SABOTAGE!! Does my hubby really love me fat?

Yesterday I was little nervous because I was going to be out all day with the hubby, which means restaurants, but I usually make the right decisions if given a chance. But my hubby absolutely insisted we go to a very popular fast food restaurant (come on you all know the one) so I dealt with it and had the salad and chicken breast sandwich, half the bun and no sauce. Anyway one hurdle crossed. We head on to the mall. We split up, as I prefer, and half an hour later he shows up with a little pink bag and a big grin and "Happy Valentines Day" coming out of his treacherous lips as he hands me a package of 4 Cherry Blossoms! That's like a years supply of my favourite candy! THEN to add insult to injury, I stop for gas on the way home (which is two hours out of town, yes I'm a country girl) and he gets out for a bathroom break and comes back to the car with a HUGE bag of Lays potato chips. HELLO! My favourite salty snack! I'm on a reduced calories diet here, Mister! I give him the old evil eye and he just says , no kidding he said this, the man I'm with FOR LIFE! "Go ahead, indulge, just this once won't kill you". Has he been listening to the voice in my head? I asked him, "Do you like this?" I grabbed by belly and gave it a good shake to illustrate my point. I asked him, "Do you like this?" I lifted my leg and gave the big thigh a good jiggle to further send my point home. He said, "I love you no matter what" . How dare he!

 

yeah, what a jerk for loving you so much. gawd. =P

maybe convince him to show his love for you though other things that are not food.

Haha. Yeah, sounds like he's just trying to be nice - because he does love you!

He just doesn't understand how to be supportive of the weight loss, and wants to make you happy. I'm sure you've just got to explain it to him the right way. 

Maybe he is testing you to see if you are serious..and think about it...if you do lose LOTS of weight...he might be afraid you will change. As we lose weight we gain confidence and self esteem. Perhaps he is feeling a little insecure himself?

You have to be strong and say "no thanks" to his treats. Maybe you can help him think of other things you would rather have than candies and chips. (Jewelry, clothes...weekend trips?)

AHHHH!!!!

Husbands, be quicker to train an ape!

Gotta love em'

No seriously...

Good Lord, the dreaded V-day is tomorrow, let the candied bombs fall.

Hang in there CK, you are so not alone in the 'loving hubby' dept.

Hmmm, can you freeze the candy?

LOL!!!! Just be happy that he loves you soo much.

I have the opposite problem, my husband is constantly checking the calories on items and asking me if it's okay for me to have something.  He was going to give up dessert the other day after supper because I couldn't have any.  He only had it because I said it was okay and that it didn't bother me if he eats things that I can't have.

    Awwww how sweet! It may make him look like an **** - but he has just showed you a little bit of his soul . . . and we know how good guys are at expressing themselves.
    My mom is the same way - ok I have a really weird relationship with her . . . . . we have considered each other our SO (negative sex) for like the past 3 years. (I will not get into the more complicated issues, just pointing out that we need to look at things from their point of view . . not just why they act the way they do and how to start fixing them).

    One thing I would do is begin spending more time with him - you know . . . start practicing some of those relationship re-kindlers we hear so much about . . this in turn may help him feel more secure in his position.
    My baby daddy liked me fat . . . he had me up over 300lbs once . . . . he did like big girls, but it was mostly because he didn't think he deserved better . . and if he kept me down then he was safe . . . I would never realize what a loser I was dating.

    Second . . learn how to outsmart them, only the lord knows what happened to my mother after I started my diet . . . and I diet because I am a diabetic w/ heart problems, I know that her goal is not for me to die . . . . otherwise she would have let me die when I was attempting suicide. Maybe she thought that if I dieted then she would have to too? She went out and bout 5 boxes of truffles and a few bags of cookies and some chips . . . .
    Then when we hit the fast food places I have to sit everything on my lap . . . the 3 backer dozen of cookies and the other flavored pure fats that they enjoy so much.

(Have I mentioned that my mother is disabled?)

    If they think your eating bad things let them . . . but did you know that depending on the food it may not matter how much you eat? Mostly veggies - because it takes more energy/calories to digest them than they have in them.
    Processing protein requires the greatest amount of energy. Estimates range as high as 30% above your resting metabolic rate. Dietary fat, on the other hand, is so easily processed and turned into body fat that there is little thermic effect, perhaps only 2 or 3% above your resting metabolic rate. The amount of energy required to process carbohydrates falls between that of protein and fat. A range of around 10% is usually used to account for the thermic effect of food you eat.
    Catabolic foods burn up more calories than they supply. Catabolic foods are the opposite of Anabolic foods. For example a medium sized apple (which is catabolic), would provide an average of 85 calories, however your metabolism would require an additional 99 more calories to metabolize it.

Just remember catabolic foods and low-fat protein sources (backed or grilled plz):

• Abalone
• Bass
• Catfish
• Clams
• Cod
• Crab
• Crayfish
• Buffalo Fish
• Flounder
• Frog Legs
• Lobster
• Mussels
• Oysters
• Sea Bass
• Shrimp
• Steaks
• Terrapin (turtle meat)
• Trout
• Tuna
  

    Here is a list of foods that will wake up your metabolism and help you flush fat out of your system.

Citrus Fruits:
    Citrus fruits like, oranges, grapefruit, tangerines, lemons, and limes contain high concentrations of Vitamin C (this is also called ascorbic acid). This Vitamin C has a fat burning quality.
    Vitamin C reduces the effectiveness of fat. It reduces its content and can liquefy or dilute fat. By diluting the fat, it makes it less effective, and easier to flush out of your system. Vitamin C also works on cholesterol deposits. Vitamin C can help burn out the cholesterol, hence, making it difficult for cholesterol deposits to form in blood vessels.
    By adding Citrus Fruits to your daily diet, try every meal and also a snack, you will great increase your metabolism, increase your ability to get rid of fat, and also help you to control your cholesterol levels.
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Soybeans:
    Soybeans contain lecithin, this chemical will shield your cells from accumulating fat. This chemical prevents, like a shield, fat from forming on your cells. It will also break down fatty deposits in your body.
    Eat soybeans at least 3 times a week and you'll be boosting your bodies ability to get rid of fat. You can find soybeans in most health food stores.
--------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------
Apples, Berries, Fresh Fruit:
    Apples contain a chemical call pectin. This chemical is found in most berries, and fresh fruit. The pectin is in the cell walls of most fruits, especially apples.
Pectin limits the amount of fat your cells can absorb. This will put a natural limitation on the amount of fat your cells can absorb. Pectin, once in your system, has a water binding property, it absorbs watery substances, and these watery substances in turn bombards the cells and makes it release fat deposits.
    Add applesauce (it's loaded with pectin), apples, fresh fruit and berries, to your diet and let the power of pectin pulverize the fat that accumulates on your cells. An apple a day can help keep the fat away.
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Garlic Oil:
    Garlic oil or the juice of garlic has a significant protective quality to cells which help to reduce fatty deposits. When taken, it brings down the levels of fat. Garlic, garlic oil, or anything with garlic, also has an antibiotic property to it and can be used to cure many ailments. Please look at a home remedies page I wrote and you'll see all the uses garlic has to offer, but in brief, it can be used as an antibiotic, it also destroys bacterial infections, and has the power to reduce fat in your cells dramatically.
--------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------
Carrots:
    Carrots contains carotene, a form of Vitamin A, this carotene will start a fat flushing reaction in your system. This reaction will literally wash out fat and waste quickly. The carotene will be transformed into vitamin A in the intestines and this process will create a speed up in your metabolism and cause a reaction in your cells to remove fat deposits.
--------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------
Celery:
    Raw celery has a high concentration of Calcium in a ready to use form, so when you eat it, the calcium is sent directly to work. This pure form of calcium will ignite your endocrine system. The hormones in your body will break up the accumulated fat build up. Celery also has a high level of magnesium and iron which will clean out your system.
--------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------
Cucumber:
    Cucumber contains a high sulphur and silcon content. These minerals work to stimulate the kidneys to wash out uric acid, which is a waste product. With this uric acid being washed out, it stimulates the removal of fat, and loosens the fat from the cells.

    I'm sure he means well enough, but the biggest thing that has stood out to me is this . . if you are in charge it is normally only because people let you think you are . . . and every relationship is about compromise. Smile, nod, continue your diet, and let him think he won.

Well Heck!  How dare he do something so like a loving man who hasn't a clue! I'd divorce that rascal for daring to love me enough to show it!  Yep, I'd get me a man who would wake up every day and call me a fat cow, tell me not to eat too much, and ask if I got my clothes from Omar the Tent Maker.

Immediately following the divorce, I'd make it my number one goal in this quest for a healthy life change to learn how to keep a healthy snack around at all times, including in my purse when I was away from home.

There was another post on this very subject a few days back. Hmmmm perhaps he is trying to sabotage your diet. Should he also be trying to lose weight? His unconscious mind might be saying, if you don't succeed he doesn't have to try. OR.. he may genuinely be afraid that you might begin looking around if you reach your goals. Just a thought!

I better like the idea that he's trying to be nice and also doesn't know how to be supportive with the weight loss and the candy and chips are a combination of those two.  His final comment "I love you no matter what", IMO is the proof.  Maybe I'm being bias because that sounds so much like my husband. 

It is hard.  You have to explain and re-explain without hurting his feelings because men tend to take negative comments as an excuse not to make similar efforts to show their affection in the future. We definitely don't want that to happen!!

You have to stay strong.  We can only control so much around us, the rest is totally up to our will power.  Sometimes we win the battles, sometimes we don't.  The more battles we win, the more serious people take us, namely our SO's. 

Bad foods still make it in the house thanks to my dh but you know what...his presents lately have been more my speed....an Ipod so I can listen to my music while exercising, an armband to hold the Ipod in, a pump for my balance ball...you get the picture. 

Stick to your guns and he will come around. 

You're thinking "how dare he!" and I'm thinking "I hope I find a man like that one day!"  He loves you no matter what - you're lucky.

Original Post by laschndr:

You're thinking "how dare he!" and I'm thinking "I hope I find a man like that one day!"  He loves you no matter what - you're lucky.

Ditto!

But I definitely still understand where you are coming from CK. My roommate does very similar things. Always trying to get me to eat late at night with him (and things like Wendy's!)... he just doesn't seem to get how HARD this is for me to do. And him offering me unhealthy things and making me feel bad if I don't want to eat fast food with him doesn't help! He says things like "It's ok, let's be whales together".... (note: he is like 6'2" and 200lbs! - clearly not a "whale")
Ugh. Very frustrating.

But, I think I might finally be getting through to him. Tonight, for example, he won't be home until like 8pm and I flat out refused to eat with him, even though it's Valentine's Day. (We're discussing it through emails from work lol). He's giving me a hard time about it, saying it won't kill me, but this is what I said to him: "I know it won't kill me.... but seriously, i'm trying to make a lifestyle change and this is REALLY hard for me and it's a big thing.... I just need to get a good start at it and not start getting into bad habbits already...and I need you to support me". I think I finally got through to him a bit. He said "Good for you. Just try not to glare at me when I eat late. I'll just have to be a lone beached whale then lol"
Ok, he likes his sarcasm. But I know now that he'll be with me on this now. I don't think he realizes how hard this is for me and how bad I want it, because I had never really told him.

I think you need to talk to your husband. Let him know how important this is to you and how difficult it will be without his help. Let him know you need him and his support.

Thanks everyone! Your comments make a lot of sense. I should assert here that I love him dearlgy but sometimes when he does these things I take it as a personal afront to my strugle to lose weight. He met me when I was thin. And (she says with a slight blush) I was a real "hot tamale" in those days. We didn't get married until after we had our first child and I gained forty pounds. He also didn't stop being crazy jealous until around the same time so it definitly makes sense that he would want to keep me a little large to protect me from the roving eyes of other men. I have tried the patient explanations but I suppose as with children, repetition is the key to learning. JK. He is a smart man and will come around as he sees that as I get smaller I still only have eyes for him!

I truly feel sorry for your hubby......Sounds like he was trying to be kind and you went all crazy on him.

No one is going to make YOU eat the whole bag of Chips or the Whole Bag of Candy.

 If your already posting about being full and not getting enough calories in other threads... IDK how having a piece of chocolate weighed out... or a few chips weighed out to a specified calorie count is going to kill your diet.

 Too many people "sabotage" their own diets and try to put blame on the people around them. Everyone needs to be accountable for their own actions.

 I don't swear any food off... I just make sure I'm within my caloric limit for the day and its all okay. If I am over my limit on a day.... I exercise and burn off those calories.  If I exercise too much one day - I'll eat more calories at dinner.

 Banning yourself from specific foods or restaurants is only going to make loosing weight that much harder and destroy your efforts. The more you cant have something - the more you will want it. Its common knowledge.

I.E.~If you didn't have your husband, you would want him more.

ggggggggeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssshhhh hhhh Male rant OFF//

Truely,
MF'er (fat bastard w/a ponytail) 

I kind of have this "problem" too.  My husband loves me fat, skinny, short, tall, clean, dirty, perfumed, or stinky.  I'm so lucky!LOL  We are different though, my disease is obesity, his disease I like to call "bean-pole syndrom."  And, to top off the proverbial cake, he's a chef and knows how to suprise me with all my favorite creamy dishes.  Honestly, I just had to build up my will-power - I couldn't expect Mr. Bean Pole to go on a diet with me!  He's got to be able to eat pizza and all that stuff or I think his organs will fail! LOL  I just had to explain to him my motivation for why I'm doing all this hard work to lose weight.  After doing that, he decided that the best way to show me how much he loves me is to get behind me 100% and help me accomplish my goals!  Now he suprises me with rosemary turkey, whole grain rice, and a salad!  After eating the right foods and making sure I have a balanced diet, I've begun to realize that his food (pizza and fast food) doesn't smell NEARLY as good as my food or look as pretty.  His food smells greasy and "fake" and looks like it was just slapped together.  Anyway, I'm so lucky to have unconditional love- but the rest is up to me!:-)

Wow... now that is support.  Moley... you are so lucky to have a great chef that will help you reach your goals.  How about loaning him to me.

Original Post by mfer:

I truly feel sorry for your hubby......Sounds like he was trying to be kind and you went all crazy on him.

No one is going to make YOU eat the whole bag of Chips or the Whole Bag of Candy.

 If your already posting about being full and not getting enough calories in other threads... IDK how having a piece of chocolate weighed out... or a few chips weighed out to a specified calorie count is going to kill your diet.

 Too many people "sabotage" their own diets and try to put blame on the people around them. Everyone needs to be accountable for their own actions.

 I don't swear any food off... I just make sure I'm within my caloric limit for the day and its all okay. If I am over my limit on a day.... I exercise and burn off those calories.  If I exercise too much one day - I'll eat more calories at dinner.

 Banning yourself from specific foods or restaurants is only going to make loosing weight that much harder and destroy your efforts. The more you cant have something - the more you will want it. Its common knowledge.

I.E.~If you didn't have your husband, you would want him more.

ggggggggeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssshhhh hhhh Male rant OFF//

Truely,
MF'er (fat bastard w/a ponytail) 

I don't think she implied that she didn't want her husband or did not appreciate him. Sounds like she loves him bunches. I think she was venting her exasperation about him bringing her tokens of his affection in food form...when he knows she is working to change herself. Maybe it's just habit. He might just have to re-learn things himself...

Now that I haven't eaten loads of junk in months.....processed, greasy foods are disgusting to smell/taste. I am sure her cravings will change as time goes on if she eats cleanly for any length of time. (Which is what she is already showing at the end of her post.) And she DID say it was up to her to resist temptation....she never did fully blame him.

No reason for a rant here.