self-conscious

yes...i admit it, i can be slightly neurotic and self-conscious especially when it comes to going to the gym..which being at uni is frequented by jock guys and superbly skinny pretty girls. Whilst I am happy with my face I feel a little self-conscious about working out in the gym, its silly i know, but please guys give me a bit of encouragement to go tonight, i try and go before 3 as i know there'll be less people in there.

If you popped in at MY gym...I'd definately take a second (or third...maybe fourth) look.

Just sayin.

Go!  You'll feel a ton better afterwards than you will if you skip :)  Besides, you have as much right to be there as the skinniest of the skinny minis or buffest of jocks!

j-fizz,

if you do feel 'neurotic and self-conscious' maybe it's not the right environment for you.

w/age women learn that being beautiful, feeling sexy and having confidence comes from within and eminates outward. These should be things you carry with you...part of your healthy self-image. These things are not things that comments from well-meaning guys like scooterchicken can give you. 

Start looking at what makes you tick...your insecurities...and see what you can get a handle on.

Just sign me, a well meaning sister who was lucky to learn from women of the women's movement.

Hey kiddo...

 I felt the same way when I first started going to gyms. I joined an all-female gym the first year. Women of all ages, shapes and sizes went there. It enabled me to concentrate on my job there instead of comparing myself to everyone else and worrying about men looking at me.

I got into super shape, and became super confident as well, and when my gym went under (bummer) I joined a co-ed gym and did not give a whit who was there...I go for myself and to take care of myself, it's my time..and I am pretty selfish about it! Wear an mp3 player or get a cd player and listen to music and think about the good things you are doing for yourself! Your confidence will build and you won't even remember the insecure side of yourself..because you will have left her behind !

You can do it !!!

Everyone is there for the same thing. They all want to better themselves, no one is looking at you or judging you. They probably will respect you for getting out there and trying more than anyone would if you hide at home afraid !

Chin up !

I feel exactly the same. I go to my uni gym which is full of skinny girls and and muscley guys - most days I am the fattest one there. The way I have learned to overcome it is to think that I don't really need their approval for me to be okay. If they are laughing at the way I look, they are not my friends and don't mean anything to me. I am more concerned with reaching my own goals that bothering with what they think.

It is so hard I know but if they are being judgemental that is their problem. When I am nice and slim, I know it will be worth it! Hope this helps x

My university gym was full of the semi-pro athletes, the skinny skinny skinny girls, and of course the Lululemon Patrol.  It seems they take one glance and if you're not in their club, they disregard you. You are off their radar, so don't worry about it after that first glance.  If you were someone they wanted to compete with they'd stare at you the whole time, but if not, they focus on their own workout and their friends.  Take an iPod or whatever and blast the music, have fun. 

Original Post by fairysparkle123:

I feel exactly the same. I go to my uni gym which is full of skinny girls and and muscley guys - most days I am the fattest one there. The way I have learned to overcome it is to think that I don't really need their approval for me to be okay. If they are laughing at the way I look, they are not my friends and don't mean anything to me. I am more concerned with reaching my own goals that bothering with what they think.

It is so hard I know but if they are being judgemental that is their problem. When I am nice and slim, I know it will be worth it! Hope this helps x

I don't think any of the muscle-y guys or the skinny girls are pointing and laughing or judging you at all. Why do you think they are there? Because they themselves want to stay in shape, or have been out of shape and go there to maintain. Anyone worth their salt would never point or laugh.

I went to the all female gym and saw a few ladies that were over 300 pounds when I was at my "peak"...looking better than I ever had. Did I think I was superior? Did I smirk and and laugh at them struggling on the incumbent bicycle? NEVER!!! I thought they had chutzpah and guts and general fortitude to get out of their houses and TRY. I knew that excersizing for them at that stage probably was a painful battle at first.

Not everyone in the world is looking at you. Everyone is too focused on their OWN insecurities. Just saying....

I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but this helps me when I go there and constantly see those thin svelte lithe girls running around.

"If I keep coming here, hell, in 6 months or so I could look like THAT!"

I don't get jealous of them, or think they judge me...More often than not, I just use their 'perfect' bodies as inspiration. STRONG AND LEAN!!! 

Just ignore everyone else if thats possible for you. You look good IMO, if only you could learn to tune everything and everyone else out when your working out.

 

Like i said in another thread. I don't care what people are "thinking" when I'm at the gym. Its all about me when I there. Its time for me to kick my own ass, not worry about what everyone else is thinking.

 

Good Luck~
MF'er Out//

hey, well thanks to the first two comments (the ones I quickly read before i got into my sports gear) I did in fact hit the gym and felt comfortable and confident doing it and really pushed myslef and enjoyed my work out! i normally go with a couple of room mates both of whom are slim so thats why i felt a little more self conscious this time round as they both had work to do. the thing is, even some of my slim friends who i always think have great bodies have similar insecurities and feel similar to me. i think your right sharonclaire that with age women become less self-conscious, and as my flatmate joking commented its not like sweating, no-make up and loose clothing are going to make you feel 100% attractive! 

 vegertariangeek, fairysparkle123 im glad you understood the whole uni gym concept-most of the girls are skinny and the guys muscly, much more so then the people in my gym at home, anyway im not going to let it put me off going anymore! 

thanks for your comments! 

 Build up that self worth!Your security blanket is within yourself, if you just look for it. You can't work on feeling more comfortable in public by staying home.  Try, try, and try again! Until you're comfortable within yourself in public. In my view it's not about any one else making you comfortable or uncomfortable. It may not only be at the ' gym ' either. But, still yet it's all in your head. Just confront it!

I don't mean " all in your head " in condescending way. I think you pegged it with the title self conscious. It's doubtful anyone there notices. They're probably to concerned with getting through their workout session. Or the song playing on their mp3 players. =-P People aren't always ' paying us as much attention ' as we believe. The world doesn't revolve around us. We just feel like it does! Lol

As for scooters comment " If you popped in at MY gym...I'd definately take a second (or third...maybe fourth) look. " You are the people that make us feel uncomfortable. It's like " He's looking at me... Why is he looking at me? - looks at self - Okay, good... he stopped. .... ooh nu He's doing it again.... >_< - leaves - " 
It's unnerving/disturbing to get eyeballed every so often. Say something! Or don't stalk girls at the gym. Some girls are too self conscious to know they're eye candy. They just think you're a stalker. Or can't keep from staring at their most unflattering attributes.  It's like " Do I have something in my teeth?! " " Is my shirt riding up?" " What... what.. what is he looking at?! " It's not even just ' guys.' Two girls giving you multiple glances can be just as disturbing, because it makes an insecure person feel like the limelight.

I'm just saying... Cuhz I'm a self conscious freak.  I'm always gauging peoples responses.Someone looks at me if I glance over and they shift their glance I'm like "  Why Why did they stop looking at me... when I caught them looking at me?!  oooh... I'm watching you now! Take that. "  It's like a staring contest. Don't look at me unless you want to be looked at yourself!

Some self-conscious people fret going to the gym. Some of them bail early if someone makes them feel uncomfortable within themselves.... and some real freaks like myself having staring contests. Lol  It's okay whichever you happen to be just try try again!

j-fizz,

I get the University gym thing, too. I'm not a student anymore but I work for a University, and even though I can join for cheap, I can't imagine using their facility.

I don't know if going somewhere else is an option, but here's one that might work for you. One of the physical therapy clinics in our town allows you to "join" and use their equipment just like a gym. It is pretty reasonable, and as I tell my friends, it's me, the hurt people, and the old people. Really not an intimidating crowd, let me tell you!

But congrats for getting into the gym today! I'm guessing that a few more positive experiences and you'll be able to keep feeling self-conscious in check.

Guys don't stalk girls at the gym...  be realistic. Like everyone else has agreed, most people there are only concerned with themselves.

My school is known for its skinny, gorgeous girls...so yeah its definitely tough not to get down on yourself. But who cares?

Like you, I am used to the older people at my gym at home- like my own mother... I know they are not critiquing my body, ya know? But then again, there I have to watch out for the creepy older men who ask me out all the time... eek. They are the whacks girls need to watch out for.. these dudes at college pumping iron love themselves too much. But if a guy gives a glance or two my way, honestly its a complement.

I go to college as well, and go to the gym probably five to six times a week. At first I was the same way, worrying about the super super skinny girls and the muscley guys who haunt it.

But after my first few workouts, I realized that they cared about what I was doing about as much as I cared about what they were doing--which is not at all! Everyone is so focused on doing their own thing that really, they won't pass a second glance/thought on you doing YOUR own thing.

One thing I love about the Gold's Gym I go to is there are all types there from skinny cardio bunnies and muscle men to old people and people like me

If you can't change gyms then remember, they are there to work out not look at you, we as people are very vain in our own way thinking everyone is looking at us.  I told my trainer I was not afraid of the people looking at me because if they are they should be thinking You go girl!

Enchanting...you are right. I guess....I was just trying to boost her self-confidence.  I didn't see it from the other perspective, and for that, I'm sorry.

When I'm at the gym (Bally's) I'm usually on the elliptical with my headphones on and my eyes closes (yes....closed....I like to get absorbed in my music).

And when I'm doing strength training...I'm just worrying about reps and sets. Not checking out the girlies.  So...in reality...I'd probably not notice her or anyone else, for that matter.

It's okay, Scooter. =-P  It happens some people are too self conscious too see when someone else is ' checking ' them out in a eye candy way.  It wouldn't  register to some girls.

You are the people that make us feel uncomfortable. It's like " He's looking at me... Why is he looking at me? - looks at self - Okay, good... he stopped. .... ooh nu He's doing it again.... >_< - leaves - " 
It's unnerving/disturbing to get eyeballed every so often. Say something! Or don't stalk girls at the gym. Some girls are too self conscious to know they're eye candy. They just think you're a stalker. Or can't keep from staring at their most unflattering attributes.

That's a shame.  Most people don't stare at unflattering attributes.   I know when I'm at the gym, and there's an attractive girl nearby, I tend to look over at her every now and then.  I can't help it; it's my nature (and human nature in general).  Yes, I could go over and speak to the girl, but a) if I'm in a relationship I'm not going to, nor am I not going to look, and more importantly b) at the gym, I'm not in a talkative mode. I try not to stare, so much as glance over every now and then.

Personally, I always like to assume the best, so whenever I notice a girl (or a guy)looking at me, I take it as a compliment.  It makes me feel better than wondering what they're staring at.  When I was younger, I wasn't sure, but at some point, I made a conscious choice to always assume the best...unless they're pointing at me and laughing.  But luckily that doesn't happen very often.

lol sorry I just got this memory of when I first started going to a gym back in my hometown... 

There was this really huge, beefy, upside-down triangle guy (you all know what I mean ;-) lol)... he was probably in his 40s, and practically lived at the gym.  I remember my dad commenting once on how he wanted to look like that...  they were both lifting weights next to each other the one day and the guy was like "Eggs... eggs are the key to a true body-building experience... Why, I eat at least a dozen hard-boiled eggs a day".... LMAO!  sorry it was just really funny... maybe you had to be there... anyway... ok... lol... so that's not really relevant but moving on...

You've received some really sound advice here, j-fizz.  I'm a sophomore in college now and working full-time (my schooling includes co-op requirements).  I remember last year I *hated* going to the gym... it was always super overcrowded... skinny girls covered all the cardio equipment to the point there was a waiting line to get on a machine, the weight machines were simply crawling with muscular guys just waiting their chance to pounce once the machine they wanted opened, and FORGET about the pool... I went once or twice, felt totally intimidated both times.  I was used to my gym at home, full of all ages and sizes.

Looking back, I was SO STUPID...  as time goes on, you learn that EVERYONE has insecurities, from the skinniest girl to the buffest guy.  99% of the people at the gym will never ever ever judge you for trying to take care of your body, and the 1% that might, is only doing so because of some even deeper insecurity in themselves.  Keep trying at it... maybe take a class or something.  And if in a couple months it still bugs you, try finding another gym in the area and get a membership if you can afford it (those suckers can be expensive)... at more public gyms, you tend to get a wider variety of people and a more supportive work-out environment.

Luckily, at my gym (LA Fitness) there is a huge variety of people there.  I think the general consensus is "at least we are all here working out and bettering ourselves."  There are all shapes and sizes.

I get self-conscious too, especially because I weigh more than I have in my life (and 6 years as an anorexic make me think I am insanely fat, when I'm bordering a size 14 and don't even look it).  But I have my headphones on and when I am in there, I really don't notice anyone at all and just do my thing. 

All you need to do is "own" the gym.  It does not belong to anyone else there any more or less than you.  And you are all working toward a common goal---to improve yourselves.

So go and be happy to be part of that crowd!