Self Sabotage

I seem to do really well for a while, and especially when I am starting to feel successful I do something dumb, like go on a binge, even a small one, that throws me back some.  I know that change is hard for most people, but am I really so worried about giving up part of myself, even a part that hasn't been working, but been part of me for sooo long that I subconsciously set myself up for failure?

I love quotes and I heard on the other day (didn't catch the author - sorry) "To become what you must, you must give up what you are."  I belive that is true, but definately not easy.  And frequently our issues that impact our weight and self-image are very deeply and emotionally rooted.

I know I am not alone in this struggle.  I love the support of my fellow CC-ers!  Thanks so much.

Please share your experiences and ESPECIALLY ways you have found to overcome it.

I've sure had problems with self sabotage!  I've been trying for the past week and a half to get back to my eating plan after taking a break when I went on vacation.  During that break, I gained 3 pounds, and I've had a hard time getting back to losing weight.  And yesterday, I had a large binge and felt awful.  So this morning, I woke up early to write a guide to myself to prevent further binges.  Here it is, copied from my livejournal:

Prevention:

When you are sifting through the pantry, fridge, drawer, ect, and see something that you might want to eat that is certainly not accounted for on the day's plan (more than a taste here and there that is), watch for the phrase: "This won't hurt"
    - If these words are said, realize that the extra few bites will impede your weight loss and will make you gain weight.  A few extra bites easily turns into a binge. 
When the phrase is said, immediately:
    1. Rinse mouth with listerine
    2. Go to computer and make a post saying, "I will not eat anything that is not on my plan"
    3. Again, remember that the excessive extra bites will impede your goals.
*Exception to rule*
    - If a food is found that has not been tasted before or in a long time, eat two bites of it. 

During Binge:

Remember that it is never too late to stop a binge and any further bites will impede your weight loss.
    1. Spit out food in mouth.
    2. Throw away remaining food on hand.
    3. Go to computer and make a post saying, "I will not continue this binge.  I will feel good."

After Binge:

When binge takes place in afternoon:
    - Create a new plan of 350 calories to eat for the rest of the day.  This is a 250 calorie dinner and a 100 calorie snack.  Eat 350 calories no matter how large or small this binge was, even if you could redeem your calorie goal by eating less.
    - Remember that besides continuing a planned workout, there is nothing else you can or should do to redeem yourself.  Do not attempt to purge the food.

If you feel the desire after an earlier binge to "screw it, I'm already messed up and I might as well eat more, it won't hurt", then:
    1. Rinse mouth with listerine
    2. Go to livejournal and make a post saying, "I will not eat anything that is not on my plan.  Anything extra WILL hurt.  I CAN redeem my earlier binge."

Remember, you have already lost 10 pounds, and are fully capable of losing weight.  You WILL lose more weight.  You are beautiful and smart, and any binge will be behind and forgotten within days.  And by the end of the summer, you won't even remember the binge.  But always be on the alert for the phrase of danger, "it won't hurt". 

Original Post by darloola:

"To become what you must, you must give up what you are." 

Sorry, but I think that's a really poor adage.    It's what you do that needs to change, not what you are.    What you're describing is a very human tendency when trying to change entrenched behaviour patterns.... which is to relax, get a little over-confident and slip back into bad old habits.  

What helps for me is to understand that I am not perfect.  I quite enjoy my bad old habits (otherwise I wouldn't have adopted them) and I expect/accept they will return occasionally from time to time!!  But if the other 97% of the time I can be reasonably consistent about food, exercise and a general approach to a healthy lifestyle they'll just be 'blips' and therefore manageable. 

So rather than chastising yourself, thinking that you're setting yourself up for failure & looking for deep emotional roots....  enjoy the occasional 'day off', give it very little thought and get back to normal as soon as you can.

I really liked what danoi said, and if I may add to it, during the prevention period, if you say to yourself "I deserve it". To me, that signals the beginning of my sabotage. I "treat" myself right up until I notice that I'm now 2 or more pounds heavier.

I think I may be on my way to overcoming it though. I am at my goal or nearly goal weight (within 1-2 pounds so I decided to give maintaining a try). All last year I would get to this point and then I would "reward myself" for the hard work, then gain back what I had lost. We're only talking a 5lb yo-yo, but it was a frustrating cycle to be in.

Here's what I'm doing now- I stopped weighing myself every day. This has been a big part of it for me. Once a week at the same time is when I now weigh myself, and I have stayed the same weight for the past 3 weeks (not long, I know, but a first for me in 2 years!)

Even though I'm now aiming for maintenance, I plan my day as though I were still trying to lose. That way, when I go over by a few hundred cals because I had a few extra cookies or a second helping at supper, I'm actually meeting my maintenance cals. 

I hope this helps! Good luck :)

I agree with Jane and think that the saying, though motivational on the surface is dead wrong. It is this type of thinking that sends me off rather than on course.

How do I do it? In my 6 month journey on CC, I have explored the experience like you would sightsee on a vacation. I have gotten to know myself. I have tried things (exercise, food, etc) that I never tried before. I quit looking for the perfect product or plan that would make me perfect. In other words, I have learned to love and nurture myself--not in the selfish "it's all about me" way, but in the same way that I love and nurture my kids. I accept myself better today than I did 6 months ago. I take time for me. I participate in activities that I like and some that I don't. When I don't want to workout, I make myself do it anyway, but substitute a walk rather than the gym or spend 30 minutes rather than an hour.

I let the scale move up and down and don't blame myself or panic. I weed out the unhealthy foods and drinks for healthy ones. Then, even if I do go overboard, I have done so in a healthy way rather than pizza and chips binge.

I am learning to let myself be the woman I am. At 51, I will never be a swimsuit model, but I can be healthy and strong. I get my hair done and wear clothes that may not be expensive, but they fit, they are not stained or ratty, and I choose colors that flatter my size and my coloring. I wear light make-up. I don't try to look like my daughters or my mother. I just try to look healthy and attractive at my own age!

I thank God every day for my health. I look at those around me who are unhealthy--many by their own choices (smoking or eating) and many because of diseases that they can do nothing about (arthritis and lupus). When I work out, I challenge myself to build strength and muscle; I really work at my cardiovascular health with the treadmill and elliptical crosstrainer. I consider each workout an investment in me rather than a torture that I must get through.

Mentally, I try to be gentle with myself. When I fail, I get back on the wagon. AS I said, I have used CC as a journey toward new, healthy behaviors. I use the tools to evaluate what works and does not work for me. Slowly, I have removed bad habits and changed my lifestyle. Never once in the past 6 months have I considered myself on a diet. I don't allow myself to be deprived.

Have I met my goal weight? No. Will I? I don't know. But I have gone from a size 12 to a size 10. Rather than focus on the weight, my goal is to be "jiggle-free". I am not there yet, but I am getting there.

In past programs, I sabotaged myself with rigid demands and expectations of myself. Highly restrictive diets gave me short term losses, but did not cut it for the long haul. If it had worked, I would not be online here today. I would not need CC or the wonderful support that I receive here because I could diet alone just fine. I have learned that I need others. I need their encouragement of me, and I need to serve as their encourager. This website has become a social circle for me of like-minded "friends". We struggle together. We rejoice with each others' successes and encourage with failures.

I don't feel that I have "given up who I am" to become this person that I currently am. My core values are still the same. However, I have expanded, grown, and improved that person tremendously. I like me a whole lot better now than I did 6 months ago, and I am only 5 lbs lighter.

Good luck on your journey.

J-mom

i am the same way!! ESPECIALLY after a vacation!!! i find it so hard to go back to routine eating and exercising....i reached my goal too and unfortunately have pretty much gained it all back shy of 5 pounds. i slipped back into old habits, munching, induling too much, and basically having a screw it attitude. it also depressed me b/c my boyfriend jumped on the health wagon and lost 30 pounds in more than half the time it wouldve taken me! for some reason, this really made me feel even worse about myself. i still try to eat healthy and try to exercise like i used to but i jsut dont have the motivation like i did before. i am somewhat obsessive over it and i wish not to be. it rules FAR too much of my life. i am just trying to do it day by day. i still binge on things and im learning what my trigger foods are (DORITOS and sugar...) and im trying to stay away from them, but it is hard. just one day at a time and don't expect for you to get to your goal weight in 2 or 3 months!! i would shoot for that and it would just set me up to fail! we can do this!! :)

My favorite quote is one I found on the CC website.

"This isn't a sprint, it's a marathon."

I remember that when I feel defeated.   This is a new life path, not just a trip to Disneyworld.  I will be fighting my battles for the rest of my life if I want to stay at my goal weight.

It helps me!  

Ok this might sound like... i dunno what, but here is what i do.

In my head, i have made a pact that if i over eat or eat a forbidden (LOL) food, i have to double my workout the next day, especially cardio. And of course i am also worried about ruining all of my past days's hard work by taking that extra bite. So the pain to go through that extra wokout time for an apparantly not-so-fair-bargain is more scary than anything else i could think of. It works on me and i honestly do workout double the time the next day. not to mention.. it hurts :((!

Jane is quite right. Sometimes it's ok to have treats if most of the time you do well. The problem for me is often situational cravings. I always eat "whatever" when we go "to this place" etc. I have found two things that help.

The first is to change the situation. If you eat too much when at someone's home, invite them to yours. If you always over eat at a certain restaurant, come up with a fabulous alternative (for which you have pre-researched the lower calorie tasty options). If you always eat when you sit down to read when you come home from work, then find something else to do when you get home or take up hand work so your hands must stay clean.

If the first is not possible then I use the second technique - I put off eating the thing 15 minutes. I tell myself that if I want it in 15 minutes I can have it - not that I will have it, but that I can. When the 15 minutes is up I repeat this. Most of the time I find that 1/2 hour or so is sufficient for the craving to recede to a managable state. Every now and then I have some of whatever it is I crave just to shut up that inner crab but I know that I truly did want it and that it was not some uncontrolled whim.

Peace,