it's a secret...

It finally dawned on me that I have no intention of telling anyone that I'm trying to lose weight. And if I do lose weight and someone comments about it, I would probably just say things like, "Well, it's been a stressful semester..." or "Everyone thins out a little once it warms up outside..."

Anybody else dieting in secret?

Why?

It's kind of a weird double-edged sword. I am not losing weight per se but trying to get in shape, and it's strange to try to talk to people about it, or to intentionally refrain. On some level it's good to talk to someone about it because then you are more accountable. If I tell someone I've been working out every day, then they might expect to see results, which makes me want to work harder to get the results. But at the same time I don't want to sound like I am full of hot air or implicitly criticizing them for not working out every day. Plus it's nice for people, every once in a while, to notice your physical changes without you having to point them out. My friend who plays horn next to me in orchestra looked at me the other day and said (in shock) "I think your biceps are bigger than mine!" (He is both taller and generally more athletic than I am.)

Either way, it seems weird.

[Edit] I assume it's even more awkward for women who are dieting and/or exercising, because telling someone that you're doing those things might automatically make them think you have serious body image issues or are on the verge of developing an eating disorder. We also live in such a culture where it seems taboo to be aware of how you look, or to comment on how other people look. So it might make people uncomfortable to hear that you're on a diet because it's a sort of silent acknowledgement that you are paying attention to how you look. And if the person you're talking to is not in good shape, then they might feel threatened. So all in all it's a complicated thing.

I am.  When everyone knows I'm dieting I feel like a bigger failure when I don't lose what I want to lose.  When he knows that I'm dieting my husband goes out of his way to sabotage me.  So when I turn something down I just say that I'm full or not feeling well.

 

I don't consider myself "dieting" so much as trying to eat healthy permanently and be as active as possible.  I can't talk to anyone I know about this without hearing about how I work out too much or don't need to lose weight or something else really negative.  It's only worse when people try to sabotage your efforts by offering you "bad" food because they know you don't want it!  So...I just tell people I don't like french fries or chicken wings, even though I want to say, "I prefer not to put garbage into my body."

Honestly, I wouldn't *lie* about why you're losing weight--"oh, it's been so stressful", etc., because that might make people suspicious that you might be doing it in some kind of unhealthy way. You don't have to lie, you don't have to give a reason at all...if people say "hey, have you lost weight?" just respond, "yeah, thanks." and leave it at that. :-) I just find lying leads to assumptions that might not be true.

I'm not telling anyone until they say something, simply because I hate all the 'how's your diet going?' type questions. So, instead of advertising to everyone that I'm trying to lose weight, I'm taking the more subtle approach of making a lifestyle change. The pounds loss is just a side effect :)

Original Post by minerva_moon:

Honestly, I wouldn't *lie* about why you're losing weight--"oh, it's been so stressful", etc., because that might make people suspicious that you might be doing it in some kind of unhealthy way. You don't have to lie, you don't have to give a reason at all...if people say "hey, have you lost weight?" just respond, "yeah, thanks." and leave it at that. :-) I just find lying leads to assumptions that might not be true.

 See, that's what made the realization that I was keeping it a secret so strange. I'm a very honest person, so it's a big deal to me to lie about something. I feel like I'm ashamed of the fact that I need to lose a little weight and as long as I don't talk about it, other people won't notice it......as if refusing to acknowledge it would keep people from noticing the pudge around my middle...ha!

I think some of the other people here have more valid reasons to keep quiet about dieting/lifestyle changes than I do.

The more I think about it, the more I feel that I should tell someone, because wanting to be healthier should not be a shameful thing to me.

I kept it a secret...but after about 6 months it becamse extremely obvious, and I was "outed" lol

I haven't told anyone I'm dieting.  People who know me know I'm always trying to lose weight and keep stopping and starting. So this time I'm not saying anything until people notice. 1. it'll make me feel good people saying have you lost weight? 2. I don't want them thinking oh yeh dieting again whatever or I wonder how long that'll last. I know I can get all the support and information I need on this site.

I totally understand because I really really hate people talking about my body (or weight).  However, if you have some significant #s to lose, you cannot really hide it forever :)

What I am telling everybody is that I decided to live healthier which is so true.  I consider what I am doing is a way to be.... healthier me, not just thinner me. 

I tell them that I want to live healthier but I wouldn't mind if I end up losing some extra pounds in the process :)   I eat only 200 cal lesser than my maintenance and majority of my cal deficit is from exercise - it is mainly because I am short (BMR is about 1350 but burn meter is 1600 so it is very difficult for me to lose weight just by restricting calories yet staying healthy and losing pounds; I eat 1400 cal, sometimes 1500 cal :).

They know I go to gym 5 times a week - every weekday after work.  I actively invite others to join me because...  this is a better way to live!!

Dieting might be a secret but living healthier doesn't need to be a secret.  We should be proud of ourselves!!

I've told my sister (who is also my roommate) that I was trying to eat healthier, I didn't want to say lose weight per se.  However, I haven't gone into details, or the fact I was using a website lol.  I haven't told my other roommate, because she would prolly bug me, and ask me to go to the gym with her.  I prefer to do it on my own.

I made the choice to not tell my mom, because when I do go home, it's often the weekend, and on Saturday I allow myself to cheat.  If she knew I was on a diet, she would nag me the whole weekend, and it would make the weekend at home unenjoyable.  She has nagged me a lot when I lived back home 2.5 years ago, and I didn't drop more than 5 lbs.

And I'm not telling my friends. I mean, when we go out, I barely ever drank (for personal reasons) so the won't really pick up on the no drinking, and if they do say something then sure, I would tell them I was losing weight, but otherwise, naha.

 

Loislain I feel the same way. Like the boy who cried wolf. I feel like when I tell my family and friends they just roll their eyes and don't even listen to me. I also don't like the fact that when I am on a diet and having a "moment" and just need a little bit of candy someone I told is like "Hey you can't have that your on a diet". GGGRRR!!!!:)

My husband's grandmother favorite line was "Eat, Eat!"  I knew dieting was no excuse to turn down some homemade strawberry pie (yum!).  "No thank you Nana.  I'm allergic to strawberries."  She accepted  this reason graciously and I congratulated myself for my cleverness. ( I didn't insult her and I kept to my diet!)

Fast forward 3 or 4 years to a family picnic.  I had completely forgotten the incident and bit into a sweet fresh strawberry within Nana's view.   

To this day (that was at least 25 years ago) I can hear Nana's slightly indignant, "But I thought you were allergic to strawberries!"  I couldn't believe she remembered!

Oh, I'm not telling anyone.  Besides, I never "diet".  As Garfield says, "Diet is just die with a T on the end of it."  Instead of going on a diet, I'm  on a FIMP (Food Intake Modification Program), which is basically trying to eat healthier, watch my portion size, and get up off my butt and move.  There is one person who is aware of what I'm doing, and that's a guy with whom I work.  He told me about CC and he's done fantastic with it and is looking quite good!  But I'm not telling anyone else.  There are too many people out there who try to do things to sabatoge me, like putting a big jar of chocolate candies on my desk, at eye level (I'm a receptionist).  For me, it all comes down to willpower.  I'll admit to having had six of those little chocolate eggs, over three days, but no more!  I can resist!

There are several people with whom I work who have lost weight.  I'm not telling them what I'm doing because I want to see if they notice that, since January, I'm down about 20 pounds.  So far, they haven't.

I've told my mom, sister, and some friends at work that I'm trying to eat heathier and hope to lose some weight.  Talking about it helps me rehearse/reinforce the changes I'm trying to make.

One reason for telling my mom and sister is that they are both overweight, and it doesn't help to tell ones you love that they need to lose weight, but when I tell them about a healthy fish dinner I made, or how I plan to walk around the lake later on, it seems to help them reflect more on changes that they can make for themselves.

My family wasn't sport or exercise oriented when I was growing up, so I am kind of introducing the concept to them, by example, not reproach.

At work I've told some friends, I'm a teacher and we've been collegues for 10 years.  I like to cook and bring fun but healthy food for lunch, and sometimes I make and bring something for everyone. 

I don't really call what I'm doing dieting, I think of it more as getting healthier.  I feel very positive about it.  It's slow going, and sometimes I do give myself wonderful setbacks (don't we all!) but I feel this is part of life, and I just want to feel the most alive I can.

HIii alll

It seems as if we all r going thru the same situations, I am a YOYO kind of a person, I start Diet & GYM & then the TEMPO is broken.

but U kno wat I did yesterday, I secretly joined another GYM which follows a French approach of circuits & gives a DIET PLan as well & paid a handsome amount of money also for 6 months but dont hav the nerves to tell my husband as he is the biggest hurdle in my Losing Weight cz he is a Couch potato & wants me to be one too.he thinks these activities r useless & he is allergic to evry thing relating to DIET / EXCERCISE,losing weight

Now I hav enrolled but wont tel him unless I show some progress & plz pray for me all of U that I do my best as this is the Last chance for me to regularly stick to my Plans.

By the way, I am 74Kg(162Pounds)/Height 5.3 and am aiming at becoming 58Kg(127.6Pounds) God Willing.

I dont think that this target is too much for me if I stick to my workout & diet plan, I am pretty hopeful that i can achieve this target within 6 months...?wat do U say?

You're smart to keep it a secret.  I told my friends before and once I was almost at my goal weight they started freaking out on me that I was getting too thin.  I was still well in the healthy weight range, but for some reason they pounced on me.  I think it's hard for girls to see other people start to look better than them.  The worst was a very very skinny friend of mine. I was like, "What are you afraid I'm stepping on your turf??  That you won't be the only thin one?"

It's frustrating!!!  Keep it to yourself as much as you can. I have a gym buddy friend who I can talk to about it, because we're working out together, but other than that, I'm close lipped!

I told my boyfriend, and he's been my motivator/trainer.

I told my mom, because I tell her most things, and I wanted her to know that I was working on getting healthy again - every so often I send her a screen shot of my weight log. My family caught on at Thanksgiving, and most of them mentioned something about how much better I looked.

I told a few friends at work, because we talk about everything else - it would be weird not to talk about this - and now, when someone at work notices, if one of these friends is standing there, I don't have to say anything - they exclaim "Doesn't she look awesome!". When they ask what I did, my friends answer for me - "diet and exercise - and she still eats bread, chocolate, cheese - doesn't she rock?" (I love having a fan club). It has also encouraged two people at work to start doing the same, and one of my friends confided that she had (before I knew her) gone through a similar process, which was very encouraging because she looks great!

I finally told some of my non-work friends (I see them less often, and knew them before I gained the weight, so I was more embarrased that I had to lose it) - ever since they've been incredibly supportive, telling me how good I look when I haven't seen them for a while - I think they wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't mentioned it to them.

So no - I'm not doing this is in secret - I need all the support I can get.

I have only kept it a secret from my dad .... thats all.

My fiancé he knows obviously, I went from eating fried things every day ... to eating veggies everyday, our grocery bill went from 100 a week to about 200 a week .. so ya .. he knows =) He has also listen to me complain about not being able to do things .. like tie my shoes. So he is my support, and my sabotage at the same time. He is the ideal couch potato. But its getting better.

I told my mom that i was eating more veggies, (my parents are on holiday for 4 months this year), they wont be back here till the end of the month. Ive only lost about 12lbs and its not noticeable at all. She knows that i want to look better for my wedding next year. She keeps saying that when she gets home we can go on walks and stuff together .. which will be good.

My dad ... I havent told my dad .. and im dreading telling my dad.  He is a very blunt person. If i hug him he says *oh i cant get my arms around you* ( and he can !!! he just says that).. or that 5 university classes .. and a part time job isnt enough .. I should have 7 or 8 classes ( even tho the max the uni allows is 5) and a full time job and a part time job. I know he loves me .. but he  has no tact. I don't know why i haven't told him, he would probably be my best supporter. But i guess they will find out soon enough when Sunday dinners involve, weighing my mash potatoes, and carrots. LOL

 

I have told my best friend, She is a big girl too, well she is big from the waste down, she is a typical pear. While im an apple =(  She said she would check out the this site but i havent seen her here yet. She lost alot of weight about 3 years ago .. but she has gained back all and more ... But she is supportive of me, which is good.

 

So am i keeping it a secret .. no not really ... just from some ppl =)

K

My house knows.  But there is family I don't see very often that does not know.  On easter I will see family that I have not seen since Christmas.  My brother in law is a personal trainer so I can't wait to wow him and show him how good I am doing.

I prefer the "Wow you look great!" comments over the "How's your diet going?"