When to have the second child?

Hi, I was just wondering if it is better to wait two years or one between children. My hubby and I had our first July 2007 and are planning a second, if the doctor says it is okay anyways. We want to start either this fall or next, but I just want to do what is easiest on my body. I had HELLP with my daughter, so my pregnancy would be high-risk...

I also am having an impossible time losing the weight from my daughter! I keep to my calories, but since I started counting I have 10 extra pounds to lose. Should I just wait until after the second to even bother? I am just discouraged and don't know what to do at all.

This whole thing just has me so confused.

Honestly, I wish I'd had a little more time between kids.  I'm pregnant with my second right now, but my son is 25 months old.  He is such a handful, and I really think it might have been an easier adjustment if I'd waited to start trying until he was at least 3 (though I wasn't trying with this one). 

Since every child is different, it's really hard to say when the best time is-if there even is a best time.  In our situation, I think our son can be overwhelming, and I'm already afraid of what's to come when there are two!  But my neighbor swears that a two year gap is perfect, and it's what she did (she's got 4 kids).  But really, I think it just depends on the child. 

it's just depends on what's your plan.. much better if 2 years interval.. because.. you can rest and you're first child can understand already.. and you don't have so much stress.. ;)

My girls are 18 months apart - the oldest is 19 months and the younger is just 1 month old. Honestly, I wouldn't make a bigger gap than 2 years, I think in the long run it's wonderful to have a sinbling close in age, and an 18-month old doesn't understand jealousy and doesn't express it. My older girl is fascinated with the baby and thinks she's the coolest thing ever. :) I know it's a lot of work, but I am managing just fine. The key is to take some time for yourself every day or so, just go for a walk when hubby gets home, etc. or to the grocery store by yourself. It's a nice refresher.

I had 2 children and they are 8-1/2 years apart!  I had a hard time conceiving.  I would have had a 3rd but it just didn't happen.  I think at least 2 years apart is good.  But I wouldn't worry about planning out your whole life so specifically.  Because I believe someone else is really in control -- if ya know who I'm talking about.   As far as trying to lose weight before the next pregnancy,  I think you should.  Trust me, the more you put off losing weight, the more weight you have to lose.   Good luck!

 

My mom (who has three kids) has always said that two years between children is optimal. It may be a little hard when they are young, but apparently it pays off later. I've heard other people that think that three years is perfect though. I think it is really about when you are ready. 

I had four in five years and wouldn't change a thing (youngest is 3, eldest is 8....21 months between first three, the 16 months, then last wee one).

But, listen to your doctor if you have concerns about your health.

Worry about being "fit" not losing weight, especially if trying to conceive.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

jojo

My plan was to have 3 kids with 3 year intervals. Didn't quite work that way, I had my oldest and miscarried 3 times over the next 5 years, then had my next child and because there was such an age gap between those 2, I decided to have 18 months between my youngest 2. Everyone with kids 18 mos apart told me they would never do it again, but I knew that although it would be hard, it was the course I wanted to take. And it was hard!! Still is challenging at times and they are 11, 5, 3 1/2, but when isn't parenting challenging, right?

What I feel the worst about is my middle child had to grow up pretty quick- at 18 mos he had to be the big boy and not the baby anymore. 18 mos is still a baby and I wish he's had longer to be the baby of the family before my youngest came along. huh, that paragraph feels really redundant...

Anyways, good luck with whatever you decide :)

I have read in every parenting magazine that a woman's body must have at least 18 months in between pregnancies to be totally prepared for a second.  Not saying that you would have a terrible pregnancy otherwise, but it gives the body time to recuperate from pregnancy and child birth, which will help you with the weight loss, too, or should I say "getting fit"  

Do what you and your husband feel is right for your family, but keep your health at an optimum.  If you try to conceive while on a super strict diet, you might have a harder time.

My sister; had her first and then became pregnant a few months later with her 2nd!!  It was hard for her to be pregnant-  and had to stop BF'ing when she found out.  She now has two amazing little girls, so sweet-  but her second was slightly pre-mature; which was scary.  She BF'd her 2 for a whole year I belive.  Now they are 11 months apart and the little one learns a lot from the older one; and they get along very well.

Needless to say; she did not go back to work having two little ones in diapers running around; but she wouldn't have it any other way; but doesn't necessarily advise that one goes out and has babies one right after the other.

She's always been small framed; but I have to say she is my inspiration.  She goes to the gym and to yoga and her tummy is flat she looks like she did pre-preggo.  I hope I get those genes!

I'm going to wait to see how this baby is (in 10 weeks!!!) and then plan to have my other one soon after this one turns two.  Even three years apart isn't that bad-  my sister and I are very close and we are three years almost to the day.

I had mine two slightly under 2 years apart. Since I had fertility problems, I didn't want to wait as my eggs weren't getting any fresher and my chances were dropping. 

I think that it worked out quite well.  My son was 23 months when my daughter was born. The biggest pro of all was that my son was still taking epic naps. In the afternoon, we would all nap for several hours which was a life saver! Now that he is almost four he no longer wants to nap. (So SAD!). He does stay in his room for Quiet Time (with lots of "Mom, is my rest time over? I see a 2 on the clock!").   

At 23 months he was also ready to start being more independent -- and took a lot of pride in being "my great helper". He could run and fetch diapers and wipes and would bring me the phone when I was nursing his sister.  I don't think that he resents his sister now as he doesn't remember what life was like when he was the little prince of the house! :) 

Hey there....I had my first child in June of 2007 and my husband and I are kinda going through the same thing. I totally get where you are coming from.  It seems that there are sooooo many mixed feelings on this subject.  I say whenever is right for your own family.  I'm sure if you and your hubby are devoted and really want it you can make whatever choice you choose work!  We are going to probably start tryin around Octoberish....and let nature take its course.

AND i have also had trouble getting back down to my prepregnancy size...and i have contemplated sooooo many times to just wait until after my second to try this whole weight loss thing. But then i see a picture of a person close to my original weight and i can't help but think "i wanna be liek that again"!! Soooo i know if i wait, it'll just be EVEN worse the second go around.

Whatever choice you make, good luck!!! And don't give up on losing the weight!!!