heads turn though, because she's hairless...), or because they recognize I'm doing something good for myself.

So keep your chin up!  Go right back out there next time with that "I'm-doing-something-good-for-myself-and-happ y-about-it" attitude!  If it's something you truly enjoy, it's not worth giving it up for something a few strangers may or may not be thinking.

Its really is in your head.

I have 30 lbs to lose.  I am over 40 and have not always taken good care of myself at all.  But yesterday I saw some guy look at me and though "hey, I am still attractive".

For all I really know he was thinking "thank god my wife does not look like that"

But nope - not me.  I decided he was being flirty!  lol

I hope you get my point!

I'd say run in early morning, or late night, or at the gym where it's obvious that you're working on self-improvement.

I know what those looks are like, and as much as everyone say's they're "nice" looks, I know where you're coming from.  Even if they ARE nice, it's too hard to take sometimes. But whatever, if you keep running then YOU PROVE THEM WRONG! :D  Run right by them!  Or don't, if they make you too sad.

Don't stop running though!  Running is totally the best for weight loss because it's not just a chore, it's a skill that you'll always have later!

Just think... when the next ice age comes, and a huge snowball is barrelling down the road, who's gonna get crushed?  Not you mrs. awesome runner!  Those lazy glarey-people will be smooshed flat :D.

.... I think of some weird stuff when I'm running.  A lot of it has to do with water, ice, showers, and gazelles.

i'm totally self conscious as well!  i'm not that heavy but i'm always paranoid that i'm breathing really heavy because i listen to my ipod really loud so i can't hear myself panting.  i also hate running with shorts on because they always get hiked up and i feel like everyone is looking at my thighs jiggling.

is running at night an option for you?  i'm fortunate enough to live in a friendly small town so running in the evenings doesn't really pose any safety issues for a young woman.  i also prefer running at night because the temperature is much cooler and i never have to contend with the sun in my eyes or wearing sunglasses.

seriously though, we shouldn't let others bother us! we are the ones out running and trying to improve ourselves! 

AV

I thought the same thing for years.  In high school, I was emabarrassed to use the gym, even try out for basketball, because I was overweight. 

Now, at 37 years old, the light finally went on and I am inspiring people in my weight loss ventures (304 to 267 from January to this morning)  People at work want to know what I am doing, can I help them...People half my size want my help now.  They were never laughing.  Quite honestly, the jocks friggin love it if you ask them for help...just don't quit on them because then they will have something to say.  You look to be in your teens as well.  Don't lose the 20 years that I did.  Do what you have to do, and while I don't think folks are being mean by looking, who cares if they are?  I bet you inspire more folks than not.

Just an old guys opinion.  Please learn from the mistakes I made.  Never be too embarrassed to better yourself.