seeing a counsellor isn't working
I've had bulimia on and off for ten years and I've had enough - I really, really want it to stop and to be free of this! I'm seeing a counsellor once a fortnight and have had 3 sessions with her now but it doesn't seem to be helping. We kinda just talk about how my week has been and that's about it. I don't feel as though our sessions continuing on like this is going to help me. She hasn't really give me much advice except to try and delay the binge and purge thoughts - but that didn't really work. She also told me to write a journal - but I've been doing that anyway.
Should I continue seeing her? How else can I get rid of this? I'm beginning to feel as though I may be bulimic forever and THAT is something I really don't want. I just feel so helpless....
You should tell the counselor how you are feeling. She may be trying not to push too hard. On the other hand, she may just not be the right one. I had to see several before I found someone I could work with who helped me meet my goals.
It isn't easy, but many people have recovered. I'm sure you can, too. It sounds like you just need a little guidance that you aren't getting right now.
Thanks Kodischild.
I told my counsellor at my last session that I was getting frustrated that I wasn't getting better and she said I need to be patient! I just don't know how patient to be.
I've seen numerous counsellors over the years and none of them seem to help, maybe it's me...... :(
Ultimately, only you can change your behaviour. And changing habits from bad ones to good ones is a slow process that takes time, perseverance and patience. The longer the bad habit has been in place, the longer it takes to change. Try to think how you were at your lowest point and ask yourself has there been any improvement since then, no matter how minor. If there has then the process may be slow but it is having an effect.
I know just how you feel, demi8. I was seeing a counselor for other issues for about a year, and she did absolutely NOTHING for me. Then, thinking it was a bad match, I switched. The next one didn't help either. Then I thought well, maybe a real psychiatrist who has more medical training and less counseling training will be more my style. He told me I was too far gone for him to help and he suggested really strong medication and staying home fro my study abroad semester to be put on suicide watch. Um, how about not. (Note: I wasn't suicidal, or really all that "far gone," he was just a knee-jerker and misinformed about the whole situation). Long story short, after this whole ordeal I took a mental step back and realized: no counselor or psychiatrist or psychologist is a miracle-worker. As much as we wish they would, they can't reach into our heads, flip a switch, wave a magic wand and make it all better. You have to do your part too. If you are really, truly, brutally, PAINFULLY honest about full disclosure with your team, they will start to help. If you're not cooperating, even the tiniest bit, counseling is just working against yourself. And that's a waste of both of your time. It's tough, I know. And it sometimes takes a lot of outside work to get counseling to have the effects it's supposed to have. I wish it was just lying on the couch and being told the magic words to recover by, but like everything involving mental health and EDs, it's not that simple. Best of luck, and I hope you figure out this whole puzzle sooner rather than later!
this may be kinda irrelavant, and i'm not too sure where i'm am going with this, but hear me out it may help...
yesterday in psychology class we were discussing/learning about eating disorders, and my proff brought this up: anorexia is associated with 'control' isses in many cases. anorexics feel the need to control something, and their weight and food intake just so happens to be an easy thing that they can control... bulemics on the other hand have a lot less "control" than anorexics.
ex: an anorexic can avoid that delicious chocolate fudge cake in the kitchen all day and not touch it... bulemics can only do so for so long until the urge takes over them and they binge on the cake, than purge... (usually once alone)
do you see where i am going with this? perhaps you need to learn how to have more control in your life insted of giving into urges... maybe start with little things and work your way up... most of the time we use food as a crutch to cope with other life problems.
you should find a conselor that focuses on the 'whole' and not just the 'part'... find someone that can address the issues and relationships in your life and not just your issues and relationships with food.
also, you might be better off, at least for the first while, to see a counsellor (this one or another) more often - maybe even twice a week. for the process to work, you have to be able to let your defences down when you walk into that room. until you have a good alliance with your therapist, it can be hard to do that - especially when you've had your guard up for two weeks between sessions. some of my best work has been with clients whom i saw two or three times a week for a brief amount of time. try seeing her more often for a few weeks, then taper off when you feel like you're making progress.
all that said, it's true that sometimes it's just not the right fit. you should talk to her about that. if she's any good at all, she'll give you her honest opinion and refer you elsewhere if it's not working.
There are as many different approaches to therapy as there are therapists. If the first counsellor isn't working out - TELL HER! Next time you go to see her, dive in and talk to her about what you need from the sessions and see if she can provide it... and if you don't get a good response, there is no shame whatsoever in going to see someone different instead. The patient-counsellor relationship is a very individual one and it has to be right or it won't be much help...
If you dont feel that this counselor is helping you I suggest that you to terminate the sessions with him/her but STRONGLY URGE you to find another counselor. DO NOT think that all counselors are the same. A bad relationship or experience with one does not mean that counseling doesn't work.
I would highly recommend you find a counselor who is directive in his/her approach and has experience treating bulimia. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the therapy proven to be most effective with this disorder, so find a therapist trained in this type of therapy - not just "talk therapy." By now (after three sessions) you should be keeping eating/binging/purging records and discussing those each week.
As you can tell, I feel very strongly about this. I've been there and know what worked for me and know what research says about the effectiveness of different forms of therapy for this disorder. Please let your counselor know your feelings and what you're looking for.
Thanks so much for all your comments guys they've been so helpful!
I've found and emailed another counsellor who REALLY specialises in Eating Disorders and has a website with lots of articles and advice which is comforting in itself. My current counsellor does say that she specialises in eating disorders but some of the things she says are a bit random like she said to me "what I do when I eat too much is try and eat less the next day" - what she doesn't understand is that me trying to eat less the next day can often be a trigger in itself! And when I told her I wanted to get rid of my love handles, she suggested I try and spot reduce this area with exercises when I know the only way to get rid of that fat is to reduce the overall fat on the body.
GI-Jane - you're right, I look back over my journal and in some areas I'm getting better, my binges are smaller and only once a day rather than twice, but I don't know if that's the counselling. And if I look back to say January - when I was only bingeing and purging once or twice a week then it doesn't seem like progress.
Torpidire - good point about being brutally honest. I usually get in the room and wait for her to proble me, rather than volunteering information. And if she doesn't ask something specific, I tend not to answer.... don't know why I do that... but I'll try and be as honest as possible. I also start getting frustrated when she goes off on tangents about things that I consider un-related like my parents being divorced. I've NEVER felt any sort of sadness towards this as I always felt better off with my parents divorced...
pgeorgian - I would love to be able to see a counsellor EVERY SINGLE DAY unfortunately the finances don't stretch that far, but I'll see if I can perhaps go at least every week.
So I'm going to book an appointment with this other counsellor who has emailed me and sounds fantastic. I'd like to see someone who gives me challenges each week and sets homework for me so that I really feel like I'm getting something out of it. She charges $135 per session which is more than the $90 my current counsellor charges but I reckon it's gotta be worth it - at least I HOPE so!!!
Thanks for all your advice guys, I'll let you know how I get on.
I'm a therapist, and first I hope your are going to a licensed professional. And what I can tell you is therapy is about developing a relationship where the therapist AND you work towards set goals, but like most relationships and everything in life it takes time. So communicate how you feel to your therapist, I can't tell you how important that is and do give it time. Set small goals for yourself with your therapists help and work towards those goals. Good luck!
It's hard. And may not be healthy, but it's sure better then living with bulimia. But eventually I did stop binging and purging in such large amoutns because I knew I WAS NOT ALLOWED WHATSOEVER to throw it up. Now if I binge I make myself accept it. I have purged twice in the past 2 months.
This may not work for everyone, but it's helped me alot. My binges are getting smaller, and I no longer have the urge to purge after a high calorie meal. I basically sat down and told myself I'd rather be overweight then die on the bathroom floor covered in my own vomit, waiting for my family to find me.
i think you should show her everything you put on this sight, (posts about her included) that might really help her understand just what you want to say
carmenxox i also wanted to add that being bulimic is about control too. they may not be able to control the food coming in, but they can control the food coming out. The same type of high and false sense of control comes from purging as it does starving.
yes bulemia can be about control, BUT if bulemics had as much control as anorexics then they wouldn't binge as bad... the purging is just what happens once they have realized what they have done, and some of the calories will still be absorbed.
anorexics may binge, but usually once starving for too long gets to the "best" of them... this is more so based on the fact that anorexics can avoid food and control what little they eat... bulemics can only avoid and control for so long until they resort to binging... so if you were to look at it in that light, anorexics are the more control dominant ED
anorexics also have a greater tendency to feel as though they are ALREADY fat.
bulemics on the other hand have a fear of BECOMING fat.
in most cases anyways.
yes i will argree with you on that one lol.
just wanted to say your looking really great btw. good job!
haha thanks dear.
:)
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