sadness

HI...i dont know how to start.  I just read Tessa's post on feeling stuck ..she's had her ED for a long time.  I'm the same..im in my 40's and have battled with it on and off for years.  I haven't been actively anorexic for some time..but really underweight and ive done major damage.  Im serious about recovery now though but just lately ive been feeling so blood sad it isn't funny.  I just lost my Dad (my mom died 4 years ago) and i now feel like an orphan...i dont speak to any of my brothers.  My relationship of 8 years is really stuck in this weird phase too...he lives away from me now and we are basically just living like friends..though he comes over all the time and kisses me and calls me hon and sweetie.  But i can tell something's lost...i look like hell right now and i think this effects him big time.   It all makes me feel rather bleak.  And then there is the whole career thing...i write but not enough to live on..so i work part time in a nutrition store.  I feel as though i've wasted my life in some ways....i really dont know what the hell to do.  Sorry...just had to get this out. 

I'm so sorry about the loss of your parents. I wish I had the words to comfort you but I hope with time it will become easier. I am 31 and have had an ed on and off for 14 years. Finally I am doing recovery and my emotions are very much coping to the surface. My ed was a way for me to not feel or care I guess about my struggles. Now that I am feeling and facing I have days of crying on and off. This happened 3 days last week but I did get a break so I it made me realize I have to sit and process them to move forwards. I do know that the ed is a barrier to all things like jobs,social,people,etc. I guess a thought I have is the items you have listed like the relationship,job,etc is there a way you can work on changing them to make you feel better about you? See to me a writer even if not a wealthy income is a talent of creativity. It takes a special person to be able to do that. Is there another pt job that would fufill you? As for the relationship is there a way you can talk and see where it is heading and your concerns? I guess for myself I see a lot what causes me sadness. Now some I can't change but some I can and doing what I can to make thngs better though very hard and scary I think can help with all the emotions. If you want an email buddy I am here too. I have a small circle of support. Basically my family is my mom and I feel blessed to have her as she is my hope but it is nice to have a bigger circle. Hang in there

Im really sorry to hear about your loss, I cant imagine how that must feel, I really wish I could say something helpful to ease your pain.

As we have told Helen, yes you have suffered for a long time and done some damage but it can be stopped and repaired. You still have a chance to turn this around.  At least you have you job at the store to fall back on, if you like to write keep it up you can always do this in your own time to the side until maybe you could buold it up to something more? Also there are a lot of people your age that go back to school or start to re train in something new, so maybe consider that, there are options out there its just a matter of trying to find what your interested in and then working out a way to get there.

Im afraid I cant offer much advice in the relationship department but it seems as though at the min you dont feel good about yourself and your partner probably picks up on this and so the spark has died down a little. Maybe try next time you see him making an effort to dress up and look really nice, it might make you feel better and also if he sees you making an effort he might do so in return?

Thanks Abbi and Betty....i have just been having a bad few days..but i wont let it get me down.  Im the get back on the bike and try again type ...recovery isnt easy is it?  But you just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again as the saying goes.  Thanks for all your support...it really does help. 

i cant begin to no how you feel and im so sorry for your loss. i almost feel guilty moaning on as this isnt a patch on what you have been through. the girls gave some grt advice which i have took on board myself. its true though we cant change the past but me can change the future i find if i dwell on the past it just gives me another reason to stay stuck. we can turn this around no one know how much repair can be done but it quite possible to reverse most of the damage . we need to have hope and fight through all this hurt and fear. think of your mum and dad what would they of wanted ? they wouldnt want you sat around feeling so isolated miserable and stuck . there is a new life out there for you like betty said theres lots of things you cando, you can make new friends learn something new but to do this you must fight this and be healthy. so lets make an agreement ill stop looking back and start moving forward and you must to , the clock is ticking but the alarm hasnt gone off just set, so dont sleep in and miss it do something now im right behind you we can do this all my love h xx

I meet a lady while i was in resi treatment who had had anorexia for 30years, she was actively anorexic for the whole time. She really struggled with the thoughts of having wasted her life, damaging her body ect but she is now wonderfuly healthy. Yes she still struggles with ED thoughts and all that jazz but she is healthy and is able to keep herself nourished. She is 50 years old, having spent her enitre young adult life with active anorexia, she never had a relationship with anyone, she lived alone, her parents were largely in control of her finances and generally her life. She pretty much lost everything. BUT it wasnt too late for her, she got herself healthy and is now buildng her life from scratch. Meeting new people ect.

You can repair your body, your mind and spirit. You can be a happy and healthy person but its going to take hard work. 

You can do it, i believe in you!!!

I was about to share a story of a woman I knew, but it sounds almost identical to the story kayeanne just shared. The point is, recovery is possible at any age.

It was my grandmother's 90th birthday yesterday. If you get your act together now, you have decades of life left ahead of you. What are you going to make of those years? Are you going to continue being underweight and miserable and giving every day to anorexia? Or are you going to commit to recovery, become healthy, strong, happy and full of energy?

Bad as you might feel right now, I sometimes feel it is worthwhile coming to that point where the only way is up. We often need to be brought low to realise that we want to change, that we need to change. I hope you can use these feelings to commit to recovery today. It doesn't matter how long you have been sick - you can't change that. What matters is what you do with the rest of your life.

Good luck! :)

Hey guys thanks for this.  Tess you are a doll and im right behind you too...WE can do this .  Now I FEEL BAD Though because im actually relatively healthy....as i said ive not been restricting for a long time...just have been underweight...but i've always eaten around 1600-1700 cals a day so things aren't too bad.  Ive got osteoporosis but ive not broken or fractured anything yet...touch wood!!  I shouldn't have been moaning...lots of people have it much worse than i do.  And hell we all lose our parents in time don't we?  Also ive been lucky to have over a 100 articles published in various mags and newspapers..some people try and never manage to get a thing published..so i should quit bloody complaining and get on with it.  Im challenging myself now which is good...yesterday i had some oatmeal raisin cookies that my boyfriend made with white flour, brown sugar and all the stuff that usually makes little health food freak me shreek......take that orthorexia!!!  Ok Tess...let's challenge and support each other....let's set a goal to have gained a bit by 2 weeks from now...ok?  Thanks again everyone....

please dont feel bad , you needed to say how you are feeling to gain support , all the evidence is there for us lol , so what do we do sit here worring about it ? or fight on battle through this and build a life ? i think we both know the answer we can do it .

dont view yourself about how bad you are its not just about food and weight. remember anyone with an ed can eat all be it hard it doesent make anyone sicker or better if they do or dont eat more , its about strength and determination , i think the time as come for us both that enoughs enough, remember im right behind or infront of you :) h xxx

Your problems deserve support. In life there will always be someone worse and someone better then us but it does not take away from your struggles. Also being underweight and have osteo is serious. I am glad you are sounding more positive though and setting goals. Also that you see how amazing it is to be a writer. Like I said that is a true talent. Sending good thoughts