I am scared.

One of my best friends is someone I originally met in my ED group. She struggles with bulimia. She was such an inspiration to me because one day she just stopped bingeing and purging, and she ended up going 70 days - but then her boyfriend broke up with her (and they had been talking about getting married). She relapsed but she tried to stay positive and get back on track. That was over a month ago and she now b/p's constantly. Recently she's been vomiting blood. I keep telling her she needs to go see her doctor. We see the same ED nutritionist, and she has been there and to her therapist, but I don't know if she's said anything about her symptoms. She is now completely discouraged and feels like she is going to lose everything and doesn't even care. She is a personal trainer and she thinks if they find out she'll lose her job. She won't go see her doctor, she keeps saying she's fine.

I am trying to be a good friend and tell her I believe in her, but I have to admit, I'm starting to lose hope. I would never tell her that though, and I'm trying to be there for her. I just feel helpless. Every time she has a really bad binge, she won't take my or anyone else's phone calls. She thinks she'll bring people down. It's not that she brings me down, I just don't know what to say to her.

I kind of know there's nothing more I can do, but I'm so scared for her. She lives alone and if anything happened to her, no one would know until she didn't show up for work. Has anyone else been in this situation? Any advice? I am at a loss.

Is there any possible way your nutritionist can speak to her and relay to other members of her team? If she is vomiting blood it is likely she has ulcerated her stomach or lacerated her oesophagus, and either way it requires intervention.  Most importantly, don't lose hope in her yet.

Tell her her life is at risk. Show her the dangers of it on an internet site if you have to, just ANYTHING that might shock her.One thing that may be viable, as a shock tactic, is to link her to http:///www.something-fishy.org's memorial wall. Tell her honestly, then, that you do not want to wake up to a phonecall and find out that you may have to add her name to that wall. Press the severity of her situation.

She sounds like she needs support even if she also feels discouraged. You have done so much already, and if you have to snap her out of it somehow, all the better. Otherwise, just be her support - it's all you can truly do.

Thank you lala. I just spoke to her and right now her therapist is calling around trying to get her in the hospital. Apparently she's been having problems with her heart as well and she is most likely going to go in today. I feel terrible for her but I know it's the right thing. At least she will get the help she needs.

I struggled with bulimia for five years. Before I got better, I couldn't go more than three days without binging/purging.  I am actually majoring in psych in hopes of helping other women over come this disease. It is a major mental disorder, and no one can help her except herself. I knew I had a problem, but could not stop until I became pregnant with my son. My husband knew, but did not ever see or catch me, so he figured it was not a big problem. Luckily, I cared about my son too much to continue while pregnant, and that was the mental change that saved me. She is using bulimia as a way to handle her stress; by focusing on food all other stress is minor. Gaining weight will remain a fear for here for the rest of her life, but maybe she should consider finding a new career that does not focus soley on body image. I was in beauty pageants and modeling, and I realized my health is not worth ruining my life. Hopefully the therapist will be able to help her. Sadly, they did nothing for me. I think that she needs to live with somebody, and never eat meals alone. One thing that cuts back the binge and purge cycle is eating with friends or family. If she had someone living with her, then when the monster strikes, she would have a better chance of fighting him. If she is having serious health problems caused by the disorder she should be hospitalized until they can help her. Advice for you would be to see her as often has you can, and if she gets to go home maybe have her stay with you for a while. Tell her to stay busy while she is board, and to never sit at home alone. She does need help in learning how to eat healthy, and there is nothing you can do for her mentally. Just be there for her, and maybe someday she will have a mental awakening. Bulimia is very tough and controlling though. Do some research as well if you would like to help her more.

Mona, thank you for sharing your experience. I too have struggled with purging in the past but never to the scale that my friend does. She even used to be in figure competitions (body building) where it was crucial that she get to a super low body fat %. She also compulsively exercises. I think she feels like with personal training it's something she's good at and she gets to help other people get in shape, although I personally don't feel like it's the best field for her to be in.

Well it looks like she is going to a medical hospital and then checking into Renfrew. She won't be near enough that I can visit but I will try to send her letters and care packages and stuff. People did that for me when I was in treatment and it really helped. I am so sad also in a selfish way because when she was better we were both really good support for each other and she always knew just what to say to make me feel better.

As for staying with someone else, that is part of the problem since she used to live with her boyfriend and when they broke up she moved back to her old apartment. Her parents live near Renfrew at least, so they can see her and visit her a lot.

I am just praying for her and I really hope this is a good thing that can get her turned back around.