scared and confused, but trying

I'm not really sure where to start. It's been a long time coming. I need to desperately lose weight. I know i need to be healthy and realistic about it. I have well over a hundred pounds to lose. I am only 26, and i have my whole life ahead of me, i want to one day have a family, and be around to watch my kids grow up.

I really want to do this, but i feel that i lack any self discipline and motivation. I have an addiction to food. if it is around i will eat it. I hide behind my weight as much as i want to be in a relationship the idea of getting close to anyone scares me to death. it's like i've purposely done this to myself, so that i can't be happy, but what i want is to be happy. it doesn't make sense to me.

I think if i can find a way to exercise then i would be making a big step. it's just a matter of sticking with it.  But here is the problem i don't have the money to buy a treadmill, and back when i had one i never used it anyway, and i'm to embarrassed to even go outside and walk. i literally hide inside my house all day. I don't like to see myself this way why should i want every other judgmental person see me like this too. one may say, don't worry what others think, to them i say easier said than done.

Don't even worry about what other people are thinking.  Commit to this, and don't look back.

When I started out, I'd walk at night.  Mainly so I wouldn't be lapped by little old ladies and men out for their daily constitutional.  But also because I didn't want to show the pain I was feeling in my feet, legs, hips, and back as I walked around the neighborhood.  4 months later, I just put my headphones on and go. 

Start by keeping an accurate food log - use the tools on this site.  Track everything you eat and drink.  Get a calorie goal that will give you a deficit of about 1000 a day and stick to it. Be accountable to the food log.

As far as exercise, start with the little things.  Walk to the mailbox instead of driving.  Park a little farther away from work, the store, etc and increase it over time.  Go to the mall and window shop as you walk around.  Take the stairs instead of the elevator.

There are a lot of great people here, and some fantastic tools to help you along the way.

Check out www.344pounds.com - Tyler started in January of this year and uses his blog for accountability.

Above all - welcome.

^^ what he said exactly.

If a 1k calorie deficit is too much too soon, you can start with 500. And if you go to a local park, early morning, middle of the day, night time, whenever, and walk for 30 minutes - that will burn you enough calories you need only start with cutting about 350 calories from your diet every day.

30 minutes walking - even at the mall is a great place to start - and 350 calories below what your daily burn is - I know you can do that :)

I learned a long time ago - generally nobody cares. You may think people look at you and judge you and thinking omfg she's so fat and laugh or whatever.... but that's so middle school. Reality is, people don't care. For every 100 people that could care less, there might be one douche that thinks such things... but pointing and laughing or whatever horrible thing you envision, is strictly Hollywood.

Food log food log food log is a big part of this new life. It helps you learn, teaches you tons of stuff, and teaches you how to estimate almost any food so you don't feel chained to it forever.

:) glad to have you with us, we are here for you and you can be here for us also!