School Bullying

A member of my family is being bullied by three girls at school.  It's gone on for a year and a half and they are quite relentless.  She and her mother have gone to school administration and the school resource officer (the police officer stationed at the school) for help.  Parents have been called, meetings have taken place and nothing has changed. 

A couple of days ago, my family member took matters into her own hands and fought one of the girls after school.  The cops were called to break it up.  Later that evening, the cops were called on the other girls AGAIN because they were taunting her from across the street and another mother caught them.

My family member has been charged with assault.  She's 13.

The girl posted on her website that she wants a rematch so they're still not going to stop. 

I don't condone fighting but she felt like she had no other choice.  It's a shame that she felt like she had to defend herself in this way.  My question is:  what are parents to do when they get no support from school officials and other parents?    

I would get a lawyer if it continues.  Find out what your options are.  Make sure you document every incident.  This could be a form of harassment.  Also make sure you follow the correct steps in taking it up with the school district. 

I think he girl needs to tell her story to a lawyer. She may have a documented case for harrassment. The school could be partly liable too for not having acted on this earlier.

I guess I'm a little paranoid because I live in Colorado and we know only too well what bullying can lead to. Not that I think your family member is headed down that road. But, how sad that things have been allowed to escalate to this point. I hope she can get the help she needs.

I agree with the other two posters.  This sounds like harassment.  Have her talk to a lawyer.  Bullying can lead to violence...as shown by your family member's incident.  However, even though she fought them this time, they might gang up on her another time and it could get worse.  Make sure the harassment she has been experiencing is document (all of the meetings with anyone at the school should be documented). 

She shouldn't have resorted to violence - that's the only thing that is chargeable. If she can prove she was attacked or harrassed it may go easier. Chances are she's already speaking to a lawyer- since she's been charged, but am certain the bad girls do something illegal, there isn't much anyone can do.

Personally, I don't hold with the "it's never ok to defend yourself" crowd - then why do we go to war as countries if we should always turn our heads and look the other way?  Sometimes it's ok to make a stand but, you do have to suffer the consequences either way. 

But, she is at a really really bad age right now.  A teenager will do what she needs to do to belong...anywhere!  So it's pretty important that you as a family take action - she has likely learned behavior that is helping the bullying along - so if you can get her to counselling so she can learn not to play a victim and to assertively deal with these individuals that will  help.  Very closely monitor her friends right now!!  All the "bad crowd" requires from her is that she be...bad with them! I have experience with this!!  It can turn on a dime and have lifelong consequences - as far as I am concerned people way undervalue the importance of social skills in favor of academic performance!!

As for the four girls - I would find it very surprising if their activities were within the law - look into it and prosecute if you can and charge the school as well- it is their job to make sure she is safe while at school - and report the cyber bullying also - most  likely the cops will just go and have a chat as it is hard to prove who actually did the typing - but sometimes just a visit from the police will scare these girls.  In all likelihood only one of the girls is the bully - the other girls are following her - the school knows exactly which one is what and they/you can remove the other two girls and keep them from joining in then at least it becomes a one on one situation and hopefully the girls can just agree to leave each other alone. 

If all that fails...pull her from the school - get her counselling and let her start over again somewhere where she can re-invent her self and use her new social skills!  This is my opinion and what I would do if I could only have a "do over"! 

Good luck and God bless your relative - that is so sad to hear about! 

Bullying at it's worst...

Young boys admit horrific attack

And by the way -- girls, age 12-16 are easily the most evil creatures out there.  I say this as someone who works with kids daily, and I love them -- but omg, they have no clue the cruelty they inflict upon each other.  The hive mentality is really at work at this age

"The girl posted on her website that she wants a rematch so they're still not going to stop."

Probably right. I'd take a screenshot of this on the website before HER lawyer advises her to delete it.

Lawyer, Lawyer and Lawyer,

(Opinion only) As a father I think I would go nuts. The girls are under age you can do nothing. But what about the parents of the girls were are they in the picture are they having trouble that maybe a part of the abuse or are they the abuse? I hate these stories because everybody always is saying ok until it is too late somebody really gets hurt or dies than the school and police want to help when you have been talking to them for over 18 months.

Document everything and if you can sue the parents not the kids for being poor parents.

Nieto

God. This is why I hate people.

A lawyer is your best bet because they can really "nail em" without you getting your hands dirty. It'll also hopefully teach them a lesson. Get the little twirps arrested (even to just scare them). If adults were doing this there would be a lot more fuss. They are no different because of their age, believe me.

www.stopbullyingnow.com

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/bullying.h tml

www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/problems/bullies.html

www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov

www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/bullying

These are just a few resources with some very good information.  It's good reading for adults and children, because numerous people suffer the workplace bully as well.  It can range from back stabbing/gossip to knowledge hoarding and violence.  The main thing to understand it that it's not personal, anyone will work as long as the bully can find the key that intimidates the other person....

Like everyone else has said, document all the times you've talked with the school, had parent interventions, etc. Do a screen shot of the girls website where it says she's going to continue her attacks. Save everything. I'm sure you'll be able to get somewhere... 

Kids are vicious these days... more so than I ever remember them being when I was in school. 

Am so thankful I was the tallest girl in school by a foot and a half. 

I agree with everyone else.  Lawyer and document document document.

I don't think the bullies were abused or are victims.  I bet they're the most popular girls in school.  I also don't know how to stop this.  Most adults won't take it seriously, especially the parents of the bullies.  Generally I find schools talk the talk, but they won't walk the walk.

Fighting doesn't work for girls.  The boys like it, so even if your relative beats the crap out of the other girl, she'll keep at it - probably with her gang.

Someone said remove your relative from the school.  That might have to be your last resort.  But before you do that, see if your relative has friends.  Can she make sure she is always surrounded by friends?  That she's never alone?  Keeping a low profile might also work.  Don't react, stay out of their way.  Don't try to make friends with them and don't trust them. 

You never know, in a few months or next year, they could all be best friends. 

Get the police involved? I'm sure a cop or two will scare off the children, and maybe make the parents put them in their places too.

What is the history among the girls?    Did something occur between them or is it random bullying? Why do you think they are targeting your relative?

Thank you all for your comments and advice. 

Her mom met with the school board president yesterday and is meeting with the school superintendent today.  Three of the girls threatened her friend this morning and she got so scared she went home before first bell.  My cousin is going to try to get that girl's mom in the meeting today also.

They printed the things the girls posted on the website.  They also printed some things the girls posted about loving guns and sex. 

The police have been involved several times.  They have had meetings with the police officer stationed at the school and people have actually witnessed the harassment and called the police.  These girls aren't scared of cops. 

I don't know why they're targeting her.  She was new to the school last year and it started almost immediately.  She's a sweet kid - pretty, a good student, friendly.  I don't think she's a typical target if only because she's not afraid of them. 

The family is working together to take her to school and pick her up.  She's been instructed to try to be with people at all times at school and her older brother is keeping an eye on her there, too.  Unfortunately I live 200 miles away so I can't really help right now.  

Any possibility of changing schools?

 o my god.....lawyers.....cops......this post shocked the crap out of me!.....ive never heard of bullying that bad that you had to get  a LAWYER......

do you know where they live.....go speak to there parents....who im sure will be just a wild as them....and prob tell you to f off......just threaten her with lawyering up.......or just basically imply.......this is stopping now one way or another.....get mean...

Original Post by chanceofmeatballs:

They printed the things the girls posted on the website.  They also printed some things the girls posted about loving guns and sex. 

The police have been involved several times.  They have had meetings with the police officer stationed at the school and people have actually witnessed the harassment and called the police.  These girls aren't scared of cops. 

This part bothered me the most, if they have a police officer stationed at the school with a badge (Real police) and the girls are still mean and bullies.

 They need to change the police officer stationed at the school to somebody more willing to act. Do not talk to this person call the station supervisor at the police department. They by law need to get you the supervisors full name and personal phone number. This is going to far somebody will get hurt, It is not to late.

Best wishes

Nieto

Original Post by kathygator:

Any possibility of changing schools?

Unfortunately, changing schools isn't really an option right now.