Scared and need support

Im not really sure why Im posting this. I'm not trying to "clog" or take advantage of this forum... but everyone here is so supportive and it makes me feel 100% better when somebody tells me "it'll be ok."

I desperately need to gain weight. Im 103 pounds and 5'4. How sick! I hate the way I look and Im embarrassed around my friends and family. I say this, and yet Im so SCARED to eat what I need to gain. I've been eating 3000 calories a day and exercising (that makes about an extra 1000 calories/day). I should be gaining 2 pounds a week...

I guess what is driving me up a wall is that I am ALWAYS RAVENOUS! But I've been that way my whole life... even when I was a chunky little kid. Is it just me? When I was younger, my family used to tease me for eating so much... I could litterally eat 3 footlong subs and still had room for dessert! I used to come home after school in 4th grade and eat an ENTIRE box of cereal with milk.

I dont want to hold myself to ONLY 3000 calories. What would happen if I went ahead and ate 5000 a day? Would my metabolism freak out? Would I just gain a lot of fat?    Also, even if I do put on mostly fat, would it be possible to "turn" that fat into muscle once I reach my goal weight and enter maintenance?

Im hoping there's someone out there who feels like me.... Thanks so much!

I know exactly what you are talking about. I was really overweight as a child and i ate so much junk food and my portions were huge. Thats why i am afraid of eating more calories and larger portions because im afraid that i wont ever be able to stop and i cant be fat like i used to be.  i just cant i was so miserable. i really want to join a gym to try to get some muscle built up because the weight that i have gained has gone right to my stomach and is all flabby  i hope someone can give us some advice

Tell your doctor these things. I think you would really benefit from professional help and it would give you the confidence to tackle this in a healthy way. 

Good luck!

you dont need to hold yourself to anything. you can eat as much as you want - so long as its not in a binge type mode! if you know what i mean. you dont need to hold yourself to 3000. many ppl here eat 4000-5000 cals. if you are hungry you need to eat!

figet, thanks so much:) I really needed to hear that from someone. I just made myself a bagel with peanut butter, and a parfait thing of 3 yogurt, 2 cups of cereal, a banana, and crushed granola bar:) Im hungry for it, damnit! And I just had a clif bar 30 minutes ago... and Ill still eat a big dinner at around 8 PM.

Baylily- Thanks for the kind advice, but unfortunately I cant tell a doctor... My parents dont know I struggle with eating/exercising... Actually, they asked me what I weigh, and I lied and told them 110 pounds. (Im only ~103!) That's why I need to get up to 110 ASAP.

Mikifizzle- I've heard that when you gain weight, it DOES go mostly to your stomach. That's where your body needs it most. With time, the weight should balance out over your whole body. Just dont start restricting. The most impotant thing you can do is KEEP gaining weight, and your weight will redistribute itself. Good luck!

hi, so i think that w/ the amount of excercise that you do, 3000 could be the minimum for you to gain so if ur going to continue w that amount of excercise, deff eat that as a minimum, maybe reduce the excercise for now?

I know this will be hard, I went though it too, but you really need to tell your parents about this! You need help from not just all of us at CC, but somebody to say it straight to your face, You need someone to help you with this, you can't do it on your own. :( And even 110 is kinda low for your height; I'm 5"3 and my doctor said that 115 should be a minimum for me! I know, it scares me to gain weight too, and I ALSO feel like I'm hungry a lot.. like I'll eat a crap load and be so full, than 10 minutes later, I'm hungry again! And I keep telling my body, like "what's your problem!? I just ate!" So I know how you feel!

I don't know your family, but I'm sure your parent will be glad you told them and and delighted to help you! Your their daughter for crying out loud, how could they not!? And you'll want to catch this before it gets worse! Good luck, lemme know how it goes! :)♥

your not alone hun im going through exactly the same phase . its completely normal so dont worry , i often feel like my hunger is never going to go away like nothing fills me and like you im scared of balloning, but stick with it a temporarly phase as you reach a more set point you wont feel this bad. its normal to be like that as a kid chubby ate like a horse. try and trust your body let it adapt . its proven that everyone has a set weight healthy! and once you get to it your body will try to maintain it given take a few pounds. if you feel like eating hard you must eat you need it    h x

Thanks so much you guys! I seriously dont know what Id do without this forum...

I was planing on skipping the snack I "planned" for myself this afternoon. Some friends randomly told me I look really good, and my mom agreed that I look good. I guess I interpreted that as "Ok, I look good so I dont need to gain weight." But I know I AM still underweight, regardless of how I look or how my friends and family think I look. I just need to get to a healthy weight again.  It'll be hard at first, but Ill get used to it, and in the long run it's what's best for my body and my future.

Anyways... I did have the snack, and I increased it a lot, too. I had a bagel with peanut butter, a banana, and some vanilla wafers.

By the way... to anyone else out there suffering from an ED: A couple weeks ago I read on this forum that some people "talk" to their eating disorder, Ed. They treat Ed as someone seperate from their true selves who is sabotaging the real them... I thought this seemed ridiculous at the time, but I decided to try it these past few days. When I make my food, I laugh out loud "hahaha, how do ya like me now, Ed?" It's empowering, it really is. It makes me feel so much stronger than my eating disorder, and makes me feel a whole lot better about how much I'm eating. I feel so much more rational and in control when I seperate myself from my eating disorder.      Just a thought. Everybody suffering from an ED should give it a try.

Hahah, wow, that's so strange! I'm gonna try it next time I don't feel like eating! :)

And good job Beana! it's good to stop it before it gets to bad! Remember; health matter's more than 'looking good', although you probably would look better healthier anyways!

It's sad isn't it? How our society thinks looking good means being too skinny!? No wonder we're all stuck in the weight gain form with EDs! *sigh* what has the world come to!?!

i get that all the time god you look well the last comment was hasnt your face filled out? try to overide these comment people think they are being helpful plus you may look a bit better but look at the over all picture  where youve got to get to hopefully in time youll get used to this i just kind of overide those comments face it michael jackson was practicing a few days before he died didnt stop him dying if you get my drift nobody can see inside some bulimics look normal but are they healthy ? right ill stop waffling now take care h x