scared of pregnancy and delivery

Hi,

I am 29 years old... am overweight.used to weigh 85kgs am 80 kgs now. my target is to reach atleast 65 kgs before i concieve. i am 5.5"

honestly i am very scared of "getting pregnant". i have an extremely supportive and caring husband but he has to work. only the two of us stay ..so am alone at home all day

1.i keep getting anxious about how will i handle the 9 months?

 2.how will the delivery be?

3. will i get even fatter? i really want to get to my ideal weight before getting pregnant and after delivery.

i dont have my mother:( lost her when i was 13 years old. so i keep getting worried as to what to eat during 9 months,how not to gain much weigh and i really get scare of the delivery tho i know ill be going for a c-section( is it very painful:(..?)

my husband cant really help in these women issues and i dont want to stress him as he will have lots to do a t his work place.

any guidance from to be mums,mums will be greatly appreciated. very anxious and scared

thanks a ton.

love u guys

sabby

I was super nervous about labor and delivery while pregnant with my first. I finally realized that there was nothing I could do about it at that point. I was pregnant and if I wanted to have  a child, I was going to have to go through any and all pains.

I wasn't overweight before getting pregnant but I did gain too much weight during my first pregnancy (60-70 pounds!). It took a while but I eventually lost most of it and got back down to a healthy weight for my height.

I opted for the pain-free labor and delivery with my first. I told the nurses as I walked in the door that I wanted an epidural as soon as I could have one. I labored until I was about 5-6 cm dilated and then had the epidural. I couldn't feel a single contraction and managed to nap a little (I woke up in labor at 3am so didn't get much sleep that night!).

I had to have an emergency c-section. My daughter's umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck and her leg and was cutting off her oxygen supply when I had contractions. Was it painful? Yes. I didn't feel anything during the surgery but the recovery was tough. My son was born via c-section almost 4 years later and the non-emergency c-section was less painful and easier to recover from.

You'll have to gain weight during pregnancy. If you remember that you only need 150-300 extra calories daily (the equivalent of a bowl of cereal with milk) and try to stay away from the bad cravings (occasional indulgence is a good thing, IMO) you'll gain appropriately.

All the pregnancy aches and pains as well as the labor and delivery are well worth it. Having kids is the most rewarding thing I've ever experienced. The bad parts of the process fade quickly once that baby is in your arms!

I was overweight with both my kids, and yes, I do think it made it a bit more difficult.  I started about 50 pounds overweight with my first, and gained 60 pounds during the pregnancy.  I worked really hard to get it off, and was only 45 pounds overweight with my second, and only gained about 35 pounds by the end of the pregnancy.  I lost some of it, and have kinda yo-yoed since.

My first was induced because my blood pressure was skyrocketing.  I delivered her vaginally, but they had to do a severe episiotomy to get her out.  I was totally wiped for the next three or four months.

My second labor began naturally, but I ended up having a c-section because her head was just too big (99th percentile), and she wouldn't descend.  The c-section was much easier to recover from, and a lot less painful than the episiotomy.  I'm not saying it didn't hurt, because it did, but at least I wasn't sitting on the sutures!  I was probably in a bit better shape too, and I pushed myself to do things that I didn't with the first.

The worst thing about the c-section was laying there with your arms spread-eagled, not able to see anything, not being able to hold your baby right away.  And then it takes FOREVER for them to close you back up.   Recovery really wasn't that bad - I would start hurting when I had pushed myself too far, and so that just meant I needed to stop and take it easy for a bit.  After the first few days, most of the pain was very tolerable.

I was also very nervous about weight gain and losing the weight after delivery.  I was of your mindset and wanted to be healthy before getting pregnant and actually made it down to my goal weight before conceiving.  I didn't mind gaining the pregnancy weight at all because it was exciting and wonderful to know new life was growing within me.  I gained 37 pounds.  Here are the bright spots of my pregnancy and delivery that I thought I'd share:

Labor and delivery: I also opted for an epidural.  Once I got to the hospital I was already dilated to 5 cm and guess what? It was not bad at ALL.  I was shocked it wasn't worse.  I don't know why I dreaded labor because the part I felt was not unbearable.  And I labored for 6 hours unmedicated.  But alas, I am a baby when it comes to pain and got that lovely epidural as soon as I could! I would tell ANY woman who is on the fence about an epidural to just get one.  I've had many many friends have the epidural and I have had my mom and others not.  Ask around and see what your friends have done if you are unsure.  I was smiling and laughing and relaxed during the remainder of my labor.  I didn't feel one contraction and I was able to enjoy the excitment and anticipation of meeting my new baby girl!  The epidural removed the pain of labor and childbirth and the only uncomfortable part was recovering the next 2 weeks.  Your body will be in a lot of pain, but it's all bearable.  None of it is scary at all.  Your miracle of new life that was growing inside of you will now be in your arms, and any pain will be an afterthought.  Truly, as soon as my baby girl was born, I could not think about pain.  Your fears will all fall by the wayside once you hold your baby. 

Losing the weight after delivery: the first 3 weeks you might lose weight immediately! Just from the baby and placenta.  I lost 22 pounds in the first 3 weeks while breastfeeding.  And I did not do any exercise because I was in pain recovering from the delivery.  I also ate MORE than I had ever during my pregnancy those first few weeks because I was famished and breastfeeding.  But I'm not gonna lie, I haven't lost more than a pound since and I'm 2 months postpartum now.  I have 17 more to lose to be at my pre-pregnancy weight. You have to work at it and it's not fun.  But seriously you have to be realistic going into this.  You are giving up your body for a precious bundle of joy.  Exercise and diet are hard, but loving that baby once you have them in your arms isn't. 

Why would you elect to have a c-section? You do realize it is MAJOR abdominal surgery, right?

I understand that there are emergency situations in which a C.S. is required but I do not understand why, with no medical reason, someone would choose to have one...

If it's the pain of l&d that worries you, you can always choose to have an epidural.

It's a bit crazy that you're worried about this and you are not even pregnant yet.

When I was preggers I was nervous about labor but it just happens and it's okay! And then you have your baby!

People do it without drugs all over the world and they even continue having more, so it can't be all THAT bad! :-) Don't worry so much!

Original Post by aeetheri:

When I was preggers I was nervous about labor but it just happens and it's okay! And then you have your baby! 

This was pretty much how I felt during my first pregnancy. It was out of my control so I was just going to roll with the punches.

I certainly wouldn't elect to have a c-section. I would have had a VBAC for my second if it had been possible. It makes me sad sometimes that I don't understand what other women are talking about when sharing the details of the births of their children. It sounds so fulfilling and I missed out on it.

I agree with faulknerck--labor wasn't that bad. Sure, it was intense and the contractions were painful but it wasn't something that I couldn't have handled. I think I chose the epidural because I was so young and afraid of pain at the time. If I had been able to do a VBAC, I would have made it as long as I could without pain medication.

Lose the weight first. Definitely a good plan. I was so fat by the end of my pregnancy, I was a miserable whale. I couldn't sleep. I had blood pressure problems. I was too out of shape to deal with the delivery. I really think if I had been at a better weight to start with plus if I would've kept up an exercise routine and done the birthing classes, I might have gone in more capable of dealing. Labor and delivery was miserable. I wanted to die. Seriously. Not to freak you out, but imagine a blow torch being held to your vag. Then it was over, and now she's here. I'll never do it again. My biggest bit of advice to anyone would be to make sure you're going to deliver in a hospital where they care about you and where they allow you the freedom to move the way you want. You have no idea how important this is until you've been stuck to an uncomfortable delivery bed for two days, tied down with IV, bp cuff, and fetal monitor - then during the actual delivery, they wouldn't even let me get in a position that was comfortable. I wanted to burn the hospital to the ground. Unfortunately, my husband's military, so we don't get much say in our medical care.

thanks Bier.. but how are the 9 months? are they tuff too...i havent really got an answer to that one:) if u could tell me that..

wow faulknerk.. u give me hope:) yes u are right i shouldnt worry so much and it may not be that bad..how were ur 9 months? is it a cause of concern..will they be smooth..sorry me behaving psycho:) but ur words are really reassuring..

thanks a lot

sabby 

sorry not able to reply to the rest of u individually..but thankyou so much..

yes i will loose weight first then get preggers..take an epidural as most of u have suggested..

i am going to be handling all this alone so get nervous..also did u guys eat something in particular after ur delivery to give u strength?

thankyou very much...your posts really help me

Original Post by swissfan:

wow faulknerk.. u give me hope:) yes u are right i shouldn't worry so much and it may not be that bad..how were ur 9 months? is it a cause of concern..will they be smooth..sorry me behaving psycho:) but ur words are really reassuring..

 

Lol, you aren't behaving like a crazy person you just have alot of things you are thinking through ahead of time. You can use that to your advantage.  For me, I made it my priority before even getting preggers to lose the extra weight I was carrying and change my cooking habits by cutting sodium so that my husband and I were both eating healthier.  And some people thought I was silly too, one person told me "I don't know why you got skinny if you just want to get pregnant anyway" blah blah blah.  But I was really disgusted by our bad eating habits (late night eating, fast food eating, large potions, zero exercise) and although we werent' obese I knew we needed to be healthier.  And let me tell you the truth about the 9 months, they are going to be what you make them.  During your entire 9 months you'll hear different stories from women and you'll be able to tell who enjoyed being pregnant and who didn't.  My husband and I really wanted a baby and were blessed to conceive right away.  And I enjoyed every minute of my pregnancy because each minute something new was happening inside of me as life was growing.  I didn't diet or exercise or worry about how much weight I gained once I became pregnant but I didn't overindulge in junk either.  I made sure to drink alot of water because I didn't want to swell up like a baloon in the face or feet and I didn't.  I worked right up until I delivered and was on my feet all day.  The last 3 weeks was when it became pretty uncomfortable and I felt pretty yucky.  So I combatted that by walking for 20-30 minutes any day I could manage, which really helped.  But for me, any feelings of fatigue or heaviness were suprassed by my excitement and gratitude for the tiny little blessing growing inside of me.  I knew in the end it would be worth it all and it WAS!

My advice to you is to be realistic about your weight goals, and try to acheive them before you get pregnant.  I can't relate to alot of complications other women have had due to being overweight but I can see how the discomfort I felt the last 3 weeks when I was the biggest could have easily been felt my whole pregnancy if I was overweight to start out with.  Lose the weight first, and take a look at yourself and the worst eating habits you have and commit to trying to break them.  It's hard work, it takes sacrifice, but I think anything in life worth having takes that kind of work, don't you?

Being pregnant was a cake walk for me. Sure, there were times when I didn't enjoy it but overall it was a good experience. I (like faulknerck) didn't exercise or diet while pregnant. I took as many walks as I could and we moved when I was 6 months pregnant so I was doing a lot of work on the house. I stayed active and tried not to eat too terribly. Some of the (minor) things that I didn't enjoy were waking in the middle of the night, leg cramps and being hot all the time. Being pregnant is in no way painful or even uncomfortable (until you're past your due date, then it's a different story ).

You're definitely not behaving like a psycho! :)

I am 38 weeks, due August 1st and this is my first pregnancy.  I was not overweight when I began and seriously I have had the easiest and best pregnancy I could imagine.  No morning sickness, I still work out, and feel great.  BUT heartburn kills me now, sometimes it is a pain to sleep and sit up straight but not horrible. I strongly suggest changing your eating habits and just working out to get your body ready.  One thing I am big on is nutrition, when you are eating during pregnancy the baby gets the nutrients not really the food so you have to focus on healthy meals, not the McDonalds and unhealthy meals your body can crave.  Seriously that has been a little hard for me, I just have to remember why I am eating so healthy, and definitely you are NOT eating for 2!  As Bier said you only need around 300 extra calories per day.  And walk!!  I heard that helps out alot for labor.  I am hoping to not do an epidural but I am not an idiot.  If the pain is bad I will get one, everyone I know that had one said they felt nothing.  And I ask everyone I know because even though I have a high pain tolerance, until I am going through it I can not say what I will do, just what I would like to do.  Hey, it is an option and my doctor is PRO epidural. 

I just had a baby ten months ago and my advice to you is...dont worry at all, being pregnant is so wonderful. My pregnancy was unplanned, a complete suprise even though i had terrible morning sickness, was constantly fainting at work, and ended up having a c section it was still wonderful. The thing i would definitely contrate on in the beginning is the proper prenatal care and finding the right obstetrician for you because this is a person your going to be spending alot of time with over the next ten months.  I gain weight really easily so i wanted to make sure i only gained the recommmended 35 lbs. I walked everyday and was very careful about my nutrition because its important to remember what you eat during pregnancy will influence your childs eating habits.

I went through twelve hours of hard labor (GET that epidural, dont let anyone tell you to go natural) i was completely dilated and pushing when the doctor decided i needed a c-section. it was so terrifying being awake having major surgery but the whole thing from beginning to end only took thirty minutes. the only thing i really regreted about the c-section was that they pushed so much medicine my arms were completely numb i couldnt even lift them to hold lily after they pulled her out and cleaned her off. the recovery takes alot longer, so dont push yourself the first couple weeks. In the end its all worth it.