Why do I still see a fat person?

I started my weight loss journey at over 250lbs.  Now I'm in the 180's for the first time in 8 years.  I still have quite a long road to go to get to a healthy weight, but I'm no longer obese.

My problem is that even though I know I fit into smaller sizes (started at size 26, now size 16), I still see the "old me" in the mirror.

Case in point: My mom bought me a new leather jacket.  She brought it over for me to try on and she said how wonderful it looked.  I stood there in the jacket looking in the mirror and just saw this HUGE person.  I looked terrible.  The jacket looked terrible...it was like a big leather tent.  My mom tried it on and when I saw it on her, it looked ok.  So why did the exact same jacket look bad on me? 

I obviously don't see myself objectively, but I guess I just didn't realize before how skewed my view of myself really is.

Has anyone else who's lost weight had this issue?

I've read somewhere, that we have an internal image of ourselves, and it takes several months to make it switch if you made any changes.

I dropped a few clothes sizes, and I still go shopping and pick up things that would have fit the old me. Then they hang low, and I look at the one that's actually my size and go: wth, that's so tiny, how could that fit me :O

Also, Some people go from being overweight and ignoring their weight, to healthy and losing weight and being more focused on it. So you end up feeling worse about yourself, despite being on the right track.And then you might get into a vicious circle of being overly critical. Try not to get there, it's pretty bad. It's actually unrelated to how you look. I used to see huge thighs despite being bony. Then I took time away from the mirror and I realised I'm imagining things.

I say, take some time and congratulate yourself for an amazing change. Try not to focus on how you look, but how you feel, how much energy you have, and what amazing willpower you're showing.

I've been at my new, lower weight for 9 months now, and I'm still startled when I catch sight of myself in a mirror in passing. When I stand in front of my own mirror, I still just see the remaining fat and focus on it too much.  I'm also amazed when a smaller size fits me.  I recently bought slacks at a thrift shop, and got size 16, and also size 14, for later.  The size 16 is way too loose and the 14s fit perfect now.  But I still thought I was a size 16.

Eventually, I suppose we'll adjust, but even now it's not such a bad thing.  I have another 25 pounds to lose before I'm at a healthy BMI, then another 10 to 15 before I'm back to the weight I was until I hit 45.  I wonder how I'll feel when I'm back in a size 10.  It's been a long time!

My suggestion would be to get someone to take a few full-length photos of you.   Maybe even standing next to people (like your mum) who you think look slimmer than you.   Mirrors are funny things but 'the camera doesn't lie'.  If you repeatedly challenge your image of yourself with reality you'll gradually change. 

Wow. Trust me I know how you feel. Unfortunately I dont have any words to console you as I am still struggling with this myself. I went from a size 24 to a 6 and I still see a "fat" person. While I realize that I am no longer obese, when I look in the mirror I still see a chubby girl. Its so hard because all of my friends call me skinny and I ask that they not call me that (seeing as how they didnt call me fat when I was bigger), but they think I am sick or in denial because I cant see what they see. I am really struggling with this and it gets harder the smaller I get. The other week I bought a size 4 from NY and Company and I was convinced that the tag on the pants were wrong because as I stood there in the mirror I still saw the same person who wore a size 10 not too long ago. I will stop rambling now, but I hope you get the point. I really feel like it starts from within. I just want to see what everyone else sees, is that too much to ask?

Sounds familiar to me too.  Even to this day I see a fat person.  I started the beginning of last year at 310.  The camera didn't lie, rolls around the neck, out of breath and just uncomfortable.  Went to a healthy 227 (at 6'3" I looked good according to others) and yet not satisfied tried to lose more - through vacation and the holidays (I met with failure).  Now I have ballooned to 260's and don't have a good image of myself.  Why did I not like what I saw and stick with it.  Still not totally sure - but one thing has come to light.  I didn't like what I saw because I didn't like who I felt I am.  Low self esteem (though very successful in career, a great new life with my 2nd wife, and solidly planted in other relationships with friends and family).  I have been through therapy and self searching.  Now I have come to realize that things in life will only be worthwhile when I realize I am worthwhile.  I am alive, I have my beliefs, I have a good life, I am precious in the sight of others, I matter.  Self image is the hardest battle I have been fighting for a very long time - yet, it is getting better.  I don't know where you are, but maybe some outside help can help (don't know).  But what I do know is this; I have to continue to grow in accepting myself for who I am - before other things in life can be changed for where I want to be.  I hope this helps.

There is this exercise people do with girls with eating disorders and body dismorphia where they have the girl draw what she thinks the outline of her body looks like on a life-size piece of paper (like the really thick butcher paper). (Or you can do this with sidewalk chalk on the side of a building).  After you draw what you see, you back up to the wall or lay down on the paper and have someone actually trace your body.  I've done this before and you can really see the difference between what you see yourself as and what you are.  I think I drew about three inches too big on both sides of me, but got my relative height just right.  It's nicer than pictures, I think, because all you're seeing are outlines and not you.

I feel the same way...some days. It made me think about this whole issues....(and assuming you don't have a real disorder where you really can't comprehend what you actually look like)

I came to the conclusion that even though you (all of us) may have lost weight, we still have "fat and thin" days. I remember having days in my 190's, having lost 15, and that I felt "skinnier" than I feel on some days now..like I was lookin good, and something fit really well. And I was thinking how when I was way heavier and a "skinny" friend would say how FAT they felt I would think.."How can YOU feel fat??" And now I am thinking it is all relative....You have fat and skinny days no matter what size you are.

You look GREAT and have lost so much! Try on something you used to wear and see how much different it fits :)

Thanks so much everyone for all your insights and support.  I think the "fit" of clothing mades a big difference on how I see myself too.  I find that I feel the size I actually am when something fits well and flatters me.

I like the outline idea...I think I'll try that with some chalk outside someday soon. 

As for photos, I know consciously that I don't look like the "old me" (check out my gallery...yikes!) but it's just something about the mirror.  I like the idea of trying on some old clothes.  Generally I only keep clothes that are too small for me on hand to use as "goals" but I think keeping a couple bigger items around would be helpful too.

Again, thanks for all the comments and I"m going to keep working on seeing the REAL me!

Hi Jodi - and a belated welcome back! Been meaning to respond to this one for a few days, particularly regarding fit and perception.

From some past postings, I think we're shaped similiarly - short, lovely large ta-tas and more apple shaped.  Honestly, I think a big part of the perception problem is that unless properly fitted, our top wobbly parts really can make us look bigger than we really are.

After much stress and debate, I finally gave away my largest sizes...giving first dibs to a good friend. It was only after I started to sort and organize all of the piles for her that a new realization hit me - - there were very few actual tops. YEs, some fitted work blazers, but really nothing in the XL shirts. And that's because they still fit, despite dropping 3-4 pant sizes.   Yes, they fit better, but they still fit.  I think its just the curse of being more well endowed up top...its almost counterintuitive, but we do need things to be more fitted to highlight the more narrow parts of our shape, like the waist and hips.

Now think of a leather jacket - really most jackets unless a tailored suit jacket or blazer -don't typically actually flatter our type of shape - they do usually make the whole body look boxy. I'm sure you did look good, but it likely just wasn't  the best fit to flatter the much slimmer you and thus what you focused in on.

Go try on some dresses with a nice V-neck and cinched waist, or some nicely fitted pants and tailored jackets - take some pics in the dressing room just for fun - no need to buy!  Just reinforce that you do look beautiful in clothes, and get excited that a whole new world of options are beginning to open up to you.  Personally, I sort of felt like I was still in 'hiding' or covering up mode until I broke into a 14 (think it was  b/c  it just seemed  that 16 lasted an eternity - maybe 30 pounds?) -- then I slowly started to get that little enthusiasm back into dressing as opposed to dread and angst.  Not to say that there weren't really good days mixed into the many pounds lost up to that point, but it just seemed to be the point for me when the good days by far outweighed the icky critical days.  

And your perception is also clouded by a really tough summer...you've had one thing after another after another. With summer over and a return to more normal schedule, I'm sure you'll feel back into the groove really soon- look how far you've come from this time last year!

I go through this a lot. I actually just wrote about it in my blog (discoveringlauren.blogspot.com) I didn't really see the difference in my body until I put two pictures side by side. Its crazy how quickly you forget how far you've come, when you think you would never forget being very heavy and unhealthy.

You may not be able to see it like others do and I can tell you I definately see it big time! I looked at your profile pics and wow you look so different now and I love you with brunette hair much better. You look great! Keep up the good work. You are so pretty.

Original Post by sfhsclarinet:

I go through this a lot. I actually just wrote about it in my blog (discoveringlauren.blogspot.com) I didn't really see the difference in my body until I put two pictures side by side. Its crazy how quickly you forget how far you've come, when you think you would never forget being very heavy and unhealthy.

Same here.  I went from 225 down to 140 and I still look at myself in the mirror and feel fat.  I constantly argue with myself about it but it seems to always be my focus.  I always have to remind myself that I can run 6 miles and I'm training for a marathon and that equates to being healthy imo. 

Comparing pictures helps a lot.  I found an old picture of me recently and compared it to me now and the change really is amazing, but when I'm standing in front of the mirror I tend to forget where I started.