saying I love you...how long is appropriate to say it and feel it?

In general I believe that love doesn't really have a "timeline" if you feel it then it's there, and no amount of time can detract from that feeling if it's genuine.

However, is there kind of a threshold where it's appropriate to actually verbalize it, whereas prior to that time it may seem like a fleeting and uncertain feeling?

I recently met a guy and he has already told me he loves me. Though is very intellectual and not so impulsive as to say such a thing without careful deliberation, it still seems that he might be unsure and plunging in too quickly?

we've had very in depth conversations and I feel like he might be in love with me, but I'm not so sure. We've gone on about 6 actual dates, talked for hours. But when we talk it's about real life stuff, questions that reveal what's at the core of our beings. I don't love him, but is it possible that he could love me? how soon do you think you can trust your feelings of love?

My boyfriend and I have been together over a year, and are madly in love. Though it was a good almost 6 months into our relationship before we said it. 

My boyfriend and I have known each other for a little over 8 months.

It was about 5 months of being in a "serious" relationship before we said it, AND it's still not a common occurrence...haha.

i was with my last boyfriend for 2 months before we said it - and I thought that was WAY too soon for us because we both grew to be entirely different people and went through an incredibly messy and painful breakup. 

Is it possible that he could ultimately end up as a different person? how old are you guys?  I believe that you can love someone as instantly as you like, if you're certain about who YOU are and what your values are.  Does that make sense?   Meaning I could fall in love with someone today, at the age of 21.  However, I know that I still have a few more years to grow and mature and figure out my take on life, so in the end I might want something completely different.

hm, don't know if that's helpful haha but that's what I think.

I said it to my husband after 2 months of dating.  Looking back on it it seems silly, but I was 16.  It turned out I was right though   Something like 6-9 months sounds a little more reasonable to me now, though I don't think you really know how the relationship will pan out until the honeymoon phase is over.

I don't think theres an actual 'good time' to say it. Its either there or it isn't and you have to be comfortable with saying it before you do.

Having said that, we were 2 months in when he whispered it under his breath whilst kissing me, and I wasn't too certain I'd heard it right lol but I never felt compelled to say it back immediately, although I was (and still am!) madly in love with him. A week later tho, I'd been plotting and planning the most romantic way of telling him, but I was just emerging from the bathroom, and he had a habit of waiting outside talking to me (he's given up on that one now, thank goodness lol) and he gave me a hug, and I just randomly came out with it. I was soo embarrassed! More because of the location and the fact that he was incredibly excited that I'd said it! He was like a child in a sweet shop! bless him.

He doesn't say it often, but when he does it feels extra special, and I know he really means it. I tell him all the time, if I didn't I'd burst!

You're overthinking.

Seriously, you are.

You love him or you don't. If you don't love him now then you don't love him now and that really is the end of it.

And yes it's very possible that he loves you and you don't love him back. Unrequited love is fairly common, so say the old time Poets at least.

Say it sooner rather than later, otherwise it turns into way more of an issue than it should be.  Saying "I love you" is not a marriage proposal, it doesn't need to be planned out or done in a super romantic way.  You don't need to worry about saying it and then breaking up with someone, breaking up will be just as hard if you say it as if you don't.

I think the younger and less mature you are, the more likely you are to misinterpret different feelings (infatuation, sexual attraction etc) and rush into declaring your love for someone. No trouble with that, except for the fact that these feelings don`t always materialize into real, solid, durable love. However, if you were to wait until you were absolutely positively certain, you would have to be very patient and hold back a lot on impulse declarations.

For me personally, saying 'I love you' to someone means something more like 'There`s a pretty good chance I`ll get to truly love you in time'. Yesh, I know - women. >__>

I think it's a little too soon if you're walking up to someone you've just met and saying "I love you", but I don't think there's any sort of timeline. My current boyfriend told me he loved me... 4ish months into us dating. I wanted to say it the second we started dating, but didn't want to be thought of as the crazy girlfriend...  I ended up saying it a week or so after he did. It just depends on if the moment is right and you truely feel it. Saying it when you don't feel it isn't fair to you or the other person... and can make you feel ill afterwards.

My initial thought upon reading the title of this thread was that if it takes you longer than 3 seconds to say, "I love you" then you should maybe see a speech pathologist.

I think next time he says "I love you", you should reply with "I love cake". Like Eric did on "That 70's Show". (although if I recall correctly that didn't go over so well)

Or "I love U2... you know, the band?"

how soon can you trust them? i don't know...

my boyfriend said it to me like 3 weeks into us dating, after some drinks. i told him he was cute, but didn't say it back. the next day he apologized and said he has really strong feelings for me, and that it just came out, but that he knows it's too soon and he wants it to be special and all. i agreed.

well, here we are just two months later, and we have since both said i love you, and say it all the time. i am totally in love with him, and love him more every single day. i've only ever said it to two other people in my life and really meant it, so i don't take it lightly.

i'm actually having a hard time believing things can be this easy, but maybe i'm starting to believe all those people who say "when you know, you know." 

if you like the guy, don't hold it against him for saying to too soon, but also don't say it back if you don't feel it!

Original Post by jules817:

how soon can you trust them? i don't know...

my boyfriend said it to me like 3 weeks into us dating, after some drinks.

 sometimes it take a couple of drinks to get them words out and sometimes you get them out cause you want something in return " and the girls feels a light bulb turn on ?? ahh thats sweet" i can honestly say that i cant say them unless someone tells me that that they L.O.V.E. M.E. i cant i can show you that i do and i ask them don't you feel it?? and they say they want reassurance?well then i do say it. im just not lovey dovey!!! but don't play with people emotions if you don't have a feeling let them know it hurts but its the best way!!

I love you, ecwk6, jblarghp, HK, mjustine, huggitbear, sweetigem, floggingsully, ily51, foffles, amanda_z, amethystgirl, pappitas, Jules, teddy bears, my little ponies, rainbows, pastel colors, gerbera daisies, and even Pav.

You could always reply with FALAFEL.

My DH also needed a few drinks in him to say it, and it was about 5 months into dating, although we had broken up for about a month in the middle of that.  I wanted to say it on our first date, LOL, but didn't want to be the psycho obsessed girl so I waited for him to say it first.  (I should also add that we actually knew each other for 2 years before we ever dated.)  We went out drinking one night and suddenly towards the end of the night he waxed poetic and started gushing about how wonderful I was and how much he loved me and how long he had been thinking about it but just never said anything, etc. 

I don't think there really is a timeline... I probably wouldn't say it if you don't feel it now UNLESS you think there is a pretty good chance you will in the future.  Like I said, I was in love with my DH from the beginning - never done that with anyone before.     and I wasn't really that young - 26 and he was 28.

Whenever you truly mean it without putting pressure on the other person.  I think I'd run if someone said it to me during the first few weeks of dating without qualifiers as I just don't think you can know someone well enough in such a short time.

Original Post by pavlovcat:

My initial thought upon reading the title of this thread was that if it takes you longer than 3 seconds to say, "I love you" then you should maybe see a speech pathologist.

HA! pav...

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i wasn't asking for recommendations for me, just in regards to him saying it so soon. i am completely in touch with my own emotions and i don't play games with other people's so i would NEVER say it just because the other person said it and i wouldn't say it if i had doubts. that is simply unfair and cruel.

i know that i don't love him and i've told him that i don't, so i don't intend on saying it unless those feelings are real, which they are not at the moment. i feel that i have the capacity to some day love him but that requires truly kNOWING him, his intentions, his flaws, his weaknesses, and how we work together...all of these things are only ever known to a certain extent but i have to have a general idea at least.

i told him that i think his feelings are a bit premature since he has yet to discover the bad traits about me and when two people are in love they have already taken into account what the bad things might be before making such declarations. i told him that he needs to see a collective picture of me, both good and bad before he can be certain that what he is feeling is actually love. i believe he may love what he knows about me, and he may see potential in loving me but he has never been in love before, and that makes me question whether this novel feeling that he has labeled as love is actually that. only time will tell i suppose, but my concern was whether or not i should be wary in general of him saying it that soon, although i do believe he does not have bad intentions whatsoever just that he might be deluded a bit or just so overcome with emotions that he doesn't know what else to call it.