screw it.

too many people around here just itching to be victims.  i'll try to remember this the next time i have the urge to be honest.

So then… Should I be happy that you don't have a prejudice against me or disappointed that your aversion to me is based on my character? 

My curiosity would be whether this is a prejudice that you wish to correct or one with which you have decided to be comfortable.

sim, i have no idea how big you are.  i don't have an "aversion" to you; i'm just clear on where we differ.  and that's comforting ;)

corey, i wouldn't declare it if i didn't want to correct it.

hmmm! well yes i can understand where you are coming from with this.

As you will know from previous discussions on here i am very much a down the middle person not too much or too little of anything in life and this goes for weight too.

i don't have any problems with peoples weight on a friendship basis i quite honestly don't give it a second thought. i do have a problem with it on a dating basis i wouldn't date someone who is too fat or too thin, this is little to do with them and very much more to do with me and my innate problems with extremes in any part of life, because i wouldn't date anyone for very long who shows any kind of what i would class as extreme behaviour be that religion, hobbies, general beliefs.....extreme anything scares me and i tend to back away from people i view as being like that, but i may date them for a short time to see if they are going to work on it.

I know what you mean. I don't dislike people because of their size but what does annoy me is how people have made being fat acceptable. It's not. It's extremely unhealthy. (I hope I'm not offending anyone on here who may be bigger - the fact that you're on here obviously means you want to become healthy.) On GMTV this morning Loraine Kelly was talking to a young girl saying how she was "tiny", she wasn't - she was overweight. She looked lovely, she was very pretty but she was overweight and therefore unhealthy. This should not be encouraged.

Apparently most women in the UK are over a size 16, I assume the US is pretty much the same. This should not be accepted as the norm. Obesity is a massive health problem

I'm overweight and I don't like bigger people. haha How'd I even get this way? haha Actually, growing up hearing how "fat people are so ugly" all the time from my family and that being why I needed to drop a few pounds... I turned that on myself and on others. I get incredibly annoyed when I see a big woman wearing something that I think is too tight/too short/etc because it's something I'd never wear myself. 

Good thing I'm here losing weight, eh? Looks I've got some stuff to work on too...

Prejudice and stereotypes are a natural type of human behaviour, designed to promote ingroup survival. It allows us to form fast decisions about what a person or group's intentions towards us are, and their ability to carry out these intentions.

Prejudice towards fat people exists because if people in our group are apparently (outwardly) healthy, the group is more likely to raise healthy offspring which enhances the group's survival. Negative prejudice towards fat people arises because we unconsciously link them towards unhealthy offspring, and therefore the lessened survival and downfall of our ingroup.

Nice little combo of biological, evolutionary and social psychology there for you ;) Sorry if it didn't make much sense, I'm a bit tired.

Original Post by misscherryjane:

I know what you mean. I don't dislike people because of their size but what does annoy me is how people have made being fat acceptable. It's not. It's extremely unhealthy.......

Boy am I ever with many of you on this topic!  Know what?  When I was 400 pounds, I REALLY hated fat people!  I've learned to be more acceptable now, but I'm still judgemental.

As misscherryjane pointed out, and I agree with her 100%, it annoys me how people are making fat acceptable! 

As an once morbidly obese person, I can honestly say that I often fell into the Big Beautiful Woman trap!  I was miserable as a fat person and constantly lying to myself about my weight.  "Oh..... I'm obese but I'm healthy.  I can get around just fine, thank you very much."  Etc.  You all know the excuses I'm talking about.

When I'm around an obese person now, I'm overly critical and just want to walk over to them and tell them to do something about it!  But I also know that we all have our own demons to face and losing weight is NOT an easy thing to do.  It's easy in theory, but in practice it takes a lot of work.  And then there is the whole issue with society and how obese people are treated.  They have enough problems without having me butt into their business.

The best I can do is post my before/after pics on here to serve as motivation for others, and to offer my support when someone asks for advice.

As for people who are too skinny?  I look at them as if they have a disease and hope that they are getting help.  This whole weight business is a contradictory thing, isn't it?!!!

Need some clarification: You feel you can love women with EDs that manifest in being thin? Or you prefer to work with the uber thin rather than the uber fat? Or, because you recognize your prejudice, you are talking yourself into the jobs you don't want because they are working with the obese?

Your view is certainly not unique or even the minority -so yeah, owning it can probably only help you on your career path.

Regardless - good luck with the interviews?

I just had to add this as a bit of a segue.....

When I was obese, I hated people who were fit and worked out.  I thought of them as arrogant, cocky, conceited, blah, blah, blah.....

Now that I've become a gym rat, I truly admire those same people for their dedication to being fit.  I no longer see them as conceited.

Okay, sorry for straying from the original topic PG!  I just had to add that bit!

I'm actually encouraged by how many people want to make a change in their health for the better. I think that society is weighted towards making everyone larger. More people have sedentary jobs, longer commutes to work, convenient and unhealthy fast food all over.

Losing weight is not an easy thing to do, but gaining it is very easy.

Original Post by kaufmkk:

When I was obese, I hated people who were fit and worked out.  I thought of them as arrogant, cocky, conceited, blah, blah, blah....

 another fairly prevalent attitude. I have yet to meet a person that is obese that has not got a fair amount of anger locked away.

What I find discouraging about many of the stories I hear about folks that have lost a substantial amount of weight is the tendancy to do it out of self-hatred rather than love. While the act of getting fit is healthy, the motivation, often, is a loathing for oneself.

There must be a way to love oneself unconditionally and embrace the journey as well as the result.

Kathy~, for me it wasn't self-hatred, but rather disgust and embarrassment.  Or as you pointed out, a bit of loathing.  Disgust that I couldn't control my eating.  Disgust that I couldn't fit in a theater seat, embarrassment that I broke many a chair due to my weight, disgust and embarrassment at how others looked at me, disgust that I couldn't find shoes that would fit my giant ankles.  And then there was a lot of sadness...... Such as being sad because I was so fat I couldn't hold my nieces and nephew in my lap since I didn't have a lap. 

As a person, I liked myself.  I was a good person with a big heart and that was okay.  And as an obese person, I really didn't have a lot of anger issues, but I did loathe what the weight was doing to me.  Any anger I had was not at myself but rather was directed at people who pre-judged me....  Kind of hypocritical isn't it!!!

But I know what you mean.  Speaking for myself as a formerly obese (morbidly) person, I did have negative issues.  And those far outweighed the positive.

Original Post by kathygator:

Need some clarification: You feel you can love women with EDs that manifest in being thin? Or you prefer to work with the uber thin rather than the uber fat? Or, because you recognize your prejudice, you are talking yourself into the jobs you don't want because they are working with the obese?

Your view is certainly not unique or even the minority -so yeah, owning it can probably only help you on your career path.

Regardless - good luck with the interviews?

 

honestly, 'gator, i'm not sure i can answer your questions.

this train of thought emerged when i was thinking about these three jobs that i don't want, but it's not directly related.  the jobs are with a major physical rehab clinic; i'd be working with people who have neuromuscular and skeletal disorders, arthritis, etc.  that scares me, because i'm great with emotional stuff, but i'm not good with physical pain (other people's).  two of the jobs have outreach components, which raises the likelihood that i'd be working with housebound people

the fat prejudice thing...it may or may not be related.  i'm not sure.  i'm just trying to work that out.

btw, thanks, everyone, for taking this as it was meant.  i'm not proud of this, and i was pretty scared opening the thread this morning.

Disgust, embarassment, misery, loathing, resentment and hatred of people who you actually wish to emulate. Sounds like self-hatred, even if it is only hatred of appearance.

Understand: I am not in any way trying to marginalize your effort because of these feelings - the positive result is that you have lost the weight (looking at your pics, I can't imagine why you feel you need to lose more). You have done a very great thing. A very hard thing. Good job.

Is it possible that your latent aversion to people who are still obese has more to do with your previous feelings about yourself than you realize? They must be what you were - disgusted, embarrassed, miserable, angry? Yet they seem to choose not to do what you did - which possibly makes them inferior, flawed and self-indulgent?

My point is that self-acceptance, even in the obese, is not a bad thing. It's only when self-acceptance leads to complacency that it tends to do harm.

S'ok Pg. To be honest, it's not a very big surprise. What has changed since I first started reading your posts is the tendancy toward being more tolerant of us fatties. ;)

That is not to say there won't be some here harmed by your post - because some will. And while I am not one of them, I do hope they aren't discouraged by it. It was offered in a spirit of trying to overcome, not fiercely defend the attitude.

Original Post by kathygator:

Is it possible that your latent aversion to people who are still obese has more to do with your previous feelings about yourself than you realize? They must be what you were - disgusted, embarrassed, miserable, angry? Yet they seem to choose not to do what you did - which possibly makes them inferior, flawed and self-indulgent?

that sounds like lateral (or internalized) oppression, which is usually seen in groups oppressed on the basis of race: people internalize the discrimination they're subject to and use it against those of their own group, or--sometimes--behave in ways that confirm stereotypes. 

Original Post by kathygator:

S'ok Pg. To be honest, it's not a very big surprise. What has changed since I first started reading your posts is the tendancy toward being more tolerant of us fatties. ;)

thanks, bud.

i don't know if this makes it better or worse, but i don't often look at profiles, and i tend to assume that people aren't big unless they tell me they are.  it's like when i see someone i know and they're smoking, and i'm surprised because--you know--who smokes?

(i hope i'm not becoming more tolerant of libertarians, though.)

That's what is so cool about this kind of forum - we're not a social networking site where many pretend to be something they're not. Most of us are here for some real help, which leads to real growth in a lot of cases. By not reading the profiles you are more prone to judge people on what they say and not how they look. Seems like that can't be bad.

I prefer pink peonies above all other flowers.  I'm prejudiced against non-pink, non-peonies.

I feel no personal shame about this.  (movie quote)

I don't think that pink peonies are materially superior to other flowers, but I just appreciate that they provide me with joy and delight in a unique manner unmatched by any other flower.

I don't want to stamp out all other flowers. I don't want to genetically alter other flowers to make them more like pink peonies.  I hope and trust that there are other people out there who prefer other flowers above all others.